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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ground on April 25, 2004, at 16:28:49
i'm 17, i've used a lot of drugs but my regular marijuana use has led me to a state that is forcing me to quit. i seem to be exhibiting paranoid schizophrenia, but i'm trying to diagnose myself and see if my other drug experiences have been out of the norm as well (i've used weed, alcohol, tobacco, e, acid, alprazolam, lorazepam, diphenhydramine, dxm, codeine, hydrocodone, adderall, and methylphenidate). if anyone here is a schizophrenic and has had experiences with these drugs i would be grateful if you could describe them (if you can remember). i guess any other drugs would qualify as well: cocaine, ketamine, any opioid, 2cx, dmt, mushrooms, and so on.
since the noticeable onset of these symptoms the only drugs i have tried are weed, alcohol, and methylphenidate (the latter with no noticeable negative consequences, except those typically associated with speed, which were manageable).
below i repost a description of my experience that has built up due to smoking weed, formerly once a day but more infrequently now that these symptoms are overwhelming the experience altogether. i am currently resolving to abstain. i quit for a week and a half some time ago and when i resumed the symptoms did not go away.
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i remember this starting probably about a month ago... i expect there were some symptoms before that too but i can't really separate them out. paranoia got worse and worse when smoking, then i began hearing "voices," speaking back to them, occasionally acting on their directive (i live under my landlords so i had other actual people to attach this phenomenon to). weed euphoria has now been completely replaced by fear/anxiety/a general negative outlook.
one night after smoking i experienced a complete loss of optimism. i was paralyzed by fear. soon after that i had a nervous breakdown (i think it was the day after), cried uncontrollably more than once, snot snot snot. fetal position.
soon the effects began to bleed over into even when i wasn't high. things would look weird like they do under the influence of weed, all the time. ALL of this was accompanied by immediate associations with things like falling, lying down, moving away, emptiness, starkness, loneliness, isolation. things that are really scary, not make-you-puke gore overload scary. i would look/stare at things i wouldn't normally, like i would when high. buildings, shadows, trees.
this still happens. i expect its occurrence is partially dependent on my preexisting state (amount of rest, nourishment, external stressors), but even when i am feeling fairly good this change in perception can still occur. i can also trigger episodes of it by thinking about certain things. when these episodes happen my train of thought is obliterated and i am temporarily incapable of processing any sort of complex thought (math problems, probably anything involving academic memory). when this is happening bigtime all kinds of music will sound unpleasant and anxiety-inducing. when it's less severe i can still enjoy (or at least appreciate) music, lateralus seemed quite appropriate walking to school amidst this one day.
but the scariest things in this whole thing are LIGHTS. anything with luminescence is fucking transfixing. they are beacons of power, they immediately draw my eye to them and they induce intense fear and paranoia when i'm having an episode. the sun, reflected light, candles, lamps, it doesn't matter. even writing this right now is making me look around and stare at the lights that are on in this room. i can't overstate this, they can be horribly terrifying.
i guess the voices are pretty scary too. i get those when i'm not high occasionally, but i can tell they're not real. when i am high it's very hard to avoid that perception (probably partially because weed is a big imagination booster in general) and they happen more or less perpetually in that state.
human relationships are the antidote to this, they make episodes go away and prevent the paranoid motif from recurring. i don't experience too much human contact though, i am pretty solitary because i started turning into a mature person way too late and i missed most of the relationship-building years of high school, so i'm nobody's wingman and few people's confidant. and i don't have a car, of course.
so yeah
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my md prescribed risperdal, i have not seen a psychiatrist due to insurance issues and probably won't see one in the immediate future. i have not picked up the script for risperdal and do not plan on taking it since it has a pretty dire reputation.
Posted by ground on April 25, 2004, at 16:33:04
In reply to schizophrenics - what are your drug experiences?, posted by ground on April 25, 2004, at 16:28:49
my observation is that these symptoms correlate with marijuana use, the "sober" symptoms recur with greater intensity/more frequently in periods after having smoked. thus, the planned abstention.
Posted by man_oh_man1977 on April 25, 2004, at 22:32:53
In reply to schizophrenics - what are your drug experiences?, posted by ground on April 25, 2004, at 16:28:49
Hi Ground,
I usually don't read long posts; too straining on the eye. I was taken aback, however, by your writing. You have a nice, natural flow and seem to articulate your situation very well. (I should point out that I myself am bipolar, but read on, as the two illnesses are both confounding and hard [but not impossible!] to treat. Paranoia is simply what it is, and is more based on the individual rather than the disorder. )
Were you a regular user of the other drugs (you mentioned) and the cocaine in particular, and if so, how long? Of course, coke is *very* panic/paranoia inducing. The funny thing is weed – a seemingly benign drug that actually induces panic, paranoia, and if you’ve smoked *tons*, there is something out there called ‘marijuana psychosis’; rare, so I wouldn’t want you to jump the gun on that.
The synergy between all the drugs you have done, coupled with hormonal changes in your age group could be causing much of your distress. That’s why I asked you to elaborate on how much, which, frequency, and when? Self-medicating, btw, is what you’ve been doing. The difference between “street drugs” and psychiatric medicines is enormous. There is nothing wrong with self-medicating, except for the fact that these drugs usually crap out on you. And, more often than not, many people turn to substance abuse when they have a mental illness.
Bottom line: You need a diagnosis! There is help out there; try to abstain from your drugs (as you are doing) and distract yourself with pleasant activities. Obviously, you can write well – keep a journal; this will also help with your psychiatric sessions, as you can pinpoint occurrences and abnormal experiences. Try to find a reputable psychiatrist, even if you have to pay out of pocket for a session or two. You mentioned that you matured early; that is your ally. You, at the age of 17 are admitting something’s gone haywire. I am sorry I can’t share w/ you certain abnormal experiences, but I could tell you about my delusions someday soon. Oh, the fear and panic and paranoia up the kazoo.
Best of luck, keep us posted,
Man-oh-man
P.S I have some suggestions about the other drugs you’ve taken as well (and what they’ve done to you), but see if what I’ve wrote makes some sense to you. BTW, not having a car *does* suck!
Posted by ground on April 26, 2004, at 15:54:46
In reply to Re: schizophrenics - what are your drug experiences?, posted by man_oh_man1977 on April 25, 2004, at 22:32:53
i didn't make it clear that the second list of drugs are those i am curious about others' experiences with, but have not used.
considering that i have used only weed, alcohol, and methylphenidate since this has noticeably begun, i don't know if the use of another drug will now catalyze some sort of horrible experience. obviously they would probably be wise to avoid but i am certainly headstrong and obstinate in this area. ah, youth. this is really what i am trying to figure out - i don't want to swear off drug use forever, as they are often fascinating.
since the last time i smoked (friday) the symptoms are already disappearing (perceptual changes when sober have hardly occurred at all today, it's harder to trigger an episode). i still don't know if my problem is latent schizophrenia, or something only brought about by weed, or what.
the situations of real terror have so far only occurred when i have been high. given my experience so far, i think the symptoms will eventually fade away, but this unresolved situation will be lurking and i don't know when - or if - it will occur again, barring smoking some more weed of course.
This is the end of the thread.
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