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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by agent858 on June 4, 2006, at 23:50:37
gabbi, larry, damos, dinah, 10, racer, nikki, llrrpp, curt, so many... so many people...
i wanted to say goodbye. i put it here because... i don't really want to make a fuss. sigh. i guess i am kinda.
but i'm not coming back. and i wanted to say goodbye. you guys... so many people... people on psychology and social and admin... so many people. sleepygirl :-) so many people... i was going around posting bits... but so many people. tealady. and declan too. and tj. (some confusion i'm getting confused...)
but so many people...
have kept me company
and been here with me
for meclearskies. i hope you get your board. 10 and racer... i'm sorry about our conflicts. gg i love ya gg. tamar...
i'll miss you all.
and i'll think of you heaps.but i think i have to go now.
((((((((((guys))))))))))))
i love you guys.
Posted by agent858 on June 4, 2006, at 23:55:29
In reply to people..., posted by agent858 on June 4, 2006, at 23:50:37
and i shouldn't have started with the names... 'cause there are so many more so many more and i don't want people to think i've forgotten them cause i havent named them. i don't want people to think that...
so many i wish i got to know better.
toph adagrace susan
jai atticus
orchid fallsfall
auntiemel :-)
alldone
smokey i miss ya smokey
zen...
and people from the archives too...
so many people...too many in a way.
if it is the size that necessitates such blockings (i don't think so)
then small boards that are more self governing...
would be the way to gobut reading in the archives
the way bob put it to the boards in the first place
well i cringed
i did
and it makes the arguments thereafter all the more understandable to me
it doesi'm sorry
all the unnamed people
i'm sorrycrazy t
i'm so very sorry
texas chic
:-)
lockheart...
happyflower
rainbow bright
:-)
and all the rest...
i'll miss you
Posted by llrrrpp on June 5, 2006, at 0:01:35
In reply to Re: people..., posted by agent858 on June 4, 2006, at 23:55:29
Hi Agent 858,
I feel like I never got to know you, and you go so soon? :o(I will miss you, miss getting to know you :o(
yours,
-ll
Posted by agent858 on June 5, 2006, at 0:01:52
In reply to Re: people..., posted by agent858 on June 4, 2006, at 23:55:29
poet...
i think you are great and i hope you get a job you deserve a fabulous job
cricket
MUFFLED (((((((((muffled and all the muffled ones))))))
and daisym
and pffinstegg (probably spelt wrong sorry)
and kerria
and so many...have all touched me
and so many more.
Posted by agent858 on June 5, 2006, at 0:03:29
In reply to Re: people... » agent858, posted by llrrrpp on June 5, 2006, at 0:01:35
ah
well i think im probably on about a three month block now...(its estella)
and this thread will probably get vanished
but yeah i didn't really say a lot to you
but i've been reading you and curt babbling away to each other and think you guys are great i'm sorry you are hurting so much i hurt myself too sometimes i'm so sorry.
Posted by llrrrpp on June 5, 2006, at 0:04:31
In reply to people..., posted by agent858 on June 4, 2006, at 23:50:37
I'm glad I caught you in the middle of your soliloquy.
sorry for interupting your farewell
but a lonesome farewell is just inappropriate, somehow
hugs to you
-ll
Posted by llrrrpp on June 5, 2006, at 0:09:08
In reply to Re: people... » llrrrpp, posted by agent858 on June 5, 2006, at 0:03:29
It's okay agent 858
we hurt ourselves, we hurt for each other.
we hurt for our friends
we hurt for our strangers
we hurt for our past and we hurt for our futures
And we hurt for the future that won't come to pass.
But sometimes we just have to lay down, and go to sleep. and let the hurt fade for a few blank hours.
