![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 183 to 207 of 495. Go back in thread:
Posted by alexandra_k on July 7, 2014, at 22:40:51
In reply to Re: aargh!!, posted by alexandra_k on July 1, 2014, at 21:46:06
so happy.
getting the hang of this holiday, thing.
it's all cloudy and grey and dismal... and i'm all cosy and warm looking out on it all...
and the gym is great right now. not packed... and most of the people there seem to be... doing their thing. not being bros... not sure what it is... the bros seem to have gone home or gone on holiday or wherever it is the bros go... the bros have gone...
a bunch of people who know what they are doing have moved in... maybe people have just... learned. since it is about half way through the year now... maybe it is that these people had to train early or late in the day, before. because of classes. and now they are enjoying being able to go more leisurely in the middle of the day... where... typically... the bros like to go...
and the website is good for math... and spore is good for a break... and that dinky little game is good for... that curious little catchy repetitive thing that i need to do sometimes... they should make it with 3 as well... instead of 2 i mean... that would be cool...
and i feel bad for grumping... and i hope... i'll learn some social skills so i'm able to get better at... being firm on boundaries with other people. at... communicating with them so they understand. or something. so it might be a bit safer for me to let people in a little bit sometimes. because... i do get kinda lonely... sometimes... anyway... life is good. yeah. i am happy.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 7, 2014, at 23:21:44
In reply to Re: happy happy happy, posted by alexandra_k on July 7, 2014, at 22:40:51
remembering...
what it's about...
i always did want to do medicine. i took human biology at school for school certificate. because it was an option. i didn't hardly attend... but they didn't teach us anything, anyway... passed the exam (just) on general knowledge...
then... when the university people came around... i said medicine... and they asked how my grades were in science. and i said i wasn't doing science... and they laughed. so... i thought i couldn't.
i remember when i just started high school... looking through all the subjects you could take in later years and getting excited about picking what i would take...
i remember i did want to do science... it wasn't until later... that people told me it required math. and i didn't realize science was incremental, either. i thought you could just pick it up your last year at high school. like how i just picked up art history. biology (i did do). i thought i could just pick up chemistry or physics. but i didn't know they were math...
and somehow... all i ever really worked at was english (because i loved to read the books). and i didn't hardly attend anything else... i liked classical studies... socrates, mostly. is something virtuous because it is loved by the gods or do the gods love it because it is virtuous? i got a f*ck*ng kick out of that. loved it. mental mindbender tricky... it made me... happy. then at university open day the philosophy people talked about... personal identity. if you chop off tracy's legs and send them to spain while the rest of her is in france then where is tracy? what if you send her brain to berlin? and i knew... i had to do philosophy.
then... i remember applying for phd's in philosophy... looking into auckland back then... seeing that they had a math test for math entry and thinking... i couldn't. then a guy from the spanish department went off to do it and he said they had changed the entry requirements... no math test anymore...
i still thought i couldn't though... that it was math and science requiring math... that i couldn't do it...
and i mentioned it to my p-doc and he... looked very uneasy. and reccommended against it. and told me i couldn't / shouldn't. something like that... and i guess i thought... my medical record / history. would be accessible. they'd find out. they wouldn't let me do it.
so i went off to do a phd...
and found myself drawn to philosophy of medicine... then my father died... and i got to do some grad level cognitive neuroscience (over in science) in the US... and i just... really wanted more science... more science... tried to visit a science lab in sydney (they said they would have me) but no luck finding suitable accommodation (so very important to me) in sydney... then my teaching gig was supposed to bring me closer... but it didn't because of accommodation again... the way the pay was (so very far behind) i still couldn't afford an extra night (and couldn't take the 6 person share for more than 1 night for my sanity)...
then discovering the gym. seeing people doing olympic lifts. wanting to be able to move like that more than most things. a symbol of... flexibility. strength. co-ordination. beauty... naturalness... something... peaceful and perfect i found there.
i don't have any proper muscular firing sequence patterns. thinking... thinking... years of disuse. then i did have shock treatment... seizures... then the trauma of the fall... shock, again. i had to work so very hard to be able to do any freeweight movement kinda sorta semi correctly. i mean... form is something you continually work on forever... but my 'natural sequences' are... wrong. and of course i had to learn to walk again after my injuries... so that was near to me. then learning how to jump... nothing is natural for me. so... i wanted to learn how to do things properly... then everyones athropomentry is different and really we don't know a great deal... and everybody's got a theory... and learning to listen to my body again. when to listen. in what respects.
then seeing bar path trajectories... and thinking about lever lengths etc... and i really wanted to do bio-mechanics... i think there is something not very useful that happens sometimes with people drawing dots on the joints and following trajectories through time... but you can't get an 'ought' from an 'is'... and just because people do doesn't mean people 'should' do it like that... and wanting to learn more...
and physio... and then they wouldn't let me do bio-mechanics. even though i tried from a good 6 months prior to anything even starting to apply for a substitution paper... then realizing... sometimes the thing to do is to follow the smart people instead of the subject area... finding my way to this uni... happy here... there is sports science here... but there is also physics... and i think i should do some physics and see...
i have this thing... about q angles for women. about how i think our knees should go out more like frogs than current teaching / theory suggests. we tell women to take a 'shoulder width' stance but what the f*ck do shoulders (of guys or girls) have to do with setting foot width?
part of the problem seems to be... those 2d models are f*ck*ng complicated already. complicated complicated complicated i can't do / make one. i don't know what to make of it. i'm suspicious, too, with respect to what if anything can be made of it... i need to learn more about how they are made, what they are good for, known limitations etc...
but stance width. tracking knee movement out laterally... thats important. for women especially.
and i'm curious just today it occurred to me... i wonder if women should tuck their elbows more... with their shoulders being narrower... less supported by muscle... something something... whereas guys should go wider... thinking... i can do tricep pushups not much trouble. wider stance (where guys want to go) is much much harder for me. i'm wondering if there might be a reverse analogy here...
i was seeing some reptilian lizard movement in this comparative animal movement book i got.. about how their limbs are set off to the sides of their bodies rather than being underneath them. how they bent them to be lower to the ground... how they waddled because of that... it got me thinking... women's hips are wider so maybe their legs waddle (bent knees out a bit)... gotta put your knees somewhere with that q angle.. i wonder if guys waddle more with their arms... because their shoulders are wider... which sets their arms really off from the sides of their bodies...
does that kinda make sense??
i, uh,
want to learn about this sh*t. but it is unclear where to go...
i guess i was hoping orthopedics... and i'll get to learn HEAPS of other cool sh*t along the way. and, uh, yeah, perhaps discover a fascination with something i've never even heard of. or something... random. the spleen, maybe. or some weird disorder of the skin, or something...
