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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on January 19, 2005, at 19:07:10
We were planning a trip as a family over my son's upcoming school holidays, but because I got so far behind in my work, I just can't see that it's possible for me to take off that soon without being in serious trouble at work.
So they're going without me. I told them of course I wouldn't mind. I knew they were looking forward to it. But I was wrong. I do mind. A lot.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 19, 2005, at 19:52:05
In reply to So I was wrong. It isn't ok., posted by Dinah on January 19, 2005, at 19:07:10
Can you still join them take work with you or a laptop??? Also being your boss gave you a raise and all I doubt you will be fired THAT WAS HONORABLE OF YOU anyhow
hugs
> We were planning a trip as a family over my son's upcoming school holidays, but because I got so far behind in my work, I just can't see that it's possible for me to take off that soon without being in serious trouble at work.
>
> So they're going without me. I told them of course I wouldn't mind. I knew they were looking forward to it. But I was wrong. I do mind. A lot.
Posted by crushedout on January 19, 2005, at 19:57:43
In reply to So I was wrong. It isn't ok., posted by Dinah on January 19, 2005, at 19:07:10
What about it bothers you, Dinah? I could imagine a lot of different aspects that might bother *me* but I'm curious about how your mind (guts?) work(s). Are you angry?Did they already leave?
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 19, 2005, at 20:47:02
In reply to So I was wrong. It isn't ok., posted by Dinah on January 19, 2005, at 19:07:10
((Dinah))
That sucks. I like that you admit it bothers you instead of pretending it doesn't. I just don't want you to feel that you SHOULDN'T feel upset about it, and therefore feel upset about being upset. KNow what I mean? WE're all human.
Posted by crushedout on January 19, 2005, at 21:01:34
In reply to So I was wrong. It isn't ok., posted by Dinah on January 19, 2005, at 19:07:10
((((Dinah))))
Posted by AdaGrace on January 20, 2005, at 7:10:44
In reply to So I was wrong. It isn't ok., posted by Dinah on January 19, 2005, at 19:07:10
Oh Dinah......sometimes we have to sacrifice our own happyness so as to not smush someone elses. It does hurt. I know. I have missed out on many a family outing because I had to work, or had to take care of my dad, etc. It hurts, and sometimes it hurts more that they go ahead and go, but I don't want them to be stuck at home either. It's a hard descision. I feel for you.
Posted by Dinah on January 20, 2005, at 7:13:41
In reply to So I was wrong. It isn't ok., posted by Dinah on January 19, 2005, at 19:07:10
It's still in the buying tickets phase. I think they're going to do that today. It's not the vacation at all. It's the fact that they consider me optional for something as important and rare in our family as a family vacation. Mom can't come? Ok, we'll just go without her. No point in telling them that I mind, because the part I mind is over and done with. I'll never be able to think about my husband or my son in the same way again. I wouldn't *want* to go on a family vacation if either of them couldn't make it. Despite the fact that my husband drives me nuts often. The fact that they *want* it, consider it acceptable, stings. A lot. It makes me feel completely differently about my role in the family. I'm the completely optional mom.
Posted by partlycloudy on January 20, 2005, at 7:40:41
In reply to Re: So I was wrong. It isn't ok., posted by Dinah on January 20, 2005, at 7:13:41
Dinah, that was the first thing that popped into my head - not that you would not be able to go because of your workload, but that *they* would go without you. Um, is it possible they don't understand the implications of taking a family vacation without the whole family?
Or might they be thinking they'll be giving you a break by leaving you alone?
Just a couple of thoughts.
Posted by Dinah on January 20, 2005, at 8:58:18
In reply to Re: So I was wrong. It isn't ok. » Dinah, posted by partlycloudy on January 20, 2005, at 7:40:41
I don't know. I suppose I could ask. My son probably wasn't thinking anything more than DISNEY!!! My husband tends to be a wee bit insensitive by nature, not maliciously so, just that engineering computer genius sort of insensitive. And he's very hard to turn from a course in general. Once he starts making plans, he has trouble switching direction.
