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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by smokeymadison on February 9, 2005, at 10:06:55
Ignorance
Yesterday’s newspaper hurled at a full trash bin
How many people died in Iraq today?
As their lips touched the dust
And their pulses slowed
As their blood stained the hands
Of the comrades who held them
What last thought held their minds?Where did the latest terrorist attacks occur?
Did the terrorists scream “Jihad”
As they pulled the red cords
Among a crowd full of tourists on their way to the Western Wall
Waiting for the bus that was running late?How many people died of AIDS today?
Their weakened, shrunk bodies littering the makeshift hospital ward
Where their loved ones , also HIV positive, gathered in silence
What are the chances that the survivors will have access to life-sustaining drugs
And the will to live that will strengthen their immune systems?What headlines held the drama?
For I did not read the newspaper today
Nor yesterday, or the week beforeMy world has collapsed upon itself
Into concerns over how low I am running on cigarettes
And what I should include on my shopping list
Before I go to the groceryMy mind collapses further and I sit
Staring at a blank television screen
Pondering when I should take out the trash
Posted by smokeymadison on February 9, 2005, at 10:10:32
In reply to Ignorance, posted by smokeymadison on February 9, 2005, at 10:06:55
Is it depression and mental illness in general that makes me so unconcerned about other people? i feel like i don't have the time or the energy to care what is happening a world away. and anything outside of my little apartment is a world away. i don't like how i am--i think that my poem conveys that message, but how to change?
SM
Posted by Susan47 on February 9, 2005, at 12:19:51
In reply to Re: Depression?, posted by smokeymadison on February 9, 2005, at 10:10:32
You're not really unconcerned about anybody, Smokey, because if you were this wouldn't be an issue that's bothering you.
You do care, you care a great deal.
But you're burned out by depression.
Something's eating at your soul,
needing to get out,
you yourself are needing something from someone,
someone who Cares.And that's perfectly all right, Smokey.
You're allowed to need someone
to do that for you ..
someone to replenish your spirit,
so that once again, you can give of yourself.
But remember, Smokey,
you are always Giving, and Caring,
when you're on Babble.Think of the hundreds,
maybe thousands of people who read.
And say, "That's just like me!"
Suddenly, to them, the world is no longer quite as alien.
And perhaps, they keep reading
until they feel comfortable enough
to reach out their own hand.
Posted by smokeymadison on February 9, 2005, at 16:38:50
In reply to Re: Depression?, posted by Susan47 on February 9, 2005, at 12:19:51
Thanks, i needed to hear that. part of the problem is that i live in a small college town that is totally isolated from the rest of the world. i want out so bad. i want a city.
the other thing is that i really do need something from someone, namely my parents. i nver got what i needed and will never get it, so i am trying to figure out how to be a big girl without them and without what i didn't get, if that makes any sense at all.
SM
Posted by Susan47 on February 9, 2005, at 21:16:21
In reply to Re: Depression? » Susan47, posted by smokeymadison on February 9, 2005, at 16:38:50
It makes absolute, complete sense.
I grew up in small towns, and there's nothing as deadening.
The call of the wild all around doesn't make up for the lack of people. It's beautiful being outdoors, but it's important if you're a person who needs other people, it's important to have a lot of people around. It's why I like apartment living, right now. It's why I live near a busy intersection, and why I don't mind terribly looking into other people's windows and having them see into mine. FOr now, it's what I need. Also, things like theatre, restaurants, bakeries, libraries, the movies, the art gallery (which right now has a nice exhibition of French masters, beautiful). I wish I lived in a city that lived all night though, I don't like wanting to go for a late-night walk and the streets all empty and dark. I really like the bright lights and the action, for now. It suits my moods.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through, but remember what you need, Smokey, to nurture your spirit and get it whenever you can.
Can you take a trip to the city once in awhile?
Posted by Susan47 on February 9, 2005, at 21:56:00
In reply to Re: Depression? » Susan47, posted by smokeymadison on February 9, 2005, at 16:38:50
The part that makes sense is trying to figure out how to get what you didn't get from your parents. I got off on this small town tangent instead, sorry I'm not thinking too clearly it's been an emotional day. But every day is emotional for me anyway. Yes, are you in therapy because I think the right therapist can really help to show us how to get that, I know this may sound terrible to some who read it, but it's true, I do believe, you can get it from yourself. It's just a matter of finding that and then learning the trick of maintaining it as a near-constant. It's eluded me so far, I'm 47 will be 48 soon and have just had my first glimpse of what that might be like. Glimpses Only Allowed. Someone should have warned us it would be this difficult to enter through the gates of self-sufficiency ... it's such an enormous struggle.
Posted by smokeymadison on February 10, 2005, at 9:55:55
In reply to Smokey, oh shoot I'msorry, posted by Susan47 on February 9, 2005, at 21:56:00
i live a half hour from cincinnati. that is as close to a city as i am going to get for a while, perhaps three years. once i get my car fixed and have some extra money, i could go to the museums and stuff. actually, my little college town does offer some theatre and art, it is just my laziness that has prevented me from going to anything lately. i do enjoy some of the lectures, too. ok, i will go to more events from now on. i really need to, i feel so brain dead.
and about my not getting what i needed from my parents, i am on a waiting list to see a therapist at the local crisis center. but once i start working next week, i will have the money to go and see any therapist i choose in town. i just hate to spend the money, but i know that i really need a good therapist. and maybe you are right, perhaps i can get what i need from myself. i have had moments where i felt whole on my own, without depending on anyone else, so maybe eventually i can feel that all the time. thanks for the advice!
SM
Posted by alexandra_k on February 14, 2005, at 1:51:37
In reply to Re: Smokey, oh shoot I'msorry » Susan47, posted by smokeymadison on February 10, 2005, at 9:55:55
Today is a day for sayings (I encountered a few of them).
The one that comes to mind is
'One death is a tragedy. Many deaths is a statistic'. Can't remember who said that, sorry.
We can't grieve properly for them all
There isn't enough time and emotional resources.
It is a fact of life
(Though it may seem cold)
That life must go on for the living.Hope you are feeling ok.
Posted by Damos on February 14, 2005, at 15:56:20
In reply to Re: Depression? » Susan47, posted by smokeymadison on February 9, 2005, at 16:38:50
Love your poem. I come from a land down under and have suffered chronic depression since my mid teens (40 now). A couple of years ago I saw an alternate therapist as part of my healing journey and though I can't really explain what it is she did/does, what she talked to me about was how being 'incomplete' in a whole bunch of relationships was causing me all sorts of problems. She made me do an exercise with a wooden folding chair, where she asked me just to focus on it and feel the relationship with it and sense if it was complete or not and just to work through everything I felt in focusing on the chair blah, blah, blah. Get to the point Damo's. Well after a couple of minutes all sorts of issues related to my late grandfather started to come up (I hadn't been able to be there when he died) and I was able to just sit silently (and in tears) and have this huge internal dialogue with this empty chair that I would never actually have been able to have with my grandfather in person. It was the start of a lot of changes for me including finally dealing with all the stuff I'd been carrying around from the loss of a child through a miscarriage nearly 20 years ago - it was horrible but a huge cloud was lifted from 2 lives and we both desperately needed it. Still got a long way to go, but I've come a long way in 2 years. There is hope and things can and do get better. Trust your intuition and instinct and try to enjoy the journey, I'll be thinking of you.
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