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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 3 to 27 of 27. Go back in thread:
Posted by Phillipa on November 3, 2008, at 23:50:01
In reply to On my soapbox grrrrrrrrrrrrr rant,, posted by happyflower on November 3, 2008, at 19:52:49
Happyflower think she'll get her son the coat or pay the water bill? Some people just don't appreciate the help we try to give experienced it so much when nursing. Seriously get used to it as it's don't want to say more but a lot of times like this. Love Phillipa
Posted by llurpsienoodle on November 4, 2008, at 11:39:35
In reply to Re: On my soapbox grrrrrrrrrrrrr rant, » happyflower, posted by Phillipa on November 3, 2008, at 23:50:01
Folks have expectations when they come for help. Some of them are resentful at their situation, some of them are ambivalent, some of them are truly ambitious, but down on their luck.
There's a nice intervention called "Motivational Interviewing" which helps tap into sources that are preventing people from making lasting changes in their lives.
Also, the "stages of change" model helps explain the range of attitudes that people have regarding getting services.
Sadly, parents' lack of commitment to getting adequate services rubs off on their children. That's the real tragedy.
Starting to understand some of the factors that lead to these different attitudes has made me a lot more tolerant and patient. Although, I'm annoyed when a client cancels 3 appointments in a row... I started to be more compassionate when I found out that she was at the police dept all morning long for a "domestic dispute".
hmmm
-Ll
Posted by Bobby on November 4, 2008, at 12:01:05
In reply to On my soapbox grrrrrrrrrrrrr rant,, posted by happyflower on November 3, 2008, at 19:52:49
The shadow knows!
Posted by happyflower on November 4, 2008, at 14:07:26
In reply to Re: On my soapbox grrrrrrrrrrrrr rant,, posted by llurpsienoodle on November 4, 2008, at 11:39:35
I understand why,it isn't that I am not tolerant of them, I am just venting that is all. All professions o do this from time to time, it isn't a weakness or lack of knowledge, it is being human. Sometimes you just have to get it out, it wasn't any anti lacking educational thing I haven't learned. I am sorry if you see my venting as some personal deficit of understanding people. geeze, everything doesn't' always need to be intellectualized. It was just venting to let go some of the frustration, it is in fact very human to feel frustration. Being frustrated doesn't mean someone doesn't understand the situation.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on November 4, 2008, at 14:22:31
In reply to Re: On my soapbox grrrrrrrrrrrrr rant, » llurpsienoodle, posted by happyflower on November 4, 2008, at 14:07:26
I have found that motivational interviewing techniques helps me assist clients.
Stages of change model helps me understand clients.
but that's just me
-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on November 4, 2008, at 14:39:52
In reply to Re: On my soapbox grrrrrrrrrrrrr rant, » llurpsienoodle, posted by happyflower on November 4, 2008, at 14:07:26
>I am sorry if you see my venting as some personal deficit of understanding people.
not at all! I am only recently learning these things, and I believe that there is always more I can learn. I learn lots by reading things on babble, and I was trying to help. One thing I'm working on, for example is when I should give people space to vent, and when it's more helpful to offer suggestions. Hard to gauge using text alone. however.
>geeze, everything doesn't' always need to be intellectualized
That's actually the reason why I like these two approaches-- they are hardly theoretical, and very practical. I've worked with 14-year-old addicts who were able to make a bit of headway. One of my weaknesses is the urge to nerdify everything, but this is a good antidote to getting into contemporary Kleinian object relations theory, for example...
-Ll
Posted by no_rose_garden on November 4, 2008, at 20:59:17
In reply to Re: On my soapbox grrrrrrrrrrrrr rant, » happyflower, posted by llurpsienoodle on November 4, 2008, at 14:39:52
That stinks happyflower. It's always a bummer when you try to help ppl and they don't seem appreciative....seems like that happens w/ parents of teenagers a lot too 0_o
Posted by happyflower on November 4, 2008, at 22:05:51
In reply to Re: On my soapbox grrrrrrrrrrrrr rant,, posted by paxvox59 on November 3, 2008, at 22:25:39
Thank you Paxx,
Thank you so much for your words. While I know I am helping most, I try not let one sour onion spoil everything I do. Just as a mom myself, if I could receive free help with my utilities and clothing for my children if I couldn't do it myself, I would do anything to help my kids. What is even more interesting was that she said she wonders if she could be a volunteer for us. While that is all and good, but first you have to provide for your children, that should be her priority. BUt people are people I guess.
