![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 22 to 46 of 85. Go back in thread:
Posted by lymom3 on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:11
In reply to Re: The day is counting down.... » Rjlockhart, posted by yxibow on October 3, 2006, at 1:01:44
I hate to break your bubble but with your psychiatric history, the military won't take you. Feel free to try it, but I have an 18 year old who is ADHD and we researched it and discarded it.
Below are the guidelines...judge for yourself based on your situation.
ADD/ADHD
ADD/ADHD is disqualifying if the applicant has been treated with ADD/ADHD medication within the previous year and/or they display signs of ADD/ADHD. For applicants with a previous history of ADD/ADHD who have been off medication for more than one year, and they do no demonstrate significant impulsivity or inattention during MEPS processing, the MEPS examining official may find them qualified for military service without submission of a waiver.Records review is still required. Any history of being evaluated or treated for ADD/ADHD must be documented. As a minimum, all treatment (if any) within the previous three years must be submitted to MEPS, in advance, as part of the medical pre-screening. Full medical records are required if the applicant was ever treated for ADD or ADHD with any medication other than Ritalin, Adderal, or Dexedrine, or if there were any additional psychiatric symptoms, such as, but not limited to, depression.
Posted by mike lynch on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:12
In reply to Re: The day is counting down...., posted by lymom3 on October 3, 2006, at 7:24:25
Seriously, the recruiters around here are crazy, and will go through any lengths to manipulate you into going. The recruiters wouldn't stop calling me, and even when I said I was ineligable due to ssri's, he said he'd take care of it and blah ,blah, if they're desperate enough they'll take u
Posted by Rjlockhart on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:12
In reply to Re: The day is counting down...., posted by lymom3 on October 3, 2006, at 7:24:25
How did you get this information, i was called about a year ago from an army recuriter and i told him i was on Dexedrine, he said "oh so you have something to keep you going" He percisted to call. I eventually gave up, going my own way.
I dont know how, i may email the air force website and ask if medication is possible for this situation such as in training for the classes to keep up to pay attention. But i dont know still what i am going to do. I may just get a full time job like I said and go crazy, and then get stable after a couple of months, what im saying right now i feel im in my confort zone at home, but at the same time my mother can be very sweet, then just turn and go NUTS. Why would i post something like this if there was nothing happening and everything was fine. Very controlling, she was addicted to diet pills, she see's herself in me, she doesnt want me on stimulants. I cant do anything, without having an arguement, CANNOT see the psychiatrist by myself, i have to go by myself without her. Its a very rough time right now, i dont know what im goning to do.
But thank for your advice on this.
Matt
Posted by Phillipa on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:13
In reply to Re: The day is counting down....Lymom3, posted by Rjlockhart on October 3, 2006, at 16:16:03
Maybe it's not you Matt maybe it's her and she's the one who needs to go to a pdoc or therapist or what about those hormones? Love Phillipa
Posted by rjlockhart on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:13
In reply to Re: The day is counting down....Lymom3, posted by Rjlockhart on October 3, 2006, at 16:16:03
First of all I have thought about asking about getting prescribed Prescription Testosterone. To be more, feel dominant, because my mom is very unstable at times and feels she has to control the situation, she has taken care of my speeding tickets, my court for the wreck.....im giving her credit for that, she does go out of her way for me.......sometimes. But im telling you she will say a big fat "no" to dexedrine, if she finds out im taking it with out her knowlage she will go nuts, its her that doesnt want me to be on stimulants, she thinks im Bi Poler and it will trigger and manic episode, which it did not,
but as i said i abused it some in the past but she overreacted, i cannot focus hardly at all in class, i feel helpless, on the wrong page, have no clue on what is happening... well that is putting it mild.
Im taking deep breath. The miltary could be something i could do, i talked today at work about it, they said the marines would tear my *ss up, i would not be matt anymore. Im reconidering about this, the air force maybe...... but still alot of stress, and a whole new envorment, new attitude, i dont know if they would prescribe medication if i was having a very hard time focusing as i am in class right now.
Anyways, phillipa im still going to email the air force.