Posted by agent858 on June 5, 2006, at 0:10:11
In reply to (((((agent858))))) » agent858, posted by llrrrpp on June 5, 2006, at 0:04:31
hugs for you
:-)
chin up
it'll be okay
it will be okay
i got a t irl
and it is time to move on
moving along
brio
if you ever feel lonely and want to feel a part of babble history get to reading the archives...
you can read about the start of it all starting from the beginning of the meds board
and the admin board is pretty interesting too
i've been reading admin
and there is a lot of support in those archives for people who can't cope with the police state side of babble
some good positive role model stuff so those of us who can't cope with the police state don't come out believing that they aren't fit for human company and stuff like thatbrio da chimp
or maybe de chimp...
cracked me up
:-)and accepted the blocks
and didn't take 'em personally
especially when you know you haven't done anything wrong
i can't stay here given what it is with the blocks
they nearly destroy me
but cheer up
cheer up
brio gives me hope
yupmay the warm breeze of civility brush your petals (or similar)
:-)
given the way things are here
i don't WANT to stay
i choose to take my leave
and go on record
for those in the future...
in some dimly imagined time.(((((llrrrpp)))))
take care.
Posted by agent858 on June 5, 2006, at 0:12:26
In reply to and hugs for you » llrrrpp, posted by agent858 on June 5, 2006, at 0:10:11
of course...
i shouldn't have started up with the names...
but thank you zazen duck
sorry we couldn't talk moreso many people...
Posted by agent858 on June 5, 2006, at 0:14:36
In reply to zazen duck, posted by agent858 on June 5, 2006, at 0:12:26
(((((orchid)))))
(((((fairywings)))))
(((((sunny))))))
Posted by llrrrpp on June 5, 2006, at 0:59:00
In reply to and hugs for you » llrrrpp, posted by agent858 on June 5, 2006, at 0:10:11
Well, agent858
I *do* feel lonely
it's the lonely of insomnia
and having done nothing all day
except pity my freakishnessand babble has been so quiet
I think you're the only one still around.I'm happy to have had the chance to hang out with you even if it was brief. Even if I'm writing this post to a babbler who doesn't exist in a few hours.
I'm glad you have a T, and you are getting some help. I have a T too, and a pdoc, and a lot of people pulling for me. but... sometimes. It's just me. all me, only me. me vs. myself vs. my craziness.
ugh.
well. hugs for you again agent858.
I think you're brave, and I admire your independence. If you want to come back and visit, that's okay too. I hope you won't be pigheaded and make yourself grumpy just in the name of stubborn principle. It sounds like you have a lot of friends on babble, even if they're quiet tonight. I will be presumptuous, and tell you that they will miss you too. I barely know you, and I miss you. (but I have crazy neurotransmitters, that mislead me sometimes) In my insomniac musings, I wonder who you are. man, woman? age? are you someone who's in love with your T? are you someone who is getting over trauma? are you someone who is fighting substance abuse? so many questions for the anonymous post-er named agent858.
I *will* go back in the archives and find out what I'm missing by not having you around any more.
I hope you won't forget us, even if you choose not to hang out with us anymore in the future.
yours,
-llrrrpp
Posted by agent858 on June 5, 2006, at 1:34:41
In reply to Re: and hugs for you » agent858, posted by llrrrpp on June 5, 2006, at 0:59:00
i feel lonely a lot too. i used to think it was because i didn't have people around me. but now i know i can have people all around me and somehow the lonliness is worse than if i am by myself. lonliness is hard. i withdraw from society... i used to withdraw from IRL to come and babble. i prefer online friends to real life friends. why? i suppose it is selfish of me really. you guys are here on demand and i can say whatever is on my mind (and take a blocking lol). but yeah. i'll never forget babble. never.
it helped me so much. babblers helped me so much. but the blocks aren't helping they are HURTING. trauma yeah. thats my trouble (just the one dear?) thats my trouble i live in the past i live in my head i live on the internet i live anywhere and everywhere except where i am at right here and now in real life.
(stops posting for a second to glance furtively around the room).
this whole thread will probably vanish... all my posts. if you post while blocked your posts are typically vanished. wouldn't want to set a bad example for future people who get blocked now, would we?
you will get better. babblers can help. a lot. but i guess there will come a time where the blocks mean it just isn't worth it. or when you realise that babble is holding you back irl. babble can be great when you are lonely. but sometimes it holds us back from other things like taking a walk like going to that party like writing that thesis lol. maybe if i cared a bit less it would be better for me. if i could find a middle ground it would be even better lol. but thats not so much in my nature...
i'll miss babble... but i need to rediscover irl.
