![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Caper on September 30, 2004, at 14:44:51
Hi everyone,
Some of you may remember me. To others- nice to "meet" you.
First I want to say congratulations to partlycloudy on not drinking. I read your post from earlier this month and was concerned with how down on yourself you seemed, so I was thrilled to find this one. (But I'll still love you even if you've "slipped" since then *smile*)
In that thread there was a mention of alcoholism and the relationship between eating disorders that I just had to address. I was severely anorexic and bulimic from 14 to 19. I know the prognosis for those illnesses is not generally good, but I never saw a therapist and just sort of gradually gave up those destructive behaviors on my own.
I wish I could say how, or what changed but I can't really. My best guess is I just got so sick of the hiding, lying, feeling miserable, destroying my health etc. that I sort of let go of it bit by bit. I'm no poster girl for psychiatric health by any means (!!!) but I think I just realized over time that the eating disorder behaviors weren't helping anything at all.
I'm hoping this will happen with alcohol too. I'm pretty sure lots will agree with me that the lying and hiding might be the worst part of alcoholism. It's made me a liar and a sneak and I hate that so much!
I believe both addictions are means of "stuffing". By that I mean stuffing our feelings down and having something else to concentrate on. Fixating on eating and purging, or not eating but pretending to so you don't alarm others, or focusing on how to get, hide, and consume alcohol and then destroy the "evidence" can take one's mind off of other feelings.
I was already recovering from the eating disorder when I went away to college- but I think that may be what really made the difference. Not that I moved 900 miles away, but that I was kept busy and didn't have so much time to dwell in my own head. With alcohol I know that what I'm seeking is oblivion- to think of anything other than what I should be doing, could have done, would do if given another chance. Thinking of how I used to be "the good girl" but have fallen so hard in the past two years makes me want to just shut off my brain- even knowing the consequences I'll face later.
Maybe giving up the "would have, could have, should have" is part of the key? I'm working on it.
Best to all.
Caper
Posted by partlycloudy on September 30, 2004, at 15:14:08
In reply to Addictive behaviors: For partlycloudy others too, posted by Caper on September 30, 2004, at 14:44:51
I am so happy to see your post - many of us have been wondering how you've been. Reading your post today makes me want to cry. Not out of sorrow or pity for our lot, but for that sense of belonging in the same club. That was the ONLY thing I got out of AA, BTW. It did open my eyes to how universal addictive behaviours are.
I have this great big bag of self pity that keeps leaking whenever I turn my back on it. I had no idea I would have to be so diligent in keeping it squashed and gagged.
Caper - so great to see you here again. HUGS!
Posted by tabitha on October 1, 2004, at 1:43:11
In reply to Re: Addictive behaviors: For partlycloudy others too » Caper, posted by partlycloudy on September 30, 2004, at 15:14:08
I use a 2-step program on addictive behaviors-- Step 1 stop doing it, Step 2 find other ways to deal with the feelings or fill the void that I was filling with the addiction. But I pretty much have to get to a point where I really get it, at a gut level, that the behavior is more trouble than it's worth. Once that happens, stopping is surprisingly easy, with only a little bit of self-discipline, but before that happens, it seems impossible.
I wish I knew some way to speed up the process.
Posted by saw on October 1, 2004, at 2:32:32
In reply to Addictive behaviors: For partlycloudy others too, posted by Caper on September 30, 2004, at 14:44:51
<<that the lying and hiding might be the worst part of alcoholism>>
I really don't think you could have said it better.
I'm lying, and I'm hiding, and I hate myself today. Even if I'm giggling and my fingers wont work right on the keyboard. (I have fixed the mistakes, just me).
It's 9am and I'm wishing my coffee was the wine I downed just before coming to work. And I still can't believe I did that. And the work is piling up and I'm cracking up and I just want to be really drunk, or dead, I don't know which is better.
I'm not doing very good. I was supposed to support you, not sabotage your post. I am so sorry.
Sabrina
Posted by Fred23 on October 1, 2004, at 19:34:50
In reply to Re: Addictive behaviors: For partlycloudy others too » Caper, posted by saw on October 1, 2004, at 2:32:32
> It's 9am and I'm wishing my coffee was the wine I downed just before coming to work. And I still can't believe I did that. And the work is piling up and I'm cracking up and I just want to be really drunk, or dead, I don't know which is better.
The theory I've stated various places on the forums is that this could simply GABA misregulation that a benzo could help with, but that alcohol does a poor job of.
Posted by Caper on October 2, 2004, at 1:19:00
In reply to Re: Addictive behaviors: For partlycloudy others too » Caper, posted by saw on October 1, 2004, at 2:32:32
> <<that the lying and hiding might be the worst part of alcoholism>>
>
> I really don't think you could have said it better.
>
> I'm lying, and I'm hiding, and I hate myself today. Even if I'm giggling and my fingers wont work right on the keyboard. (I have fixed the mistakes, just me).
>
> It's 9am and I'm wishing my coffee was the wine I downed just before coming to work. And I still can't believe I did that. And the work is piling up and I'm cracking up and I just want to be really drunk, or dead, I don't know which is better.
>
> I'm not doing very good. I was supposed to support you, not sabotage your post. I am so sorry.
>
> SabrinaNever, never be sorry for posting what you're feeling. That's what we're here for.
Best wishes,
Caper
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Substance Use | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.