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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 26. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on September 2, 2006, at 17:21:32
I don't want anyone to suffer silently. If you post your negative thoughts, someone might be able to help you challenge them.
I'm feeling well despite my health anxiety. I just took the depression quiz http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/ces-d.pl and I scored a 5. I would have scored lower if I didn't have health anxiety. Right now I don't have any anxiety, like I said before, it comes and goes. Right now it's gone and boy am I glad!
It's weird, I can feel better, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm *doing* better. I've noticed that. I can feel better and still be totally unproductive.
Right now I'm more productive. I've been reading again.
Gotta work on the *doing better* part.
It seems like some people have it the other way around. They feel horrible, but they are still productive.
Meh, just noticing things.
Deneb*
Posted by Phil on September 2, 2006, at 17:44:28
In reply to How are people doing?, posted by Deneb on September 2, 2006, at 17:21:32
I can feel better and still be totally unproductive.
I resemble that remark.
Posted by Phillipa on September 2, 2006, at 21:55:05
In reply to Re: How are people doing?, posted by Phil on September 2, 2006, at 17:44:28
Deneb anxiety is rearing it's ugly head. Could you chop it off? The anxiety that is. Love Phillipa
Posted by llrrrpp on September 2, 2006, at 22:12:43
In reply to Re: How are people doing?, posted by Phillipa on September 2, 2006, at 21:55:05
I like feeling great and being totally unproductive.
It's called "VACATION!!!"
And feeling crappy and being totally unproductive.
It's called "LIFE"
-ll
Posted by Deneb on September 2, 2006, at 23:16:40
In reply to Re: How are people doing?, posted by Phillipa on September 2, 2006, at 21:55:05
I will try to slay anxiety for you Phillipa. Whoosh, cling, clang, whoosh, clang, clang, cling...thump. OK, I think I got it for you Phillipa. I hope you don't grow another one.
Deneb*
Posted by Phillipa on September 2, 2006, at 23:23:19
In reply to Re: How are people doing? » Phillipa, posted by Deneb on September 2, 2006, at 23:16:40
Deneb thanks you got it. Phew. Love Phillipa
Posted by Deneb on September 2, 2006, at 23:23:26
In reply to Re: How are people doing?, posted by llrrrpp on September 2, 2006, at 22:12:43
Hehehe, that's the same with me.
I have to get out of vacation mode soon, very soon.
Deneb*
Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2006, at 0:04:30
In reply to How are people doing?, posted by Deneb on September 2, 2006, at 17:21:32
Feeling crummy and useless, although I'm more productive than I have been in a while. Actually, that's pretty depressing given how productive I really am being.
Weary to the bone.
And feeling like I will never be well again.
I guess that's a cognitive distortion, since there's a never in it. But darned if I can convince myself otherwise, it's been so long since I was really well.
Posted by llrrrpp on September 3, 2006, at 0:05:21
In reply to Re: How are people doing? » llrrrpp, posted by Deneb on September 2, 2006, at 23:23:26
Deneb, honey,
I'm doing pretty okay, thanks for asking.How are you doing?
I'm going to bed now.
Gute Nacht :)
-lurpsie
Posted by curtm on September 3, 2006, at 11:27:17
In reply to How are people doing?, posted by Deneb on September 2, 2006, at 17:21:32
Doing ok. Wish I had something to do to pass the time. Sucks having to actually look forward to going to work Tuesday just to cure this boredom. Maybe I'll go shop for a bicycle later.
Posted by llrrrpp on September 3, 2006, at 11:46:07
In reply to Re: How are people doing? » Deneb, posted by curtm on September 3, 2006, at 11:27:17
Hey curtm
Do they have Craigs List where you live? A lot of people buy fancy mountain bikes and then sell them cause they don't fit in the garage. My husband bought us a pair of mtn bikes with store price of $2300 (combined) ebay price of about $1500, andprices of only about 800 bucks. Mine was used but very well maintained. his had only been ridden twice. the tread on the tires was still virgin.
-ll
Posted by curtm on September 3, 2006, at 11:53:20
In reply to Re: How are people doing? » curtm, posted by llrrrpp on September 3, 2006, at 11:46:07
Nice list L. None are around here though. Maybe I'll go to Spain today to look at that bike. That should help occupy my day.
Posted by JerryPharmStudent on September 5, 2006, at 2:45:02
In reply to How are people doing?, posted by Deneb on September 2, 2006, at 17:21:32
I feel my life is over.
Posted by SLS on September 5, 2006, at 7:00:59
In reply to Re: How are people doing?, posted by JerryPharmStudent on September 5, 2006, at 2:45:02
> I feel my life is over.
That can happen from time to time.
It passes.
Are you in crisis?
What's happening?
What thoughts go through your head?
Do you feel doomed? What do you see in your future?
Why do you logically feel that you have run out of alternatives?
