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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cubic_me on July 15, 2004, at 9:10:06
I'm back from my 3 week vacation and all ready to catch up with everyone again - any thing I should know about what's been going on while I've been away?!
Posted by ghost on July 15, 2004, at 9:27:27
In reply to I'm back, posted by cubic_me on July 15, 2004, at 9:10:06
welcome back!!
you missed my roadtrip ;)
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040619/msgs/358868.html
Posted by karen_kay on July 15, 2004, at 9:56:14
In reply to I'm back, posted by cubic_me on July 15, 2004, at 9:10:06
*jai had a lovely day yesterday (and i think her lovely mood (and stunning good looks) caught on!
*poor phoenix was a victim of credit card fraud (but it'll all be resolved very soon and she'll be back to nap time in no time!)
*slinky's made her beautiful come-back (and finally taking back her duties on the admin board (it's about time! i thought mr bob was going to lose it for a while, i mean we can't leave a man in charge can we? it does take a woman to govern correctly and everyone knows that!))
*i think everyone's sick (all done and zen have been kissing in the parking lot, so whatever zen had, she gave to laurie... i'm glad i waited for my kissing! but, they'll be good as new next week, just wait and see...)
*miss sunshine had a lovely session yesterday, though she was a bit stressed right before she went.
*kid's still out chasing a zebra down. i think he may have been kicked by one and is laid up in bed in some remote hospital where zebras roam. all for a black and white pony.
*scott's taking some time off. but, he'll be back once he's feeling better. he's appointed some idiot (yes, i'm allowed to call this person an idiot, i assure you :) to keep in touch and let everyone know he's fine. btw, i haven't heard from him yet :)
*indie's new, likes bourbon and i think i'm in love.
*ELLE'S BACK!!!!!!!!!! and she has a job at the library!!! do you think she can slip me some books, on the down low??? (yahoo!!! elle's back!!!!!!!!)
and the beautiful miss gabbi posted! that made my day!
i think that's all i remember right now... oh, and i'm mean as ever.... how have you been dear?
Posted by Indie on July 15, 2004, at 14:54:20
In reply to unofficial babble gossip reporting for duty..., posted by karen_kay on July 15, 2004, at 9:56:14
> *indie's new, likes bourbon and i think i'm in love.
If only it was as easy to love me IRL as it is to love the idea of a sassy world wandering, bourbon drinking girl!! I feel the love of the beautiful KK and smile...then the happy tears melt into painful sobs of grief. How many people have loved that side of me and then met this side and turned their backs and walked away?? I can't remember anymore.I'm not sure this is a good place for me...I cry too easily. Is it a good thing to acknowledge all of the pain and sadness in your heart or is it better to rest in the icy silence where I hide from all of it?? I don't know the answer.
Posted by B2chica on July 15, 2004, at 15:29:57
In reply to Easier said than done... » karen_kay, posted by Indie on July 15, 2004, at 14:54:20
>>If only it was as easy to love me IRL as it is to love the idea of a sassy world wandering, bourbon drinking girl!!
boy do i understand this one Indie. (btw is that as in indie film festival???)
anyway, people i meet usually perceive me as fun-loving, curious, did i mention "fun"? well, if i'm ANYTHING less than Mrs. Smiley, then their all over me "what's wrong...etc." like they even care. but i'm just so use to wearing that mask, it's second nature-and if they see even a hint of the real me they run in the other direction. It's even VERY difficult for my husband. that's why i can't turn to him for the most part right now. he want's me (expects me) to be that "happy b2c". so instead of being subjected to a million questions all ending up with "cheer up, i hate to see you sad" (which btw makes me feel Mega GUILT), i just keep the mask on.