Thanks for the advice.
Posted by yxibow on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:14
In reply to Re: The day is counting down....Lymom3, posted by rjlockhart on October 3, 2006, at 22:45:28
> First of all I have thought about asking about getting prescribed Prescription Testosterone. To be more, feel dominant, because my mom is very unstable at times and feels she has to control the situation, she has taken care of my speeding tickets, my court for the wreck.....im giving her credit for that, she does go out of her way for me.......sometimes.
No sane doctor is going to prescribe you testosterone unless you were a woman considering a sex change. Please, I'm not trying to be rude, but come back to earth with us. I know you're hurting and trying to figure a way out, but brash ideas will have brash consequences.
But im telling you she will say a big fat "no" to dexedrine, if she finds out im taking it with out her knowlage she will go nuts, its her that doesnt want me to be on stimulants, she thinks im Bi Poler and it will trigger and manic episode, which it did not,
>
> but as i said i abused it some in the past but she overreacted, i cannot focus hardly at all in class, i feel helpless, on the wrong page, have no clue on what is happening... well that is putting it mild.
>
> Im taking deep breath. The miltary could be something i could do, i talked today at work about it, they said the marines would tear my *ss up, i would not be matt anymore. Im reconidering about this, the air force maybe...... but still alot of stress, and a whole new envorment, new attitude, i dont know if they would prescribe medication if i was having a very hard time focusing as i am in class right now.
>
> Anyways, phillipa im still going to email the air force.It sounds like at the same time as you cannot stand your mother micromanaging your life, you want a higher authority to do the same -- namely the government and the military. Why choose this over other more productive, life changing plans that don't have a chance of maiming or getting yourself killed? It sounds, and I'll get slapped because this is seemingly political, but I do support our troops regardless of the political climate because they're human beings in harms way, that you're almost trying to commit suicide by proxy. Don't do it, please.
Posted by mike lynch on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:14
In reply to Re: The day is counting down....Lymom3 » rjlockhart, posted by yxibow on October 4, 2006, at 1:27:10
My memory isn't that reliable, that's why I haven't spoken out about this, but if I remember correctly aren't you the user that seemed to become delusional on stimulants, and posted like every other day because of his or her problems with them. If this is true, it seems your moms concerns maybe warranted, she knows more then us, and probably the doctor. Im not sure your the right person, but I think you use to post an awful lot about adderall ?? and what it did to you or something im not sure. there's to names in my head ones mm.. something and rj something
Posted by Phillipa on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:15
In reply to ok im confused » yxibow, posted by mike lynch on October 4, 2006, at 14:56:08
Mike yup it's Matt. Love Phillipa ps Matt are you sure you're not bipolar? You always post about getting manic at night?
Posted by Racer on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:15
In reply to Re: The day is counting down....Lymom3 » rjlockhart, posted by yxibow on October 4, 2006, at 1:27:10
> > First of all I have thought about asking about getting prescribed Prescription Testosterone. To be more, feel dominant,
>
> No sane doctor is going to prescribe you testosterone unless you were a woman considering a sex change. Please, I'm not trying to be rude, but come back to earth with us. I know you're hurting and trying to figure a way out, but brash ideas will have brash consequences.Good advice. What I really like about it, though, was that you validated the pain Matt's in right now. That's nice.
>
>
>
> It sounds, and I'll get slapped because this is seemingly political, but I do support our troops regardless of the political climate because they're human beings in harms way, that you're almost trying to commit suicide by proxy. Don't do it, please.And this part is so heart-wrenching. Yeh, it's political, but I get so upset when I hear people say that being against the war is being unsupportive to the troops. I remember Viet Nam too well, and we've learned a lot since then. The people against the war now do, for the most part, support the troops. Bringing them home, safely -- or at least alive -- would be supportive, now, wouldn't it?
So, I guess my slap was more of a pat on the shoulder, huh?