otherwise... if medicine doesn't work out...
there are options... i guess there is bio-med... but there is also sports science. there is law... there are combinations... double degrees... double majors... the government will surely loan me money to finish a degree and i can certainly draw that out... then... if i apply to medicine (again) after finishing a degree... i'm pretty darned sure the government wouldn't not loan me money if i'd been offered a place in medicine.
so... i guess...
enjoy the journey...
i suspect... at the end of the day... it's all about mathematical modelling. sigh. that's what happened with cognitive neuroscience. everything... i would like... to understand what is going on... and i would like... to find my niche. i'm not sure where.
i wanted... movement *prescription*. diagnosis of faulty movement... prescriptions for fixing it. whether it be joint manipulations, foam rolling / trigger release, dinky exercises, not so dinky exercises. i thought... THAT was what it was supposed to be about.
problem: people don't do their exercises.
apparently.
i guess... that's why you gotta hold their hands to get them to do it...
nobody gives a sh*t... it's not life and death. people would rather pay a surgeon... 'fix it for me i won't do anything to help myself'
yeah.
and... my old notes are gone. paper notes... gone after 7 years or 10 years or whatever... so mostly gone. and this 'autistic spectrum' thing... 'aspergers'... whatever. it, uh, it's okay. alright. i mean... really. it isn't like 'borderline'. or 'dissociative identity disorder'. things that people... don't want to poke you with a barge pole... this is... different.
i, uh. i hope the nurse lady might be able to help me figure some things to say so that i can make some friends and keep my own personal space. because... people here... understand me... or... they are more capable of understanding me than most people in the world. they are decent people. and most of them are focused on their work etc too. and there must be ways i can say to them that i just need more personal space etc etc so they won't take it personal if i don't want to hang out... and then... once i know i have my space... i would want to hang out more. i would like to make some friends here, yeah. and in a way it is perfect with most people only being about for 6 months and then moving on. it, uh, gives me different people to, uh, practice with. worst case... i only f*ck things up for 6 months. or, uh, have to move to the other building / wing for a bit...
i am happy here. i, uh, hope i can build a life to, uh, help others one day. where i earn money. i guess that is the idea. where i earn more money than i have now. where i'm not borrowing to study... not relying on welfare payments to live. i guess that is the aim. ? i... would like some more money, yes. but, uh, i'm pretty happy, yeah. will be good to have that little bit of grading... i think i've figured a way to work without physical textbooks... need to put more into the clothes thing to feel... acceptable. human. at peace with myself / my appearance / my presentation to the world. need a bit more there... because things really ran down over the years. but, uh, that's all. that's it.
life is good.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 7, 2014, at 23:39:51
In reply to Re: happy happy happy, posted by alexandra_k on July 7, 2014, at 23:21:44
and i think a huge part of it is about how girls bodies almost metamorphasise at puberty. the hips get much wider and they lose control of their femurs. maybe their femurs get longer... i'm not sure... the q angle changes... because of something something about lines of pull (i don't really understand) they can't control their femurs so well.
i think a huge part of why some women try and starve themselves about then is because they don't like the ungainly monster they feel they have become...
and those who continue with athletics... tend to be those with 'boyish' figures... probably because guys don't feel... squeemish? about coaching them. it is pretty awful watching a gangly girl try and be athletic when she doesn't have control over her limbs... and... we don't know how to teach them. cues that worked before... that work for guys... don't work anymore. and they just look, uh, wrong. hard to qualify??? quantify?? it more than that. they just look *wrong*.
sports is an area where we think of guys form as being ideal and women as being inferior deviations from. anatomy more generally used to be like that. we hear how women's bodies are deviations (in non-ideal ways) for the purposes of child bearing...
that might be true...
but it might also be that women... move a bit different. ideally, i mean. that ideal movement for them (given their anatomical differences) is a bit different from ideal movement for guys. coaching cues... sometimes you gotta tell people lies to get their bodies moving in ways you want... you can't tell them the truth... you say things like 'reach your scorpian tail further up your back' and that fixes up their back angle...or whatever... perhaps... it isn't just that ideal form for women looks a bit different (and we don't quite even know what that is yet) but perhaps there are a bunch more lies that we haven't even dreamed of yet that are useful for getting females to actually move their bodies how they should...
anyway... i have a thing about this...
physical education.
the issue, of course... is that i don't actually want to work with the kids. i'll watch them... videos of them... work with the coaches... or whatever. research...
it is cheaper to invest in female medals than guys... because there are conceptual / coaching advances to be made... the field is underdeveloped when it comes to female athletes. whereas with guys... guys are so very much closer to the ideal already... diminishing returns... etc...
and the body image thing... it is important...
anyway... end research proposal. ha.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 7, 2014, at 23:50:22
In reply to Re: happy happy happy, posted by alexandra_k on July 7, 2014, at 23:39:51
but think of the money that we could save on surgery...
all those back problems and knee problems etc etc etc. i mean... people have traumatic injuries, yeah, of course.
but people get worn out hips and knees and ankles etc etc etc sometimes because of anatomical peculiarities, yeah...
but more often because they never learned to move properly *given their anatomical peculiarities*. they never learned how to hold their joints with their muscles instead of having bone grind on bone... and over time... their movement got sloppy... deteriorated...
i don't know why but i feel that being a surgeon... could be a great way of really... properly... pursuing this line... learning relevant stuff... perhaps being able to make an impact...
prevention of surgery... by which i don't mean making people wait 10 or 15 years for their hip replacement because we only wanna give them once in their lifetime and the lifespan of a hip replacement is only...
and...
personal trainers... should actually be trained in movement prescription... teaching people how *they* should be moving *given stuff about their anatomical peculiarities*. there should be a field like that. what shall we call it? PE? physio? sports science? it should probably be cross-disciplinary... athletes can be *ssh*l*s to work with, too... what is my niche? is this going to require calculus? trig? my calculator has sin and cos and... uh... i'm gonna need those. right?
and. uh. that was just my rant *before i even started learning anything about it*. looking forward to learning stuff, i am.
comparative animal biology and physics.. yeah.. mmm k.
Posted by Partlycloudy on July 8, 2014, at 9:54:02
In reply to Re: happy happy happy, posted by alexandra_k on July 7, 2014, at 23:50:22
I am reminded of the limited benefits many people get from physical therapy, whether it's recovering from a joint replacement, or an injury. Like there is a universal set of knowledge about the way the human body is put together, and it's accepted. But it doesn't work on everyone, because we aren't all the same.
How to educate a lot of people to tailor remedial therapy for individuals. How I got on this tangent, I don't know.
