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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by partlycloudy on January 3, 2005, at 15:19:20
I don't want to fail again and again. Why don't we have New Year's Intentions?
I'd love to say that I won't drink this year. I can't make myself say it, even to myself. Not so cool to start the year with so much self doubt. At what point do I start to actually believe I can pull this off? Do I just carry on and have this intention not to drink, or can I say with conviction that it won't happen? If I beat myself up ahead of time, does that mean I won't have to feel guilty the next morning?
Posted by alexandra_k on January 4, 2005, at 6:14:58
In reply to Afraid to make the big resolution, posted by partlycloudy on January 3, 2005, at 15:19:20
How about making a resolution to try your best not to? One thing I am not too keen on (IMPO) is the idea that if you do drink then you are back to square one. If you drink less then isn't that progress and shouldn't you be very proud of yourself? Instead of thinking of them as 'relapses' how about 'days off'? Not that you should use this as permission to use whenever you feel like it, but that you should use this as a way of treating yourself kindly because you are doing the best you can rather than beating yourself up all the time. It is me beating myself up that tends to push me towards using...
Posted by partlycloudy on January 4, 2005, at 7:37:36
In reply to Re: Afraid to make the big resolution » partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on January 4, 2005, at 6:14:58
Drinking is just one of the many things I beat myself up over. It keeps goingback to issues of self esteem and assertiveness. It's going to be a l-o-n-g year with my therapist...
thanks for your kinds words, alexandra
Posted by jujube on January 4, 2005, at 9:33:41
In reply to Afraid to make the big resolution, posted by partlycloudy on January 3, 2005, at 15:19:20
I agree with Alexandra. Don't make the resolution at all. When I quit drinking, I don't recall ever telling myself that I would never drink again. I, basically told myself that I was not drinking for now. It certainly took some of the pressure off. By not putting high expectations on myself in that area of my life, I was able to move forward and make progress in other areas that definitely needed work.
Be good to you. You deserve it!
Tamara
Posted by verne on January 4, 2005, at 9:43:13
In reply to Afraid to make the big resolution, posted by partlycloudy on January 3, 2005, at 15:19:20
PC,
I managed to read a little of "Stepping Stones to Recovery" yesterday, chapter 10, the section by Richmond Walker. Written in 1945, he recognized that alcoholism is a symptom of a "personality disorder". (I didn't think that had been invented yet)
He really understands our situation and amplifies the need to live one day at a time. The past and future are simply too big a bite to chew.
I always feel anxiety when I get too caught up in the past or future. This anxiety often leads to some sort of self-indulgent excess. I think, "I can't handle being in debt for 2 more years, so I'll go on a shopping spree". Or, "I'm worried about my health, so worried, I need a drink".
I shouldn't be counting but this is my fifth day and I'm still a mess. A bit of a dry drunk but I'll take it.
I'm looking forward (shouldn't do dat) to seeing my daughter Wednesday and shoveling some snow. So far we've had a 1/4 inch of freezing drizzle which isn't as much fun. (but I'll take it)
I remember a guy in AA who wore a cap that said "Don't Get Greedy". This little slogan applies to any sort of thinking that wishes things were different. Instead, as suggested in the BPD Skills Training Manual, we should radically accept the way things are.
So when I go into the kitchen with the dirty dishes and table buried beneath amazon.com boxes (2 months of overspending) I can look at it and say, "This is exactly the way it should be.", and LET GO.
Back to Richmond Walker. Surrendering and letting go each morning was essential for him. That includes letting go of the future and past.
verne
Posted by partlycloudy on January 4, 2005, at 9:59:42
In reply to Re: Afraid to make the big resolution » partlycloudy, posted by verne on January 4, 2005, at 9:43:13
Letting go. Sounds scary. Sounds exhilarating.
Tonight I will put xmas away with some Chet Baker and maybe Billie Holiday on the stereo - two of my favourite melancholic dead musicians.and verne, I insist that you're a good worm :)
Posted by AuntieMel on January 4, 2005, at 15:50:17
In reply to Afraid to make the big resolution, posted by partlycloudy on January 3, 2005, at 15:19:20
I've only made one new year's resolution that I've kept.
I resolved never to make another resolution.
They all seem to set a person up for failure. 'I will lose weight' 'I will not use my charge card' etc are just too absolute for humans to be able to do.
For drinking - forget the 'one day at a time' bit at first. In the beginning, it's one hour, minute, second at a time.
Break it up into 365 daily resolutions. Each day when you get up you say to yourself "I will do my best not to drink today."
And try to think of slips not as failures, but as learning experiences. Keep a journal of what you were thinking/hoing through that led up to the slip - look for patterns and avoid that type situation.
If at all possible don't be around other people that are drinking, even wine at dinner, for probably six months. And make sure there is nothing in the house. Change your route so you don't pass your favorite liquor store. Get a chaperone to go grocery shopping with you. Reduce the temptation.
Good luck. I didn't think I could do it after 20-30 years of drinking, but I'm 20 months now and counting....
This is the end of the thread.
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