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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2010, at 20:57:25
it appears to be that time of year again. the time when it would be wonderful to just keep up business as usual only all the businesses close which makes it all but impossible. the time when it really hits home how dysfunctional and f*ck*d up i am - something which i almost manage to forget a lot of the time during the rest of the year. don't worry (i tell myself) it will all be over soon.
Posted by Solstice on December 23, 2010, at 21:54:48
In reply to crap, posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2010, at 20:57:25
> it appears to be that time of year again. the time when it would be wonderful to just keep up business as usual only all the businesses close which makes it all but impossible. the time when it really hits home how dysfunctional and f*ck*d up i am -
I don't think it's dysfunctional and f*ck*d up to be jarred by, or to absolutely hate, having our rhythm interrupted or suspended.
> something which i almost manage to forget a lot of the time during the rest of the year. don't worry (i tell myself) it will all be over soon.That it will :-)
Warmly,
Solstice
Posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2010, at 23:46:51
In reply to Re: crap, posted by Solstice on December 23, 2010, at 21:54:48
thanks solstice. it is just particularly noticeable how dysfunctional and f*ck*d up i am when it hits this time of year because of issues around cooking / food sharing / socializing with people who i'm not entirely comfortable with. this isn't a family time for me, so dealing with others pity / charity is something i'm also supposed to feel... um... grateful(?) for?
i should probably volunteer someplace and fill my day doing stuff for others for a change...
i just really wish this holiday didn't exist (for me). it would be okay if only people didn't feel... um... obliged(?) to ask what i'm doing with my day.
ideally... heavy deadlifting then sleep, methinks. but the gym is closed now and doesn't reopen until the 10th or some such... wine is nice.
but it will be over soon. oh yes, indeed.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2010, at 23:52:10
In reply to Re: crap, posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2010, at 23:46:51
i think christmas means something a little bit different here...
it is in our summer. so most people take their annual leave around this time and school is out. uni doesn't start until March and even primary / secondary school isn't back in until the end of January.
The whole bloody place goes on lockdown as businesses etc don't really reopen properly until the 10th of Jan. Everyone is off with their families on proper holidays etc. So... Even though it will all be over soon, it won't be over for a while yet...
And then there is the bloody heat to deal with.
Bah, humbug.
Posted by jane d on December 24, 2010, at 2:15:51
In reply to Re: crap, posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2010, at 23:52:10
Alex,
Thanks for explaining the difference. I'm trying to imagine Christmas falling in the middle of August here and how that would change everyone's holiday patterns.
As far as the day itself goes would it help to think of it as an free day just for you in which you have to do absolutely nothing and can be totally guilt free about it. I've always enjoyed spending holidays by myself. I'd take the phone off the hook and read or go wander around the streets and enjoy having them to myself. Of course good take out food and cool weather is nice if you can get it.
For the rest of the time I hope you can find a gym replacement. I saw your post about your efforts. For me it's pools. Real pools, not those teeny tiny communal bathtubs. You'd think that measuring the actual size of a pool would be pretty easy. But strangely that seems to be beyond the abilities of many health clubs. Or more likely they think it's beyond their customers' abilities.
Merry Christmas, season's greetings and bah humbug.
Jane
Posted by Solstice on December 24, 2010, at 14:36:40
In reply to Re: crap, posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2010, at 23:46:51
> thanks solstice. it is just particularly noticeable how dysfunctional and f*ck*d up i am when it hits this time of year because of issues around cooking / food sharing / socializing with people who i'm not entirely comfortable with. this isn't a family time for me, so dealing with others pity / charity is something i'm also supposed to feel... um... grateful(?) for?
Jeesh Alex - after reading about how it works there (as opposed to here) and everything you wrote above - I think you'd find me feeling a lot like you do! zi don't think there's anything even remotely 'sysfunctional' about your reaction. It would drive me nuts too :-)
An conpared to there - our disruptions are brief. My gym is closed Christmas Day and New Years Day. Of course- if you're using a school gym - then it might be the same here. Mine closed Dec. 11 and doesn't reopen until Jan 10.
hang in there..