Posted by Racer on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:15
In reply to Re: The day is counting down....Lymom3, posted by rjlockhart on October 3, 2006, at 22:45:28
> But im telling you she will say a big fat "no" to dexedrine, if she finds out im taking it with out her knowlage she will go nuts, its her that doesnt want me to be on stimulants, she thinks im Bi Poler and it will trigger and manic episode, which it did not,
>
>Matt, take a deep breath, here, OK? You don't make life altering decisions like this overnight, so you don't have to join up today.
Didn't you say you were going to see your pdoc alone? What happened with that? Have you changed your mind?
I strongly recommend that you rescind your waiver allowing your mother to be part of your health care. Period. I also strongly urge you to discuss these things with your doctor when you see him alone. Let him know that you're struggling so much, and that you're sure your mother will "go nuts" if you start taking Dexedrine again. TELL HIM, and ASK HIM for help dealing with it. That's part of his job. You can even ask him to tell your mother that it's his medical opinion that:
A) You need to see him alone, in order for him to get a more accurate picture of your progress, and
B) that you need to be on an ADHD medication.
But Matt? You don't need testosterone. That's something you'd only need if your little dangly guys stopped doing their job. And you certainly don't need the military.
You need to work with a good therapist, and you need to find a way to work out your relationship with your mother.
Good luck with all of this.
Posted by Phillipa on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:16
In reply to And I'm confused by something else... » rjlockhart, posted by Racer on October 4, 2006, at 22:31:19
Good post Racer. Matt listen to her. Love Phillipa
Posted by rjlockhart on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:16
In reply to Re: And I'm confused by something else... » Racer, posted by Phillipa on October 4, 2006, at 23:17:48
Ok, racer. Its not that. Im really taking this in to consideration. I am going to do it, but the plan is it can only be done over a period of time.
I will i have to be on it, with out her knowlage and will, it really can be ugly when she finds out that i have now said she cannot go into the session with her.
She controls my meds, she thinks i cant take them responsibly, I can get my own insurace at my work, but she will then do even more outrages things such as take the keys away and maybe say you not going to work, now that is when i would join the military.
I rather be killed than to be trapped in this situation like this where i would be in absolute control. I would rather be in control of the government than her.
The military would tear my *ss off, but i just stumped here. I wished, well i can work with some people at work to help me get out, i can tell the managers that i need to work full time, GET OUT, and then be on my own. Thats going to be a big time turn.
This is all over some very stupid, an ADHD medication. But am i making such a big deal out of this? is because i cant, it, when i read, even type posts i feel impaired, i have to go walk around the house, drink some water. I cant focus very well at all. Miss the point of what the class is saying.
Maybe this is a good time to get out of my comfort zone, which actually is hindering me from growing.
But there going to be alot of turmoil, conflict, and distress when this happens. So i dont know when i need do this.
My mom is sweet but she still thinks its 1993 im a kid.
Jesus help me.
Matt
Posted by Karen44 on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:17
In reply to Re: And I'm confused by something else..., posted by rjlockhart on October 6, 2006, at 23:43:28
> Ok, racer. Its not that. Im really taking this in to consideration. I am going to do it, but the plan is it can only be done over a period of time.
>
> I will i have to be on it, with out her knowlage and will, it really can be ugly when she finds out that i have now said she cannot go into the session with her.
>
> She controls my meds, she thinks i cant take them responsibly, I can get my own insurace at my work, but she will then do even more outrages things such as take the keys away and maybe say you not going to work, now that is when i would join the military.
>
> I rather be killed than to be trapped in this situation like this where i would be in absolute control. I would rather be in control of the government than her.
>
> The military would tear my *ss off, but i just stumped here. I wished, well i can work with some people at work to help me get out, i can tell the managers that i need to work full time, GET OUT, and then be on my own. Thats going to be a big time turn.
>
> This is all over some very stupid, an ADHD medication. But am i making such a big deal out of this? is because i cant, it, when i read, even type posts i feel impaired, i have to go walk around the house, drink some water. I cant focus very well at all. Miss the point of what the class is saying.
>
> Maybe this is a good time to get out of my comfort zone, which actually is hindering me from growing.
>
> But there going to be alot of turmoil, conflict, and distress when this happens. So i dont know when i need do this.