- Scott
Posted by curtm on September 5, 2006, at 9:44:18
In reply to Re: How are people doing?, posted by JerryPharmStudent on September 5, 2006, at 2:45:02
JPS
I am sorry you are feeling that way. I always saddens me to see people lose hope in themselves. The best I can do, and I will give 110%, is to offer you support and a person to open up to.Can you tell me something about your situation and what makes you feel this way this very moment?
Posted by finelinebob on September 5, 2006, at 21:01:21
In reply to Re: How are people doing?, posted by JerryPharmStudent on September 5, 2006, at 2:45:02
> I feel my life is over.
I felt that way about two years ago. Then I realized it was time to start a new one. Yeah, I know it sounds trite. But it's true.
Posted by Deneb on September 5, 2006, at 21:49:32
In reply to Re: How are people doing?, posted by JerryPharmStudent on September 5, 2006, at 2:45:02
It's good to see your post Jerry. We were all worried about you.
Remember, as a friend told me, "This too shall pass."
Deneb*
Posted by JerryPharmStudent on September 5, 2006, at 23:05:12
In reply to Re: How are people doing? » JerryPharmStudent, posted by SLS on September 5, 2006, at 7:00:59
> > I feel my life is over.
>
> That can happen from time to time.
>
> It passes.
>
> Are you in crisis?
>
> What's happening?
>
> What thoughts go through your head?
>
> Do you feel doomed? What do you see in your future?
>
> Why do you logically feel that you have run out of alternatives?
>
>
> - Scott
>
>Hey Scott -
I don't know what's going on. I'm taking my meds as usual. Seems my depression overpowers my meds ever couple of weeks or so. School just started back up a couple weeks ago. I noticed right then that I wasn't feeling right - because I usually look forward to school. I like the classes I'm taking - but feel so unmotivated and so hopeless it's - soo painful. I missed 2 classes today because I didn't want to get out of bed. I feel like crying a lot and have this horriifc sinking feeling in my stomach. I can't tell if it's my just my depression or if I'm actually depressed ABOUT something? Perhaps a combo of the two. I'm VERY lonely and do not have ny friends. So I go to class, and come home, I feel like I'm doing it all for nothing - no reward.
I'm so desparate for support- that's why I came back to the board. I knew you guys would be here for me.
No one understands how depression feels - I mean - the people in my life - some family members, friends, etc. They all "have their own problems." They think that depression feels just like regular stress. It's so painful and it robs life away. No amount of physical pain could ever match the pain of depression.
I'm in terrible, terrible pain.
any and all support is appreciated.
Jerry
Posted by SLS on September 6, 2006, at 5:54:57
In reply to Re: How are people doing? » SLS, posted by JerryPharmStudent on September 5, 2006, at 23:05:12
> > > I feel my life is over.
> > That can happen from time to time.
> >
> > It passes.
> >
> > Are you in crisis?
> >
> > What's happening?
> I don't know what's going on. I'm taking my meds as usual. Seems my depression overpowers my meds ever couple of weeks or so.You might want to keep a mood chart for awhile to establish whether there is any periodicity (regular rapid-cyclicity) to your mood fluctuations or, alternatively, associations with life stressors.
> School just started back up a couple weeks ago. I noticed right then that I wasn't feeling right - because I usually look forward to school.
Was the summer generally uneventful?
> I like the classes I'm taking - but feel so unmotivated and so hopeless it's - soo painful. I missed 2 classes today because I didn't want to get out of bed. I feel like crying a lot and have this horriifc sinking feeling in my stomach.
That sounds like the real thing. That's Major Depressive Disorder (MDD).
> I can't tell if it's my just my depression or if I'm actually depressed ABOUT something? Perhaps a combo of the two.
It almost doesn't matter. It sounds like you need a pharmacological adjustment. At your age, psychotherapy can be extremely valuable, and greatly enhance your mental health. 2 + 2 = 5
> I'm VERY lonely and do not have ny friends. So I go to class, and come home, I feel like I'm doing it all for nothing - no reward.
Ideally, removing the depression will allow you to build a social life. It will also help you find reward in the little things in life on a daily basis. I think it will take more time (and perhaps some psychotherapy) to formulate personal goals that will produce the more global reward for the long-term.
In the event that the ideal does not occur swiftly, you can learn how to find reward in the small accomplishments you arrive at each day. Finding friends is possible, but can seem like a more serendipitous than active process. It takes longer, but the few friendships that you do make are often of high quality. Don't be in such a rush. Make friends with yourself first. You are still at an age of self-discovery.
> No one understands how depression feels - I mean - the people in my life - some family members, friends, etc. They all "have their own problems."
I know. People mean well, and can really intend on helping, but they sometimes don't know how to rearrange their priorities and actually allocate time to devote to you - not even just to listen.
> They think that depression feels just like regular stress.
People tend to interpret the word "depression" as what that word means in their scope of personal experience. Depression is a word that is used to describe a common human experience. Unfortunately what you are experiencing is not that same common experience, but something entirely different. I wish another word were chosen to describe it. Perhaps you could call it affective disorder. If someone asks what that is, you can tell them it is caused by neural dysregulation. Then you can describe how it affects you. You can then choose to use "depression" as just one of the symptoms that it produces. It is helpful to have a list of other symptoms to describe to provide an understanding that it is indeed a biological disorder beyond simply being the common depression they are personally familiar with.
