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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2chica on September 3, 2004, at 14:24:41
Echos of laughter are in my head
i thought it was time to shove food in my mouth
the thought of food now makes me sick
i had no choice but to pass their domain
i didn't make it past.
the bloody laughter chilled my soul.
they grabbed me quick
and sat me down hard
hard...almost toppling the chair
the cold steel clentching my wrists
click,click,click, faster
click,click,click,clickechos of laughter are in my head
three large shadows tower up above
dancing around like a night ritual
heads tilted abnormally back
their eyes almost shut, yet
fiery with wrecklessness
eyes black and hollow
with no concience
mouths distorted and opened wide
their crooked teeth and foul breaththe echos of laughter are in my head
first i wisper with knotted fists
"it's too tight"
then outloud
"it hurts my wrists"
i wriggle about trying to be free
"Stop, stop,stp,st.."The echos of laughter are in my head
their sounds echo louder
mine muffles and disappears
one button
two button
three buttons wide
i close my eyes
have the buttons closed?
i open my eyes
still exposed.
i start to separateI try to yell but there are no sounds
a hundred hands
but i allow no tears
no emotions to havethe echos of laughter are in my head
confusion overpowers
how does it happen so fast
the dance continues
my heart beats rapid
my breaths drawn quick
my hope sinks
i start to hear music
"I" become invisible
i leave that stupid girl
The echos of laughter in my headwait...
...gently
i'm pulled back
i focus back in
the music stopsby one with conscience it is stopped
Now i think, it was not so bad.
But the echos of laughter still in my head.
Posted by Jai Narayan on September 4, 2004, at 8:39:46
In reply to echos of laughter in my head, posted by B2chica on September 3, 2004, at 14:24:41
incredible poem.
Can you tell be about it?
What, when and where?The poem was so raw and real.
It reminds me of shock threapy.Is this what you are writing about?
Posted by B2chica on September 7, 2004, at 10:50:03
In reply to Re: echos of laughter in my head, posted by Jai Narayan on September 4, 2004, at 8:39:46
Thank you so much Jai for the wonderful comments and insight. You know what i love most about this board? it's seeing/hearing others interpretations of your poems/writings. It's incredible!
after i read your comments i re-read what i wrote and Man, it sounds just like shock tx.
it's actually not, but Please i always LOVE to hear others perspective, it makes my writing interesting to me! instead of just an outlet.-actually, it's about a visual that i have in my head that i haven't been able to 'get out' to my T. and it's just been eating at me. So i finally wrote it out. I was hoping that by writing it out that memory would leave me alone...but it hasn't. so my next step IS to tell my T. But there's just NEVER enough time with him.
it happened when i was 14 i think, the three demons are my brothers friends. i literally had to pass through where they were at-i'd like to believe they were high when they did this but i don't think they were. One of the guys grabbed me forced me in the chair pinning me to it, the other handcuffed my hands behind the chair-they werejust loud and laughing the whole time-their noise drowned me out. the cuffs were so tight it pinched my skin so it was painful, then one guy sat on my lap and undid the buttons on my shirt(luckily i had a bra on) but he started to kiss my neck and feel me up...i couldn't move, i tried to wriggle out of it but i couldn't and he wouldn't stop, he started to go inside my bra and i was yelling at him to stop (but i don't understand why it wasn't an angry scream, it was almost an apologetic yell)
anyway, finally one of the guys said "that's enough" he even said it a couple times and the guy didn't stop so he pulled this guy off me and undid the cuff and told me to get out of here.
i ran back up to my room and stayed there the rest of the day/night.i guess that's probably more than anyone wanted to know. but to be honest with you...it feels good to say it outloud.
maybe this will help me to open up to my T.Thanks Jai.
b2c.
> incredible poem.
> Can you tell be about it?
> What, when and where?
>
> The poem was so raw and real.
> It reminds me of shock threapy.
>
> Is this what you are writing about?
>
Posted by Jai Narayan on September 7, 2004, at 18:09:11
In reply to Re: echos of laughter in my head » Jai Narayan, posted by B2chica on September 7, 2004, at 10:50:03
What a deep sharing. I am moved by your story...it gave me chills.
I too have had some pretty hard situations.
I am going back to reread your post with this new information.
Thank you for sharing. It wasn't too much sharing, it was just right.
I'm glad it had a freeing effect. Sometimes I can feel released by writing.
thanks b2c
Jai
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