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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 30, 2005, at 23:25:58
My in-laws stayed with us while their power was out at home in Miami. Usually a 2 day visit is enough for us to send them packing back home. This week we had their company for 5 days. My father in law dealt with the stress of being displaced and having his daily routine halted by consuming a LOT of alcohol. It was 2 martinis, many glasses of wine, and dessert wine every evening. Plus cocktails or wine at lunch. He becomes belligerant when intoxicated, and bears down on his wife. I can't stay silent when this happens, and so told him not to speak to her in such a nasty way, that it wasn't necessary. He sulked like a little boy for most of the week.
The mother in law bought a bottle of brandy to help her sleep. She tried the brand by swigging it from the bottle. In my entire drinking career, I'd only ever consumed beer from a bottle, everything else went into a glass before it hit my system. I asked my MIL if she wanted a paper bag to go with the brandy.We don't usually keep much liquor at the house these days, and my husband does not flaunt it when he has the ocassional glass of wine. Although I was upset by my in-laws behaviour this week in general (so demanding and ungracious refugees I have never met), my shameful response was that I should join in so we could all be miserable together.
I didn't do it. I was able to think through the entire sequence of drinking for me... the first few that you don't taste on the way down, the next couple that have no effect whatever, and then, the waking up the next morning. Your teeth are all wearing little sweaters on them. A drum solo has been set up in your brain. Whatever is in your digestive system deparately wants to get out and it doesn't care which exit is uses. And you just can't remember how and when you went to bed.
For a few minutes, it felt like a perfectly reasonable trade. I wanted their release and oblivion. I wanted not to care what my in-laws thought of me. I wanted the horrible anxiety to be erased for a few hours.
Instead I did not drink. I kept myself in the kitchen, cooking whatever stopped moving long enough. I did laundry. I went to the pharmacy, came home, then went to get groceries. I used every reason I could possibly think of, including bogus doctors'
appointments, so I could steal some solitude for a few minutes here and there.71 days today. I'm doing it. I'm meditating, I'm going to try another yoga teacher, another dance teacher. I'm interviewing for new therapists. I'm engaging in my life. This was a whopper of a test. So glad to have it behind me.
ClearSkies
Posted by muffled on October 31, 2005, at 0:21:54
In reply to Really difficult week., posted by ClearSkies on October 30, 2005, at 23:25:58
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 31, 2005, at 7:24:06
In reply to WOW!!!You survived!! (nm) » ClearSkies, posted by muffled on October 31, 2005, at 0:21:54
Posted by verne on October 31, 2005, at 7:46:06
In reply to Really difficult week., posted by ClearSkies on October 30, 2005, at 23:25:58
That's great you've gone so long without drinking and weathered the home invasion. I'm back at the drawing board, square one, or dung pile where I spilled off the wagon. Actually, 4th day, my head still hurts, and the kitchen is a wasteland.
My daughter, now 20 years old, confronted me about the drinking for the first time. She let me know how much it hurts her to see me this way. We are drawing up a simple "contract" which we will renew and fine tune every 3 months. She's coming over tomorrow for the final draft.
The central point will be not to drink. After that, I will agree to a certain amount of exercise and meditation each day. I'm also boxing up most of my supplements which tend to get me into trouble. If I take a sublingual B-12, I'm about ready to sell my daughter for a six-pack, I get so agitated.
Like too much AA, too many vitamins, herbs, and other supplements makes me more likely to drink.
I'm also hoping to add yoga, egoscue exercises, Chi Gong, spiritual reading, and the BPD course. But for now I guess we will keep the contract simple.
Seems like the in-laws could have been more discreet about their drinking if they knew you had difficulties with it. If I were under siege in my own home, I would have locked myself in any room I could call my own, dragged the refrigerator and tv into my vortex of doom, and gone on a week-long bender.
You are a lot stronger than me. Whatever you are doing is working. I would like to see 70 plus days again.
Verne
Posted by ClearSkies on October 31, 2005, at 8:20:05
In reply to Re: Really difficult week. » ClearSkies, posted by verne on October 31, 2005, at 7:46:06
> You are a lot stronger than me. Whatever you are doing is working. I would like to see 70 plus days again.
>
> Verne
>Not stronger, Verne. I tried to quit who knows how many times in 12 or more years. I attempted AA countless times, even though it *never* worked for me, as guilt cannot sustain my willpower for very long.
Something fundamental changed when I did the outpatient programme. Something about sitting in a room with the same group of people for a month, 4 days a week, all talking about the same subject, really helped to make that paradigm shift. From hopeless to possible. The desire to be abstinent has always been there.
Taking the medication to suppress cravings has been a cornerstone of my sobriety so far. I take Campral 3 times a day. I don't care if the pills have sugar in them; they are working.Keeping your plan for recovery simple is key, IMO. I think you have a good plan. I would humbly ask that if you feel the urge to drink that maybe you post here? We can be a support for you, though long distance and out of sight.
No thoughts of failure, Verne. If we stumble, we get up and continue. We don't have to start back at the beginning of the road.
ClearSkies
Posted by antigua on October 31, 2005, at 8:50:35
In reply to Really difficult week., posted by ClearSkies on October 30, 2005, at 23:25:58
You passed a huge test and should be very proud of yourself. It's a great feeling of accomplishment, too, I hope.
I just got through a major therapy "situation" and I didn't drink either. I still hurt like hell, but I didn't give in.
Thinking of you,
antigu
Posted by ClearSkies on October 31, 2005, at 8:55:35
In reply to Re: Really difficult week., posted by antigua on October 31, 2005, at 8:50:35
No small victory, Antigua. What a time you've had. Not to go all Pollyanna on you, but it's great that something positive came of your difficulties.
yours,
CS
Posted by Phillipa on October 31, 2005, at 20:45:23
In reply to Re: Really difficult week. » antigua, posted by ClearSkies on October 31, 2005, at 8:55:35
Clear Skies so campral really does help. Congratulations for your success. And I do understand how difficult it was for you. Yes I long for the days when 6 coronnas and lime with .5xanax made me sleep like a baby and no hangover Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by sal0805 on November 5, 2005, at 4:35:08
In reply to Really difficult week., posted by ClearSkies on October 30, 2005, at 23:25:58
CS - I have been avoiding this board because of my conscience and because I don't want to deal with what I *have* to deal with right now.
But I visited today and have just read about your week - and you got me crying.
This has touched me deeply - you are a wonderful person.
Sabrina
This is the end of the thread.
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