Solstice
Posted by sigismund on December 24, 2010, at 16:10:05
In reply to Re: crap, posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2010, at 23:46:51
There's a lot to be said for spending Christmas in a country where there is a language barrier and (now that I think of it) a religious one as well, and spending it away from your family too.
I do not understand how, when people obviously do love and care for each other in some kind of way, they can cause each other to feel so much unhappiness.
So now the kids have grown up we have buggered off.
There is still commercial Christmas here in Japan but the only price to pay for that has been a week of Jingle Bells and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer in my head.
Posted by sigismund on December 24, 2010, at 16:13:08
In reply to Re: crap, posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2010, at 23:52:10
It's the coolest summer on record, though is it Alex?
I heard there was snow in Victoria.
normally it is the pits, with bloody turkey and all the rest, with drinking from 10am and all passed out after lunch in 35 degree heat.
Posted by sigismund on December 24, 2010, at 16:15:32
In reply to Re: crap +raquo; alexandra_k, posted by sigismund on December 24, 2010, at 16:10:05
Actually, if family members would just let the distance gap do its thing and write to each other rather than see each other, they would have a much much much better time together.
It's all this wretched modern transport.
Posted by sigismund on December 24, 2010, at 16:21:07
In reply to Re: crap, posted by Solstice on December 24, 2010, at 14:36:40
I see.
There's not even family?
Well, a language barrier is wonderful.
Everyone gets on so much better.
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2010, at 1:57:28
In reply to Re: crap, posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2010, at 23:46:51
I feel your pain. I am sure a lot of people do. I just want the holidays to be over. In some ways, New Years Eve is the worse for me. I have no one to share it with and it is a firm reminder that I am ALONE. And I feel like I will always be alone. One more week and it will be all over. Amen.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 25, 2010, at 7:37:31
In reply to Re: crap » alexandra_k, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2010, at 1:57:28
i suppose i could have spent it with my mother if i'd have written something for conference and organized to go. but three whole weeks with my mother? no thanks very much. my dad isn't around anymore and most of my friends have moved on. unless i want to reacquaint myself with my druggie mates who (last i heard) had become associated with some biker gang...
so no. i'll stay here. this year everyone caught wind of my staying here during this time of year (when everyone else buggers off to be with family) and so now i'm stuck with other peoples chores of bringing out / in garbage / recycling, feeding cats, bringing in mail, watering plants etc etc...
christmas over (finally). would have been alright only some bloke got wind of my being alone (feeling sorry for me?) and decided to 'tag along' (f*ck*ng up my pleasantish (to me) plans for the day... whinging about how he isn't with his family and it isn't even cold and blah de blah blah reminding me that it IS christmas every five minutes.
managed to lock cat with keys in house (thanks tag along friend for slamming the door). won't bother them today... but tomorrow morning need to figure out how to get cat out of house (hopefully there is a spare key somewhere or a window will need to be broken / locksmith called).
bloody hassles of other peoples chores.
bah humbug indeed.
nearly over... new years... damn, how i wish i could have that one to myself...
but the inevitable 'what did you do for new years?'
so i have to do the 'social thing'. or... social pressure to do the thing and get to a party (that i'd actually really rather not...
bah humbug.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 25, 2010, at 7:41:00
In reply to Re: crap » alexandra_k, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2010, at 1:57:28
i've spent many new years alone. i actually... don't mind it. or... there are moments where i do realize i'm alone on new years and then i feel pretty miserable... but mostly i'm pretty good at forgetting that it even is new years.
what gets me is people asking what i'm doing for new years / what i've done. that is harder for me. lie? have people feel sorry for me (because of their expectations mostly).
i had poached eggs for breakfast on christmas day. i don't cook usually (shared kitchen) but since i'm housesitting and have the house to myself... but i wouldn't tell other people that because that is probably usual / typical for them.
i hate social pressure...
i particularly hate this time of year (because it is the very worst) for it.
at least birthdays vary according to individual so it isn't so terribly noticable just to bail on that one...
