Posted by julie_ann_2003 on November 19, 2003, at 12:57:06
This is my first time to post here but have been gaining so much insight in reading your posts and responses, enough that i feel comfortable in telling you my story for your help or suggestions. I have never been able to acquire help for my depression it seems because of a life time of substance abuse. My drug of choice- Amphetamines, and despite the horror stories i have read by some--and i know they are true, there are still some of us that have used them as a form of self medicating because it works, and so easily fallen back on when you know it works and cannot get a legal prescription for a safer, equally as effective remedy. My mother was given amphetamines when she was pregnant with me. afterwards she continued to use as she felt she couldnt walk across the floor without them- dizziness low blood pressure etc. when the doctors quit prescribing she went to street drugs. we moved, the depression was so bad she finally committed suicide. I find this out years later as my dad tells this story to my lawyer and the lawyer looks at me and realizes those were the exact words i had used to describe my reason for using when he had asked me the day before. I have memories of her as having slept constantly- never off the couch, and i have fought all my life to keep that from happening to me--by staying on speed. I sleep at night, i eat, i dont do them to get high, just to get me off the bed and moving and to keep away thatawful dizziness. I am now 42 yrs old and have 25 years of near daily use haunting me. I know it is only a matter of days or weeks and i wont have the money to continue and am scared to death. I know the depression was there before the abuse, am i wrong for expecting a doctor to see me as anything but a drug addict? I have even considered going to a doctor with the symptoms of narcolepsy to try for modofinil or dexedrine. why can others take these drugs and be considered as dependent and not addictive and for those who have a history of substance abuse be forbidden the only thing that gives them any real quality of life, especially if they are not the type to take any more than what makes them normal- not to be high? I wish i knew what to do. thanks for any feedback--and i hope you dont judge me too harshly-- i am a good person with morals and values, despite my deep dark secret addiction. i dont go rob the neighbor to get more-- just go to bed and never get up again
poster:julie_ann_2003
thread:281263
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20031014/msgs/281263.html