Great to see you happy. It's such a fine line between not being lonely and maintaining our boundaries and privacy.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 8, 2014, at 23:26:06
In reply to Re: happy happy happy, posted by Partlycloudy on July 8, 2014, at 9:54:02
yes to the fine line. i think it is easier to retain my privacy when it comes to accommodation... because that is hugely important to me, and fairly fragile.
neighbour seems to be trying to figure how to prop his door open. they are heavy doors that swing shut and lock automatically and his door jam is only working to keep it ajar rather than wedging it properly open. i do hope he gets the idea over time... that the floor isn't a shared flat. if he wants to leave his front door open... whatever... but people are going to get pretty pissed off if he is going to try and monitor comings and goings / run out to greet everyone always...
sigh.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 8, 2014, at 23:41:27
In reply to Re: happy happy happy, posted by Partlycloudy on July 8, 2014, at 9:54:02
went better today. because i have a bit of a schema, i guess.
i realized... i can just walk into the court room and take a seat and listen to the proceedings. they encourage you not to... but that is because most people are incapable of shutting their pie holes for more than 5 minutes... and don't seem able to glean much from what is going on...
and, uh, i was.
so, uh, i'm not entirely sure what that says about my ability to learn by imitation. or something...
anyway... i didn't get diversion. i looked into what that meant a bit...
i think court... my people. basically. rational people. responsive to reason. calm... that comes from distance. both because they aren't personally involved in the circumstances and because the event happened a couple weeks ago... or months... or years... or whatever.
and they seemed pretty reasonable, really. the judge. the lawyers, too. a sense of when people were having them on (and whether it really mattered) or whatever...
so i kinda enjoyed watching the proceedings, a bit. and i think they enjoyed the audience, actually. and there was a little bit of banter about the soccer etc... but not so much. and some of the stuff that seemed banter like that... there was a bit more to it... about how seemingly minor differences in the way the judge did this or that made a difference to police powers or whatever... and it just all seemed very reasonable, really.
so... uh... i didn't get the diversion. that means the police went back to talk to her and asked her whether she wanted me to be considered for it - since it was my first offence. told her i showed remorse... said it was a way of keeping my record clean since i had no priors... and she basically told them that no, she didn't want me considered for diversion... she wanted them to prosecute me.
so...
a vengeful... retaliative person... several weeks after the event. uh, that's what the court hears. and the lawyers. and i don't think i'm supposed to... the official line for me is that she's a government worker so it isn't in the police power to grant me diversion but i found stuff online about how diversion is more about the victim and what they have to say about things... and she didn't say i hurt her. she was upfront about how she wasn't injured and i didn't hurt her at all.
so, anyway...
talked to a forensic lawyer today... and he basically filled out a legal aid application for me. i said i was concerned about a record.... explained things to him a bit more properly... he said that he might get appointed to me but probably not - since he filed the legal aid application form. but that basically... they'd hope to get me off. i think... the court has empathy for me at this point, really... since it is so very clear that she (and she made it clear she isn't a victim) does not.
which is all very... reasonable, really.
anyway...
i quite enjoyed learning about the law... it is fairly... orderly. and there is some.... respect. not heaps... i don't think people know what respect is / means anymore, really. people rocking up... disturbing court proceedings... not being able to shut their pie holes for five minutes and just observe.
i think the trouble with labs... is that i don't get to observe someone who knows what they are doing doing the whole thing first. i'm the kind of person who likes to hang back and watch until i think i've got a fairly good idea of what it is that i'm supposed to be doing. the couple minutes verbal instruction at the start of the lab isn't really enough for me. and following people who don't know what they are doing... i have an aversion to doing things wrong... motor skills... most people like to throw the oly bar around... i watched a great deal before i felt ready to try. that's just... me. and there it is.
anyway... back in a couple weeks...
Posted by alexandra_k on July 8, 2014, at 23:50:08
In reply to Re: court..., posted by alexandra_k on July 8, 2014, at 23:41:27
several things on the police statement / report were incorrect.
it said i tried to kick her, and i didn't.
it said she told me i'd need to make an appointment to see the doctor in a couple weeks. and she didn't - she repeatedly told me that i'd been discharged and thus a doctor wouldn't see me.
i bet next time... i just enter a plea and ask for remand. which means... 'can we do this again in another 2 weeks?'
i wonder if they put a few fiblets on the thing just to help out a 'not guilty' plea? i wonder...
i think it is... about the court getting to know you, or something. you can learn a lot about a person my making them come and hang about at the courthouse half a day every two weeks over a couple months...
learn whether they seem to pose a threat to the public or not.. whether they seem capable of picking up on rules / protocol. how they interact with others (they simply make you by not providing the information you need - so you need to ask people). and so on...
i think... it is good that these things are taken into account. by reasonable people.
i'm terrified of the thought that unreasonable... mean... vindictive... people might get control of something like that... but happy that things seem okay... the police were, too. to me, anyway... reasonable...
a thought occurred to me... wouldn't it be f*ck*ng hilarious if they court ordered me to treatment by a doctor at the place i got the tresspass order from??? would serve her f*ck*ng right. actually no. i certainly don't want to go back there. but imagine the look on her face if they did... and they actually have the power to do that ahahahahahahaha.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 16, 2014, at 5:06:42
In reply to Re: court..., posted by alexandra_k on July 8, 2014, at 23:50:08
so... classes start back next week. i think i will keep the law paper. it might be a bit of a pick me up compared to labs and icky things for biology and maths for physics. i think it might be a bit of an illusion that i have more time to do better in less papers... i think that something... that made me feel... competent... would have helped me put more work into chemistry last semester. i think law will help me feel competent. it is a general education paper that is required for competitive entry to second year law... apparently it is the fun intro paper. the other one is more serious and that later one tends to be a bit dryer and put people off.
a bunch of noisy people have moved in. i mean really, very. bangy and slammy and 'OH MY GAWD!!! SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU!!!' in hallways every half hour or so.
I think part of the issue might be... This week is designated as 'orientation week'... But, uh, it's the start of the second semester of the academic year... So people arriving from the US have come from their summer break and they are (in their minds) waiting for the academic year to start... Most people... Aren't particularly concerned to make friends... Because they have been around for 6 months already... So then a bunch of people rock up with their gregarious happy faces on hoping to meet a bunch of new people... Finding only each other. So... Ur...
I guess I'll just have to put up with it for a bit... Hope that things settle down. I suppose it is reasonable for people to talk in the hallways... I guess the issue is that I wish they set whole floors aside for graduate students or 25 year + students so I didn't have to listen to all the 'OH MY GAWD!!! WHAT ARE YOU??? LIKE MY BEST FRIEND EVA!!!' type conversations of people desperately trying to make friends...
Perhaps the people who are on full year contracts... Then put the temporary people together since they are more likely to share common interests (OH MY GAWD!! YOU DECIDED TO COME HERE FOR THE 18 YEAR OLD DRINKING AGE TOO?)
