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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jammerlich on May 12, 2006, at 21:52:34
Ok, I'm just going to be direct here, as uncomfortable as I am about it.
Does your husband shave his balls? (Or your boyfriend, or you if you're male)
Please feel free to send babblemail if you don't want the world to know; but nothing sleazy. This isn't a joke. I know it sounds funny and I'm sure you guys are laughing, *I* would probably be laughing if it weren't such an issue for me.
And do you think the amount of grooming/shaving a man does and the type of underwear he likes are an indicator of his sexual orientation?
OMG, I can't believe I'm going to post this. Please be kind to me. It already feels like it'll be hard to show my face here again. I can't ask my IRL friends, and I have to ask someone. It's making me crazy.
Posted by Phillipa on May 12, 2006, at 22:14:10
In reply to I can't help it, I have to ask, posted by jammerlich on May 12, 2006, at 21:52:34
No my husband doesn't. Love Phillipa
Posted by annierose on May 12, 2006, at 22:24:29
In reply to I can't help it, I have to ask, posted by jammerlich on May 12, 2006, at 21:52:34
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 12, 2006, at 22:30:17
In reply to I can't help it, I have to ask, posted by jammerlich on May 12, 2006, at 21:52:34
> Ok, I'm just going to be direct here, as uncomfortable as I am about it.
>
> Does your husband shave his balls? (Or your boyfriend, or you if you're male)I did it once. And never again. I had to do it, for my vasectomy, or there wouldn't even be a once.
> Please feel free to send babblemail if you don't want the world to know; but nothing sleazy. This isn't a joke. I know it sounds funny and I'm sure you guys are laughing, *I* would probably be laughing if it weren't such an issue for me.
>
> And do you think the amount of grooming/shaving a man does and the type of underwear he likes are an indicator of his sexual orientation?Indicator? A hint, maybe. And since it depends so much on other things, I'd consider it to be totally unreliable. I know some body-builder types, total hetero men, who shave all over. I don't get it, but to each his own.
Underwear type? There's more than one type? Holes or no holes?
> OMG, I can't believe I'm going to post this. Please be kind to me. It already feels like it'll be hard to show my face here again. I can't ask my IRL friends, and I have to ask someone. It's making me crazy.I'm sorry it's making you crazy. I've tried to be a little light-hearted about it, in the midst of such seriousness. I hope you get the answers you need. The ones from your guy, I mean.
Lar
Posted by llrrrpp on May 12, 2006, at 22:52:50
In reply to Re: I can't help it, I have to ask » jammerlich, posted by Larry Hoover on May 12, 2006, at 22:30:17
My husband says he has never done so, but he has (hetero) friends who have, or who have at least tried it. I can think of a few reasons: novelty (sensation), visual illusion of being larger, hope to appeal to mate, maybe because all the porn actors do it, hoping to live up to an unrealistic standard?
Posted by Racer on May 13, 2006, at 1:45:20
In reply to Re: I can't help it, I have to ask, posted by llrrrpp on May 12, 2006, at 22:52:50
Nope, never had a boyfriend who did it, and my husband certainly doesn't -- although he hardly counts, since he only manages to shave his face once a week, which really upsets me.
Anyway, about men shaving. I've known a number of men -- straight me, as far as I know -- who shaved everywhere else, so may have shaved that area, too. Several were swimmers, one was a bicyclist, and a couple of them said that they liked the way it felt to them, and might continue even if they didn't have to. (Being mostly hairless myself, I never thought to ask why.)
Underwear choice? Despite what Larry said, I think most underwear has at least three holes in it... :-D OK, serious comments: I've known two sorts of guys who wore the nylon bikini type things -- gay men, and the sort who, in the 70s, we called swingers. Other than the little cupcake wrappers, I have only known guys who wore normal underwear. Well, normal as in cotton bikini briefs, briefs, or boxers.
Oh, and another thing about shaving -- I can't remember what it's called when you pull out your hair? My husband pulls out hair compulsively, but only from certain areas. It could be that the fellow in question has similar issues... (By the time my husband's whiskers get long enough for him to get a grip, he starts pulling them out. He knows that there's a compulsion to pull hair, and he knows that he can't help doing it, but he says he really does have to pull it out. And doesn't quite see the flaw in the reasoning there.) Anyway, it could be something like that, or even the most basic, most practical, most obvious reason I can see for doing it: avoiding ingrown hairs in an extremely sensitive area.
But you know what I think really has to be said here? Speaking for myself, and I'm convinced for many others here -- I am absolutely *aching* to know what's behind this question?