If he thinks it will make me mad, he'll not go ahead with it. But I think it doesn't matter much at all if they go ahead with it now or stop because they think I'm hurt or angry. It won't change the fact that my participation was extraneous. :(
Posted by partlycloudy on January 20, 2005, at 9:11:35
In reply to Re: So I was wrong. It isn't ok. » partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on January 20, 2005, at 8:58:18
>It won't change the fact that my participation was extraneous. :(
Husbands can be such boobies sometimes. My feelings would be terribly hurt and I'd have to say something. This trip would be to Disney, Orlando...?
<light bulb goes on>
Oh, Dinah - you HAVE to go. We can leave the guys at the theme park and you and I go do what we want. I'm just a drive away from Mickey and friends.
Posted by annierose on January 20, 2005, at 11:40:58
In reply to Re: So I was wrong. It isn't ok. » Dinah, posted by partlycloudy on January 20, 2005, at 9:11:35
Dinah -
My first thought was different than my current one. Since I own my business, I have total flexibilty in vacation planning (to a point). My husbands cuurent job, only gives him 3 weeks. So this Easter, I'm taking my kids to visit my mom
(however dsyfunctional) in a warm hot state. I know he feels a little left out, but he didn't want to burn a week there, and why should the kids and I sit at home all week when I can be soaking up the sun in Arizona (and my sister and her kids are going too)?
BUT ... I would never ever go to DISNEY without my husband. That's a family vacation for sure!! Totally different, and I agree, I would feel hurt if the situation was reversed. But if my husband wanted to take the kids to visit his mom in New Mexico and I couldn't go, I would encourage that journey and relish the time to myself.
It's hard, but can you consider the possibility of telling your boss that you and your husband have been planning this trip for awhile and with all the personal loss, your son really needs a family vacation now? Is working via laptop a possibilty?
Posted by Tabitha on January 20, 2005, at 13:57:20
In reply to Re: So I was wrong. It isn't ok., posted by Dinah on January 20, 2005, at 7:13:41
Honey your hubby might be thinking he's doing you a favor by doing what you told him you want. Wouldn't it be better to check it out with him to find out whether he really thinks of you as "extraneous"?
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 20, 2005, at 17:42:49
In reply to Re: So I was wrong. It isn't ok., posted by Dinah on January 20, 2005, at 7:13:41
Hon I feel so bad for you and can identify with how you feel....I would feel the same maybe it would not be based in fact ,,,my guess is they are just making do cause you said you cannot go....but....I WOULD feel the same and very sad too..so no words of wisdom just huge hugs to you
> It's still in the buying tickets phase. I think they're going to do that today. It's not the vacation at all. It's the fact that they consider me optional for something as important and rare in our family as a family vacation. Mom can't come? Ok, we'll just go without her. No point in telling them that I mind, because the part I mind is over and done with. I'll never be able to think about my husband or my son in the same way again. I wouldn't *want* to go on a family vacation if either of them couldn't make it. Despite the fact that my husband drives me nuts often. The fact that they *want* it, consider it acceptable, stings. A lot. It makes me feel completely differently about my role in the family. I'm the completely optional mom.
Posted by Dinah on January 20, 2005, at 20:49:50
In reply to Re: So I was wrong. It isn't ok. ((( DINAH))) » Dinah, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 20, 2005, at 17:42:49
I'm really not all that easy to offend, and I don't get bent out of shape easily. But it never occurred to me that when I said that I wasn't sure I'd be finished my work and able to go that my husband would suggest they just go without me.
I know I should be reasonable, discuss it with him, find out what his thinking is. But I just want to stomp off and slam the door and think dramatic thoughts. :) I'm not feeling all that reasonable.
I figure the only real repair could be if he unprompted came to me and said "I don't know what I was thinking. A family vacation wouldn't be a family vacation without *all* the family. I'd rather go later with you than right now without you." But that's not going to happen.
Given that nothing short of that would fix anything, it doesn't seem worth even mentioning it.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 20, 2005, at 21:40:21
In reply to Ahhh, I'm trying to be reasonable., posted by Dinah on January 20, 2005, at 20:49:50
I wish I had your phone number I would sneaky call him and tell him he needs to do this ...I understand *feelings* There may be a second option but ??
