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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by julie_ann_2003 on November 19, 2003, at 12:57:06
This is my first time to post here but have been gaining so much insight in reading your posts and responses, enough that i feel comfortable in telling you my story for your help or suggestions. I have never been able to acquire help for my depression it seems because of a life time of substance abuse. My drug of choice- Amphetamines, and despite the horror stories i have read by some--and i know they are true, there are still some of us that have used them as a form of self medicating because it works, and so easily fallen back on when you know it works and cannot get a legal prescription for a safer, equally as effective remedy. My mother was given amphetamines when she was pregnant with me. afterwards she continued to use as she felt she couldnt walk across the floor without them- dizziness low blood pressure etc. when the doctors quit prescribing she went to street drugs. we moved, the depression was so bad she finally committed suicide. I find this out years later as my dad tells this story to my lawyer and the lawyer looks at me and realizes those were the exact words i had used to describe my reason for using when he had asked me the day before. I have memories of her as having slept constantly- never off the couch, and i have fought all my life to keep that from happening to me--by staying on speed. I sleep at night, i eat, i dont do them to get high, just to get me off the bed and moving and to keep away thatawful dizziness. I am now 42 yrs old and have 25 years of near daily use haunting me. I know it is only a matter of days or weeks and i wont have the money to continue and am scared to death. I know the depression was there before the abuse, am i wrong for expecting a doctor to see me as anything but a drug addict? I have even considered going to a doctor with the symptoms of narcolepsy to try for modofinil or dexedrine. why can others take these drugs and be considered as dependent and not addictive and for those who have a history of substance abuse be forbidden the only thing that gives them any real quality of life, especially if they are not the type to take any more than what makes them normal- not to be high? I wish i knew what to do. thanks for any feedback--and i hope you dont judge me too harshly-- i am a good person with morals and values, despite my deep dark secret addiction. i dont go rob the neighbor to get more-- just go to bed and never get up again
Posted by krazybirdlady on November 20, 2003, at 18:10:23
In reply to Chicken or the egg- which came first (Amph-Depr), posted by julie_ann_2003 on November 19, 2003, at 12:57:06
julie-ann..this is amazing to me. has your usage increased through the years? i trully don't think that you are an addict. i think you have a true medical problem. if you stopped them would you trully just sleep all the time? i am just the opposite, i have a terrible problem going to sleep. can't imagine it being the other way around. has narcolepsy been ruled out? i would trully go for a complete work-up and tell the DR. what you have stated here. unfortunately speed is a problem even for narcoleptics. has to be kept in balance. please talk to a DR. if they blow you off then find another one. keep posting as to your progress...i care...
Posted by julie_ann_2003 on November 20, 2003, at 23:20:42
In reply to Re: Chicken or the egg- which came first (Amph-Depr), posted by krazybirdlady on November 20, 2003, at 18:10:23
wow it truly means alot to me to see a response to my post. you cannot imagine the aloneness of keeping such a secret, and as far as doctors go-i dont even know what kind to see- i saw a psychiatrist once she tried me on zoloft and prozac and i gave them an honest try but they just didnt work so i quit taking them and went back to what i knew did work. Every other doctor has allways wanted to blame my drug use for anything that was wrong with me. I promise i will look into finding another but with medicaid i worry what information is actually confidential and what isnt. My tolerance built but not like you would think, I was never one to do the big ones- allways wanted to spread it out and worried more about having some for the next day unlike everyone else i knew who would do it till it was gone and then crash hard. I have met someone incredible that i have been seeing for a year now-- he has no idea and the thought of his learning or my not being my usual self all the sudden has me even more stressed. thanks for letting me know you care.
Posted by julie_ann_2003 on November 21, 2003, at 13:31:55
In reply to Re: Chicken or the egg- which came first (Amph-Depr), posted by krazybirdlady on November 20, 2003, at 18:10:23
Krazybirdlady--i dont know who you are but if i could i would be hugging your neck and dancing around the room with you. Your answer to my post and supportive words were enough to make me tell my cardiologist everything today, thought he would hate me for not having been honest from the beginning and want to slap me into another rhab setting but instead he believed me, and wants to help me get on a legal prescription for modofinil or adderal, something that would allow me the ability to physically function with some ammount of normalcy. wow i am just shocked by it-- he has to talk to a pdoctor about it so i will save my true celebrating till it happens but wow what a burden has been lifted from me by coming clean with him and having him actually want to help and i owe it all to you. Had i not read your post last night i would never have done it. you are a wonderful person-- and those two words --i care -- coming from a total stranger has been the answer to my prayers-- god bless you!!
Posted by krazybirdlady on November 21, 2003, at 15:08:00
In reply to Re: Chicken or the egg- which came first (Amph-Depr) » krazybirdlady, posted by julie_ann_2003 on November 21, 2003, at 13:31:55
julie-ann..i am so glad that you had the courage to tell someone about this. you have taken the first step and your honesty has paid off. oftentimes DR's blow you off, but i find if you are brave enough to be honest, they see that. As i said I don't honestly believe that you are an addict. i think that you have a true medical problem. Given your family history, it becomes even clearer. you are certainly entitled to help and i am so happy that you finally asked for it. i know what it's like to carry that kind of weight around, and know what it's like to beat up on yourself. you have made me feel great by letting me know that i helped. thank you for that and please let me know how it's going. i do care...
This is the end of the thread.
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