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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on July 11, 2006, at 19:29:53
I think I have a personality disorder because I make others upset. That's the hallmark of a personality disorder, isn't it?...that our behaviour is a problem for those around us...
Sigh. I upset and anger people. I'm having a hard time at that other site again. Some people have been less than civil towards me.
I don't know why I annoy others so much. I don't know how to be a normal person. :-(
I think some people think I'm a troll. :-(
I don't even see how my behaviour is out of line. I think I was civil.
:-( I need hugs.
Deneb*
Posted by Phillipa on July 11, 2006, at 20:13:07
In reply to I think I really do have a BPD, posted by Deneb on July 11, 2006, at 19:29:53
I think you need to stay away from that site was it the Cancer one again? Love Phillipa
Posted by Deneb on July 11, 2006, at 20:32:58
In reply to Re: I think I really do have a BPD » Deneb, posted by Phillipa on July 11, 2006, at 20:13:07
I feel tantrumly. Like I want to whine and squirm. :-(
I hate it when things don't turn out right. I hate it when people don't accept me.
I think I want some attention right now. Feel like some foot stomping.
sigh. I hate it when I can't do the things I want to do. I like posting about the same things over and over again, but people are getting annoyed. I'm not welcomed anymore.
Some people really don't like me. They think I have bad intentions.
Foot stomp. Anger, anger.
Feeling tantrumly.
Deneb*
Posted by Phillipa on July 11, 2006, at 20:52:37
In reply to Re: I think I really do have a BPD, posted by Deneb on July 11, 2006, at 20:32:58
Deneb and if you do? What then? Love Phillipa
Posted by Racer on July 11, 2006, at 22:38:10
In reply to Re: I think I really do have a BPD, posted by Deneb on July 11, 2006, at 20:32:58
> >
> I hate it when things don't turn out right. I hate it when people don't accept me.Deneb? I think those are two separate issues, can you see that?
>
> sigh. I hate it when I can't do the things I want to do. I like posting about the same things over and over again, but people are getting annoyed. I'm not welcomed anymore.Maybe it would help if you're clear on what you're looking for from other people when you post. When you post here about the same things over and over, maybe anyone who got annoyed would be less so if you were really clear that you weren't looking for a response that included any sort of suggestions for how to help yourself, that you were just posting something to post something? Does that make sense? Maybe saying something like, "I'm just venting, I know I could do things to improve this, but I don't want to, so I'm just writing this to get some sympathy?" That way, people who read it could decide whether or not to respond based on that.
>
> Some people really don't like me. They think I have bad intentions.You didn't answer Phillipa's question, Deneb. Are you talking about that cancer site? I can understand why someone there might react badly to you: your doctors have told you -- over and over again, it sounds like -- that the lumps you're concerned about are benign breast cysts. They are *not* cancer. The people at that site are dealing with real cancer, with real death sentences in many cases. Can you put yourself into their place, emotionally, for a minute and think about how your behavior might look from that perspective?
I've said this before, and I'm going to say this again: Know your audience. Here, we tend to be pretty tolerant, because most of us have suffered with reactions to someone else's response to us. We give a lot of slack, and Dr Bob has civility guidelines that protect everyone here. That's not only not true of the other board you're discussing, it's also not true of the world at large. Maybe learning that one lesson: identify the audience you're addressing before you address them. Maybe that would help you.
Good luck.
Oh, and Deneb? I'm finding lately that I feel frustrated when I respond to your posts. I think I'm not going to respond for a while, because I don't like feeling this way.
Posted by Deneb on July 11, 2006, at 23:42:19
In reply to Re: I think I really do have a BPD » Deneb, posted by Racer on July 11, 2006, at 22:38:10
> Maybe it would help if you're clear on what you're looking for from other people when you post.
It might help here, but it didn't help there. I can't use that site to vent. Yes, it's that cancer site.
>That way, people who read it could decide whether or not to respond based on that.
I told people who don't like me to ignore me, but they won't do that.
> I can understand why someone there might react badly to you: your doctors have told you -- over and over again, it sounds like -- that the lumps you're concerned about are benign breast cysts. They are *not* cancer.
Actually I've been told I have a benign breast tumor, a fibroadenoma. I would rather have cysts because having fibroadenomas increases the risk of breast cancer two fold. There's no way for an ultrasound to determine if a solid lump is benign or cancerous, only a biopsy can determine that.