Thanks for listening to my rant, I Feel mostly good about the work I do, it is just sometimes you just want to shake the sense into someone. lolAnother internship I am starting this week is with teens in the juvenile center. Thank goodness I have a lot of experience with kids and teens. Sometimes all these kids need is someone to care about them and believe in them.
Posted by happyflower on November 5, 2008, at 13:44:14
In reply to Re: On my soapbox grrrrrrrrrrrrr rant, » happyflower, posted by llurpsienoodle on November 4, 2008, at 14:39:52
One thing I won't do as a therapist is describe therapeutic techniques when talking about my clients, it sounds like scientific experiments. Human are much more complicated than that and shouldn't be research subjects.
Plus it is important not to have the T cap on all the time around people who are not your clients or friends. I labeled my post as a rant, and sometimes rants are just letting off steam. It isn't asking for scholarly advice on how to handle clients, it is just meant to be heard, and supported emotionally.
If you ever have children, you will understand on why mother who adore their kids and know them well, just need to vent everyday frustrations once in awhile. It usually isn't someone asking for advice on how to handle children.
So maybe just being a friend who listens would be a better approach to someone who is not a client or patient who is venting.
Posted by TexasChic on November 6, 2008, at 1:02:04
In reply to Re: On my soapbox grrrrrrrrrrrrr rant, ))Lurpsie, posted by happyflower on November 5, 2008, at 13:44:14
I certainly understand the whole venting thing! As I've said before, where else can you vent if not at babble? I whine here like a spoiled brat at times. But its an outlet, and the people here allow me to do it, which I greatly appreciate.
But IMHO I didn't think Lurpsie was trying to rag on you, it seemed more as if she was trying to give some advice. But obviously I can't read people's minds so I have no idea what anyone is really thinking.
As for the volunteer work, woohoo for you! That's awesome! And just think, those people you said that you realized really appreciated your help, you may have changed their lives in a big way! Your kindness very well may have been the one thing that caused them to give humanity another chance! You just never know how you can touch another person's life.
As for the unappreciative ones, I would try to keep in mind that these are most likely people who have been through hard times and have never had a kind word from anyone. So when they actually do get a kind word, they don't know what the hell to say! So they say, well dammit, why don't you get it for me? I could see that, that's what they are used to - the only thing that gets them results in most cases is to rant and rave. So many people in this position have only gotten results by throwing a fit, so that's what they do. I wouldn't call them lazy, maybe just uneducated in how to accept help. Not to mention disillusioned with the human race!
My sister is like this. She is so used to having nothing that she doesn't seem to understand the concept of standing up and claiming what is rightfully hers. She's been told no too many times and has given up. Its really quite sad when you think about it.
Anyway, there I go on MY soapbox! I think it is really noble what you are doing. It can't be easy. The people you deal with have been knocked around so long that they just don't understand the proper way to operate in society. And I have to admit, sometimes I am one of those very people!
So you hang in there are keep up the good work. If you help one single person on the face of this planet by what you do, well, that's pretty freaking amazing as far as I'm concerned!
(((Happyflower)))
-T
P.S. I give VERY FEW virtual hugs, so feel honored!;-)
Posted by TexasChic on November 6, 2008, at 1:06:38
In reply to Re: On my soapbox grrrrrrrrrrrrr rant, ))Lurpsie, posted by TexasChic on November 6, 2008, at 1:02:04
I'm so retarded about checking and not checking that box.
-T
Posted by Deputy 10derHeart on November 6, 2008, at 1:15:58
In reply to Re: On my soapbox grrrrrrrrrrrrr rant, ))Lurpsie, posted by happyflower on November 5, 2008, at 13:44:14
> It isn't asking for scholarly advice on how to handle clients, it is just meant to be heard, and supported emotionally.