> I'm really not all that easy to offend, and I don't get bent out of shape easily. But it never occurred to me that when I said that I wasn't sure I'd be finished my work and able to go that my husband would suggest they just go without me.
>
> I know I should be reasonable, discuss it with him, find out what his thinking is. But I just want to stomp off and slam the door and think dramatic thoughts. :) I'm not feeling all that reasonable.
>
> I figure the only real repair could be if he unprompted came to me and said "I don't know what I was thinking. A family vacation wouldn't be a family vacation without *all* the family. I'd rather go later with you than right now without you." But that's not going to happen.
>
> Given that nothing short of that would fix anything, it doesn't seem worth even mentioning it.
Posted by nikkit2 on January 21, 2005, at 5:47:18
In reply to Ahhh, I'm trying to be reasonable., posted by Dinah on January 20, 2005, at 20:49:50
Maybe he was just thinking of your son.. he's only a little kid, and also had a tough time of things recently, so maybe hubby felt that your son, as a little kid, shouldn't miss out on the holiday..
I dunno.. me and Dad, and me and Mum, often went away without the other as often they couldn't both take time off work at the the same time! Some of my favourite holidays I've ever had were just me and dad, or just me and mum.. I think it removed some of the pressures of those two arguing *l*
Nikki
Posted by Dinah on January 21, 2005, at 7:12:23
In reply to Re: Ahhh, I'm trying to be reasonable. » Dinah, posted by nikkit2 on January 21, 2005, at 5:47:18
I'm sure that is true. And I know they both deserve a holiday, and were looking forward to this one. It's not their fault that I've let things get so out of hand that I can't afford to go away. I hope they have a lovely time.
Posted by nikkit2 on January 21, 2005, at 11:00:03
In reply to Re: Ahhh, I'm trying to be reasonable. » nikkit2, posted by Dinah on January 21, 2005, at 7:12:23
Maybe you and the little guy can get away for a long weekend soon, just the two of you.. somewhere fun - I picture a water park kind of holiday *g*
And then, after that, you can find someone trust worthy and drag your husband away for a long weekend just the two of you *g*
After all, with the money saved on this one, you should expect to get spoiled all year long!
And.. have you asked your boss about the time off?? They might suprise you and say "sure"!
Nikki xx
Posted by Dinah on January 21, 2005, at 12:42:12
In reply to Re: Ahhh, I'm trying to be reasonable. » Dinah, posted by nikkit2 on January 21, 2005, at 11:00:03
No, I don't think so.
But I could use some time away from everything. I haven't done it before because I didn't want to leave them alone, but I could just consider it more male bonding time.
I'm looking into some possibilities. Someplace warm. They can fire me if they like when I get back.
Daydreams perhaps, but nice ones. I really am looking into it.
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 21, 2005, at 13:34:57
In reply to Re: Ahhh, I'm trying to be reasonable. » nikkit2, posted by Dinah on January 21, 2005, at 12:42:12
A weekend away at a spa!! Dinah, that would be an awesome thing to do for yourself.. lots of pampering and warming during the day, and culing up with a book or something in the evening, after a nice dinner..
You sould SO do it!!!!
And I bet the boys would have fun bonding!
Nikki xx
Posted by Dinah on January 21, 2005, at 13:48:58
In reply to Now THAT is a great idea!!! » Dinah, posted by NikkiT2 on January 21, 2005, at 13:34:57
Posted by nikkit2 on January 22, 2005, at 4:49:44
In reply to Yeah, it's very freeing. (nm) » NikkiT2, posted by Dinah on January 21, 2005, at 13:48:58
I'm going to nag you and nag you till you go and have that Dinah weekend.. imagine, all those people who are there to please Dinah.. no worries about you have to please anyone.. all youneed focus on is Dinah and how good Dinah is feeling!!!
Darn.. I wanna go have a spa weekend now *l*
Nikki x
This is the end of the thread.
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