So for the most part: there is one IRL friend that knows the Real me, and people at Babble....(thinking)...yep, that's it-not even my T knows all of me yet, i am hoping though in time he will.-so as to your not sure if coming here is best for you, that's something only you can decide. but for me, it's a place that i feel COMPLETELY accepted for who i really am, no probing questions, and unconditional acceptance, and non -judgement. I feel very comfortable here. Of course it's also very anonymous and i think that's why i'm able to talk the way i have been lately, about REAL personal issues. i'm feeling more and more comfortable.
i for one am glad you're here, bourbon drinking, depressed, hurting, or "fun-loving". no matter what your mood, i would like to see your posts here, you would be a good contribution to this community.
here's a welcome hug (((((Indie)))))
B2c.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 15, 2004, at 15:35:29
In reply to Re: Easier said than done... » Indie, posted by B2chica on July 15, 2004, at 15:29:57
Indie and Chica,
I am SO in the same boat. If I am anything less than the life of the party or smiling 24 hours a day I get the "What's wrong???" It bothers me so much. I feel like my usual cycle is to make a new friend. Have the new friend be charmed and intrigued with me. Have the new friend begin to ask what's wrong after a month or so. Have me drop the friend because (or her drop me)because I am pissed that I still cannot be accepted for who I am.
It gets frustrating and tiring.
Posted by cubic_me on July 16, 2004, at 5:47:04
In reply to Re: I'm back » cubic_me, posted by ghost on July 15, 2004, at 9:27:27
I read the thread on your road trip, it seems like you had a great adventure.
I've always felt a little left out and 'separate' from social situations, like you describe - until 2 weeks ago. For the first time I felt like a full member of my group of friends, a fantastic feeling; I'm sure it will happen to you too sometime, I hope it does.
Posted by cubic_me on July 16, 2004, at 5:49:41
In reply to unofficial babble gossip reporting for duty..., posted by karen_kay on July 15, 2004, at 9:56:14
Whoa Karen, that's a whole load of gossip. You can definately retain your title of gossip queen!
I've been ok thanks. Never great, but managing to fight off the downward spiral for now.
Thankyou for the update, it's great to have you around to make what's going on so compact!
Posted by cubic_me on July 16, 2004, at 5:50:56
In reply to Easier said than done... » karen_kay, posted by Indie on July 15, 2004, at 14:54:20
Hi Indie,
I don't remember meeting before (tho my memory isn't great!), so hi!
Hope I can get to know you better...
Posted by JenStar on July 16, 2004, at 11:27:40
In reply to Easier said than done... » karen_kay, posted by Indie on July 15, 2004, at 14:54:20
hey Indie,
don't freak out. Noone here is going to walk away from you (or "type" away, haha). You're an interesting, complex person and we all def. want to keep reading your posts & hear your updates. No need to hide in icy silence. Come on, that never works anyway....right??This may or may not be a good place to hang out - but give it a chance & see what develops. You might make some really nice on-line friends who can be there to support you & get support in return!
And now...the dreaded question...how are those papers coming along? You mentioned in a previous post that you got started, which made me really happy for you. How's it all coming along? Any new updates?
Take care & enjoy the day. Buy yourself some flowers. Smile.
JenStar
> > *indie's new, likes bourbon and i think i'm in love.
>
>
> If only it was as easy to love me IRL as it is to love the idea of a sassy world wandering, bourbon drinking girl!! I feel the love of the beautiful KK and smile...then the happy tears melt into painful sobs of grief. How many people have loved that side of me and then met this side and turned their backs and walked away?? I can't remember anymore.
>
> I'm not sure this is a good place for me...I cry too easily. Is it a good thing to acknowledge all of the pain and sadness in your heart or is it better to rest in the icy silence where I hide from all of it?? I don't know the answer.
Posted by Indie on July 16, 2004, at 11:30:49
In reply to Re: Easier said than done... » Indie, posted by B2chica on July 15, 2004, at 15:29:57
Thanks for the note. I went out to dinner with a friend last night and dumped all of my pain on him. I even confessed to my suicide attempt...something that I have never told anybody except here and to my pdoc. He just held my hand and reminded me to add him to the list of people who would be devastated by my untimely death.
Then when I got home I spoke to my best friend from high school. She scolded me for not leaning on her. She said that she could hear the depression in my voice and that I need to stop trying to deal with it on my own, that I needed to let her help me as I have helped her in the past. She said that her love and friendship is unconditional.