In summary, I think you need to make some changes in your biological treatment. If you are cycling regularly with an obvious periodicity, you might be bipolar, in which case, mood stabilizers might work magic. Psychotherapy would probably be very helpful, particularly at your age. Try to be patient with yourself and the slower development of a social life. Find reward in your small accomplishments. Any accomplishment is a great success when challenged with depression. You won't be challenged forever. This bad time will pass. Be aggressive with your treatment so that it will pass more quickly. Advocate for yourself.
- Scott
Posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2006, at 8:02:11
In reply to Re: How are people doing? » SLS, posted by JerryPharmStudent on September 5, 2006, at 23:05:12
> I don't know what's going on. I'm taking my meds as usual. Seems my depression overpowers my meds ever couple of weeks or so. School just started back up a couple weeks ago. I noticed right then that I wasn't feeling right - because I usually look forward to school.I agree with Scott, it sure sounds like MDD is going on. I know in my case, the idea of tweaking or changing medications can feel like a real burden. Or it can feel pointless. But it can help. And I also agree with Scott that therapy can help as well, to get you through this time, if you're not already doing that. Does your school have counselors available? I've worked in student counseling centers as well as used the services myself. I've seen a number of folks benefit from a combo of meds and therapy, whether short term or longer.
I also think Scott is spot on about feeling good about the little things. When you have MDD, it's almost like having a major and chronic case of the flu. It's debilitating, and you're right. People who haven't experienced that often don't "get it". Just getting up, brushing your teeth, washing your face, etc. is an accomplishment! Think about how hard that is when you have the flu. It's the same with depression. You're doing *something* positive and taking care of yourself. Even if that's all you can manage in a day. We take for granted those daily habits, but when you're depressed, it's much more of an effort. It's helpful to give yourself credit for *doing* something, even if it seems mundane. It's in the *doing* that we can begin to find our way out of it.
> I'm so desparate for support- that's why I came back to the board. I knew you guys would be here for me.I'm glad you came back. Loneliness and feeling not understood and not supported is horrible. And that's another effect of depression that just serves to keep someone depressed--we isolate and can lose support or others withdraw support just when we need it the most.
From what I noticed on your website when I was trying to track you down, you see like a fun guy. (Not a fungi, lol). I saw things you seemed passionate about. I saw humor. I saw personality and character. That's still in there, and I'm sure that's still appealing to others. It will be there when you find your way out of this depression.
((((Jerry))))
gg
Posted by llrrrpp on September 6, 2006, at 8:37:26
In reply to Re: How are people doing? » JerryPharmStudent, posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2006, at 8:02:11
Hi Jerry,
I'm sorry you're feeling so rotten. And you are SO right. The pain is worse than anything that healthy people can imagine. It's so bad sometimes that physical pain is a relief!I'm glad you came for support. You deserve all the help you can get. SLS and gardenergirl are very wise smart people, so I won't add too much to what they're saying, except that you shouldn't be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes you need a professional to listen to you and hear you to help you take the pain away. When you start feeling better, you can start working on what it is exactly that got you depressed in the first place. It might just be something as benign as extra stress when school started that overwhelmed your already vulnerable psyche. It may be something more complicated about how you react to your every day environment, or how you work with your past.
Well, whatever got you here, it doesn't matter today. What matters today is that you take good care of yourself. Eat a healthy meal today. Try to get up and go walk around among people. Try to do something nice for yourself, like go buy your books and sit to read a page or two while you drink a latte at the cafe. Call a healthcare provider about arranging an appt. to be evaluated for a change in meds, and to get a referral to see a therapist. Call a friend that you haven't talked to in a while.
Just be here too. That's okay.
safe hugs to you, Jerry. You're not alone. The depression is lying to you about that. There are a lot of people who care about you, and who don't want you hurting.-ll
Posted by llrrrpp on September 6, 2006, at 8:41:23
In reply to Re: How are people doing? » gardenergirl, posted by llrrrpp on September 6, 2006, at 8:37:26
Posted by SLS on September 7, 2006, at 5:55:20
In reply to Re: How are people doing? » JerryPharmStudent, posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2006, at 8:02:11
> It's helpful to give yourself credit for *doing* something, even if it seems mundane.
The measure of achievement lies not in how high the mountain, but in how hard the climb.
The measure of success lies only in how high one feels he must climb to get there.
- Scott
Posted by gardenergirl on September 11, 2006, at 21:36:58
In reply to Re: How are people doing? » SLS, posted by JerryPharmStudent on September 5, 2006, at 23:05:12
Posted by JerryPharmStudent on September 16, 2006, at 20:57:25
In reply to How are you doing today, Jerry? (nm) » JerryPharmStudent, posted by gardenergirl on September 11, 2006, at 21:36:58
not so great.
I don't think there's gonna be any light at the end of this dark tunnel.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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