Posted by NikkiT2 on May 13, 2006, at 6:42:36
In reply to I can't help it, I have to ask, posted by jammerlich on May 12, 2006, at 21:52:34
*l*
He has done.. once or twice.. but just for kinky purposes *lol*
He *hated* the re-growth..
*L* I can't believe I just admitted this. Its these pain pills you know *lmao*
Nikki in disguise
Posted by jammerlich on May 13, 2006, at 8:37:54
In reply to Re: I can't help it, I have to ask » jammerlich, posted by NikkiT2 on May 13, 2006, at 6:42:36
Is that I think my husband is gay. And I have for the better part of our 11 year marriage.
The underwear I speak of? Thongs. He wore them several years ago and finally stopped because I told him I really hated them. Sorry, but I've never known a straight man to wear them.
The thing that scares me the most? I asked him about it 5 or 6 years ago and can't really remember what his answer was. I seem to recall something about being curious, but I'm not sure. I also can't remember my exact question. I have a hard time being direct, so I doubt I asked, "Are you gay?"
As far as the shaving goes, he's not an athlete, so that's not the explanation. And he literally does shave just about everything. My husband, the hairless wonder. Yay.
He also closes his laptop or whatever screen he's on when I come into the room. That makes me super suspicious. I've been keeping an eye on the credit card and bank statements and don't see anything out of the ordinary, though. I did ask him about this a couple of days ago. First, he lied and told me it was my imagination. Then he said he was doing it because he was looking at religious sites, trying to figure out if he really thought there was a god and he was afraid of what I'd think. Personally, I think it's horseshit because he KNOWS I question the existence of god too, so I can't see how he'd think I'd care if he investigated. I already don't trust him very much and the fact that his first inclination was to lie makes me trust him even less.
I feel so foolish, thinking of myself as the woman who potentially married the gay man.
Is it just me, or do lots of babble marriages seem to be falling apart right now?
Posted by Racer on May 13, 2006, at 11:02:53
In reply to What's behind the question, posted by jammerlich on May 13, 2006, at 8:37:54
> Is that I think my husband is gay. And I have for the better part of our 11 year marriage.
>
> I already don't trust him very much and the fact that his first inclination was to lie makes me trust him even less.
>
> I feel so foolish, thinking of myself as the woman who potentially married the gay man.
>I realize that this subject is very upsetting to you, but you know what? Even if he was gay, don't you think the distrust is a much bigger problem for your marriage?
What makes me really sad, though, is that it sounds as though you and your husband have begun to feel that you have to hide from one another. He's hiding the screen, you're hiding your suspicions.
What if he was looking for a birthday surprise for you, and didnt' want you to see? What if it was heterosexual hardcore? What if he was drooling over Porsches? (OK, the last one is my husband, who has to sell the one he has before he can buy another.) What if he was IMing with a woman he wants to have an affair with? What if he was checking out what would be involved in marriage counseling? Or looking for a divorce attorney? There are all sorts of other reasons for him to hide his computer screen -- some innocent, some not so -- that have nothing to do with being gay.
If your husband was gay, what would be the consequences? What would change in your marriage? Would you love him less? Or would you only have to adjust your image of him, and then continue to love him? I guess I think that you might want to look at some other aspects of your marriage, and decide where the priorities are. Wondering if he's gay is never going to change, unless he goes off with another man. You can't prove a negative, so he can never prove that he isn't.
For reference, my mother was married to a gay man -- my father -- and their marriage ended for reasons having nothing at all to do with the fact that he was gay. He finally admitted it to me at teh end of his life, although he still swore he was straight, it's just that my mother was the only woman he'd ever been involved with. That does color my reaction to reading this.
Posted by madeline on May 13, 2006, at 11:49:36
In reply to What's behind the question, posted by jammerlich on May 13, 2006, at 8:37:54
For the record, I know men that shave their testicles. They like the way it feels. Also, personally, I LIKE it when men shave their testicles and around their penis. Who likes having all that hair around?
Seriously though, IMO your suspicions are most likely grounded in some truth.
What do you think would happen if you just asked him again? "Are you gay?".
Are you ready for the answer? Or that you might not get an answer at all? What then?
If he is gay and not telling you, then he is probably afraid of what would happen if you found out. He may not want to lose you. HE may not be ready to "come out". I don't know, I just don't know.
What would change if you found out?
I'll be thinking about you in the coming days.
Racer is right about one thing however, marriage is just that much harder when there is an element of mistrust around.
Maddie
This is the end of the thread.
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