>The people at that site are dealing with real cancer, with real death sentences in many cases. Can you put yourself into their place, emotionally, for a minute and think about how your behavior might look from that perspective?
I don't know why, but I don't "get it". :-( Maybe I'm stupid or something. Maybe the other women there feel like I shouldn't be complaining because I don't have a diagnosis of breast cancer??
> We give a lot of slack, and Dr Bob has civility guidelines that protect everyone here. That's not only not true of the other board you're discussing, it's also not true of the world at large.
I wish there was a Dr. Bob moderating the world. :-( I'm not very good at real world stuff.
> Maybe learning that one lesson: identify the audience you're addressing before you address them. Maybe that would help you.
Obviously I didn't learn the first time. Maybe I will learn it this time?
> Good luck.
>
> Oh, and Deneb? I'm finding lately that I feel frustrated when I respond to your posts. I think I'm not going to respond for a while, because I don't like feeling this way.:-( Sorry I frustrate you. I seem to do that often. I don't even know what I do that frustrates people.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on July 11, 2006, at 23:56:34
In reply to Re: I think I really do have a BPD » Racer, posted by Deneb on July 11, 2006, at 23:42:19
I feel angry and agitated. I hate this. I want to hit stuff. I want to yell and scream and kick. I hate this. I want a lot of attention and no one is here right now.
I don't know how to calm myself. Ahhhhh! KICK STUFF
Don't know what to DO! I can't stand this! AAAAAhHHHH! !#$@$@%$@%$#$^%!#$@%$#^$($^%#@
Posted by capricorn on July 12, 2006, at 19:38:46
In reply to I think I really do have a BPD, posted by Deneb on July 11, 2006, at 19:29:53
> I think I have a personality disorder because I make others upset. That's the hallmark of a personality disorder, isn't it?...that our behaviour is a problem for those around us...
>
> Sigh. I upset and anger people. I'm having a hard time at that other site again. Some people have been less than civil towards me.
>
> I don't know why I annoy others so much. I don't know how to be a normal person. :-(
>
> I think some people think I'm a troll. :-(
>
> I don't even see how my behaviour is out of line. I think I was civil.
>
> :-( I need hugs.
>
> Deneb*
>
>
Deneb,
I f*** up on most sites i go on.First there is the
vehement outward denial.Then there is the nagging inner doubt 'Are they right?' playing loop the loop in my brain. Then the guilt and realisation of how sh*tty and worthless i really am.Sometimes i'll even troll to gain attention or
to feel more alive.Sometimes it all becomes too emotionally intense
and it spills out with a recklessly self destructive dysphoria.Basically i'm a sick bastard.
I don't think you are a bad person. Just hurting and muddled and in great pain.
(((((Deneb)))))
Posted by capricorn on July 12, 2006, at 19:47:43
In reply to Re: I think I really do have a BPD, posted by Deneb on July 11, 2006, at 23:56:34
> I feel angry and agitated. I hate this. I want to hit stuff. I want to yell and scream and kick. I hate this. I want a lot of attention and no one is here right now.
>
> I don't know how to calm myself. Ahhhhh! KICK STUFF
>
> Don't know what to DO! I can't stand this! AAAAhHHHH! !#$@$@%$@%$#$^%!#$@%$#^$($^%#@
>
>The 'i posted 10 minutes ago and nobody's replied.
Oh f*** why has nobody replied.Oh f*** they are all rejecting me.I need them to be there. I need their attention.I f***ing hate them feeling?
Posted by Deneb on July 13, 2006, at 0:39:15
In reply to Re: I think I really do have a BPD, posted by capricorn on July 12, 2006, at 19:38:46
I'm not really necessarily in great pain when I post my messages. I think I just have this way of communicating that doesn't fit in with the culture in most message boards. Simply put, I just don't fit in.
I tend to post a lot, probably because I don't have anything better to do with my time. I post a lot about myself and only reply to others occasionally. I tend to post multiple messages and I'm a thread starter.
I also crave attention. I like it when I get replies. I may post in such a way as to elicit replies. I'm also not very good at reading people. That surely doesn't help.
I don't think I'm a real troll because I don't try to upset people on purpose. I just have this way of annoying the hell out of people.
Deneb*
Posted by Dinah on July 13, 2006, at 7:45:59
In reply to Re: I think I really do have a BPD, posted by Deneb on July 13, 2006, at 0:39:15
> I also crave attention. I like it when I get replies. I may post in such a way as to elicit replies.
