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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AdaGrace on February 7, 2005, at 17:39:08
I saw myself,
seductively dressed,
face flushed.Was it desire or wine?
I remembered that time.
Looking closer,
I saw the love shining in my eyes.I was looking right at me,
No, I was looking at you.I was showing you
how much I wanted you.
Needed you.
Desired you.
LOVED you.It's written everywhere.
My face, my expression, my eyes, my parted lips.
My skin, my bare legs, left thigh sread.
My hand touching my breast softly.I'm ashamed now.
Ashamed of my wantonness.
Ashamed of my vanity.
Ashamed of my lack of modesty.Ashamed of my cellulite.
Ashamed of my muscular calves that don't fit my heighth.
Ashamed of my sagging breasts.
Ashamed of my rounded child bearing stomach.Ashamed of my stupid, stupid self.
Forgiveness is easy to muster up and give to another.
Impossible to give to myself."Times they are a changin'".
But, forever will I feel the same way.
Forever will I want.
Forever will I need.
Forever will I regret and feel ashamed.AdaGrace
Posted by smokeymadison on February 7, 2005, at 17:57:57
In reply to I Saw Myself, posted by AdaGrace on February 7, 2005, at 17:39:08
wow. that was so HONEST. thanks for baring your soul like that, it was beautiful.
SM
Posted by Susan47 on February 7, 2005, at 19:57:34
In reply to I Saw Myself, posted by AdaGrace on February 7, 2005, at 17:39:08
Now, see, I know what AdaGrace is talking about, and I suppose I would see all those negative physical things in my body too, if I saw myself that way. But mostly I really don't, anymore. And no matter what we look like, we have to see the good in it, not the bad. It's too easy to see the bad. It's not easy enough to see the good. Why? Where did we get shamed (and keep the Garden of Eden out of this, please) and why? For being who we are, honestly and beautifully? AdaGrace when's the last time you studied a really good painting? Come on somebody, help me out, besides Ruebens. Hey, have you seen any Egon Schiele lately? AdaGrace, THAT will make you feel better!!
Sorry sweetie, I know it's hard for you right now ((((AdaGrace))))
Please forgive the slightly manic tone of this post.
Posted by Toph on February 7, 2005, at 22:06:16
In reply to I Saw Myself, posted by AdaGrace on February 7, 2005, at 17:39:08
That's really brave Gracie to share your insecurities with us even if we're protected behind the veil of cyberspace. I could never talk about the start of my man boobs, the fact that my stomach is beginning to rival my flat @ss, that there's just too many gray hairs to pluck now or that I'm just an average guy if you know what I mean. Hell, I'm too chicken to do that.
Toph
Posted by 10derHeart on February 7, 2005, at 22:50:00
In reply to Re: I Saw Myself » AdaGrace, posted by Toph on February 7, 2005, at 22:06:16
Posted by 10derHeart on February 7, 2005, at 22:51:27
In reply to I Saw Myself, posted by AdaGrace on February 7, 2005, at 17:39:08
Posted by Toph on February 7, 2005, at 23:11:04
In reply to Toph, you're awesome (nm) » Toph, posted by 10derHeart on February 7, 2005, at 22:50:00
Posted by Susan47 on February 8, 2005, at 10:12:52
In reply to I Saw Myself, posted by AdaGrace on February 7, 2005, at 17:39:08
Come back, AdaGrace, forever will you NOT feel ashamed!
If I feel ashamed then I do too.
There will be no redemption for either one of us.
Do you know how foolish I've made myself
wanting someone who doesn't want me,
believing I was good enough?Waking up one day and realizing
I made a fool, a complete and utter fool of myself,
and I made someone uncomfortable with me,
and I can never never never take that back?
Knowing that I could have saved myself
all the risk, all the injury of loving the wrong person,
and yet I barrelled ahead anyway,
allowing my emotions and desires to get the better of me,
leaving the sad parts, the vulnerable hurt parts,
exposed for ridicule?You're not alone. But I wonder.
Should we allow anyone to ridicule us?
Should we do it to ourselves, anymore?
We have a lot to offer.
Perhaps more than we've been given credit for.Oh, AdaGrace.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 8, 2005, at 15:09:36
In reply to Re: I Saw Myself » AdaGrace, posted by Susan47 on February 8, 2005, at 10:12:52
The honesty in that poem, and in the posts that follow is heart wrenching and beautiful, thank you.
Come back, AdaGrace, forever will you NOT feel ashamed!
> If I feel ashamed then I do too.
> There will be no redemption for either one of us.
> Do you know how foolish I've made myself
> wanting someone who doesn't want me,
> believing I was good enough?