> So maybe just being a friend who listens would be a better approach to someone who is not a client or patient who is venting.
>you see my venting as some personal deficit of understanding people
>geeze, everything doesn't' always need to be intellectualized.Please be civil by not posting anything that could lead another poster to feel accused or put down. Happyflower, I believe you were trying to explain how you "heard" llurpsie's various thoughts about the situation, but perhaps you misunderstood? When I read this thread, I see llurpsie "thinking out loud" how *she* thinks and feels about scenarios similar to the one in your original post, not advising you how to think, feel, or how you ought to act in the future.
I'm afraid the above statements - the way they were phrased - could be read as insensitive by implying her responses were unsupportive, that she wasn't listening as a friend, that she accused you of having a "personal deficit..." and that "intellectualizing" was something negative directed toward you.
"I" statements that focus on *your* feelings on reading a post, maybe along with questions to the poster to clarify what they meant, usually help to avoid posting something uncivil. If you're in any doubt, it might be good to ask a civility buddy to preview your post. I've done that myself several times.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above posts, should of course themselves be civil. Dr. Bob is always free to override deputy decisions. His email is on the bottom of each page. Please feel free to email him if you believe this decision was made in error.
-- 10derHeart, acting as deputy to Dr. Bob
Posted by happyflower on November 6, 2008, at 9:42:07
In reply to On my soapbox grrrrrrrrrrrrr rant,, posted by happyflower on November 3, 2008, at 19:52:49
These articles reflect what I believe is helpful to me and others who are venting their emotions.
http://cms.carepages.com/CarePages/en/ArticlesTips/HelpfulTips/listenup.html
Posted by muffled on November 6, 2008, at 12:10:57
In reply to Some tips on how to help someone venting, posted by happyflower on November 6, 2008, at 9:42:07
Sorry there was controversy.
Its just a sensitive topic.
This is a mental health board.
Many of the people that are accessing these services do so because of mental health issues.
Mental health is SO stigmatized.
Take depression for example. People just do not 'get' how utterly debilitating it is. Your life can be seemingly perfect, so they are told to pull up their socks and get on with life.
Not so easy.
Its the same with so many mental health stuff. I for example can seem so 'ok', but why is my life such a disaster? I should be able to do better than this.
Many mental health issues are invisible, or mostly so. We keep them hidden as best we can.
I have worked with and been frustrated with seemingly thankless people, and it IS hard. I just say to myself, thank God I am on THIS side of the table.....its a fine line for me to not be on the other side...:-(
So that being said, I wonder if this is an appropriate place to 'vent' these particular issues...
I don't mean to put you down at all HF, I think you are an amazing person, and I am thrilled you are helping others.
But maybe you could vent to your co-workers, or your T, or something.
Cuz there is often so much more than meets the eye in these situations.
My mantra, which is useful in times like yours of frustration...is again, "I am thankful its not me sitting there'.
Take good care HF, and thanks for helping those people, I hope you can find ways to vent somewhere so that you can continue. The world needs people like you to help us.
My thots is all.
Thank you.
Muffled
Posted by happyflower on November 6, 2008, at 13:12:55
In reply to My thots, no dissing intended » happyflower, posted by muffled on November 6, 2008, at 12:10:57
Well so now I am not welcomed to vent here?
I don't know I was breaking any rules.
How am I suppose to respond to my feeling of feeling totally rejected now?But I guess it is just me and my issues on why I feel so hurt right now I just want to die. BUt don't care about me, I won't tell you if I do because it doesn't matter to anyone if I am alive or dead. Nothing matters anymore. I don't matter anymore. I only exist as a human punching bag, kick me, burn me, judge me, wash my eyes with acid, tell me I am not wanted here, tell me to shut the f*ck up on babble, I guess that is my destiny. Now I know why people kill themselves, because this world sucks. I don't see any purpose of living this life anymore being everyone's punching bag. Put on my gravestone--F*ck everything, f*ck life, and f*ck off.
Being dead seems like happiness to me. Now for my migraine, I think a bottle of Tylenol should world get rid of the pain, at least the physical pain. Please block me forever because I will be dead by the time anyone reads this, and it won't matter.
