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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jay on October 26, 2005, at 8:08:43
OK...Pity-Party time....This seems to be the story of my life. I am so damn hurt, bent, broken by this..."not good enough for this...or that....didn't do this right...or that right..". This is a MAJOR part of my depression, and I think even my suicidality at times.
See, I was born with a developmental handicap, and was 'slow' in school and such, so I had to work three times as hard as everyone else just to get 'average' marks. I was overweight, and 'girls' just have never been interested in me. Whenever I strike up a friendship with a gal, and on the odd chance ask her out to a movie, it's like I had commited the worst, hideous act in the world!!! Then I started losing my hair when I was young, and got taunted and picked on about that. I like to write music that everyone else hates but me. I'm a left handed kid forced to live in a right handed world. Well, I guess the only way to think is that every single one of those people are going to get old, sick, full of stench, and die, and rot in the earth...so who the hell better are them now? Death is the great *equalizer*. F*ck 'em!
Jay (ending on a happy note..lol..)
Posted by Mal on October 26, 2005, at 8:28:10
In reply to **NOT** good enough..please help me understand, posted by jay on October 26, 2005, at 8:08:43
Jay, I am sorry you are feeling this way. I understand you must be frustrated...
The only thing I can think of is to ask you if you are in a career that plays to your strengths. Or is it at least something you enjoy working at? I think picking a path that features your talents is a very healthy thing. It allows you to shine- in which case you are much more likely to be *noticed*! And if you're too far along your career path to change now, maybe screw up some courage and join some club or group that is involved with something you are good at, or maybe take a class at a local community college. That is much easier said than done, I know, but having some little corner of your life in which you can feel good about yourself would do a lot of good.
I have read your posts for years, though I seldom replied, and I know you are a sensitive and caring guy. Any woman worthy of you won't think a thing about whether or not you have hair! I find some totally bald guys irresistable! I think it is all in the way you wear it- embrace it, and know that if a woman can't see beyond your physical appearance to the great guy you are, she isn't worth your time.
I think you just haven't come across the girl who knows how to treat you yet. And there isn't too much we can do to hurry that along...sorry...
Hoping this helps...
MAL
Posted by Tamar on October 26, 2005, at 8:59:15
In reply to **NOT** good enough..please help me understand, posted by jay on October 26, 2005, at 8:08:43
> OK...Pity-Party time....This seems to be the story of my life. I am so damn hurt, bent, broken by this..."not good enough for this...or that....didn't do this right...or that right..". This is a MAJOR part of my depression, and I think even my suicidality at times.
(((((Jay)))))
> See, I was born with a developmental handicap, and was 'slow' in school and such, so I had to work three times as hard as everyone else just to get 'average' marks.
At one time kids were just written off as failures before they’d ever had a chance to reach their full potential. And if stuff like that happened to you, I can imagine you would feel you won’t ever be good enough. But you’re in a respected job now, aren’t you? You did really well!
> I was overweight, and 'girls' just have never been interested in me. Whenever I strike up a friendship with a gal, and on the odd chance ask her out to a movie, it's like I had commited the worst, hideous act in the world!!! Then I started losing my hair when I was young, and got taunted and picked on about that.
If women are turning you down in a mean way, they’re probably not the sort of women you’d enjoy dating. I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but it’s true. And being somewhat bald and overweight doesn’t make you unattractive. If you want to improve your chances with women, the only thing you need to change is your attitude (easier said than done, but possible in a way that changing your hairline isn’t). Women tend to like men who are confident, funny and romantic. I am sure you can be all those things! It’s hard to be confident when you feel you’re not good enough, but there are ways to improve your confidence. And you’re definitely funny. And I’ve seen some of your posts that implied you have a romantic side. I’m sure that with a bit more confidence you’ll have women lining up for a date with you!
> I like to write music that everyone else hates but me.
So you’re creative. Maybe they just don’t appreciate your music! You like it; do it for yourself.
> I'm a left handed kid forced to live in a right handed world.
Yeah. Not much way around that one. Although… it can have advantages in bed…
Sorry if I sound like the eternal optimist; I don’t want to annoy you. But you’re obviously a good guy and yet you’re so hard on yourself.
I hope things get better for you soon.
Tamar
Posted by sleepygirl on October 26, 2005, at 20:37:18
In reply to **NOT** good enough..please help me understand, posted by jay on October 26, 2005, at 8:08:43
Posted by Susan47 on October 26, 2005, at 21:27:58
In reply to **NOT** good enough..please help me understand, posted by jay on October 26, 2005, at 8:08:43
Your own poor opinion of yourself is reflecting outward, Jay, and you really do, it's true, you get back what you put out. These girls aren't responding to the way you'd like to be thought of, they're responding to the way you do think of yourself.
Posted by Angela2 on October 26, 2005, at 22:28:34
In reply to **NOT** good enough..please help me understand, posted by jay on October 26, 2005, at 8:08:43
Jay,
Those girls who turned you down, that was in the past long ago right? Becuase high school girls can be materialistic superficial jerks. I read somewhere that women prefer a guy's scent over his looks. I really think this is true. Keep looking, you'll find someone. To quote audio slave: Just be yourself. It's all that you can do.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 27, 2005, at 5:59:17
In reply to Re: **NOT** good enough..please help me understand, posted by Susan47 on October 26, 2005, at 21:27:58
Jay, Susan speaks truth!! My self image issues date back to senior public school (talk about baggage, I have a matching Louis Vuitton set!) comments. Not letting ourselves be defined by our pasts is a daily workout.
You're a good guy - intelligent, creative, compassionate. *That's* the Jay you want the rest of the world to know!!
CS
Posted by Phil on October 27, 2005, at 14:51:24
In reply to **NOT** good enough..please help me understand, posted by jay on October 26, 2005, at 8:08:43
I like to write music that everyone else hates but me.
___________I write songs for my own amusement. Rush lyrics have substance for the most part but read, say, America's lyrics. Now those suck. "Been through the desert on a horse with no name..." Something tells me both of our attempts at lyrics beat theirs. What I have trouble with is coming up with the hook. It's hard to write simple. Most dumbed down lyrics sell the best..just repeat, repeat, repeat, etc.
Find yourself a Rush chick, Jay. You will persevere.Phil
Posted by Bobby on October 27, 2005, at 21:32:32
In reply to **NOT** good enough..please help me understand, posted by jay on October 26, 2005, at 8:08:43
I think you are a good man---and that's always a desirable thing for women. I didn't get married until I was 36. The right one always eventually finds you. Eagles don't fly in flocks.
Posted by AuntieMel on November 2, 2005, at 16:02:47
In reply to **NOT** good enough..please help me understand, posted by jay on October 26, 2005, at 8:08:43
I predict in the end it will all work out.
I felt like a misfit in high school. I have no clue why I decided to go to a reunion one time, but I'm glad I did.
All the guys that were hunks back then were decidedly overweight and out of shape. They looked a good 15 years older than me.
And the girls voted "most beautiful" Ack! One in particular had ankles as thick as an elephant. The cheerleaders were there, too, and they hadn't changed a bit either.
It was clear that to those people high school was the best time of their life and it's been downhill since. Sad, really.
But I went home feeling pretty good.
This is the end of the thread.
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