>
> My mom is sweet but she still thinks its 1993 im a kid.
>
> Jesus help me.
>
> MattHopefully, your doctor can help you with how to manage life better and so that you feel competent and capable. Second, as I indicated in the other thread, the military is not going to take you given that you take psychotropic medications. They are not interested in having someone who may want to go to war and doesn't care if he is killed as it endangers the lives of the other men and women. I think you need a new plan of action to deal with your situation with your mother and hopefully your doctor can help in this regard.
Karen44 and ex-Marine
Posted by laima on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:17
In reply to Re: And I'm confused by something else..., posted by rjlockhart on October 6, 2006, at 23:43:28
Matt, I hear the military is no joke. It's very serious, very dangerous, and I understand can be very traumatic-to say the least. I only hear this second and third hand or farther-or via media- but I just don't want you to do it. Sounds like a lot of people here care for you very much and don't want you to do it, either. In case of need to escape your situation, can you go to a college town and set yourself up until you can eventually enroll in a few classes to learn a trade or become a scholar even? (And did you know you have a way with words?) That might be a better option. The living is cheap, and you'd meet plenty of other people your own age, and many from troubled family backgrounds. You would likely find some great new friends with whom you'd have much in common. Lots of kids looking for roomates- all cheap! It could be really fun. You may be quite surprised, as I myself was once I got to college. Not all young people in college towns are enrolled in college yet either, if that is a concern of yours. Many gravitate there for the same sorts of reasons you describe. You are in Texas? Have you considered checking out Austin, or some of the other towns? Maybe someone else here on the board knows Texas better than I do and might have an idea to toss in? It's not like you couldn't join the military later if you still felt it the right thing to do. Just please dont rush!!!!!! If you do it, be prepared, calm, and resolved. NOT rushed or out of desperation. PLEASE. Don't find yourself in combat, or maimed, or terrified- and wonder what you did this for, how you got there. Angrier than ever at your mom. Don't come home missing limbs, beating yourself up for being impulsive. That can happen, you know it can. Now THAT would be a tragedy. Military recruiters, I understand, are specially trained in persuasive tactics to get enough people to sign up to meet their quotas. They have a reputation of preying on the desperate. You have a lot of stress. And you are a sensitive person. Anyone would be stressed in your situation. I hear you asking for advice- don't ask the recruiter for advice, PLEASE. YOU ARE NOT SHARING AN AGENDA. This might not be the time to mess with them, the recruiters. Matt, by all accounts the wars are becoming very dangerous and hellacious, and may even be escalating. Men and women who go there in *perfect* health suffer meltdowns and worse. Please, reconsider. As Colbert darkly joked, "those wars aren't going anywhere- they'll still be there later and there might even be some new ones." If I've said anything inappropriate in this post and get banned forever, it's still worth it to me to just beg you to reconsider this notion of joining the military. Please be well, and let's brainstorm some alternatives for you. That Coastguard idea seems like a decent alternative-a good idea- but I still wonder if it might not be good for you to first take a year or two of chilling out, on your own, without your mom, surrounded by your peers. Even if it's delivering pizzas- just to take the time on your own to get to know yourself as an independent adult. If you worry over health insurance-did you know Starbucks gives FULL health insurance to anyone who works just 20 hours per week? I'm sure they are no longer the only ones. Get the dex, stabilize. I'm not talking fantasy, my life was no piece of cake at your age either. I scoffed snarlily at people who were a little bit older and told me it would get much better and clearer as I became more independent and relaxed, but I see now they were right. No, I'm still hardly perfect, but in general, life has improved enormously and I know myself much better now- and so can you. I think history may repeat itself. Be well, Matt.
Posted by laima on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:18
In reply to Re: And I'm confused by something else..., posted by Karen44 on October 7, 2006, at 0:33:50
Karen,
I hope I haven't offended you. I sincerely apologize if I have. My feelings about the military are complex; but for this context, I simply feel very strongly that the military is just not in rj's best interest at this time. I greatly appreciate your service and that of your collegues. It sounds like a very scary and demanding and stressful assignment.