Sigh. I know it isn't quite as bad as that... Things will... Things do... Settle down. It is just obnoxiously bad at the very start where people are keen to present a gregarious face to the world, where they're insecure about making friends, and where they don't have exams and assignments and tests to be occupying them.
Anyway... Fingers crossed things get better...
I have to move my bed away from the wall (only natural place for it) because I can... Feel the person in the room next to me lying next to me in bed. Tossing and turning and stuff... Ugh. Ugh. UGH.
Posted by Partlycloudy on July 16, 2014, at 13:49:25
In reply to Re: classes..., posted by alexandra_k on July 16, 2014, at 5:06:42
Oh, I feel your pain. I have had 2 delicious days of solitude, and I am freaking out because I didn't go to the grocery store. Gaah, too many people, families with grabby toddlers, masses of old people having reunions in the health supply aisle (next to the laxatives).
Luckily, I found an app for my iPad where I can shop for some groceries and get free shipping when I get to a certain amount. I restocked my favourite crackers, hand soap, Band Aids, and allergy med. no sales tax (so far) either.It's not that I am antisocial, but some places violate my sense of privacy, big time.
I hope it settles down soon for you.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 17, 2014, at 5:43:59
In reply to Re: classes..., posted by Partlycloudy on July 16, 2014, at 13:49:25
thanks pc. i'm getting to better learn of the virtues of internet shopping, myself.
i'm learning that cities are places for young people. full of young people... all uber friendly... wanting to hang out / do exciting things / find their mates.
i guess people get a bit older... and aspire to the ajoining suburbs. close enough to walk into the city (but why would you bother). far enough away to be away from the young people.
sigh.
i'm feeling my age.
neighbour boy seems to have moved out. to have been replaced by neighbour girl. neighbour girl with Very Noisy Friend. sigh. i hope things will settle down...
i wonder if it would be better to have noisy friend next to me because noisy friend would spend most of her time on other peoples floors yipping and yelling in their hallways / studio apartments? i'd imagine that noisy girl would turn into bangy girl when she was by herself. and even worse... Empathetically Bangy Girl (aka every time she hears someone make a noise she just has to make a louder noise in reflex).
sigh.
why can't they put them ALL TOGETHER someplace... far far (far) away from me???
?
?
Posted by Partlycloudy on July 17, 2014, at 13:52:59
In reply to Re: classes... » Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on July 17, 2014, at 5:43:59
Noise cancelling headphones, as these sell for airplanes. Expensive, yes. But they saved my sanity (mostly) while I was in rehab. They completely covered my ears, and I would stick the other end that was supposed to go into an MP3 player or iPod into my pocket. I didn't hear a thing. I still FELT the presence of all the addled others around me, but it made it much more tolerable.
And, as you said, given time, people will settle down.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 18, 2014, at 1:08:08
In reply to Re: classes..., posted by Partlycloudy on July 17, 2014, at 13:52:59
> Noise cancelling headphones
yeah. i'm fairly sure we had a conversation about those last year, sometime.
applications open for next year in a couple weeks. i'll put in a specific request for a 'noise free zone'. basically... say that i simply don't make noise that would bother others (don't listen to loud music, don't have friends over to hang out in my apartment). i like to sleep and wake and study as i choose without other people being able to appeal to making 'reasonable noise at reasonable hours'. and... if there are other people like me... it would make all of our lives easier if we were placed on the same floor...
then the people who end up in studios because... well... perhaps because those were the only options left (i think that is partly it. studios are too expensive for most local students. i think that is why it is largely US students who are only here for 1 semester). and so you get people who are frantic to keep their door open and who walk around in pairs or gaggles or 3 or 4 or 5 because they are people who can't bear to be alone. those people... if you put them all on the same floor... you could give them big heavy rocks for their doors... and they could have their frat house or whatever it is that they want...
i think they think they are encouraging us to be better people by promoting diversity etc. i wonder if they think... they are matching me. sigh. perhaps this is one of those... people taking a year to get to know me... get to know that when i say 'i just want a quiet space so i can get on with my work' that what i mean is 'i just want a quiet space so i can get on with my work'. i hope that is it. fingers crossed... fingers crossed, indeed.
25+ (age) floor would be cool, too... but really, i don't care. i just want... to have a place to put myself where reliably... i can't hear other people (on the floor) banging about or calling or whistling or singing or yelling or whatever... someplace where my attention isn't captured by them. i think age would make a difference, actually.
i suppose they don't have any way of telling which people are quiet and which people are noisy. people aren't reliable self-reporters, typically. perhaps most other people aren't as bothered by other peoples noises as i am.
i wish i was more tolerant... will have to see how things wear in... i'm fairly sure noisy girl isn't going to get any quieter. she is one of those people who has to be accompanied by others always and she keeps up a constant stream... how much she bothers me will basically depend on... how much girl next door decides to befriend her. reward her for making noise her way. invite her over to make noise in her place. encourage her to come fetch her for this and that. class every morning at 8? come to sing out goodnight to the whole floor every evening?
sigh.
i don't know what happened to the boy. he seems to be gone.. american girl now. i wonder... i wonder if they think they ARE matching me.
i hope i get to be a bit more tolerant. i think i'm getting crankier as i get older... definatly since quitting smoking... but age, too. i just... i'm not 18 any more. and i guess... it is wearing a little bit thin that people treat me like i am. i'm just... not. i'm feeling my age... i... uh... i guess this is a bit more how you are supposed to feel... like being a student is temporary. you want it to be over. so you can earn money. what's good about money is the power it gives you. to get a bigger space somewhere that is sufficiently gated or restricted such that other people don't bother you / encroach on your space at all. to get away from the tragedy of the commons. i think people do get... quirkier or something as they get older...
something about quality, too. quality of friendships rather than quantity. being a lot less interested in making friends with everyone and a bit more discriminating with respect to where one invests ones time...
classes monday. looking forward to. picked up law coursebook today. LOTS of readings. graded to a curve because of multiple streams and competitive entry to year 2 law... still... think this semester will be less competitive because this is pre-req for other first year paper so all the law major hopefuls would have done it last semester and being doing the sequel. still... i won't get cocky. 2 essays. no options. 100% of the course grade. big. f*ck*ng. exam. and knowing my luck... it will be just after physics. lolz.
biology: aka: the study of icky gross things. more than 90% of animals are invertebrates. ick. physics... thermodynamics (they call it 'heat' on the outline and it takes us three weeks). mechanics. electricity. optics / waves. hopefully... slow and steady... she'll be right.
this actually happened last saturday... knock knock knock on my door. thinking... decided to open it. could be important. guy. can i come in. no. pause. after a while... what do you want? uh, can i come in? no. what do you want (firmer). uh... we're playing this game... next door... and as part of it i'm supposed to knock on some random persons door and get their phone number. can i have your phone number.
puzzled look.
no. confused look. sorry... no... sorry... i'm not interested... shutting the door... partly on him (pushing him back).
