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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Atticus on June 28, 2005, at 14:46:08
I first heard the whisper
In the ballet of leaves,
Supple dancers of sunlight
And their piper the breeze,
And I looked for her face
In the bark flesh of trees,
Her tone bespoke laughter,
A will to appease.Thought she’d come from
The past, seeking to ease
A pilgrim lost on his way
Who’d just cried out, “Please,
One more lover’s hug
To loose the leash of disease
That tethers me to the earth,
Like my wings have been seized.”Saw flapping saffron fabric
Last winter that wheezed
Amid black gates of steel
But I heard no reprise
Of the dew-drop soft tone
That led me to freeze
In my tracks on the path,
Just a thought, just a tease,
And my shoulders sagged heavy
As I dropped to my knees,
The soil churning like waves
On the roughest of seas.
Posted by cockeyed on June 30, 2005, at 0:16:41
In reply to Whisper in the Ballet of Leaves, posted by Atticus on June 28, 2005, at 14:46:08
Atticus, I thought I hated you but this is absolutely delicious...Just plain bathetic crapalicious. You give me hope. Hey, while you're at it why don't you "smite the sensate cosmos with your love." Read your poem thru
"crystal teardrops" I'm obviously envious and delight at having a true opportunity to get on you. Oh, the pathos, oh, the woe! Please give me a break, today was rotten enuff. Please write some more of your good stuff. As nasty as I can be, the envious cockeyed.
"whisper in the ballet of leaves" oh, please. That's the corn pooping. Still, I envy your fine, rolling poetic eye. [i think i'm being civil-this is drivel except for a few lines. And I apologize but I just gotta, gotta, gotta whisper my own ballet of leaves. ]
Posted by Atticus on June 30, 2005, at 15:35:03
In reply to Re: Whisper in the Ballet of Leaves, posted by cockeyed on June 30, 2005, at 0:16:41
Well, "chacun a son gout," as they say. I think you're dead wrong about this one. It's based on a moment I experienced in Central Park when I could have sworn I heard my ex-wife plainly speak my name next to me. It's not bathos -- it's loss. I'm sorry, but unless you learn to couch your criticisms in a manner more befitting an adult than a third-grader, we have nothing more to say to each other. Constructive criticism is always welcome. But all you did was flame me -- and that kind of bloody nonsense is not only for children, it's what led me to pack up and leave this site for a less immature one several months back. I thought I'd dip my toe in the water here and see if anything had changed in terms of discourse. Sadly, at least in your case, it has not. Atticus
Posted by sleepygirl on June 30, 2005, at 17:52:33
In reply to Whisper in the Ballet of Leaves, posted by Atticus on June 28, 2005, at 14:46:08
It makes more sense to me now that I know it was about loss. I guess I figured it was somehow about loss, but it sounded like you really missed her when you said you thought you heard her voice. You can almost feel it from the poem. Saffron in cold winter, how lonely somehow, such a reminder.
Posted by atticus on June 30, 2005, at 18:35:46
In reply to Re: Whisper in the Ballet of Leaves, posted by sleepygirl on June 30, 2005, at 17:52:33
The flapping sheets of saffron fabric were actually a reference to the sculptural installation "The Gates" by the artist Cristo, which went up in Central Park in February. It consisted of hundreds of towering black metal forms -- almost shaped like staples -- straddling the walking paths throughout the park. A large swath of bright saffron fabric dangled overhead from each gate. I suppose this part of the poem was an obilque comment on the futility of seeking solace in artifice sometimes. I had the same reaction -- a sense of loneliness -- as you as I trod through the piece. Rather than brighten the park, as was the intention, somehow the saffron sheets seemed like lost and dying butterflies. Thanks for writing. Ta. Atticus
Posted by sleepygirl on June 30, 2005, at 19:02:51
In reply to Re: Whisper in the Ballet of Leaves » sleepygirl, posted by atticus on June 30, 2005, at 18:35:46
Yeah I knew the reference, but I really appreciated it because the gates were temporary, fleeting, the fabric just flew on the wind, it (the installation) was comforting though, AND not-and that's why I like the poem
Posted by cockeyed on July 1, 2005, at 3:44:26
In reply to Re: Whisper in the Ballet of Leaves » cockeyed, posted by Atticus on June 30, 2005, at 15:35:03
> Well, "chacun a son gout," as they say. I think you're dead wrong about this one. It's based on a moment I experienced in Central Park when I could have sworn I heard my ex-wife plainly speak my name next to me. It's not bathos -- it's loss. I'm sorry, but unless you learn to couch your criticisms in a manner more befitting an adult than a third-grader, we have nothing more to say to each other. Constructive criticism is always welcome. But all you did was flame me -- and that kind of bloody nonsense is not only for children, it's what led me to pack up and leave this site for a less immature one several months back. I thought I'd dip my toe in the water here and see if anything had changed in terms of discourse. Sadly, at least in your case, it has not. Atticus
Atticus....You know what? I not only think you're right but I apologize. I had problems sleeping because of my derisive reaction. Please accept that this is as a more reasoned and less juvenile attempt at dialog. Last nite I was furiously angry and looking for a target. I envy your talent. Plain and simple. I lost a power struggle with my 12 year old grandson who is in 7th grade. If my discussion is third grade level I'm sorry. I'd prefer third-rate but...I unfortunately have to agree with you. I was not offering criticism so much as attempting a mugging. Please accept this apology. I make it with no reservations. I was out for blood and what I wrote was not acceptable. I hope you'll accept this apology. I've known all day that it was owed. Chalk it up to malicious envy. I'm not able to write as well as you, or feel, or experience.... I have one note: rage and it burned me badly last nite. Don't take us 3rd graders to heart; we tend to be woefully immature at times. I think it's called "acting out" or "displacement" or something. And it's embarrassing to come to ones senses and realize that one is not "offering criticism" but rather soul bashing. Again sorry for the immaturity. Don't deprive others because of one jerk. Your work is too damn good. Cockeyed.
Posted by GreySkyEyes on July 1, 2005, at 16:11:29
In reply to Whisper in the Ballet of Leaves, posted by Atticus on June 28, 2005, at 14:46:08
Atticus, that's beatiful. You have a powerful way of evoking an image. In all of your poetry, but particularly this one, you have such a sensitive touch and sense of tone. I just started coming to the Writing board and am glad I did.
Posted by Atticus on July 5, 2005, at 14:07:44
In reply to Re: Whisper in the Ballet of Leaves » Atticus, posted by GreySkyEyes on July 1, 2005, at 16:11:29
Thanks, GreySkyEyes (wonderfully evocative nom-de-plume, by the way). I really appreciate your kind comments. Atticus
This is the end of the thread.
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