Posted by agent858 on June 5, 2006, at 1:34:41
In reply to Re: and hugs for you » agent858, posted by llrrrpp on June 5, 2006, at 0:59:00
i feel lonely a lot too. i used to think it was because i didn't have people around me. but now i know i can have people all around me and somehow the lonliness is worse than if i am by myself. lonliness is hard. i withdraw from society... i used to withdraw from IRL to come and babble. i prefer online friends to real life friends. why? i suppose it is selfish of me really. you guys are here on demand and i can say whatever is on my mind (and take a blocking lol). but yeah. i'll never forget babble. never.
it helped me so much. babblers helped me so much. but the blocks aren't helping they are HURTING. trauma yeah. thats my trouble (just the one dear?) thats my trouble i live in the past i live in my head i live on the internet i live anywhere and everywhere except where i am at right here and now in real life.
(stops posting for a second to glance furtively around the room).
this whole thread will probably vanish... all my posts. if you post while blocked your posts are typically vanished. wouldn't want to set a bad example for future people who get blocked now, would we?
you will get better. babblers can help. a lot. but i guess there will come a time where the blocks mean it just isn't worth it. or when you realise that babble is holding you back irl. babble can be great when you are lonely. but sometimes it holds us back from other things like taking a walk like going to that party like writing that thesis lol. maybe if i cared a bit less it would be better for me. if i could find a middle ground it would be even better lol. but thats not so much in my nature...
i'll miss babble... but i need to rediscover irl.
and i need to
i need to try to
i really need to really try to
not shut myself in my room
not shut myself away
not shut myself away in therapy
and not talk
not get lost in the past
not get lost in ruminating on
what is wrong with me
what is wrong with me
and take steps towards living
towards living my life
and take steps away from the paternalism that is rampant on these boards
bob knows best and sure you can discuss things if you feel like talking to a f*cking wall
i don't know what is up with him lately...
i worry a bit
okay i worry a lot
'cause i love him really of course
like i loved my dad
but people leave
either literally
or emotionally
even when they never really were there emotionally
and i don't know and it is confusing
but it is time for me to take it to therapy
and figure out how to move foward
move through
move beyond
get beyond this
get past thiscause blocks hurt too much
and i need to learn how...
to not give people the power
not give people the power to hurt me so> I hope you won't be pigheaded and make yourself grumpy just in the name of stubborn principle.
lol. well i guess i've brought myself a three month vacation or something like that. never say never. i should know that by now.
;-)
i'll miss you too. even though i don't know you very well you remind me a bit of me. i have wondered about you too. i wondered for a while if you were a girl or boy. we are both girls :-) i used to have other names. i give someone permission to tell you via babblemail. just babblemail gg or dinah or auntiemel or deneb or someone and they can tell you via babblemail (cite this post). 'cause then you can find me in the archives (if you want) when you are lonely. just if you want. that is probably really presumptuous of me to think you care. but i really think i was at my best under a different name. the first one. i miss her so. i'm 28. just started with my t. had a long hard battle to get one. i'm over on the substance board too...
probably more than you wanted to know really...
but i sense a kindred lonely spirit
take care of curt
:-)
((((((you)))))))
>
poster:agent858
thread:653040
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060523/msgs/653077.html