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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Atticus on September 15, 2004, at 20:39:47
Dragon Scales on Subway Rails
Polyphonic techno-symphonic quasi-cool
Day-glo slo-mo rooster-combed fools
Trippin’ and clickin’
Like hypnotized chickens,
Like graffiti apparitions
Peeled from brownstone canvases
And gone walkabout
Down cement-slab high-fashion
High-passion
Catwalks
Lined with weedy lots
And supercalifragilistic chain-link vines
Topped with ravishing razor-wire garlands
Spun of the purest silver ribbons
From dragon scales laid
On subway rails
By bebop-loving blacksmiths
At the subterranean forges
Hidden in the sublimely slimy
And ferociously fiery tunnels
Between the stations
Where train wheels squeal out
Sibilant triumphant sprays of orange sparks
While groovin’ to the beat
Of the struttin’ on the street
Overhead
And thinkin’,
“Ain’t this the hippest
Scene you ever
Did see?”
-- Atticus
Posted by Angela2 on September 16, 2004, at 10:31:44
In reply to poem ... Dragon Scales on Subway Rails, posted by Atticus on September 15, 2004, at 20:39:47
This reminds me of some kind of beat or bohemian poem because of the words you use: subterrannean, be-bop, groovin to the beat, the hippest thing..." Is this the impression you were trying to give?
Angela
p.s. I like the rhythm! I have not studied poem form so I don't have a clue if you did it on purpose or not, but it's very catchy especially in the beginning!
> Dragon Scales on Subway Rails
>
> Polyphonic techno-symphonic quasi-cool
> Day-glo slo-mo rooster-combed fools
> Trippin’ and clickin’
> Like hypnotized chickens,
> Like graffiti apparitions
> Peeled from brownstone canvases
> And gone walkabout
> Down cement-slab high-fashion
> High-passion
> Catwalks
> Lined with weedy lots
> And supercalifragilistic chain-link vines
> Topped with ravishing razor-wire garlands
> Spun of the purest silver ribbons
> From dragon scales laid
> On subway rails
> By bebop-loving blacksmiths
> At the subterranean forges
> Hidden in the sublimely slimy
> And ferociously fiery tunnels
> Between the stations
> Where train wheels squeal out
> Sibilant triumphant sprays of orange sparks
> While groovin’ to the beat
> Of the struttin’ on the street
> Overhead
> And thinkin’,
> “Ain’t this the hippest
> Scene you ever
> Did see?”
> -- Atticus
>
Posted by Atticus on September 16, 2004, at 11:06:42
In reply to Re: poem ... Dragon Scales on Subway Rails, posted by Angela2 on September 16, 2004, at 10:31:44
Hi Angela,
The Beats have always had a strong influence on my poems, especially Allen Ginsberg. I also have an affection for archaic slang words like "groovy" and "hip." I just kind of sat down at my keyboard and composed this one extemporaneously, like a jazz improvisation, as opposed to the more narrative structure of my other work. I'm glad you noticed the rhythm because that was what was really driving this poem, plus lots of trippy rhymes. It felt more like writing song lyrics than a poem. I was really trying to capture some of the vibes that my hometown of NYC gives off when you're walking down the sidewalk in some of the more bohemian sections of Manhattan, like the Village. :) Atticus
Posted by Jai Narayan on September 16, 2004, at 13:37:33
In reply to Re: poem ... Dragon Scales on Subway Rails » Angela2, posted by Atticus on September 16, 2004, at 11:06:42
Have you set any of your poems to music? or danced them out? That is a dream of mine. Set one of my poems to music.
You seem so close to doing that with the rhythms
Or rap it?
I have enjoyed your images, vibrant new language use, fresh approach to each poem.
I like the sprialing movement where words and images send me out and draw me in. The shinny, sharp, soft....Your poem is like handling a sharp piece of metal with gloves on....the edges draw blood only after the softness has lulled me into holding the sharp too long or too tightly. Hummm....
Jai
Posted by Atticus on September 16, 2004, at 14:57:48
In reply to Dragon Scales on Subway Rails: a note to atticus, posted by Jai Narayan on September 16, 2004, at 13:37:33
Actually, this poem was composed pretty much spontaneously on my computer keyboard the way a jazz musician would improvise with sounds and texture on a piano keyboard. The musicality of words was my principal focus rather than the construction of a narrative. This poem definitely sounds better read out loud in an energetic tone than it does sitting on a printed page. It was actually a lot of fun -- a new direction to explore. And as I commented to someone else, it did feel more like writing lyrics than poetry to be read. The poem doesn't scan and balance like song lyrics, but the idea was to capture the helter-skelter energy of my urban environs and distill it into a relentless rhythm that would drive the piece along. It's a bit like parts of Gershwin's "Rhapsody in Blue", where the music is so suggestive of New York's hustling, bustling masses that you can easily visualize folks rushing back and forth up and down Manhattan's teeming sidewalks. Except in this case, I was trying to evoke the patter and clatter of the more artsy sections of downtown rather than Midtown. :) Atticus, truckin' on down the sunny sidewalks at lunch today
Posted by malthus on September 16, 2004, at 17:58:24
In reply to poem ... Dragon Scales on Subway Rails, posted by Atticus on September 15, 2004, at 20:39:47
Hi Atticus!
The high school where I work has a number of teenage boys who walk down the crowded hallways in their own worlds, seemingly talking to themselves, but upon closer inspection are rhyming. This is what this poem reminds me of. Your voice could be one of these fresh-street-wise-young-bulls as they say it how it is in their fast-moving world inundated with urban sound, images and above all story-telling music.
"Off the hook"! oops-I think this is passe and that my students would quickly let me know this.
I'll have to ask them tomorrow what the term is for something amazing and will "no doubt" get back to you ;)malthus
Posted by Atticus on September 16, 2004, at 18:54:09
In reply to Re: poem ... Dragon Scales on Subway Rails » Atticus, posted by malthus on September 16, 2004, at 17:58:24
Hi Malthus,
Luckily I have an affection for outdated slang from the film noir of the '40s, the beatnik coffee-house and jazz club cool of the '50s, and the psychedelia of the '60s; the argot is so clearly intentionally outdated (I mean, it all predates my birth, after all) that I don't have to worry about being accused of trying to be juvie cool. Punk never developed any real slang unique to it -- too anarchic and disaffected and nihilistic to make the effort, I guess. What it did give birth to was an attitude that's so particular to my generation, the so-called Gen X: irony-drenched hipness, which has since been a major force in shaping humor from Letterman's to the gags on "The Simpsons." Interesting trickle-down effect. See you at the next electric Kool-Aid acid test. ;) Atticus, feelin' groovy
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