All of this reminded me that I am one of the lucky ones who DOES have friends and family who accept me for who I am no matter what my mood is. It reminded me to stop crying about the friends that I have lost to this stupid illness and focus on the the ones who stand by my side, always.
I hope that if you and cubic_me look around, you too can find some people who accept you in all of your beauty and all of your pain!! Think hard!! I know there is somebody. You are both too beautiful to have no one like that!!
Oh yeah...my nickname...it's kind of silly, really silly. I have used this name for years because one of my greatest fantasies is that I am the lost daughter of Indiana Jones. To this day, 31 years old, I hang on to this dream. I have great fantasies of the adventure that I could have...Silly, but it keeps me young and adventurous :)
Although I am also a big fan of the Indie Film festival. Oh so many years ago in college I got a degree in film production. I have never done much with it, but I still hope to make documentaries some day if I ever have enough money to produce them myself.
Posted by Indie on July 16, 2004, at 11:56:51
In reply to Re: Easier said than done..., posted by JenStar on July 16, 2004, at 11:27:40
I know...You're right (as always). I've just never been a girl who cries much. When my family picked me up at the airport after my dad died they were relieved to see that I was crying. They were affraid that I would just hide in silence like I usually do when I am sad or grief stricken. My point being that I have some stuff to cry about these days so I guess it is healthy to cry a bit.
Hmmm. The papers. I have made some progress...very little progress. Wed. After I read your posts I got off my butt and took a shower, did the dishes and the laundry so there would be nothing to distract me from the task and dug into the 1500 pages of literature. I read through all of the abstracts, seperated them out into logical groups and wrote out a rough outline. By this time it was 5:30 and my roommate got home. We chatted for awhile and I declined her invatation to go to the movies so that I could start reading. Unfortunately, when I started reading, three pages into it, my eyes got very heavy and I decidd to take a quick 1/2 hour nap. That was 7:30, I woke up at 9:30 the next morning. Yesterday I woke up, made some coffee and started reading...just to fall asleep again. When I awoke at noon, I took a shower and got on the internet for a bit. All of a sudden it was 3:00 in the afternoon. I started crying because I had wasted the whole day and didn't stop until my friend arrived to pick me up for dinner.
Here it is almost noon today and I have procrastinated the whole morning away. I am going to jump in the shower and give it another try. I think that I will take a ridlin to keep me from falling asleep *again*.
Wish me luck and have a splendid day!!
Posted by B2chica on July 16, 2004, at 12:23:49
In reply to Re: Easier said than done... » B2chica, posted by Indie on July 16, 2004, at 11:30:49
Indie!
i am Very glad to hear you talked openly with your friends. that is Fantastic! a Very important step.
and you have a very smart outlook. to continue looking into the future not the past. you DO have many people that care about you.
>>Oh yeah...my nickname...it's kind of silly, really silly. I have used this name for years because one of my greatest fantasies is that I am the lost daughter of Indiana Jones.are you kidding?! that's NOT silly at all!! hubba hubba, he's a cutie. and man i've always Loved those movies cuz i Always wanted to travel the world!
>>To this day, 31 years old,
say, that's a PERFECT age! (that's mine too ;)
>>Although I am also a big fan of the Indie Film festival. Oh so many years ago in college I got a degree in film production. I have never done much with it, but I still hope to make documentaries some day if I ever have enough money to produce them myself.Now that's a Great dream. i didn't get my degree in that but i now edit digital video, do some videography (but i have Major lighting issues -not my best area) but i LOVE the editing- no i don't do fancy films, i do documentary type stuff-research and educational/training based. But man this stuff ROCKS!
i've had a dream of doing my own documentaries. hopefully someday i could do them.
-i TOTALLY encourage you to do the same, NEVER let go of your dreams! and maybe you can sweettalk some people to back your films?Anyway, Great to talk with you. you just sound like such an incredible sweetheart.
take care.
b2c.
This is the end of the thread.
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