?
wtf?
i mean really. i.. uh.. really don't understand.
one scenario... truth or dare type of thing... i WAS randomly selected... they are trying to make friends. another scenario i wasn't randomly selected (something to do with indian boy perhaps deciding to move to be closer to noisier people?)... another scenario slightly more malicious?? about seeing whose phone number they could get (so they could, what? harrass me later?). why was he so insistant on coming into my flat? seems... weird to me. girls... don't typically let strange guys into studios... maybe he thought he was knocking on the door of a flat... the RA's put our name on the door (that's how i know we are a floor full of studios)...
probably... just kids being kids. that's what i mean: i'm not 18 years old any more. i... i'm not interested in your games. they bother me, actually. i get that it's an important part of your college experience and all. that playing games harrassing some girl for giving out her phone number of whatever is all part of your college experience and all... but, uh... 25+ year floor... yeah... thanks. that'd be great.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 18, 2014, at 1:54:59
In reply to Re: classes..., posted by alexandra_k on July 18, 2014, at 1:08:08
my undergrad uni (from before) 1/3 of the students were returning / mature / over 25. so lecturers didn't often appeal to 'you might remember from school that'. but then i also studied things that weren't studied from school... and, uh, it's possible that more than 1/3 of the students in arts and social science (and education and law) were mature... probably less over in physical science... and, uh, they probably did need to remember stuff from school, yeah.
i think... i get on pretty good with the disability guy here. he's going to talk to the bio convenor... anyway... i wrote him an email and said that i'd feel heaps better if i could observe a lab before participating in one. and that the head of chemistry said that sometimes students get a senior student to supervise them to do their lab someplace quieter (more one on one assistance) but the department couldn't fund that - it would need to be through disability.
anyway... point being... if you don't ask you won't get. so... thought i'd ask. i feel... that it is a big ask. i feel... like it might be asking too much... anyway... if you don't ask you won't get... he said he would meet with the co-ordinator and see... anyway... fingers crossed. we do dissection. lots of dissecting things at varying degrees of icky grossness... up to... rat. abdominal cavity. and preparing slides for microscope work. it is... important to me that dissection go well. that i... learn to like it.
and i told him that i'd decided to take his (and the science centres - so he doesn't feel like he pushed me into it or will be blamed if it goes badly)... take their advice in doing health science next year instead of biomed. take the easier options of verbal papers instead of physics... since my math is bad. and i'll have a lot less labs. i'm hoping that law will help keep me verbal. haven't done anything verbal (reading and writing) since quitting smoking... focus... i think enough time has passed...
anyway...
the med thing... i think the thing to do would be to... tell them in the interview (if i make it that far) about my dx. and tell them that i have things set up. that i'm good at knowing what i need... that i have supportive people to help me... that i have history of suitable accommodations with the university of auckland... that i understand there are competency requirements and funding and logistic limitations on accommodations... but that what happened to that student studying at cambridge was tragic... and that the university of auckaland is... could be... is... better than that. we can do it. rah rah. diversity for the win.
perhaps.
it's just kooky enough to possibly work.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 18, 2014, at 23:13:10
In reply to Re: classes..., posted by alexandra_k on July 18, 2014, at 1:54:59
...or not.
i don't know anything about the particulars of the case (what if any accommodations he received, what the actual problem was). So probably unwise... and i don't want to risk anything... potentially divisive.
whatever... there is time... and i have people to process things with... figure things out... probably a range of scenarios depending on how the interview seems to be going.
a bunch of stuff is up... which is making me very happy indeed.
i have some physics to be getting on with... pre-reading. equations to practice, even. first equation is pythagoras' theorum. i have no idea why... so i hunted it out (not till first year high school) from that website and... i can do them :)
and i've been reading about icky gross things... which are starting to seem a little less icky gross and more Killer *ss Mean and Bad... Cnidaria... It has a mouth / anus ahahahaha. And some of them have tentical things to grab foody bits and shove them in there ahaha.
And law... Which reads... Mostly like the history of New Zealand. Treaty of Waitangi (which we consider the founding document of this country though apparently international law considers a treaty to be the wrong kind of thing to serve as a founding document...) But anyway... The introduction of British Law... And most of the course seems fairly history focused... Which I guess it has to be. Not entirely sure what else I was expecting...
I'm not thrilled about NZ history, honestly. But I suppose I should give it a chance since last time I did it was in High School. Hopefully the lecturers will be interesting and help things come alive... Anyway: There will be reading and writing.
Looking forward to things... I am.
Yeah.
:-)
A... Rather weird combination of subjects, methinks... Or not. This uni... Is actually a pretty good one. Lots of kids DO work hard... Things are actually quite competitive... Broadly rounded... Lots will be doing arts law... Perhaps fewer but probably still a few doing science law... I still feel really privileged I get to... Learn about all different kinds of things... And I'm really happy that things are up... Mostly because... The Chemistry people seemed so... Obstructive. Obstructive about that. I guess I thought that was indicative of other fields, too... And the physics people have office hours... And say to stop by any time... So I'll feel better about seeing them for some 1:1 help if I'm struggling instead of feeling like I have to mill about in the 40+ people packed group hall with maths tutors with the blue sashes and stats tutors with the yellow sashes to help me do my problem sets (or give me the answers if I make big enough eyes at them)... Something... Lab-ish about it all... Sigh.
Anyway... Seems that I don't have to go there.
And I hope... Labs will come alive for me, too (so to speak). I really really really really hope so... Since I guess... I was thinking surgery or pathology for medicine... And of course I understand that that is likely to change... But still... It feels important to me that do everything in my power to have labs go well this semester. Dissections... With scissors. I've never done anything like it. So... We'll see...