>
> Waking up one day and realizing
> I made a fool, a complete and utter fool of myself,
> and I made someone uncomfortable with me,
> and I can never never never take that back?
> Knowing that I could have saved myself
> all the risk, all the injury of loving the wrong person,
> and yet I barrelled ahead anyway,
> allowing my emotions and desires to get the better of me,
> leaving the sad parts, the vulnerable hurt parts,
> exposed for ridicule?
Posted by AdaGrace on February 8, 2005, at 17:27:36
In reply to I Saw Myself, posted by AdaGrace on February 7, 2005, at 17:39:08
It is easy to laugh about myself, and to ridicule my body.
But so much harder to realize that what I knew all along was true.
I wasn't enough.
I wasn't skinny enough, I wasn't pretty enough, and of course I wasn't "good" enough.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 8, 2005, at 18:19:52
In reply to Re: I Saw Myself, posted by AdaGrace on February 8, 2005, at 17:27:36
But so much harder to realize that what I knew all along was true.
>
> I wasn't enough.
>
> I wasn't skinny enough, I wasn't pretty enough, and of course I wasn't "good" enough.
You *really* hit a nerve with that piece, it was raw, the shame I think is what it was, or what I relate it too. There have been times I've thought I looked really good, and maybe to someone else I would have.. I don't know, but after a rejection, everything metamorphisizes to the ugly and pathetic, the curves are flab, the carefully applied lipstick is garish, the flirtations - foolish. That's what I took from it anyway.
Posted by Susan47 on February 8, 2005, at 21:39:17
In reply to Re: I Saw Myself--Ada Grace Susan 47 » Susan47, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 8, 2005, at 15:09:36
I absolutely cannot believe the shite I post when I've had a toke. It's too honest to be real.
And it's supposed to read, "If YOU feel ashamed then I do too", not what it actually says.
Man I embarrass myself.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 8, 2005, at 21:52:03
In reply to Oh Sheesh I did it again un-stone me somebody., posted by Susan47 on February 8, 2005, at 21:39:17
> I absolutely cannot believe the shite I post when I've had a toke. It's too honest to be real.
Oh, well I liked it a lot.. does that help any?
If that doesn't help.. well I wouldn't have coined the term post post regret If I hadn't done the same thing myself many times, as have many others..
"Too honest to be real" is funny it contradicts itself. The English language is great that way.. I once said to someone that "I felt guilty for smoking cause some people would just die to be as healthy as I am"
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 8, 2005, at 22:03:07
In reply to Re: Oh Sheesh I did it again un-stone me somebody. » Susan47, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 8, 2005, at 21:52:03
I shouldn't have said I liked it a lot, I should have said I thought it was beautiful, because I did. I know you didn't mean it as a poem, but you didn't have to. It poured out without you thinking about it first, and that's why it was wrenching, I think art happens when you let yourself fall.
Posted by Susan47 on February 9, 2005, at 0:55:05
In reply to Sheesh I did it again Susan47, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 8, 2005, at 22:03:07
Oooh baby, I let myself fall all right. Social is burning up I expect to be blushing tomorrow when I regain my senses and stop thinking penis. Beautiful beautiful attached to my fantasy guy penis. And I wish I could just get a real guy to replace that fantasy, oh cute pasta penises.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 9, 2005, at 1:41:05
In reply to Re: Sheesh I did it again Susan47 » Gabbi-x-2, posted by Susan47 on February 9, 2005, at 0:55:05
, oh cute pasta penises.
Testosteroni?
booooooooooooooo!
That was so bad.
Posted by Susan47 on February 9, 2005, at 11:30:52
In reply to Re: Sheesh I did it again Susan47 » Susan47, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 9, 2005, at 1:41:05
No actually that was really funny, did you make it up yourself?
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 9, 2005, at 15:16:34
In reply to Re: Sheesh I did it again Susan47 » Gabbi-x-2, posted by Susan47 on February 9, 2005, at 11:30:52
> No actually that was really funny, did you make it up yourself?
Yup I did along with Cunnilinguine which I just thought up now..
Posted by Susan47 on February 9, 2005, at 15:27:50
In reply to Re: Sheesh I did it again Susan47 » Susan47, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 9, 2005, at 15:16:34
Mmm, what will it look like? I'm thinking, lips.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 9, 2005, at 18:08:03
In reply to Re: Sheesh I did it again Susan47, posted by Susan47 on February 9, 2005, at 15:27:50
> Mmm, what will it look like? I'm thinking, lips.
Wellll I'll just let your imagination go with that one okay? My mind goes off on it's own tangents when playing with language, no matter what the content. Your mind is the one that likes to play with..... other stuff. : D
This is the end of the thread.
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