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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sometimesblue on September 29, 2007, at 17:05:41
So a few weeks ago i did something really stupid while obliviously drunk, didn't remember the next day an dmy husband [of all people] put the pieces together. I felt ashamed, embarassed, and pretty much like a whore [so that give you an idea of what i did]...i then said good-bye to alcohol, something that has been with me for many year, through the good and the bad...i had to because i felt i no longer had any control of it.
But i have replacd it with cocaine, and pills. Since I was 16, i haven't had a sober day...he;lp
Posted by sometimesblue on October 1, 2007, at 9:42:43
In reply to FELL OFF THE 'WAGON'...., posted by sometimesblue on September 29, 2007, at 17:05:41
I know this is a support-type website/forum...but i'm starting to feel like i'm whining.
No offense to those that really do get help from others, i know how that is and that sometimes you need the view and advice of others to help you sort through your own thoughts and feelings, but i think i'll handle this one on my own.
thanks to anyone who read this,
SB
Posted by Sigismund on October 1, 2007, at 21:38:06
In reply to NEVERMIND, Im done Whining....., posted by sometimesblue on October 1, 2007, at 9:42:43
>i think i'll handle this one on my own.
I think if you can handle things on your own that's great.
The idea has sprung up that we have no control.
It's as if giving up trying is more pleasurable than the results of attempting some control.
Posted by sometimesblue on October 2, 2007, at 8:18:27
In reply to Re: NEVERMIND, Im done Whining..... » sometimesblue, posted by Sigismund on October 1, 2007, at 21:38:06
The idea has now occurred to me that if i stop trying to handle it, even if i fail, the failure becomes that much more devasting because i wasn't even trying to begin with....does that make sense?
Posted by ClearSkies on October 8, 2007, at 13:23:56
In reply to Re: NEVERMIND, Im done Whining..... » Sigismund, posted by sometimesblue on October 2, 2007, at 8:18:27
> The idea has now occurred to me that if i stop trying to handle it, even if i fail, the failure becomes that much more devasting because i wasn't even trying to begin with....does that make sense?
>
>How are you feeling, Sometimesblue? I've been out of town and read that you had a bad patch there.
Thinking of you,
ClearSkies
Posted by sometimesblue on October 9, 2007, at 12:20:02
In reply to Re: NEVERMIND, Im done Whining..... » sometimesblue, posted by ClearSkies on October 8, 2007, at 13:23:56
Ahhh, well....I don't know. I'm ok i guess. Addiction is a tricky thing [fyi: i hate using that word, i almost feel like i'm not talking about myself when i use that word].
I can't seem to fill whatever hole it is I have in me. I'm still looking though....
Posted by ClearSkies on October 9, 2007, at 12:36:33
In reply to Well, Im done Whining..... » ClearSkies, posted by sometimesblue on October 9, 2007, at 12:20:02
> Ahhh, well....I don't know. I'm ok i guess. Addiction is a tricky thing [fyi: i hate using that word, i almost feel like i'm not talking about myself when i use that word].
>Addiction - yes, that's the hardest part of it, applying the word to oneself. I don't define myself by it, yet it sits there, the gorilla in the room, whenever I describe myself without it. Even worse to me is the word "recovered" as it implies that I'm over this great illness; because the horrid truth is that the recovery is never total. My therapist uses the term "sustained remission" as it applies to my alcoholism, and I really love the implied victory of those words. That I've got this illness (OK, this Addiction), that I'm in remission from the illness, and that, after 2 years, the remission is sustained. So much happiness pinned on terminology - geez. Yet, it helps me.
> I can't seem to fill whatever hole it is I have in me. I'm still looking though....Keep looking. I do a lot of reading. I did a lot of google searches in my early sobriety. I bought a lot of crap self help books. I definitely shy away from the AA approach, due to my history with the organization, but I really do encourage you to give them a try, several tries, as many tries as you want - it works for so many people. My path has been cobbled together with lots of different bits, and I really believe that there is no wrong way to do this.