Posted by Sigismund on November 6, 2008, at 13:19:26
In reply to Re: On my soapbox grrrrrrrrrrrrr rant, » happyflower, posted by llurpsienoodle on November 4, 2008, at 14:39:52
Posted by Angela2 on November 6, 2008, at 14:26:13
In reply to My thots, no dissing intended » happyflower, posted by muffled on November 6, 2008, at 12:10:57
I can understand how you feel attacked, Happyflower. ((((Happyflower)))) You were just venting and then everyone came along and told you it wasn't ok to do that. I understand where they are coming from too. I don't know what kind of agency you work for, but I think people here were just trying to say that maybe there's more going on than just a woman being lazy. BUT I definitely think it's OK to share and vent here, whatever the issue. I don't think you were trying to hurt anyone at all Happyflower. And although I didn't read the whole thread, I just wanna say that I understand that criticism and judgement can hurt.
Posted by muffled on November 6, 2008, at 15:41:00
In reply to Re: My thots, no dissing intended, posted by happyflower on November 6, 2008, at 13:12:55
You KNOW somewhere w/in you that I, for one, care.
That I like to see your posting.
Just that this was a sensitive one for me and I wanted to explain why. To share what is w/in my heart on this subject.
From my HEART.
I do not wish you to feel hurt, and maybe this is a growth opportunity for us.
Like my old T said. She never promised she would not hurt me, cuz she said the we often, not meaning to, hurt those WE CARE ABOUT. But we talk it thru, give them space as needed, and when they ready, you await with open arms.
I await you w/open arms Happyflower.
I knows you gots big hurts inside.
Me too.
Be safe.
M
Posted by muffled on November 6, 2008, at 15:54:47
In reply to Re: My thots, no dissing intended, posted by Angela2 on November 6, 2008, at 14:26:13
Yeah....
I been just a number in the 'system'.
Blessedly briefly.
I been judged negatively by people to my face. People who did not know me. Didn't even know my name 'cept for it on the piece of paper in front of them.
I been cut down as trash, garbage, merely cuz I smiled at the wrong time.
Did they ever consider my muteness and smile were FEAR?
No.
Just took me aside and verbally tore me to shreds.
I am fortunate.
I can dissociate.
Could then too.
So I became numb and walked away.
Sensitive topic indeed.
:-(
Posted by Angela2 on November 6, 2008, at 16:38:52
In reply to :-(, posted by muffled on November 6, 2008, at 15:54:47
(((((Muffled)))))
I don't know if your second post was for me. I was just gviing my opinion. I hope I didn't hurt your feelings. I understand both sides. Getting hurt sucks. It seems Happyflower inadvertently struck a nerve with some of PB. And their reaction in turn hurt happyflower. Well, I guess that sometimes happens in life. It happened recently with my brother and I actually. He said something to me and I was offended. It turned out he wasn't trying to be offensive at all and was then offended that I was offended, lol. (((((Everybody)))))
Posted by muffled on November 6, 2008, at 17:04:27
In reply to Re: :-(, posted by Angela2 on November 6, 2008, at 16:38:52
Angela, your post was worded well.
Just trying to explain why the whole thing bothered me.
Seriously. I am fine with all this.
I just wish the best for HF, she's had some hard times.
(((all babblers)))
M
Posted by Dr. Bob on November 6, 2008, at 22:26:23
In reply to Re: My thots, no dissing intended, posted by happyflower on November 6, 2008, at 13:12:55
> I will be dead by the time anyone reads this
FYI, someone was able to check on her, and she was OK.
Bob
Posted by muffled on November 6, 2008, at 22:33:45
In reply to Re: My thots, no dissing intended, posted by Dr. Bob on November 6, 2008, at 22:26:23
Posted by Angela2 on November 7, 2008, at 12:30:34
In reply to Re: My thots, no dissing intended, posted by Dr. Bob on November 6, 2008, at 22:26:23
Posted by Phillipa on November 7, 2008, at 19:40:51
In reply to Re: My thots, no dissing intended, posted by Dr. Bob on November 6, 2008, at 22:26:23
Thanks Dr. Bob. Love Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
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