Posted by verne on January 4, 2005, at 9:43:13
In reply to Afraid to make the big resolution, posted by partlycloudy on January 3, 2005, at 15:19:20
PC,
I managed to read a little of "Stepping Stones to Recovery" yesterday, chapter 10, the section by Richmond Walker. Written in 1945, he recognized that alcoholism is a symptom of a "personality disorder". (I didn't think that had been invented yet)
He really understands our situation and amplifies the need to live one day at a time. The past and future are simply too big a bite to chew.
I always feel anxiety when I get too caught up in the past or future. This anxiety often leads to some sort of self-indulgent excess. I think, "I can't handle being in debt for 2 more years, so I'll go on a shopping spree". Or, "I'm worried about my health, so worried, I need a drink".
I shouldn't be counting but this is my fifth day and I'm still a mess. A bit of a dry drunk but I'll take it.
I'm looking forward (shouldn't do dat) to seeing my daughter Wednesday and shoveling some snow. So far we've had a 1/4 inch of freezing drizzle which isn't as much fun. (but I'll take it)
I remember a guy in AA who wore a cap that said "Don't Get Greedy". This little slogan applies to any sort of thinking that wishes things were different. Instead, as suggested in the BPD Skills Training Manual, we should radically accept the way things are.
So when I go into the kitchen with the dirty dishes and table buried beneath amazon.com boxes (2 months of overspending) I can look at it and say, "This is exactly the way it should be.", and LET GO.
Back to Richmond Walker. Surrendering and letting go each morning was essential for him. That includes letting go of the future and past.
verne
poster:verne
thread:437249
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20041128/msgs/437600.html