Psycho-Babble Writing Thread 620293

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I Have to Stop

Posted by Susan47 on March 14, 2006, at 17:13:42

It was an animus/anima thing for me and whether that's true or not might never be known .. well, for me it was one thing, you see, for someone else it might or might not be that, but either way it got me into a lot a lot a LOT of trouble which I unintentional/intentionally brought about, I still don't understand, I wish I could take Psych, I wish my brain WORKED so I could go to school, so I could learn stuff, so philosophy and theory and stuff could maybe start to put my life together to make some sense .. I fell in LOVE with a man who seemed to know all that, but I fell in love with what I thought about who he was, which is what I love, which is what I feel about me, which is that I have this Desire to Feel, and Understand, or maybe just the desire to live, live, LIVE .. as much as a person can, in this body.

 

Re: I Have to Stop

Posted by Susan47 on March 14, 2006, at 17:26:14

In reply to I Have to Stop, posted by Susan47 on March 14, 2006, at 17:13:42

oh this is so confusing.
Tell me Why, Why, WHY the hell am I conducting an on-line session with MYSELF, that is just too funny, too hilarious, but it's good, it's fabulous in a way, because I get to help/hinder myself and I'm TOTALLY in control of all my thoughts, may they be thoughts that are productive to my health and wellbeing and all of those around me, please. I try really hard, does everybody do this? Do you keep a mental monitor running on yourself, and when you see yourself in a picture, a photo, it's, like, startling because you look so different than you pictured ... and you Hate seeing your picture because it always lets you down. Once I had a series of pics taken of me by my last ex- and they were old crone picturses, me in the garden, no makeup, relaxing with the dog ... and I am Major Ugly. I loved it, they're the best pictures of me, they're the truest ones. One day I think I shall have the nerve and I will have them all blown up and put on the walls. That is my ego. That is who I see myself as. She's totally natural, totally unencumbered by anything including how she's looking, and I suspect if you really wanted to know somebody, you'd ask them to choose those pictures of themself, only those, and then you would look at just THOSE pictures, and you would see and known who that person truly is, in one look.

 

Heya

Posted by Tanzanite on March 16, 2006, at 0:12:00

In reply to Re: I Have to Stop, posted by Susan47 on March 14, 2006, at 17:26:14

I find myself constantly monitoring myself, but I am not sure if it is in this same way. I think the putting up your true self in your picture is truly awesome. I wish I had the reserve to accept this, but I don't even have any pictures of me. I hate looking in the mirror. Will write more later, peace and hope you are doing well
Chelle

 

Re: Heya » Tanzanite

Posted by Susan47 on March 19, 2006, at 14:58:57

In reply to Heya, posted by Tanzanite on March 16, 2006, at 0:12:00

I Love looking in the mirror but only at certain times ...
more love than not though, lately, and I think it's getting there,
to
That Point
in your life, that makes everything feel worthwhile ...
and I love watching my makeup go on, one little bit, one little change, at a time, me making myself into who I want to be ...
I love that me, I love that and it's poetic, it's a process,
a complete and entire life is changing, right now ...
in these few minutes ..
and then I get to be her until bedtime, again.
Or not.
But mostly, I like the her she is.
Except in a window.
That's when it's scary, it's too real, the image too shocking, too much, out here ...


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