and i need to
i need to try to
i really need to really try to
not shut myself in my room
not shut myself away
not shut myself away in therapy
and not talk
not get lost in the past
not get lost in ruminating on
what is wrong with me
what is wrong with me
and take steps towards living
towards living my life
and take steps away from the paternalism that is rampant on these boards
bob knows best and sure you can discuss things if you feel like talking to a f*cking wall
i don't know what is up with him lately...
i worry a bit
okay i worry a lot
'cause i love him really of course
like i loved my dad
but people leave
either literally
or emotionally
even when they never really were there emotionally
and i don't know and it is confusing
but it is time for me to take it to therapy
and figure out how to move foward
move through
move beyond
get beyond this
get past thiscause blocks hurt too much
and i need to learn how...
to not give people the power
not give people the power to hurt me so> I hope you won't be pigheaded and make yourself grumpy just in the name of stubborn principle.
lol. well i guess i've brought myself a three month vacation or something like that. never say never. i should know that by now.
;-)
i'll miss you too. even though i don't know you very well you remind me a bit of me. i have wondered about you too. i wondered for a while if you were a girl or boy. we are both girls :-) i used to have other names. i give someone permission to tell you via babblemail. just babblemail gg or dinah or auntiemel or deneb or someone and they can tell you via babblemail (cite this post). 'cause then you can find me in the archives (if you want) when you are lonely. just if you want. that is probably really presumptuous of me to think you care. but i really think i was at my best under a different name. the first one. i miss her so. i'm 28. just started with my t. had a long hard battle to get one. i'm over on the substance board too...
probably more than you wanted to know really...
but i sense a kindred lonely spirit
take care of curt
:-)
((((((you)))))))
>
Posted by gardenergirl on June 6, 2006, at 0:30:39
In reply to Re: and hugs for you » agent858, posted by llrrrpp on June 5, 2006, at 0:59:00
I echo your sentiments and I am awed by your eloquence.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on June 6, 2006, at 0:32:50
In reply to Re: and hugs for you » llrrrpp, posted by agent858 on June 5, 2006, at 1:34:41
I didn't read this before I sent you the email I did today. I'm still concerned for you, and I know you are hurting. I wish I could soothe the hurt somehow.
Please stay in touch.
((((((you)))))))) Just as you are.
Love,
gg
Posted by Tamar on June 6, 2006, at 17:17:41
In reply to people..., posted by agent858 on June 4, 2006, at 23:50:37
I'm so sorry you're hurting.
I love you lots.
If I ruled the world you would never get blocked from anything. Ever.
Posted by Deneb on June 6, 2006, at 17:22:48
In reply to people..., posted by agent858 on June 4, 2006, at 23:50:37
I'm going to miss you, a lot, but I know you need to take care of yourself. I wish you well. I hope you find a safe place to be you.
((((((((((you))))))))))))
I will never forget you.
Deneb*
Posted by Dinah on June 6, 2006, at 19:01:36
In reply to people..., posted by agent858 on June 4, 2006, at 23:50:37
You need to do what's best for you, I know. But I'll miss you.
I'd like to remind you that I keep in touch with people who no longer babble for one reason or another. There are many people who care about you. There are more ways than Babble to stay in touch with them. I'm glad you're ready to go out and conquer new worlds. (Sounds as if that therapist is promising?)
Posted by sleepygirl on June 6, 2006, at 19:18:19
In reply to people..., posted by agent858 on June 4, 2006, at 23:50:37
I shall always be glad to hear from you dear one, by whatever name you choose....
be well, be good to yourself
love,
sg
Posted by sleepygirl on June 6, 2006, at 19:26:21
In reply to Re: people... » agent858, posted by sleepygirl on June 6, 2006, at 19:18:19
Posted by Phillipa on June 6, 2006, at 22:38:40
In reply to Re: zazen duck, posted by agent858 on June 5, 2006, at 0:14:36
Well you have our E-mail Phillipa and G
Posted by curtm on June 7, 2006, at 14:29:26
In reply to people..., posted by agent858 on June 4, 2006, at 23:50:37
Sometimes I overlook the most wonderful posts. sigh...
I never thought about someone leaving. I almost cried on the outside. I never thought I would be missed either. I cannot explain how deeply touched I am right now. I feel pale and washed. I never got to know agent well enough. I want to go back through posts, get to know you, and pretend you are still here.
(((agent858)))
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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