Posted by alexandra_k on December 28, 2010, at 4:49:35
In reply to Re: crap » Maxime, posted by alexandra_k on December 25, 2010, at 7:41:00
a huge part of it was the gym being closed. there are others that are close that are open more over this period but everything was shut for christmas day / boxing day. can't remember the last time i took a day off from training... probably good for me to take a day or two off, but i certainly felt like crap for it (and had trouble sleeping). also got my period on boxing day... so, bad mood explained.
going to other gyms is actually quite fun (for me). not as good stuff as i have at my regular gym with the heavy weights room (olympic platform and bumper plates that can be dropped from overhead without damage). but quite fun to see what toys the other gyms do have and also quite fun to check out the exercises other people are doing and to get to perv on some different eye candy.
fitness first...
chain. good business model. works to the detriment of their personal trainers etc etc, but i don't want to work for them (and i don't have to listen to their sales pitch) so whatever.
mmm eye candy. expect that is because of only the very keen getting to the gym over this period. personal trainers seem quite good (got their clients doing some interesting looking non-stupid stuff). pull up bar is very high. they are doing swinging etc. maybe teaching kips for a kipping pull up? not sure... there is a resistance band... maybe i'll suck up my pride and have a go (can't do a single unassisted chin-up).
fernwood...
chain. women only. i asked if they had a squat rack specifically and was told 'yes'. i asked if i could do powercleans if i was careful and was told 'yes'. they DON'T have a squat rack. they have a smith machine (ak!!) good for glute kickbacks but not so good for squatting. they don't have any olympic bars at all and not even a proper bench press set up. need to go back tomorrow to talk to the chain manager to try and get my money back from my 5 day pass. fitness first, it is. a bit angry at fernwood, actually. dumbells were pathetically small weights and only preloaded barbells with pathetically small weights as well. guess women aren't supposed to get strong, squat with weight they might get crushed by, or deadlift. stupid chain.
i miss my gym. i can hear the women's oly bar at night feeling sad that nobody is playing with it :-(
but thanks for being open fitness first. i feel somewhat human again.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 28, 2010, at 4:55:00
In reply to feeling lots better, posted by alexandra_k on December 28, 2010, at 4:49:35
pin up boy of the day:
http://stronglifts.com/wp-content/uploads/ivan-stoitsov.jpg
nom nom nom...
here he goes (205kg):
Posted by Maxime on December 28, 2010, at 21:18:18
In reply to Re: crap » Maxime, posted by alexandra_k on December 25, 2010, at 7:41:00
>
> at least birthdays vary according to individual so it isn't so terribly noticable just to bail on that one...
>My birthday is on the 30th. No one ever acknowledges it because they are too busy planning the 31st.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 29, 2010, at 6:21:25
In reply to Re: crap » alexandra_k, posted by Maxime on December 28, 2010, at 21:18:18
(((maxime)))
i opt out of birthdays (some were forgotten when i was a kid so don't know why but i prefer to forget these days). i know what it is like to have them forgotten :-(
i'm sorry. i don't know what else to say. hang in there
Posted by alexandra_k on December 29, 2010, at 6:22:28
In reply to Re: crap, posted by alexandra_k on December 29, 2010, at 6:21:25
there seems to be hope...
http://news.bmezine.com/2008/03/14/self-injury-cover-up/
i need a sleeve for my left arm and a band round the top of my right. one day... when i get a job lol.
Posted by Maxime on December 29, 2010, at 21:49:06
In reply to covering old self injury scars, posted by alexandra_k on December 29, 2010, at 6:22:28
> there seems to be hope...
>
> http://news.bmezine.com/2008/03/14/self-injury-cover-up/
>
> i need a sleeve for my left arm and a band round the top of my right. one day... when i get a job lol.I use Bio Oil and it has helped. Have you ever tried it? I can't afford a tattoo!
Posted by alexandra_k on December 29, 2010, at 22:46:33
In reply to Re: covering old self injury scars » alexandra_k, posted by Maxime on December 29, 2010, at 21:49:06
I haven't tried it. I'm trying getting a tan at the moment. I know, I know, tans are so uncool. Trouble is that the only thing un cooler than a tan is just how bloody white I am. I'm so white I'm purple. I swear. It is helping, I think. Probably partly because my tan lines were drawing attention to that part of my body.