But I hope you don't mind if I check in with you once in a while and see how you're doing. Kindred spirits and all that. I think it's a tough road to be struggling with substance abuse issues and mental health stuff, and try to juggle the medication/self medication problems.
Take care and hang in there.
Posted by sometimesblue on October 9, 2007, at 13:54:16
In reply to Whine away » sometimesblue, posted by ClearSkies on October 9, 2007, at 12:36:33
Believe it or not, it helps to know that someone understands....i don't feel like such a freak. My husband is one of those peoples that believes life is about mind over matter....and i am proof that that's not the case. It makes me sad, but i can't linger on that thought because it brings me down even further. I still haven't realized that substance use isn't good for me, i like coke, i like pills. Although I have realized that alcohol is a no-no...i've done toooooo many stupid things and embarrassed myself way too much to go back to drinking. Maybe everyone does have to hit a rock bottom? I don't know yet. I hope i don't find out.
In my ideal world I'd like to be able to party like a rockstar, live like a legend, be a perfect mom [who doesn't screw up her kids], all the while maintaining a sexy mysterious allure for the hubby. And believe me, i'm working on it. I stopped drinking, i think that's something to be proud of. Now if I could only get the rest of my life in order....
Posted by nolegirl23 on October 11, 2007, at 21:29:31
In reply to FELL OFF THE 'WAGON'...., posted by sometimesblue on September 29, 2007, at 17:05:41
> So a few weeks ago i did something really stupid while obliviously drunk, didn't remember the next day an dmy husband [of all people] put the pieces together. I felt ashamed, embarassed, and pretty much like a whore [so that give you an idea of what i did]...i then said good-bye to alcohol, something that has been with me for many year, through the good and the bad...i had to because i felt i no longer had any control of it.
>
> But i have replacd it with cocaine, and pills. Since I was 16, i haven't had a sober day...he;lpI know how you feel, I just fell off the wagon myself. I have been an alcoholic for 11 years (I'm 26) and I finally decided to go to AA and really try to get sober. I was doing SOOOOO well, and I gave in to temptation the other night.
I KNEW I was going to relapse, I knew I wanted a drink, and I didn't do anything that I was supposed to do. I didn't call my sponsor, didn't pray, didn't read the Big Book, I basically said 'f*ck it' and started drinking. I called my sponsor the next day and went right back to the meetings. But I still can't stop beating myself up.
I hate being addicted.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 12, 2007, at 7:31:47
In reply to Re: FELL OFF THE 'WAGON'...., posted by nolegirl23 on October 11, 2007, at 21:29:31
> > So a few weeks ago i did something really stupid while obliviously drunk, didn't remember the next day an dmy husband [of all people] put the pieces together. I felt ashamed, embarassed, and pretty much like a whore [so that give you an idea of what i did]...i then said good-bye to alcohol, something that has been with me for many year, through the good and the bad...i had to because i felt i no longer had any control of it.
> >
> > But i have replacd it with cocaine, and pills. Since I was 16, i haven't had a sober day...he;lp
>
> I know how you feel, I just fell off the wagon myself. I have been an alcoholic for 11 years (I'm 26) and I finally decided to go to AA and really try to get sober. I was doing SOOOOO well, and I gave in to temptation the other night.
> I KNEW I was going to relapse, I knew I wanted a drink, and I didn't do anything that I was supposed to do. I didn't call my sponsor, didn't pray, didn't read the Big Book, I basically said 'f*ck it' and started drinking. I called my sponsor the next day and went right back to the meetings. But I still can't stop beating myself up.
> I hate being addicted.
>
>We can hate our addictions but we mustn't hate ourselves - we aren't our addictions. Get back on that wagon, let the wheels carry you on. The program works if you can work it - but asking for help is soooo hard! Don't forget to post here or check in with each other, maybe with babblemail, for extra support, outside of the AA network.
OK, I'll crawl back under my rock now, bye bye.
CS
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