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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Angela2 on December 24, 2005, at 20:00:32
I just came back from christmas party with my family I see only once a year. I don't know how to describe it, there's so many things that I dislikd about it. They just make me feel bad about myself. I think it's partly me and my low self esteem and negatrive perceptions, but yeah. I dunno. I don't think I'm gonna go next year. Tomorrow should be better, as nicer family will be at my house. I hope everyone is having a good christmas/holiday. If not, it's OK. I think it's bullsh*t that one should be happy just because a f*cking holiday says you should be.
Posted by happyflower on December 24, 2005, at 20:09:45
In reply to I don't know how not to feel bad about myself, posted by Angela2 on December 24, 2005, at 20:00:32
Who's idea was it to spend the "happiest holiday" with people you don't always like. LOL Why not with friends instead? That would be more fun than my crazy relatives! LOL
Posted by Angela2 on December 24, 2005, at 20:14:02
In reply to Re: I don't know how not to feel bad about myself, posted by happyflower on December 24, 2005, at 20:09:45
yeah! hehe. sometimes family things can suck =P friends are much better.
Posted by Susan47 on December 24, 2005, at 22:32:04
In reply to I don't know how not to feel bad about myself, posted by Angela2 on December 24, 2005, at 20:00:32
I used to get these feelings from my family, and my ex's family as well. Then I understood, just recently as a matter of fact, that there were reasons these was happening and the reasons made a lot of sense. Angela, you're smarter than you know, we all are, and your discomfort is telling you there are dynamics at work that aren't healthy for you. So if you feel like you can't take it, you definitely don't have to, and NO GUILT because you're right, it's all b.s., one day a year makes no difference, it all comes down to how you are all the time. Be around people who are good to you, who appreciate you and who bring the best out in you and the rest will take care of itself, truly ...
Posted by Angela2 on December 24, 2005, at 23:33:50
In reply to Re: I don't know how not to feel bad about myself » Angela2, posted by Susan47 on December 24, 2005, at 22:32:04
aw, thanks susan. :-) :-)
Posted by Phillipa on December 25, 2005, at 20:16:03
In reply to Re: I don't know how not to feel bad about myself » Susan47, posted by Angela2 on December 24, 2005, at 23:33:50
I'd rather be in babbleland! Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by TexasChic on December 25, 2005, at 20:55:55
In reply to I don't know how not to feel bad about myself, posted by Angela2 on December 24, 2005, at 20:00:32
One thing I've discovered on the road to recovery of being a 'people pleaser' is that you don't HAVE to do anything you don't want to. Its REALLY hard to get that because you feel obligated to people (esp. family). I'm by no means completely reformed or anything, but I can at least kind of see when I'm being manipulated into doing something for someone because I'm too nice to say no. I've had a few experiences where I put myself first in spite of how wrong it felt to me and how bad people made me feel. It can be quite an enlightening experience. Once you do it the first time, it gets easier. You don't want to think of people as manipulating, but its usually not a conscious thing on their part. They just know how to get what they want out of you. The bottom line is, if a situation is making you feel bad, leave. Who cares if they get all full of righteous indignation. Just think to yourself, I don't have to do anything I don't want to. If they have a problem with it, oh well. If they want to see me, they can treat me with respect. And that is not asking alot (even though it may seem like it). Okay, you got me on a soapbox, this just really hits close to home.
-T
Posted by Angela2 on December 25, 2005, at 20:59:17
In reply to Re: I don't know how not to feel bad about myself » Angela2, posted by TexasChic on December 25, 2005, at 20:55:55
thanks texas chick. You made some good points. Philippa, I would rather be in babbleland too=P
Posted by TexasChic on December 25, 2005, at 21:56:13
In reply to Re: I don't know how not to feel bad about myself, posted by Angela2 on December 25, 2005, at 20:59:17
> I would rather be in babbleland too=P
Babbleland, what would that be like? Maybe its whatever you want it to be. For me it would be a forest full of huge ancient trees and a babbling brook, with wildflowers growing in fragrant abundance. A place of no worries, where you can relax and examine life. (I should be a freakin writer! Okay, I'm a little drunk. Lets move on.)
-T
Posted by Phillipa on December 25, 2005, at 22:23:40
In reply to Re: I don't know how not to feel bad about myself, posted by TexasChic on December 25, 2005, at 21:56:13
Texic Chic Babbleland is where we all live and are always there to support each other. No fighting, no cursing, just understanding each other, and ps cute boy is there! Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by ClearSkies on December 26, 2005, at 7:03:13
In reply to I don't know how not to feel bad about myself, posted by Angela2 on December 24, 2005, at 20:00:32
I'm the same way. I bring it upon myself, yet I don't want to disappoint anyone in their expectations of me.
CS
Posted by Susan47 on December 27, 2005, at 14:12:48
In reply to Re: I don't know how not to feel bad about myself » Angela2, posted by TexasChic on December 25, 2005, at 20:55:55
I agree with what you've said, with an addendum if I may, which is that I think it's because I was emotionally immature that I was manipulated so much, and I was manipulated so much because my emotional maturity was stuck in a very young, unguarded place, a place where I still believed "evil" was a word stemming from religion, not human experience.. so the more gullible I was, the easier I was to manipulate and the harder to became to see it as manipulation, which is where I think the guilt comes from. When we're manipulated, nobody really knows it until we start getting sure of who we are, which is I think where the maturity comes in. I mean, if we really understood how easy it was to manipulate people like us we would have no reason to feel guilty, but we'd sure as heck start getting angry about it.
I think it's good to feel angry about how easy we can be to manipulate, because it opens our eyes to ways to take care of ourselves, respect and appreciate who we are as people, and then nobody can get past the manipulation radar as easily anymore, and when that happens, the dynamics start to change for the better.
This is the end of the thread.
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