Posted by alexandra_k on July 19, 2014, at 16:00:44
In reply to Re: classes..., posted by alexandra_k on July 18, 2014, at 23:13:10
well, i've emailed about the noise because it is ruining this place for me.
i knocked on next door at around 10:30 saying that if they wanted to hang out and talk and stuff after 10pm they needed to take it to the communal kitchen area or go out to a bar or something...
they seemed to try and be quieter for a bit and did eventually piss off around 11pm.
noisy girl simply can't be not noisy. she's got a high pitched voice and if she's visiting my neighbour even behind 2 closed doors her voice travels through. and she's constant... talking or making eee noises or whatever. she simply can't be quiet. i get that. and she can't really be alone. and she's befriended 2 people and the quietest (hence most pursued) seems to be my neighbour. so noisy girl spends her time calling out to the others...
it is possible that they don't put any thought at all into room / floor allocations for studios. they might just be randomly assigned. or... i suppose it is possible that they thought they knew what would be good for me so very much better than i did. i mean... i made it very clear on my application about what i needed and what my priorities were. i really don't think that these visiting people would be particularly misrepresenting themselves... put the people who are very keen on the social thing TOGETHER. why is that so hard?
anyway... i said it was probably too late to change room / floor assignments for this semester now... but that i would give up this room (which i'll be very sad to leave, honestly) if there were a quieter one available. requested a noise free and / or 25+ year old floor for next year.
and once again... if people don't listen to me... i'll have to bring in 'disability'. that seems to be what that is about... for the times when people simply will not listen to what i have to say about how things are with me and how important things are for me... i need to say that and bring some kind of clout of disability law behind me. not that the whole disability thing has very much power (not that there are very much disabled people in / with power)...
i found this UK handbook on medical doctor diversity. where are the transgender doctors? where are the doctors with disabilities? etc... NZ gets it when it comes to Maaori and Pacific Islander doctors... Rural doctors... Why not other minority groups? I guess that was what I was thinking before...
Posted by alexandra_k on July 20, 2014, at 22:15:33
In reply to Re: classes..., posted by alexandra_k on July 19, 2014, at 16:00:44
yay... classes today... so happy... so good to be back.
:)
physics is okay. young post-doc for the first quarter. he seems nice. might be his first time teaching. they have lots of extra help available... a 'stop by pretty much anytime' room... so... no excuses...
pythagoras theorum is for resolving a perpendicular vector. i learn.
a lot of the same kids from chemistry last semester. i think because a few of them have decided to apply for bio-med next year... which means they are trying to get their GPA up. so... taking the easiest papers they can find... it is actually nice to have familiar faces... they are nice kids, really.
law was great. like coming home. philosophy, ha. speel on how it isn't about learning facts it is about engaging with the content. on how the lecturer has opinions and is opinionated but she doesn't want us to say what we think she wants to hear she wants us to engage for ourselves.
lots of new words. familiar... but i don't know what they mean. and little phrases. technical terms, i guess. she did a lot of getting us to talk. we only have 4 tutorials... so the lectures are lectures and small group work as part of that... i had a grumble about group work... but... whatever.
she's older... but seems younger. i mean... she said she taught the course for the first time the year before i was born... but i would have guessed she was roughly my age. so she's maybe early 50's... knows her stuff... obviously enjoys teaching it. dynamic. so... it will be fun. i was surprised that most of the class said they intend to apply for law... but it doesn't make sense to me... because it is a pre-req for the other first year law paper and you need both of them... so... they did badly last semester and are repeating? it makes no sense...
the class is graded to a strict curve... it is notoriously a course to stay away from if you are looking for an easy pass... i don't actually know whether that is true or not, but that's the grapevine. even though it is classified 'gen ed'. anyway... that's why i'm taking it this year. wouldn't risk it next year...
anyway... i was thinking about dropping it... but will keep me sane after physics, i think. which is all calculations.
animal bio... in 45 minutes... icky gross things here i come...
so good to be back.
Posted by Partlycloudy on July 22, 2014, at 18:23:22
In reply to Re: yay..., posted by alexandra_k on July 20, 2014, at 22:15:33
I liked that. "Law was like coming home."
Oh, to be a fly on the wall where you are, and vicariously enjoy a formal education.
Envy.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 22, 2014, at 19:30:40
In reply to Re: yay..., posted by Partlycloudy on July 22, 2014, at 18:23:22
> I liked that. "Law was like coming home."
> Oh, to be a fly on the wall where you are, and vicariously enjoy a formal education.
> Envy.Why don't you enroll in something? Is there a uni close? Canadian Literature, or something.
Online... Really isn't the same.
It IS hard, with all the kids... But it is... Stimulating. It keeps me sane. I honestly don't know what I'd do without it...
When I tried to quit drugs... I couldn't quite manage it. Went off to rehab and that didn't work out. Then I decided stuff focusing on trying to stay clean... Enrolled back at University. Just part time. 2 courses... It gave me a reason to stay clean. Working on assignments... Gave me something (actually fairly interesting) to be doing in the evenings. In front of the TV. I'm back to that, haha.
My Dad's marriage was a lot like how you describe yours. I think my stepmother wanted more... More intimacy. But my Dad actually seemed to be happy. He liked to have charge of the TV remote and evenings were about watching TV. Not even talking during the commercials... I remember when I used to visit... I'd take work with me to help with the boredom...
And my friends who I stayed with in Wellington... We didn't have a TV because Jo didn't want it to be like the above... So everyone had their internet device and there we were doing our own thing...
I guess one issue is what you do with your time (e.g., I potter away like that by myself to unwind). Another issue is degree of intimacy. And how much conversation is a part of that. Some guys... Really aren't chatty...
Anyway... I'm actually serious about the college thing. Why the hell not? JUst one class....
The biggest and best thing about being a student is: 'opportunity'. That's what you catch from the young un's. A feeling of an exciting and interesting future. Of things being on the up. Of how things are only going to get better. Of possibilities... Being a doctor or lawyer or English Professor or whatever.... The idea(l) of these things...
It helps.
And you are verbal and creative and stuff. I think... You would really love it.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 23, 2014, at 0:02:40
In reply to Re: yay..., posted by alexandra_k on July 22, 2014, at 19:30:40
so physics is... well... at the risk of cliche... physics is HARD. my brain hurts, wah! and i'm just... well... i'm just not very good at it. my brain doesn't work like that.
most everything seems surprising and odd to me. thinking of movement in a circle as being continuous changes in direction... going up and going to the left and going down... odd things like that... i guess i just thought... well... you are going forwards, really. different ways of thinking... i find it quirky and fun. but i would never have thought of it like that if i were left to my own devices... and it turns out there are good reasons for thinking of it differently... etc... but my brain just doesn't particularly naturally think that way at all...
i think a large part of it is about instruction. about providing a structured environment... about just naturally growing up in an environment that has that structure... i think... mathematics education is a huge part in providing that structure, yeah. that a lot of that... seems preparatory for science, yeah. amazing how... conceptually... seeing the way they set things up for maths... right from kindy... year 5... year 7... seeing how viewing things that way makes this and that in science seem more... natural. easier, even. easy if you think of it in this way...
i'll stick out the course... but i think at the end of it... i'll be pleased enough to call it a day. for physics. for physical chemistry. i mean, i know aspects may come back in biology... but biologists think fairly differently about such things...
biology is... intimidating. a very large lecture theatre with severely staggered seating. one needs to arrive very early in order to get a good seat. then sit about for a fair while being jostled and listening to the yakkers yakkity yak yak.
