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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on February 11, 2006, at 20:33:40
I moved in here about a year and a half ago. The woman who owns the house told me it was a safe place. It was just me and her.
Lately, she's been drinking alot. Her boyfriend moved in. She also let an older man move in. Her boyfriend hasn't been able to hold a job. Both of them drink. They just came in tonight fighting, and she's telling him that he has to move out tonight.
I know they're drunk. That's what they do. He came in the house, goes to the bathroom, doesn't bother to shut the door, and she comes in yelling at him.
So I'm in my room with the Olympics on, the sound turned up, hiding. Don't know why. I can't handle the arguing and the fighting. I'm scared.
I've given myself until June to find a place on my own, but I'm scared to do that too. It helps me to have someone around who can recognize when I'm getting out of control (manic or depressed). Then again, I can't really count on people who spend so much time drunk.
I can't spend my time isolated im my room though either. I can't say anything to them. She just came into my room and grabbed (literally grabbed it out of my hand) my phone... hers got shut off because she didn't pay the bill. She's barely standing up.
Maybe I didn't have as much of a problem here before because I was drinking. I don't know, this isn't really a healthy place for me, but I'm so scared to hurt her by leaving, but I'm scared to be here too.
I keep thinking that she'll stop drinking, and things will get better. There's banging and doors slamming and I want to cry. I need to concentrate on school though. I have two papers due on Monday. It's so hard to concentrate on anything though.
Not really looking for answers, just needed to get something out.
Blessings,
--Dee
Posted by TexasChic on February 11, 2006, at 21:02:40
In reply to Roommates fighting.... again, posted by deirdrehbrt on February 11, 2006, at 20:33:40
Don't you dare feel bad for her, you're only in charge of taking care of yourself. I say that so venemently because I've so been there. My T said I was a people pleaser. Its hard to decide where to draw the line when you're an extra sensitive person who always cares about others. But you can't sacrifice yourself for them, especially when what they really need is to help their self.
When I started trying to put myself first, I felt completely heartless. But after a while, you realize that by being a marter, you're not really helping anyone. Its so amazing when the realization hits you that its OKAY to put yourself first. Like what Opera calls a lightbulb moment. Besides, if you're not taking the upmost care of yourself, how can you help anyone else?
You're right that this is an unhealthy environment. I know what its like to have your home life be stressful and unstable. It effects your entire life! You never really get the chance to relax. Your home should be your haven.
I was so scared to move out on my own a year ago, but now I wouldn't have it any other way. I love it! I mean, I have my problems, isolating myself, not being able to keep the place clean, but compared to what I went through before, its heaven.
Try to put yourself first, you deserve it.
-T
Posted by crazy teresa on February 11, 2006, at 21:05:43
In reply to Roommates fighting.... again, posted by deirdrehbrt on February 11, 2006, at 20:33:40
Her feelings may be hurt when you move out, but that's her problem. What about what they're doing to your feeling right now...
Posted by sleepygirl on February 11, 2006, at 21:19:14
In reply to Re: Roommates fighting.... again » deirdrehbrt, posted by crazy teresa on February 11, 2006, at 21:05:43
That sounds terribly uncomfortable......Since you're at school, something you might want to consider: sometimes there are postings at colleges for roommates and spaces to share - if you could find a place, sooner would be better than later
You might want to spend as much time as possible at school.
That sort of insanity just ain't worth it - I spent too much time in a similar environment as a kid - as an adult I'd try to avoid it like the plague - you can't save anyone but yourself
take good care of you
Posted by deirdrehbrt on February 11, 2006, at 21:30:04
In reply to for deirdrehbrt, posted by sleepygirl on February 11, 2006, at 21:19:14
Thanks everyone.
I wish that I was at a traditional college right now, but it's an on-line program through Colorado Technical University, so being at school is being at home.
I can go out to the local coffee shop to study, and that gets me out. Doesn't help much though when they get home late after drinking. I gave myself until June to get out of here, so I guess I'll stick to that. That's when most of the college students at UNH move out of their apartments, so it will be easier to find a place then. With luck though, I'll find something before then.
Thanks all,
--Dee
Posted by James K on February 11, 2006, at 22:18:43
In reply to Roommates fighting.... again, posted by deirdrehbrt on February 11, 2006, at 20:33:40
I can't believe you moved into a crazy drunk house and still managed to get sober (is it 5 months? or am I confusing again) Good on you.
The first time one of my friends walked into the bathroom and continued a conversation with my wife at the same time, we kind of changed the rules. That stuff bothers me and I'm a guy.
When fighting starts, I'm either in the middle of it, or in the cabinet. Once again, good for you.
June's a ways off. take care of yourself.
James K
Posted by deirdrehbrt on February 11, 2006, at 22:41:59
In reply to Rambling thoughts » deirdrehbrt, posted by James K on February 11, 2006, at 22:18:43
Thanks James.
It is a bit tough, but usually, when I see them stumble home, or have to help someone up the stairs, it's kind of a reminder to me of why I want to stay sober. Nights like tonight though, for some reason make me want to drink. I could just drink, pass out, and not have to worry about what's going on in the house.
It is 5 months, you're not mistaken. Thanks for remembering. I don't want to sacrifice that on the altar of their drunkenness.
Thanks again.
Blessings,
--Dee
Posted by Phillipa on February 11, 2006, at 22:49:17
In reply to Re: Rambling thoughts » James K, posted by deirdrehbrt on February 11, 2006, at 22:41:59
Do you attend AA? Maybe someone there is looking for a roommate. Good lucky an unhealthy enviornment is not good for you. could lead to relapse. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on February 12, 2006, at 0:23:27
In reply to Roommates fighting.... again, posted by deirdrehbrt on February 11, 2006, at 20:33:40
Pleeeease think about getting out sooner. Reading your description, I think of a scared child in an abusive home. Don't do this to yourself. Even if you have to go into a little debt, it is worth it to get out. Some apt complexes will actually pair up roommates. Often these complexes are in college towns and there aren't a ton of complexes that do it, but it is worth looking into.
Or I think that there are websites to find roommates. Or you could move into a studio apt just until you can find a roommate.
Please consider it. I'm worried abt you! :(
Best,
EE
Posted by fairywings on February 12, 2006, at 0:44:10
In reply to Roommates fighting.... again, posted by deirdrehbrt on February 11, 2006, at 20:33:40
Sounds like a very bad situation for you Dee. I'd be scared too. Any chance your college has a service where they match up room mates? I looked at one of those when I was in college. Sometimes it's a shared house and you can go meet the people you'd be living with.
What about sharing with a senior - you know talking to a local sr. citizens center. Maybe a recently widowed person, or someone else who'd like to have a room-mate, but not necessarily be in each other's hair. Sometimes you can meet ppl at places where you like to volunteer, or through an activity you like - bike club, walking club, gym, book club.
fw
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