Thank you.
Peace to you,
Laima.
Posted by laima on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:19
In reply to Re: And I'm confused by something else..., posted by rjlockhart on October 6, 2006, at 23:43:28
Rj, the posts on this thread seem near unanimous in their conclusion, and these are peole who have been reading YOUR posts and responding for a long time, because they like you. Please think that over. The recruiter is a stranger. A stranger who might be getting all buddy-buddy when he or she wants something.
Posted by Karen44 on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:20
In reply to Re: And I'm confused by something else... » Karen44, posted by laima on October 7, 2006, at 0:44:56
> Karen,
>
> I hope I haven't offended you. I sincerely apologize if I have. My feelings about the military are complex; but for this context, I simply feel very strongly that the military is just not in rj's best interest at this time. I greatly appreciate your service and that of your collegues. It sounds like a very scary and demanding and stressful assignment.
>
> Thank you.
>
> Peace to you,
>
> Laima.Laima
You have not offended me at all. I think we are saying the same thing. Don't even try to do it. I was in the USMC during the Vietnam period. Silly me to join out of high school, but I wanted to go to college and no money. So, as far as I am concerned, there are only two good things I got out of the Marine Corps. I learned self-discipline, and the other is that I got the GI Bill (all paid for) to pay for college and part of graduate school. So, I thank them for that. As a female, at that time, women were not allowed into combat areas except the nurses in the Navy, Army, and Air Force. Even the medics back then in the war were men.
I think what I was trying to say is, don't join because it will be held against him that he has psychiatric problems. And, don't join as a sort of suicide gesture as it will hurt others as well. Every person in combat depends on the others in their platoon. We learned in the Marine Corps that "a chain is as strong as it's weakest link." I still believe in that firmly--for a family, group, country, etc.
Karen
Posted by laima on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:21
In reply to Re: And I'm confused by something else... » laima, posted by Karen44 on October 7, 2006, at 1:05:10
Thank you for your understanding, Karen. And for sharing enlightening info I've never been priveleged to hear or consider before. "The Military" pushes people's buttons, I know, and my own feelings are complex. Thank you for your sharing. I still maintain that the military wouldn't be in rj's best interests right now, given his young age, his personal history, his sensitivity. Your mention of "suicide gesture" I didn't even think of, but the possibility is alarming and worth looking at. Reasons he's giving us seem almost escapist. Maybe later for the military, if he still desires? But I don't know the details about that-age requirements and such, for starters- perhaps the two of you could discuss if appropriate. Matt- WE CARE ABOUT YOU!!!!Peace,
Laima
> > Karen,
> >
> > I hope I haven't offended you. I sincerely apologize if I have. My feelings about the military are complex; but for this context, I simply feel very strongly that the military is just not in rj's best interest at this time. I greatly appreciate your service and that of your collegues. It sounds like a very scary and demanding and stressful assignment.
> >
> > Thank you.
> >
> > Peace to you,
> >
> > Laima.
>
> Laima
>
> You have not offended me at all. I think we are saying the same thing. Don't even try to do it. I was in the USMC during the Vietnam period. Silly me to join out of high school, but I wanted to go to college and no money. So, as far as I am concerned, there are only two good things I got out of the Marine Corps. I learned self-discipline, and the other is that I got the GI Bill (all paid for) to pay for college and part of graduate school. So, I thank them for that. As a female, at that time, women were not allowed into combat areas except the nurses in the Navy, Army, and Air Force. Even the medics back then in the war were men.
>
> I think what I was trying to say is, don't join because it will be held against him that he has psychiatric problems. And, don't join as a sort of suicide gesture as it will hurt others as well. Every person in combat depends on the others in their platoon. We learned in the Marine Corps that "a chain is as strong as it's weakest link." I still believe in that firmly--for a family, group, country, etc.