the lecturers have been interesting thus far. dynamic. making icky gross things seem pretty and amazing and interesting. really very clear presentation of material... powerpoints in advance... i'm coming around to the whole course book thing... have figured out how to annotate it and personalize it so it will be useful for me... and apparently it has been arranged so i can observe a lab in advance. which i have a huge sigh of relief about... will talk with... my key worker... i guess she is... about what to say to students asking about that... if i can observe... it really will help me so very very very very very much. and the bio people will get to know me a bit...
law is going well. missed today because of court. court is going well... not guilty. next up is about the lawyers trying to get the statement of what i'm accused of changed. because i didn't try and kick her... but i admit i punched her a few times. apparently... the whole thing will take maybe 9 months. and hopefully it'll get chucked out by the judge at that point... anyway... they seem to find it interesting to entertain me so, uh, that's what i guess i'll be doing on wednesdays... and they are even going to get me in in the afternoons so i won't miss class...
i guess i can turn up and watch anytime i want... open court. i guess... i can do that at the high court, too, actually. i actually live just across the road from the high court haha. i just don't think to be... nosy. the old biology building was initially designed (or something like that) as a biology museum... one of the lecturers was saying... we can go wander around and there are all kinds of exhibits... i just don't really think to go exploring like that... but i should... wander around... find nooks and crannies... places to study... things to learn...
the lawyer i've been assigned... she's young. really, very. and timid. i guess that's why we have lots of small group activity things in lectures... to try and encourage the kids to be more socially confident. i guess i just assumed that the kids who wanted to do law would be... drama people. but actually thinking about the kids in the actual class... well... i guess some people gotta do paperwork for tax law etc etc...
i don't think it matters particularly, though. i trust the process i've seen from court room 5 ahaha and looks like you get the same room / judge right the way through... only potentially trouble with needing to send my grading contract off... leaving the 'do you have criminal proceedings underway against you?' question blank... they'll probably just assume i missed a question... i imagine it will be okay. they probably won't even notice (and they've employed me before). fingers crossed, anyway...
exhausted. bit of a shock to the system having 9am class and 4pm class. so grateful indeed i can come home for naps between class. don't know what i'd do otherwise... early starts... good for me. anyway...
...
so very glad to be back :)
Posted by alexandra_k on July 24, 2014, at 15:56:23
In reply to Re: yay..., posted by alexandra_k on July 23, 2014, at 0:02:40
loss of faith.
so... the first year biology co-ordinator thinks i'm an idiot. she was like 'so, have you read your manual because there is lots about labs in there' and 'no, it doesn't' when i pointed out that one of the sentences stopped mid-word never to be resumed... and i had to go through that with her mighty slowly...
i said 'if labs don't work out for me then i'm going to have to go and do something else'. to... test the waters. you know. she almost said 'yes - you will'. but she bit her lip. so... yeah. that's the general attitude.
the kids who rock up to lab without having done any of the pre-reading at all... who smile and flirt and copy and laugh their way through labs to earn (actual average grade for labs) an A+ for the laboratory component...
these are the people who are the future of biology. the students who get an A+ on a test where the average class grade is a B... We don't want them. I mean... Who cares about theory - right? It's all about having fun in the labs...
Apparently different people have different 'learning styles'. That's how come some people talk right the way through lectures... That's how come some people tap tap tap their pencils and incessantly kick the desk in front of them. I mean... I'd be tempted to say 'oh yeah, are they really learning?' But their laboratory grade speaks for itself.
My B+ doesn't mean sh*t. Because most people who got that... Got it in virtue of not failing any of the theory and getting an average grade (A+ equivalent) for the laboratory component.
So...
Becuase of idiosyncratic things about the way they choose to break down their grading distribution..
Becuase biology has decided that the actual graded component of labs is supposed to be a surprise... Hence there are issues about my attending a laboratory in advance. Because they have decided you actually arent supposed to know what you are doing before you 'just get in there girl! hurry up already!'...
Biology is not for me.
The university is upfront abuot how on disability grounds you can request a separate examination room. I've never seen the point in that. The exam is invigilated and people have to be silent. It is the one f*ck*ng time of the year that people are made to be silent (which is probably why a lot of people bomb exams because they freak out about the silent).
And what of learning styles then? Clue: F*ck off about your learning styles... Focus on your EXAMINATION CONDITIONS. They set the ideal / optimal learning styles. And with respect to that ideal standard you have fixed... Some people are simply disruptive.
But it does... Perhaps... Set precedence. For me to ask for a separate testing room for labs. Since they are supposed to be exams like that. I want a quiet room, then.
I don't suppose I'l get it. Because that costs money. I'll need to be independently supervised.
Too many people. 200+ students. Who the f*ck cares... Give us the EASY students. The ones who don't give a f*ck. We'll herd them through...
Education. Huh.
Methinks the sophists got to that...
Posted by alexandra_k on July 24, 2014, at 16:07:52
In reply to Re: yay..., posted by alexandra_k on July 24, 2014, at 15:56:23
oh... so apparently the medical science course doesn't have assessed labs.
though, actually, that wasn't entirely clear from the person who told me that. the 'dissection' component wasn't assessed...
i suspect this is, yet again, a case of how they think they are 'starting out easy and training you up to do stuff that is hard' but what is hard for others is easy for me and vice versa.the problem is...
herding them through. i don't herd through so good. so...
i won't just turn and walk away... because none of this actually makes a damn of difference.
this is going to be one of those things... will take however many years just for me to get to talk to the right people in a conversation where they are somehow primed not to relate to me like i'm an idiot. to even understand... what it is that things are supposed to be about... in order to make an informed decision about whether i can do that / whether it is worth my fighting to get to do that... etc.
i think the world is f*ck*d up and screwy.
i'm coming to learn why i'm so bad at asking for help. now that i've started askign for help i've come to learn that people don't / won't pull through on that. they will chastise and blame you for not asking for help... but if you point out that you did ask for help and they didn't provide appropriate help... well...
they will offer things nobody needs. a quiet examination room. they won't offer things that people can actually use. apparently... people in wheelchairs can't even get their classes scheduled in a wheelchair friendly room. they'll just tell them to listen to the lectures online. but then lecturers won't put all their stuff online because they want to focus their teaching on the lazy students who won't be bothered coming to class if they think they can get all the material later (those are the important students, you see, the ones who do really f*ck*ng well in labs all naturally miraculously talented like with no preparation or forwards planning at all!) and some people in biology simply won't refrain from going on and on and on about red-green contrast stuffs in total resregard of people with that form of colour blindness...