> I don't think I'm a real troll because I don't try to upset people on purpose. I just have this way of annoying the hell out of people.
I'm certainly not saying that your self assessment is true. I think it's clear that you have many friends on Babble, so you can't possibly annoy the heck out of people as a matter of course.
But do you think there's any connection between your two statements? Using your own words, do you post in such a way as to elicit replies of any sort? Or do you post in such a way to elicit positive supportive replies?
Does it distress you more when people get upset or when you don't get replies?
I think it's fine to crave attention. And I never judge whether the amount of attention anyone wants is excessive. I don't think there's any right or wrong there.
But I do wonder if you wouldn't have less distress if you clearly defined your goals and measured your results against those specific goals. So that if your goal is to get replies, and the replies you get are upset or angry, and you measure it against your goal to get replies, then your behavior has been quite effective, and you can safely judge it so. If your goal is to get supportive replies only, and you get angry replies, then you might wish to examine your methods of eliciting replies to see if it is really being effective in meeting your goals.
Just a thought. I was reminded of interpersonal effectiveness in reading my DBT assignment.
Posted by cloudydaze on July 16, 2006, at 23:31:03
In reply to Re: I think I really do have a BPD » Deneb, posted by Dinah on July 13, 2006, at 7:45:59
just a thought...
If you're posting things on a cancer site "just to get attention" some people probably don't appreciate that. It's probably not appropriate.
I don't know the whole story here, so i'm sorry if i offend.
Maybe it would be better to not post on the cancer site? Especially if it makes you upset?
If you're worried about getting cancer, wouldn't it be better to discuss it with people who genuinely care? It seems like you have friends on Babble who care, and would be happy to let you vent :)
I think you just want someone to talk to :)
Posted by Deneb on July 20, 2006, at 22:55:04
In reply to Re: I think I really do have a BPD » Deneb, posted by Dinah on July 13, 2006, at 7:45:59
Thanks for your reply Dinah.
> But do you think there's any connection between your two statements? Using your own words, do you post in such a way as to elicit replies of any sort? Or do you post in such a way to elicit positive supportive replies?
I think I do tend to post provocative posts at times. I get a little desperate for attention sometimes. I don't think I really "get" it yet. I always post expecting positive supportive posts but I'm always surprised and upset when I don't get them.
> Does it distress you more when people get upset or when you don't get replies?
Both distress me, but I think the negative responses I get upset me more than upsetting people.
> If your goal is to get supportive replies only, and you get angry replies, then you might wish to examine your methods of eliciting replies to see if it is really being effective in meeting your goals.
Yeah, I really have to learn to better get the things I want.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on July 20, 2006, at 23:00:42
In reply to Re: I think I really do have a BPD, posted by cloudydaze on July 16, 2006, at 23:31:03
> just a thought...
>
> If you're posting things on a cancer site "just to get attention" some people probably don't appreciate that. It's probably not appropriate.I was posting to get attention, but doesn't everyone? People want their posts to be read and replied to. I wanted attention in the form of supportive replies. I just couldn't get enough of them and people got fed up.
> Maybe it would be better to not post on the cancer site? Especially if it makes you upset?
I can't post even if I wanted to now. I got kicked off.
> If you're worried about getting cancer, wouldn't it be better to discuss it with people who genuinely care? It seems like you have friends on Babble who care, and would be happy to let you vent :)
It doesn't seem like people on Babble are responding to my cancer posts anymore. .
Deneb*
Posted by cloudydaze on July 20, 2006, at 23:58:13
In reply to Re: I think I really do have a BPD » cloudydaze, posted by Deneb on July 20, 2006, at 23:00:42
((((Deneb))))
you are a special person....just wanted to make sure you knew.
I think some people are too sensitive...but then again if i had cancer (or even thought i might have cancer) I would be overly sensitive too...
I can see the situation from both perspectives. On one hand, i know that you didn't mean any harm, and on the other hand, I think maybe they weren't sure of your intentions, but maybe they thought that you were just in it for the hugs, so to speak.
Were you supportive of others? Oftentimes on boards such as these, being supportive of others is a good way to get support yourself. Also, being nice to others should make you feel good. :)
Maybe they just didn't understand Deneb...sometimes that happens, and it is unfortunate.
Maybe instead of posting multiple threads on the cancer, you could keep one thread and just keep updating it when you get new information, or when you're having a hard time dealing with it....that way it might be easier for people to keep track of your thoughts and the development of the situation.
hugs,
cloudy
This is the end of the thread.
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