>
> Karen
Posted by Racer on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:22
In reply to Re: And I'm confused by something else..., posted by rjlockhart on October 6, 2006, at 23:43:28
>
> I will i have to be on it, with out her knowlage and will, it really can be ugly when she finds out that i have now said she cannot go into the session with her.Are you saying you haven't let her know yet that she can't come in with you? If so, that's fine -- just remember this one thing: no matter how hard it is in that one moment to tell her she can't come in, the benefits of that will last for a very, very long time. It's the first step towards solving many of your problems.
And if you've already told the doctor, even better. That way, the doctor can help you make the situation more clear to her.
>
> She controls my meds, she thinks i cant take them responsibly, I can get my own insurace at my work, but she will then do even more outrages things such as take the keys away and maybe say you not going to work, now that is when i would join the military.Whoa, Nellie! Matt? I'm gonna assume it's daylight again by the time you read this. Read your last paragraph again: what do you notice? You're predicting the future, you're going from point A to point K with no stops in between -- you're going over the top there. Break it down to individual steps:
A. I am going to go into my doctor's appointment on my own.
B. I am going to tell the doctor that I am feeling overwhelmed and over controlled by my mother.
C. I am going to tell the doctor that I am having trouble with concentration, and that I think I would do better going back on stimulants.
D. I am going to tell my doctor that my mother controls my prescription medications, and that she says I cannot take stimulants.
E. I am going to ask the doctor to help me.
That's that. Where in there do you see the military as a solution to the immediate issues? I see one doctor's visit, where you tell the doctor how rough you're having it right now -- and then I see you shutting up and LISTENING to what the doctor has to say to you. And I mean listening. Not just letting enough words come in that you can tell him why it won't work. Really listen. It will help, Matt.
If nothing else, the doctor has one thing going on that a lot of us here have, but you don't have yet: age. That doctor has more experience of living on this planet than you have yet. I know you believe to your bones that you're experiencing things none of us can imagine. Guess what? You're wrong about that. I'd bet MOST of us on this board, and virtually ALL of us over 40 can relate a whole lot better than you think we can. If we haven't known others going through similar things, we've been though them ourselves.
That's why we can give you awfully good advice, you know?
>
> The military would tear my *ss off, but i just stumped here.No, Matt. I think you're romanticising the military. I've known enough people in the military -- your brain would break. Don't do that to yourself. Make friends with reality instead.
For one thing, Matt, as long as you "solve" problems like this by running away, you'll never feel as though you have any control over your life.
>
> Maybe this is a good time to get out of my comfort zone, which actually is hindering me from growing.Maybe it's a good time to get out of that comfort zone, Matt -- but this isn't a good way to do it.
> My mom is sweet but she still thinks its 1993 im a kid.
>I'm gonna be very blunt here, Matt: maybe she is treating you as though you're a child because you are behaving like a child?
There are a lot of things you could be doing for yourself, things that can realistically improve your situation. What you've talked about with seeing the doctor alone is a great first step. It's a wonderful, fabulous, brave, and realistic first step towards independence and confidence.
Take that first step, Matt. We're all behind you, and I wish you well.
Posted by notfred on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:22
In reply to Re: And I'm confused by something else..., posted by rjlockhart on October 6, 2006, at 23:43:28
When I was working on separating from my parents when I was 19 my therapist was a BIG help with this. Instead of a big showdown and drama I just started to do it, taking little steps. The end goal was to move out but it took a while to get that set up & find the right roommates. I did not throw anything in their face; I just kept on saying that I was a man now and wanted my own space and my own social life. Here are some things that helped me:
1) I got a PO box at the uni and had my mail forwarded from my parents address.
2) I got a locker at the uni and kept whatever personal stuff I wanted to keep private there.
It had a combination lock so there was no key to loose or to indicate I had it. It was registered in my name only.
