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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by wishingstar on December 10, 2006, at 9:27:39
AHHHHHHHH
I am so nervous I could pee myself.
I dont know if any of you know (I may have mentioned it in passing) but I do ballet. Not professionally or anything.. just a few hours a week.
Today I'm performing in the Nutcracker. Its the 3rd show, but the only one I'm really scared about. I'm doing a demi-SOLO. Ahhhhh. demi meaning its not totally alone.. there is always 1 or 2 people on the stage at the same time as me. But holy cow. How did this happen? I'm afraid I'll mess it up, go to fast and get off the music (and then not be with my partner), hit the finishing pose too early... ahhhh...
I know theres nothing anyone can say. It just helps me to share my misery with others lol. I really, really wish someone would be there to be proud of me today (even if I do mess up all the things I listed above). This is the fisrt time I've ever felt "wait, my mother should care about this". I guess that means therapy is working. haha.
One more time... AHHHHHHHH
Posted by Phillipa on December 10, 2006, at 11:40:09
In reply to nutcracker aahhhhh, posted by wishingstar on December 10, 2006, at 9:27:39
I'm sure you'll do a great job and we'll all be waiting to hear how it goes. Good luck as as the saying goes break a leg. that means good luck I was told. Love Phillipa
Posted by wishingstar on December 10, 2006, at 11:48:33
In reply to Re: nutcracker aahhhhh » wishingstar, posted by Phillipa on December 10, 2006, at 11:40:09
thanks phillipa :) yes, that means good luck.. lets just hope i dont ACTUALLY break anything! im already dancing on 2 pulled muscles and a stress fracture, all almost healed though. bahhh. thank you! ill let you know how it goes.
Posted by zenhussy on December 10, 2006, at 11:54:17
In reply to Re: nutcracker aahhhhh » Phillipa, posted by wishingstar on December 10, 2006, at 11:48:33
Posted by Honore on December 10, 2006, at 17:46:38
In reply to nutcracker aahhhhh, posted by wishingstar on December 10, 2006, at 9:27:39
well, if the music does get off you, just pretend that it's exactly with you-- those musicians will figure out their mistake...
and probaby no one watching will even know-- and those who do know, will have done the same thing lots of times-- and just be enjoying the evening, and rooting for you.
It's all about not letting it throw you-- hope you don't pull anymore muscles, though.
It's great that you're performing tonight.
Wish we could see the video. You are getting a video, right?
Honore
Posted by wishingstar on December 10, 2006, at 20:34:05
In reply to Re: nutcracker aahhhhh, posted by Honore on December 10, 2006, at 17:46:38
unfortunately our music is recorded.. low budget studio means no live musicians.. :) and i dance right in sync with another girl so getting off would be very obvious.
I did buy a video. :) But they recorded on the sat performance, and I didnt do the demi-solo that night (I alternated with another girl). I was in 2 other pieces (snow and flower) and have them on tape though!
I'll update in another comment about how it went. Thanks for your support. :)
Posted by wishingstar on December 10, 2006, at 20:38:35
In reply to nutcracker aahhhhh, posted by wishingstar on December 10, 2006, at 9:27:39
Well, I survived!
I performed much better tonight than I did last night. Aside from the solo, I was also in waltz of the snowflakes and waltz of the flowers (for those who know the story) and they went well. My turns were better, and that is my biggest problem.
And the demi-solo. I was so nervous! But it went pretty well! Not perfect, but no major problems. I was a bit late on one little part, and my parnter and I werent quite together on another, but all in all, not bad. I'm proud of myself. I had never danced on stage unless I was in a group of 10 or so girls, and it was on pointe! Who'd have guessed I'd ever see this day. I hope my director was happy.
I still wish someone would have come and seen me. I feel a little let down coming home and having it all be over, and just.. nothing. Coming home to an empty house. It's hard. But I know I did a good job. And I appreciate all of your support. :)
Posted by Gee on December 10, 2006, at 21:32:24
In reply to Update, posted by wishingstar on December 10, 2006, at 20:38:35
Weird, but I just got home from seeing the Nutcracker. It was amazing!!!!!
I'm sure that no one even noticed!!!!
Posted by wishingstar on December 10, 2006, at 22:16:07
In reply to Re: Update » wishingstar, posted by Gee on December 10, 2006, at 21:32:24
Neat! Who performed it? Was it a professional company?
