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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Penny on February 4, 2004, at 15:36:42
And he looked at me
while I was 'doing my face'
and he said, "you know...
you could be a nice looking woman...
if you'd lose some weight"Later he had the nerve to ask
if he had anything to do
with my issues with men.Of course not,
Dad.
Posted by Jai Narayan on February 4, 2004, at 20:01:07
In reply to no title, posted by Penny on February 4, 2004, at 15:36:42
Oh Daddy....why do we children suffer so????
My Dad used to comment on my legs....
"Why are your legs so big?"
he'd say it like it made him mad....MAD!!!
Gee Dad, I am so sorry my legs do not make you happy....god....like he had some kind of investment in my legs.In other words, I know exactually what you mean. I too have suffered.
Posted by Karen_kay on February 5, 2004, at 23:36:14
In reply to Re: no title, posted by Jai Narayan on February 4, 2004, at 20:01:07
penny hun, it may be wrong of me to say this, but do you think this may have something to do with your previous thread hun? Parents are our life source as children and we look to them for validation. As adults we sometimes still try to look to our parents for validation as well. Unfortunetely, parents aren't always the best the can be. I know, I didn't have the greatest parents in the world.
Your words hit me. And many others as well. They really made me realize that I need to stop trying to get validatin from my mom, who won't give it to me. And it hurts me deeply when she won't. I'm sorry your dad said that. But you need to know in your heart and in your spirit that just because he said the wrong thing doesn't make it true!
You know, I used to say to myself, over and over again, "How can I love myself if my own mother doesn't even love me?" And then I finally realized that people make mistakes and say the wrong things at the wrong times. They're just words. And I *know* they hurt, and they hurt deep, and they stay with you and scar. But you have to realize that you have to heal that scar. And love yourself for healing it. And know that your dad didn't want to hurt you. He just made a mistake, he didn't realize it woud hurt you this much.....Trust me, I'm learning how much my dad's mistakes hurt me too and learning to forgive him. And it's hard. But we can do it!
Your words really hit me! Thank y ou so much for them! I'm sorry if I rambled or said something wrong. But again, thank you...
Posted by Penny on February 6, 2004, at 10:00:16
In reply to Re: no title, posted by Jai Narayan on February 4, 2004, at 20:01:07
> Oh Daddy....why do we children suffer so????
>
> My Dad used to comment on my legs....
> "Why are your legs so big?"
> he'd say it like it made him mad....MAD!!!
> Gee Dad, I am so sorry my legs do not make you happy....god....like he had some kind of investment in my legs.
>
> In other words, I know exactually what you mean. I too have suffered.
I know - amazing what little things stick in our heads, isn't it? And how those things, when coming from important people in our life, can make such a big difference. :-(
Posted by Penny on February 6, 2004, at 10:06:31
In reply to Re: no title, posted by Karen_kay on February 5, 2004, at 23:36:14
Oh, yes, Karen, I'm absolutely certain this (along with other things my dad said to me as a child, teen and adult) has everything in the world to do with the lack of self-esteem I have now. There are many many such anecdotes I could tell about my dad, but this one in particular sticks in my mind for some reason.
Unfortunately, I do think my dad intended to hurt my feelings. He intentionally hurt my feelings on more than one occasion, and will still do it if I allow him to. (Though, knock-on-wood, he has refrained from critical statements in recent months, amazingly enough! Then again, I haven't talked to him that much!)
I figure my dad has a huge self-image issue himself. Sometimes I think he is purely narcissistic, other times, I don't know. I do know that he loves me, in his own way. Rarely, he was a doting father. And he was proud of my academic accomplishments, such as when I graduated from college. And he thought I was cute when I was little. But I don't think I turned out the way he wanted me to - oddly enough, his sisters and his mother, who he thinks the world of, all had weight problems much worse than mine. I just don't think I grew up to be the woman he wanted me to be. I don't think it would have been possible, even if I had been thin.
But, anyway.
Thanks, KK.
P
This is the end of the thread.
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