3) I eased into moving out by staying over with friends on the weekend. First just Friday night,
the Fri-Sat. Then Fri through Sunday. I made a deal where I would pay for one meal a day and provide some entertainment. Buy a pizza and rent a movie. I had a car and my friends often did not so I took them places. People loved having me over;
dinner and a movie plus free rides. My peers understood what I was trying to do, separate from my parents, and were willing to help and were very supportive. They were going through the same thing I was. When people went out of town I stayed at their dorm room or place, "house sitting". I would tidy up the place as payment. Young men's kitchens
are often scary, so I tackled that. Boy that made me popular.If I had some money I would go see a movie. Usually I could get away with seeing several movies on one ticket. Once one finished I would move to the next screening room. That way I did not wear out my welcome with friends who were often busy on week days. Or just go to the mall
and hang out. Take day trips; get out the map and pick a place a hour or so away and drive to it.To this day I still do this one, stay in a hotel.
Scout around and you can find one that is not too race track, has free cable and movies plus Internet. Even today I do this when I want to be alone or my roommate is driving me crazy. $59, which includes a breakfast, cable, movies, a pool, and internet. Ask for an early checking and late check out so you can check in the morning and the next day stay till 2. As I always eat out, the free breakfast (I usually pay $10) plus free movies (if I rented $15-20) means the hotel costs my almost nothing, $29 bucks. If I am just going to chill a salad (Mac D's, $1) and some food bars ($5) are all I need to eat, if I am on a budget.At one point in my life I had a roommate who was stealing my Dex. So I kept it in my pocket all the time. I found some sleeping shorts with pockets so I could keep my dex safe while I slept. I put cotton in the bottle so I would not rattle when I walked.
Ask your doc to start a new chart with no mention of your mom or her address. Use another person as the emergency contact. All bills will go to your PO box, use a friends address as your home/emergency address. You might just want to forward that to the PO Box. There are some cheap cell phones that only offer in town service, get one. I used to sit in my car at home to make personal calls or drive a few blocks away to make calls. Bring a radio into the bathroom, crank up the shower and put a towel under the door if you need to make a private call. Put a lock code on the cell, which you have to enter use the phone.
For me, after staying over at friends houses I found one that I felt the situation was good and they needed another roommate, so I moved in. It even came with a bed, dresser, and study desk
Matt, separating from my parents was a significant
process for me. It took time. Instead of saying "I hate you and am getting out of here" I reminded them that I loved them but I was an adult and was starting to want to do my own stuff and have my own place. I did not start day one with " I am moving out" but gradually built up to it. This allowed me to build my own support systems while showing my parents I was ready and able to start my life apart from them.
Posted by laima on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:23
In reply to A plan of action, posted by notfred on October 7, 2006, at 10:29:29
Matt,
notfred's got some great ideas and experiences that he's sharing!
As for the cell phone- that's an awsome idea! And you know, they have some decent ones where you don't need any contract, references, or credit check- they are pay-as-you-go, and of course, you can make long distance calls on them if you wish. They also have voice mail, texting- whatever you like. I think the service isn't quite as crystal clear or as perfect as a "real" phone- but it's absolutely adequate. I got one- I'm not a big phone talker and didn't want any monthly contract- I got it at Best Buy or some place like that, and buy cards of minutes at the Walgreens, Target, or wherever- whenever I need to load it up. A number of brands make them- mine is a tracfone and I've never had any trouble reloading it or anything- it's just a bit of a clunker and often doesn't work in Manhatten, but I actually don't care because I don't use it that much, and just get to a payphone when I need to. (No problems in the fine city of Chicago.) The pay-as-you-go route might be an easy, doable way for you to get a phone- even today! You'd probably spend less than 100$, and you've told us you have a job. If you don't have 100$ today, maybe you'll have it as soon as you get paid. It would be money well spent. A solid and very valuable step forward.
Consider- when you make your new pdoc appointments-call the pharmacy-look for an apartment to share- whatever- you can list your OWN phone number, and your mom would be totally out of it. She'd have no idea who you are calling, or who is calling you, or even when. Those phones, of course, even have "silent" options for added privacy. And you could even go sit in the park to talk and take care of your business on a nice day.
not fred's got a great tip on that PO box, too! I wish I thought of that when I was 18, 19 and mom felt priveleged to read my mail...back in the day right before email and cell phones-- so that meant love letters from boyfriends she dissaproved of and messages from "wild, hooligan" friends, too. She sure liked to wave those around and quote from them! Geez. Sit back Matt, and take a moment to thank god for email and cell phones :)
I still vote for bank account as one of your top steps, too.
