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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 11, 2005, at 1:45:41
i'm tempted to say 'we don't need much'
but of course we do...
when you add it all up...
1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1...
for how many of us?and i'm tempted to say 'we don't need anything'
because i don't think we are supposed to...
thats kind of the point
thats kind of the point
(but of course some of us do)and i'm tempted to say 'its okay'
because you don't owe us anything
and you have already given us one hell of a lot
and i know the biggest thing is supposed to be each otherand it is...
but at the same time it feels like leaving a lot of little kids together and expecting them to be able to look after and fend for themselves.
and even if a couple of them get access to the big guy
so as to better help the others get along
there is still the point that it feels like leaving a lot of little kids together being left to look after and fend for themselves.and that is the thing that is so very hard about life.
and that is the thing that makes this place enable one to live.
because stuff you can't get in the real world
you can get here.and i know you aren't supposed to be part of that.
but the fact is that you are.and you don't owe us anything...
i know that.but none of that is going to stop us being devistated when you leave.
and when people are hurting they tend to curl up in on themselves.
and some of the people who are here
who are some of the greatest supports to others
who help you out the most with the others
are probably going to do that
and then...
we will lose them too
we will lose them too
and you have already said that there are people here who are such wonderful supports...
that thats what keeps other people here
lots of other people
and thats what keeps new people joining upbut if you go...
for how long?and i know that its not supposed to be about you...
but don't you see?
that it is one hell of a long road to being able to internalise things properly so you can do without an external source.
and i'm tempted to say that we don't need much
to be happy
but of couse we do.and i feel scared.
and i know i'm not supposed to.
or if i'm going to then at the very least i should just shut up about it.
but...
i'm really scared.sometimes peoples needs conflict.
i understand that.
i do.but that doesn't stop it being the most painful thing in the world
sometimes.
Posted by gardenergirl on October 11, 2005, at 9:49:27
In reply to ramble, posted by alexandra_k on October 11, 2005, at 1:45:41
Kids being left to themselves...ugh. I know that confusion and hurt. Very old stuff for me.
((((alexandra))))gg
Posted by Toph on October 11, 2005, at 15:07:18
In reply to ramble, posted by alexandra_k on October 11, 2005, at 1:45:41
Alex, please don't tell him this because he doesn't need to know, and also because I have behaved as if I don't need him, and, for the most part, I have acted as if I resent his power and control. The group, in my mind, was supposed to matter the most not the administrator, and while certainly I have benefitted immensely from the friends I have encountered here, if I am truely honest about it, it was his approval that I sought the most, even though it may not have appeared as if it were important to me. Then again, I have always longed for ways to please my absent father. Maybe (at least for me) you should have given your ramble a trigger.
Toph
Posted by alexandra_k on January 24, 2006, at 17:08:13
In reply to Re: ramble » alexandra_k, posted by Toph on October 11, 2005, at 15:07:18
I don't know if you remember this thread or not. I didn't reply because I was cringing that I actually posted it. I think I responded via Babblemail? (I hope I responded via Babblemail). Maybe it goes some way toward explaining recent events. For the both of us. I get scared when people get mad because I think he will get sick of us and he will leave. And other people get mad because... Authority stuff.
But acceptance is important to us all.
I hope you know that I do care about you. You have come and gone from the boards a bit and I am always pleased to see you back here. I don't get the opportunity to respond to all the posts / threads I would like. Not enough hours in the day. But I haven't really chatted to you in a while.
(((((Toph)))))
Posted by alexandra_k on January 31, 2006, at 21:18:23
In reply to Re: Toph *trigger*, posted by alexandra_k on January 24, 2006, at 17:08:13
Haven't seen you around for a while...
Hope you are doing okay.
Miss you.
Posted by Toph on February 18, 2006, at 15:20:39
In reply to Re: Ahem, posted by alexandra_k on January 31, 2006, at 21:18:23
Alex, it's tough to have a conversation when the participants aren't listening. I'm really bad at following up on posts because, whether it be 25 years of lithium, 35 years of canabis, 35 years of ethyl alcohol or 53 years of anxiety, my memory and concentration is poor at best.
But, as attention and memory deficited as I may be, I will forever remember you as one of my Psycho-Babble-mates. I don't completely understand you always, but I have never doubted the sincerity of your posts nor the benevolent spirit of your interactions here.
I don't know if you will ever read this but if you don't, I hope that somehow you will metaphysically feel the love in this message.
Toph
This is the end of the thread.
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