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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by saw on January 14, 2005, at 1:30:26
Okay, so I have major depressive disorder and GAD with panic attacks and I am being treated for it, and so far the medication seems to be agreeing with me and I am feeling so much better than I did at the end of last year. Why do I feel guilty for feeling better? It's as though there is some predisposed notion that having this illness means I have to be down and depressed all the time. And that if I get better or feel better no-one will take me seriously. I don't know if I am making any sense. I don't want to be depressed. I mean, overdosing last year was truly an awful experience and I don't want to do that again. It just seems so strange that I can feel better just a month after wanting to end it all. I realise the medication is helping, but is it just that? Or is some of it me?
I do feel so much stronger, and more stable, so it feels incongruous that I should feel strange for feeling that.
Sabrina
Posted by partlycloudy on January 14, 2005, at 4:33:24
In reply to Why do I feel guilty?, posted by saw on January 14, 2005, at 1:30:26
When I started to feel better, I felt relief and distrust. I thought, this can't be possible when I was so miserable just the other day. I thought for sure it wouldn't last.
So, guilt and distrust. This is recovery??!
Posted by Phil on January 14, 2005, at 15:16:59
In reply to Why do I feel guilty?, posted by saw on January 14, 2005, at 1:30:26
Sabrina...
I think depressed becomes our 'norm'and when it lifts, especially when it lifts quickly, we are a bit off balance.
Maybe it's kind of like someone giving you an extravagant gift and you feel guilty for accepting it. Like you don't deserve the 'happiness gift'.
Try this exercise: Look in the mirror and say, "I deserve to be *happy*." Say it with your heart, you know? It may be a good exercise for many of us.
I think the Dalai Lama said the purpose of life is happiness. That's good enough for me! : )
Just accept your gift with gratitude and know you are blessed.
Your friend,
Phil
Posted by smokeymadison on January 14, 2005, at 19:13:27
In reply to Why do I feel guilty?, posted by saw on January 14, 2005, at 1:30:26
i remember feeling out of sorts too when meds really helped me. it was like the meds were pushing me or creating this new personality that i could not recognize. I agree that if you are depressed for a long time, it becomes the norm. to be better feels different. so why the guilt? i felt that too, i remember. that one is tricky. maybe guilt is a feeling that you have not felt much before in the same way you are feeling it now and because you are better, you can now "feel" what was repressed? i remember feeling guilty just when i was getting better b/c i had a lot of guilt stored up and the depression masked it. to feel true feelings is a blessing, even if they are negative ones. does this make any sense?
SM
Posted by rubenstein on January 15, 2005, at 13:45:06
In reply to Re: Why do I feel guilty? » saw, posted by smokeymadison on January 14, 2005, at 19:13:27
I have those feelings as well. Its as if I feel better than it means I was faking my thoughts in the first place or something. I especially feel that aobut suicidal thoughts. I am in this vicious circle right now and am having alot of trouble with it. I want to feel better, but I am so scared that feeling better will mean that I am a big fraud or something. I know this doesn't make much sense and is not logical but it is how I feel. I wish we all could get rid of the guilt. To me, it is one of the hardest feelings to deal with.
take care
rubenstein
Posted by jujube on January 15, 2005, at 13:56:57
In reply to Re: Why do I feel guilty? » saw, posted by Phil on January 14, 2005, at 15:16:59
Posted by just plain jane on January 16, 2005, at 15:04:29
In reply to Re: Why do I feel guilty? » saw, posted by Phil on January 14, 2005, at 15:16:59
(smirking like the wiseacs I am)
Phil,
Are you related to Stuart Smalley?just plain kiddin' jane ;)
Posted by just plain jane on January 16, 2005, at 15:37:57
In reply to Why do I feel guilty?, posted by saw on January 14, 2005, at 1:30:26
feeling guilty is so much more fun than feeling worthy? And most of us are really good at it by now, even though we can sit here and tell one another not to feel guilty, it is much harder to put it into practice in ourselves.
The vast majority of people I have encountered with psychological disorders but not really delusional, and who are aware of how their condition affects them, feel guilty when they are feeling better, like you say.
Some have been dealing with their aberrent personalities for so long they self talk, aloud, when there is a problem with feeling unworthy of the care, compensation, medications, attention, and all else that goes with their bad times.
Funny, most "sane" people use the cliche "you have learn to take the bad times with the good"... well, ironically, we must learn to take the good times with the bad.
Personally, in the past two years I have gone through psychoheII dealing with all these horrid things I was too much of a bada$$ to think I had anything to deal with when they happened, two and three decades ago. They happened; end of story. I get up the next day and go on like usual.
It's been particularly hard for me because I am without need of a man (i am hetero, but just don't find it more important than being independent); I had never accepted help from anyone from the time I was little.
Now, I have been examined, headshrunk, continue with therapy, had the medical facts looked at, and been granted a disabiity.
And when I go to the VA for therapy, the pdoc, meds, anytime, I see men in all conditions resultant of war and I FEEL GUILTY, because I am rated right beside them.
And if i had a friend who was in my situation, and I was not, I would tell her, "You have suffered with multiple disabling physical and psychological problems, all stemming from incidents when you were in the service and what happened was service connected. You deserve this and should have been getting it long ago, instead of struggling through your life in physical and psychological pain and agony, trying to be the sole support and responsible party wherever you went."
But apply that to myself?
Yeah, right.
jpj
Posted by alesta on January 16, 2005, at 15:50:41
In reply to Why do I feel guilty?, posted by saw on January 14, 2005, at 1:30:26
hi sabri:)
wow! so glad you're doing well.:) i'm running out of time, so i gotta keep this short..you sound so much better! hope ya got my email from a while ago. anyway, glad to see you're back and doing well..this is a real surprise!take care,:)
amy
Posted by Phil on January 17, 2005, at 2:32:54
In reply to Ummmm.... » Phil, posted by just plain jane on January 16, 2005, at 15:04:29
Second cousin. Now I'm going to lock myself in my room and eat Fig Newtons. The dreaded shame spiral has reared it's ugly head.
Posted by just plain jane on January 17, 2005, at 9:59:34
In reply to Re: Ummmm.... » just plain jane, posted by Phil on January 17, 2005, at 2:32:54
how shameful must I be to get you to share those Newtons?
This is the end of the thread.
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