![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by heart_broken on March 7, 2006, at 14:11:28
It's been a while since my first post, but just some things I have to get out of me. My son has an AA sponsor now and goes to a meeting once a week with him. In the meantime he drinks. I have had him removed from my house with the help of the local police force just this a.m. I worked all night, came home to find him passed out from Vodka, as usual, but I also found evidence of unsafe and reckless behavior. He is getting worse. He woke, 3:45 a.m. and proceeded to harrass me, belittle me, swear at me, and call me names. I did warn him to go to bed and let me sleep or I would call the police. He didn't, I did. I thought they may take him to detox or a jail cell to sleep it off but they just set him out on the street and left. So I cry, afraid he will take his life. His sponsor is suggesting detox and rehab but my son is so angry that he said no. He cannot stay here any longer. It hurts real bad and he hurts worse than I can imagine. I do not know him anymore and I so miss the man he once was. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. Bless all of you who have the courage and strength to get sober. You give me hope. Please keep giving me hope.
Posted by ClearSkies on March 7, 2006, at 15:03:50
In reply to my troubled son, posted by heart_broken on March 7, 2006, at 14:11:28
> It's been a while since my first post, but just some things I have to get out of me. My son has an AA sponsor now and goes to a meeting once a week with him. In the meantime he drinks. I have had him removed from my house with the help of the local police force just this a.m. I worked all night, came home to find him passed out from Vodka, as usual, but I also found evidence of unsafe and reckless behavior. He is getting worse. He woke, 3:45 a.m. and proceeded to harrass me, belittle me, swear at me, and call me names. I did warn him to go to bed and let me sleep or I would call the police. He didn't, I did. I thought they may take him to detox or a jail cell to sleep it off but they just set him out on the street and left. So I cry, afraid he will take his life. His sponsor is suggesting detox and rehab but my son is so angry that he said no. He cannot stay here any longer. It hurts real bad and he hurts worse than I can imagine. I do not know him anymore and I so miss the man he once was. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. Bless all of you who have the courage and strength to get sober. You give me hope. Please keep giving me hope.
(((heart)))
I was very angry for many years in my illness. Even though I knew that I had to stop my drinking, the inability I had to stay sober long enough to get through withdrawl just made me angrier, and so I drank... and over and over.Keep yourself safe.
One meeting a week was not support for me to get sober. It's a day to day event, even an hour to hour event for some of us. Maybe a different sponsor with whom your son can keep in daily contact would help. I was able to cobble together a variety of resources that helped me gain some recovery. Outpatient treatment, online resources, my therapist, my doctor... I was the team coordinator :-)
Take care.
ClearSkies
Posted by James K on March 7, 2006, at 15:20:19
In reply to my troubled son, posted by heart_broken on March 7, 2006, at 14:11:28
the stuff that goes on in alcoholic's lives (including mine) goes beyond belief. I'm so sorry this happened. domestic abuse is abuse, and you have to protect yourself. I never liked the concept of tough love, but complete disregard for the people in your life requires actions even painful ones.
What he does is up to him. If he is suicidal, nothing you do or don't do is going to change that. I only say such a blunt and hard thing because you brought it up as a fear.
When he is better some day, (and I think he has a chance) the fact that you treated all this as what it is rather than pretending it wasn't happening, will make your relationship stronger and more real.
I want to give you hope. All I can say is I was an out of control young man, and managed to stay alive to middle age. I'm still troubled and about to go into treatment. but I'm here, and my life wasn't the worst thing in the world.
keep posting,
James K
Posted by heart_broken on March 8, 2006, at 12:59:42
He went with his sponsor yesterday and after a meeting some of the members that my son is fond of talked to him about a rehab facility. I do not know the details of the talk. All I know is that he came back here. Within 10 minutes I was in my car driving around town to get away. I told him that he would not be able to stay here long because, without treatment, the police would be here again and he will not be allowed to live here if that happens again. And it will. I know that. So everyone keeps telling me to get help and that makes me angry. I work at night and alanon around here is at night. I cannot afford to go private sessions. And why? He has the addiction and won't go into treatment, so then I'm supposed to??? If he weren't here, I'd be ok. I do not want to get up and "face the day" anymore. This sucks.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on March 8, 2006, at 16:03:31
In reply to my troubled son, posted by heart_broken on March 7, 2006, at 14:11:28
(((((Heart_broken)))))
Sometimes the right thing doesn't feel right. Sometimes the easy way is the absolutely wrong thing to do. I think you found the right way. Some of us need to feel intense pain to recognize that something is wrong, and I think myabe your son is starting to feel that.If you're an addict, and you're comfortable, you have no incentive to change. There is no easy or soft way to get free from an addiction.
I'm glad that your son has a sponsor. I'm glad that he's going to meetings, even if it's just once a week. This means that he's at least willing to look at the possibility that he might have a problem. For a real alcoholic, that's a huge step. It's still another huge step to go from there to admitting you are powerless over alcohol.
Drinking between meetings isn't something novel with A.A. Many people do that while they are new. They're trying to figure out if they really are alcoholic. That doesn't mean his chances are any less, it just means he's not quite ready to put down the bottle. I know many people like that. Some, who came to meetings drunk, and some who would duck to the bathroom to have a drink during the meetings. Eventually, these people cought on.
All that I can say is to stand firm. Let your son know you love him. If you're able to accept him back if he stops drinking, let him know that, but remind him of your stance with alcohol, and your resolve to enforce that.
I can't make any promises, but if he's getting serious about A.A. then he's in the right place. A.A. seems to work best when people are at their lowest.
Blessings,
--Dee
Posted by AuntieMel on March 8, 2006, at 17:37:00
In reply to my troubled son, posted by heart_broken on March 7, 2006, at 14:11:28
I'm not sure I can add anything to what Dee said. I've seen people come to meetings sauced myself.
But - you have to set your boundaries and stick to them. You need to take care of yourself, or you won't be any good to him when he's ready to accept your help.
Quick question. Answer (to yourself is fine) but don't think about it. Just answer.
What do you like to do?
---
The addict will have no problem answering that question. The family member of the addict can't. They can tell you what the *addict* likes to do for fun, but not themselve.
Put some focus back on yourself.
Posted by vainamoinen on March 8, 2006, at 18:23:46
In reply to my troubled son, posted by heart_broken on March 8, 2006, at 12:59:42
Check out Al-Anon, it's not for him it's for you. This is a hugely stressful situation and Al-Anon is a support group for people dealing with exactly this sort of thing.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Substance Use | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.