the world is b*llsh*t.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 25, 2014, at 19:50:35
In reply to Re: yay..., posted by alexandra_k on July 24, 2014, at 16:07:52
well, there goes week one. feel like i've been rolled over by a steam train... or whatever that saying is, i forget.
it is a shock to the system having 9am class and then 4pm class... not used to getting up so early... not used to finishing up so late... i think i develop a different relationship to sleep when i have a time to get up by... i think once i get used to the routine objectively i do better for it... and i simply can't manage to develop the routine when i don't have scheduled classes... but it is a bit of a shock to the system while i try to adapt.
law is... well, nobody else seems to take much in the way of notes... but she gets through a great deal of content and i don't see how else we are supposed to learn it... so... i'm getting 3-4 pages in 50 minutes. if my memory serves me right... that will become more like 6... and, yeah, i'll manage to crank out around 12 pages in the 2 hour exam at the end of the semester. dealing with hand cramps and so on... my words are tripping over each other. ha. i have learned... my verbal writing skills have deteriorated through disuse. that is... surprising... but not surprising... i feel happy for it. i thought it would be so... i'll be fast to pick things back up. glad for the course.
biology is actually hardest because... yak yak yakkity yak right the way through lectures. people like to talk. i think a bunch of kids are drawn to biology because it seems easier than other classes. tis true that biology isn't hard, really. that isn't the point. it is more... the masses and masses and masses of information that you are expected to retain. we've already gotten through quite a lot of content indeed... cell types and anatomy of all kinds of critters... she's great for trying to find pretty pictures... but you have to go pretty micro indeed (nano in fact ahahaha) for flukes and co... parasitic stuff... ik.
my faith has been restored in the disability people... i went and... said about how i wanted the opportunity to present my case properly before any kind of irrevokable 'no' came out... he said they were really not at that point yet... and... well... anyway... i said my piece. and he was able to rephrase so I know he gets me. i felt properly heard. i feel calmer.
meeting with nurse from the new place didn't go so well. she is a nice person etc etc etc but may as well be from mars. she says the right kinds of things... about it being good that i talk about stuff etc... but i think we are fundamentally quite different people, really.
it is hard... i know that people have more empathy for me if they think that i am broken or defective somehow so i don't get the hang of the social thing. they pity me. want to help. they feel a lot less empathy if they think that i opt out because i... look down on it somehow. because i think people are making happy puppy noises... that i could make (by putting on a great fake effort). that i think that... other people are fake with it. which they are (which i have seen around me). people be OH MY GOD SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU! then hearing them 'OH MY GOD WHAT A BITCH!' once the person is out of hearing. or 'you are discharged'. or... whatever...
labs... one thing to think I can't do it (though issues of competency are raised). another thing to think I have some kind of... moral objection about the independent work that is really group work that is really most gregarious gets most attention most flirty biggest eyes extracts the right answer from the tutors and distributes it as they see fit... kind of an opting out. less empathy.
i'm not sure what to do about htat.
i was thinking... maybe it is better if i don't go back and talk with her anymore...
but probably... it is better to see if i can learn to comunicate with her. comprimise. something like that. it is hard. i think the truth is probably some kind of middle way... i do find it hard... because i don't much care about being friends with / being popular with the 18 year old first years... but there are settings where i do care. philosophy conferences. etc. and there... social anxiety issues... social blunders... do ... prevent me. upset me. inhibit me. confound me. whatever.
anyway...
i wish i were better at physics. i like phycisists. they are good people. i get them. our lecturer was joking about 'finnish national repulsive force' and he showed us a pic of finnish people cuing for a bus. distributed. not clumped. he said it was because they hated one another and didn't want to talk. he said he comes all the way across the other side of the world to get away from finnish people. worst day if his life was to discover a finnish mathemetician 2 floors down. ahahahahahahaha. i get physicists. the class is... most distributed. most quiet. i wish i were better at physics.
anyway... back to the wormy worms... sigh. and i should get started on my physics assignment.
happy.
mostly. exhausted. but happy.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2014, at 16:55:19
In reply to Re: phew, posted by alexandra_k on July 25, 2014, at 19:50:35
i feel bad for how much i grumble and moan and complain about the way other people teach their classes or whatever...
a huge part of it is coming from fear. fear that i won't do well. and perhaps... excuses as to why i didn't. it always feels a bit like they must have just thrown them down the stairs and seen which flew the furtherest... when you didn't do well.
actually... that's not quite true... i knew i f*ck*d up aspects of chemistry before getting grades back...
i just...
partly... i am getting worse, i think. the sensory things. i've always had trouble going to the movies... because people can't sit still / be quiet. i remember in canberra... having trouble with public lectures. because the benefactor people would bring their non-academic partners and again, people can't sit still / be quiet.
biology people can't sit still / be quiet. not the first year ones in animal biology, any way.
i see that the problem with OY1 isn't the serious OY1 contenders... the problem is that they don't offer proper lecture streams... that's why the day i went... chemistry at 8am was pretty good / quiet. cell biology at 9am... more (bio) people turned up... noisier... lots of 'sssssssssh' from those who got their *ss*s there for 7.45... lots of complaining that the group of 6 can't all be together right in the middle of the theatre so they go off to the overflow room...
i guess the idea is... that the kids won't notice, really. i mean... they just came from high school. it will still be a step up from that.
and i... sort of slip through the cracks with my undergraduate degree (first degree) having been completed too long ago for them to consider... for my last degree (masters) having been completed too long ago for them to consider... 2005... it isn't like i've been in the non-academic work force since then forgetting how to study... i've been auditing graduate level courses in philosophy and science over in the US etc etc etc... but no... i have to do a foundations year (this year) before next year... OY1... cluttered up with people who can't sit down and be quiet yet. because their 'learning style' (actually, their 'failure to learn style') involves them whispering all the way through the lecture and kicking the seat in front of them.
sigh.
only 1 year and a bit to go...
at least labs are streamed next year. i wonder what the health science kids are like? my guess? they will probably be... about the same as the biologists.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2014, at 17:00:56
In reply to Re: phew, posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2014, at 16:55:19
i just don't understand how these kids get to be at university. when they can't sit still and be quiet. i don't understand why it is that the lecturer doesn't say 'only rule of my classroom is not to disturb / interfere with other people learning'. then you just need to pounce on the very first instance of chatter... 'if you want to have a conversation please can you take it outside because it is disruptive to other people who are trying to learn' and... well... i've never had a problem with students talking after that.
so... it isn't that these kids can't be quiet.
they are quiet for exams.
invigilators don't invigilate properly 'you can leave early but ONLY IF YOU AREN'T DISTURBING OTHERS STILL WORKING'. tell them they aren't allowed to ask the row to move so they can get out... students will accept that if they are told.
i don't understand...
no consideration for others...
i don't understand.
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