And thank you.. I hope no one noticed. It could have been a lot worse, so overall, I'm happy. :)
Posted by Happyflower on December 11, 2006, at 3:54:49
In reply to Re: Update » Gee, posted by wishingstar on December 10, 2006, at 22:16:07
It sounds like you did a wonderful job! I wish I could see a picture or something! I LOVE the nutcracker!
Is dancing something you do for a hobby or are you wanting to go pro?
I understand the solo thing, when I had a solo at my last concert, and I felt I personally bombed it. Maybe the average listener didn't notice, but the band noticed and I certainly noticed. After spending a month beating myself up about it, throwing my trumpet in the closet for good, never to play again, I am back doing it again. LOL I think all artist are so critical of themselves preforming, I haven't meant one that wasn't. ;-)Do you let anyone know in real life about your dancing? I sure there are people who would of loved to come. I know the feeling of wanting to have someone come and see you perform, my parents didn't do that when I was in school, and it sucked because it seemed like everyone else's was there, especially on senior award night.
So are you still preforming or are you done for the season? I am so excited for you, I didn't know you danced! LOL I think it is so wonderful! ;-)
Posted by wishingstar on December 11, 2006, at 14:08:55
In reply to Yeah Wishingstar! ;-), posted by Happyflower on December 11, 2006, at 3:54:49
thanks :) I do have a few photos that I'd be happy to send babblemail to anyone.. but there is a big rule against taking any photos during rehearsals or performances in my studio, so I couldnt post them here. Posting any photos online could be a recipe for disaster if anyone involved ever found them. But I'd be happy to share individually.
Dance is just something I do for fun. I didnt take my first ballet class until a few years ago, and to be professional, you have to start auditioning by age 18 or 20. I'll be 24 this month and my technique is no where near professional. I'm even with the 12 year olds in my studio.. hah!
Luckily I felt pretty good about my performance yesterday, but I've definitely had moments like the one you described after a bad class. I tell myself I'm never going back, I cant do anything right, I was a complete embarassment. And then I go back and everything is okay. The mistakes I did make yesterday probably were more noticable to me than anyone else though, you're right. Although in one performance, during the waltz of the snowflakes, one of my snowflakes (we hold one in each hand - shiny pipe cleaners on little silver craft sticks) fell apart, leaving my dancing with just a little shiny stick in one hand. That was certainly interesting!
Everyone pretty much knows about my dancing now. But I dont have many friends really anymore so it doesnt make much of a difference. I did invite all the girls I used to work with (about 6 of them) and several said theyd come, but none did as far as I know. My mentor from the university is disabled and unable to come. My old friends from my graduate program (before I dropped out) knew but didnt come. My only close friend was there each night because he was performing as well. I havent lived with my parents for about 6 years so it isnt as terrible that they didnt come I guess. It is a 2 hour drive. Wanting my mom there was mostly just the little girl in me talking, not the realistic adult I guess. Maybe.
My mother actually called today to ask a question about something else. I mentioned that Nutcracker had happened. I'd told her the dates before, and that it was coming up, and she never mentioned coming.. but then today, she said several times she would have come if shed known. She said she thought it was next weekend. This should make me feel good, right? Honestly, it made me really, really sad. My mom could have been there. I wanted her to see me. It's my own dumb fault she didnt. I thnik the real thing here is "I want her to be proud of me".. or I want anyone to be proud of me really. I wish she'd been there. I said I was sorry several times and she never said its okay.. I think she really wanted to be there. I just feel so sad. My mother and I have never been even remotely close.
We have classes this week, but then we have a holiday break. I'm not going to class tonight.. I need a break! But I'll go Tues and Thurs. Then in Feb or so, we start preparing for our spring story ballet! Last year it was sleeping beauty.Thanks for being interested. :)
Posted by Honore on December 11, 2006, at 23:38:33
In reply to Re: Yeah Wishingstar! ;-) » Happyflower, posted by wishingstar on December 11, 2006, at 14:08:55
I'd Love to see the photos.
It's great that you performed so well! Fantastic!
I'm sorry no one was there-- but don't forget-- there's always a huge letdown after performing.
Every dancer I know talks about that-- it's just that the performance is so exciting and so intense-- and then after ward--- it's over, and you feel that something so wonderful has left you, and you're in a darker lonelier world. But then you start dancing again... and it all begins.
It's great that you were dancing a demi-solo on pointe! I'm really impressed.
{{{{{Wishingstar, Dancer}}}}}
Honore
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