I don't know how much tattoos cost... I did hear that they weren't so good at covering scars, though, which is why I was interested in scarification. Turning them into art / a feature. And something aesthetically pleasing (to me).
Posted by PartlyCloudy on January 7, 2011, at 10:35:34
In reply to Re: covering old self injury scars, posted by alexandra_k on December 29, 2010, at 22:46:33
> I haven't tried it. I'm trying getting a tan at the moment. I know, I know, tans are so uncool. Trouble is that the only thing un cooler than a tan is just how bloody white I am. I'm so white I'm purple. I swear. It is helping, I think. Probably partly because my tan lines were drawing attention to that part of my body.
>
> I don't know how much tattoos cost... I did hear that they weren't so good at covering scars, though, which is why I was interested in scarification. Turning them into art / a feature. And something aesthetically pleasing (to me).Thought of something the other day and wondered if it was worth putting out there. One of my favorite bits in the movie "What the Bleep! do We Know?" is where the main character starts illustrating her own body with a biro (I think). Why not experiment with a henna tattoo or body paint with your scars and see what you can come up with? It would be temporary and you would get an idea of what it would feel like to illustrate yourself.
That's my random thought for the day. See ya.
pc
Posted by alexandra_k on January 7, 2011, at 20:29:21
In reply to Re: covering old self injury scars » alexandra_k, posted by PartlyCloudy on January 7, 2011, at 10:35:34
Thanks. That is a nice thought. Only trouble is that I'm not terribly artistic... But still, I could play with stuff and get some kind of better idea of what I'd like.
I'm thinking scarification might well be the way to go. My scars are either a bit raised or a bit indented and I've read some stuff on how scars often don't take ink very well.
Maybe designs rather than a picture of anything in particular... I liked the scarification article / blog post because of the idea of incorporating the scars into the art. In a way... I'd kinda like it if the art was an expression / elaboration on the ritualized theme I discovered...
Lest we forget.
That is what I remember thinking at the time. Of course now (and even then - but then covering them was feasible given the climate) I'm really embarrassed about other people seeing them. Lest they know. But as for me... Getting rid of them entirely would be... Not being true to parts of me. Or something...
Posted by PartlyCloudy on January 8, 2011, at 7:43:16
In reply to Re: covering old self injury scars, posted by alexandra_k on January 7, 2011, at 20:29:21
> Thanks. That is a nice thought. Only trouble is that I'm not terribly artistic... But still, I could play with stuff and get some kind of better idea of what I'd like.
>
> I'm thinking scarification might well be the way to go. My scars are either a bit raised or a bit indented and I've read some stuff on how scars often don't take ink very well.
>
> Maybe designs rather than a picture of anything in particular... I liked the scarification article / blog post because of the idea of incorporating the scars into the art. In a way... I'd kinda like it if the art was an expression / elaboration on the ritualized theme I discovered...
>
> Lest we forget.
>
> That is what I remember thinking at the time. Of course now (and even then - but then covering them was feasible given the climate) I'm really embarrassed about other people seeing them. Lest they know. But as for me... Getting rid of them entirely would be... Not being true to parts of me. Or something...I guess I was thinking along the lines of henna art? So perhaps a studio artist could extrapolate on your scars and make a temporary version (or versions) of what could be possible. Here I am recommending henna and I don't even have a tattoo myself :-\ But I would think an artist would find it a beautiful challenge and take your desires - to incorporate your past and honour it rather than disguise it - in account.
pc
Posted by MAxime on January 9, 2011, at 21:06:24
In reply to Re: covering old self injury scars » alexandra_k, posted by PartlyCloudy on January 8, 2011, at 7:43:16
But I would think an artist would find it a beautiful challenge and take your desires - to incorporate your past and honour it rather than disguise it - in account.
> pcI cried when I read your last paragraph. How come you "get it"? Beautiful.
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