Best wishes, and good luck Matt!!!
Laima
Posted by lymom3 on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:23
In reply to Re: A plan of action, posted by laima on October 7, 2006, at 11:10:25
I am a mother of 3 boys. The middle one is about your age. He has ADHD and I WISH he had a job. I would give anything if someone would hire him. You must be doing something right. Be proud of that. Your mom is not doing you any favors by being so overbearing and trying to make you feel like you can't or shouldn't be allowed to manage your own life. She's damaging your relationship with her and damaging your view of yourself. If you allow it to go on neither one of those things might ever be able to recover.
Just because she's your mother doesn't mean that she knows best. Trust me...I know that. I haven't always done what's best for my kids. I thought I was at the time but the last thing I wanted to do was to make things worse. I'm not doubting that she loves you dearly, but she's clearly hurting you, not helping. YOUR health and well being is the focus and what's at stake; not what SHE wants. If she can't or won't back off, you HAVE to get yourself out of that situation.
Notfred does have some great ideas and I hope you can make some of the work in your day to day life because you deserve a measure of peace. I can't imagine how much stress you have to live under every day. That just has to be miserable for you to try to not piss her off because who wants to fight like that every day? I can only imagine. My heart really goes out to you.
I do think about your situation a lot and know how hard it must be for you to love your mom because she's your mom and you know that she is trying to do the best she knows how (at least I think that's what she's doing) but at the same time you know that she is just way off base and totally ruining your chance for trying to normalize your life at this point. I think we all wish we could do something to help you.
Posted by Phillipa on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:24
In reply to Re: A plan of action, posted by lymom3 on October 7, 2006, at 12:15:16
Matt my real Son was a lot like you. He got married and ran away with his wife, joined the 82nd Airbourne. He parchuted into Panama was lucky on that one. Then he was at Fort Bragg and was the first sent to Iraq. He was with the French Foreign Legion now the father of two, and in Iraq at the end of the war a defective blasting cap exploded blinded him and took two fingertips. Yes he's had multiple sugeries and enough sight to get around the house. The military sent him to blind rehab twice and sent him to college. Graduated Cumma Sum Laude in Social Work. He's 39 now and can't get a job the military lied. Everytime he finds one they state he has to be able to drive. Now picture yourself a self-reliant male till you're blinded and now at the mercy of a not very nice wife to drive him around. No the military isn't the answer. They promise the moon and don't come through. And I've seen the guys who lost limbs at Walter Reed Hospital in DC where he was a pt for multiple surgeries months at a time. Love Phillipa
Posted by rjlockhart on October 8, 2006, at 14:10:26
Ok, can i say that i have had no psychiatric treatment if i join the U.S Military? what any branch would let you take medciation?, or its documented. Do they prescribe medications in the marines such as ADHD medication? Adderall?
I dont know but since your an ex-marine tell me about it.
Thanks
Matt
Posted by Karen44 on October 8, 2006, at 14:10:27
In reply to Karen44 please respond...., posted by rjlockhart on October 6, 2006, at 23:49:08
> Ok, can i say that i have had no psychiatric treatment if i join the U.S Military? what any branch would let you take medciation?, or its documented. Do they prescribe medications in the marines such as ADHD medication? Adderall?
>
> I dont know but since your an ex-marine tell me about it.
>
> Thanks
>
> MattYou can say you have never had psychiatric treatment, but I wonder if you would make it through basic training without the med's. Plus, do you really want to jeopardize the lives of other men and women because you can't focus without the med's. I think they would find out about your history. As for can you take psychiatric medications in the Marine Corps. Oh sure, but you will have to deal with being viewed as weak and as not really welcome in what they say as "my Marine Corps."
Of course, it can be said that the Marine Corps and Army are desperate for "warm bodies" since not too many people are crazy enough to go in knowing there is a high probability of being killed. Again, would you really want to jeopardize the lives of others if they took you???
Karen
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.