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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by underthecs on July 9, 2004, at 9:52:37
anyone there? i know i'm a bummer and only post when "i'm" in trouble. i just don't have the strength to offer support, though i read most every post. i'm sorry. please don't hate me.
my T was on vacation last weekend. and i am still recovering from that. how pathetic. i saw him for my regular session on thursday, but when he asked if i wanted to talk about transference or his vacation (knowing it was difficult for me), i still said no, even though i meant HECK YES!
so we sat there in almost total silence for 2 hours and i am soooooooooooooo pissed. but i could not speak. i pouted as much as possible but he still did not take the bait.
ugh. i just don't know what else to say. i hope someone else is out there who understands what i'm saying.
Posted by underthecs on July 9, 2004, at 10:02:41
In reply to T vacation, posted by underthecs on July 9, 2004, at 9:52:37
Posted by underthecs on July 9, 2004, at 10:08:27
In reply to kk, falls, daisy, dinah, anyone? (nm), posted by underthecs on July 9, 2004, at 10:02:41
Posted by B2chica on July 9, 2004, at 10:43:07
In reply to T vacation, posted by underthecs on July 9, 2004, at 9:52:37
>>anyone there? i know i'm a bummer and only post when "i'm" in trouble. i just don't have the strength to offer support.
Of course no one hates you. i'm definately the same way lately. seems like things are falling apart and can only seem to ask for help not give it.-that's also why i've been in psych board mostly. but i saw your post and had to respond.
> so we sat there in almost total silence for 2 hours and i am soooooooooooooo pissed. but i could not speak. i pouted as much as possible but he still did not take the bait.I totally understand what your saying. i'm kinda doing the same to my T right now. i'm almost kinda mad with him. I like him a lot and think he's the perfect match for me (professionally), but after i had my breakthrough and told him a major issue with me, the next session he just seemed kind of removed like "well, i've done my job-let's get you on your way."
i'm sure that's not what he was meaning but i just feel that. and just started to close up. now i feel like canceling except i WANT him to see me not talk to him. (kinda childish huh?)it's just all kinda coming too fast and i've put the brakes on. I think we all have these kind of issues with our T at one time or another. You are Definately NOT alone in your reactions.
-sorry can't offer much advice, but i'd like to see how your next session goes...how long till your T's back from vac?
b2c.
Posted by karen_kay on July 9, 2004, at 11:11:49
In reply to T vacation, posted by underthecs on July 9, 2004, at 9:52:37
it's ok not to offer support when you don't have it in you dear, that's how things work here. it's like a big circle, we give and take.
and no one hates you. don't ever ever ever ever ever ever worry about that. worry about rain, worry about flat tires, worry about crying babies, worry about cavities, worry about what's in boca burgers, but don't ever worry that any one here hates you, ok? (and don't worry about the things i mentioned either, ok? i'll worry about those things for you, deal? and you can be worry free!)
of course you get worried and scared when your therapist goes on vacation!!!! that's NORMAL!!! who doesn't? that's your rock, and your rock is going away for a while! of course that's a bit scary! that's not pathetic, that's NORMAL! n-o-r-m-a-l.. normal! and it's normal not to want to admit that you were scared. i never wanted to admit to my therapist that i had some feelings of attachment to him.
what you are feeling is what everyone who has normal feelings of attachment towards their therapist feels when their therapist goes away on vacation. it is entirely normal. what i find helps is distraction. also, talking to friends helps to cope with that 'empty' feeling too. do you have an old comedy on vhs or dvd you can lose yourself in? or, do you have a funny friend you can call who will help distract you for a little while? what about a funny website? i find humor helps in this situation.
don't beat yourself up for not telling your therapist that you really did want to talk about this. it's a difficult subject to talk about dear. usually when i did talk about it, it was when i opened my mouth and it jsut came out, surprising us both. and i sat there red-faced the whole time (yes, sometimes my face does turn red). but, your feelings are normal. this happens to all of us. it's hard to talk about. perhaps, if you get the courage, you could leave him a message on voicemail? just blurt it out? that would force him to broach the subject during your next session... just a suggestion. i used to do it often, when i couldn't talk aobut something face-to-face.. and i'd often end the message with 'please don't call me back, just talk aobut this message in our next session, ok?'....
good luck to you dear, but please know that this happens to the best of us.. hope that helps ease your mind.. and distract yourself please!!!!!
Posted by Dinah on July 9, 2004, at 12:08:35
In reply to T vacation, posted by underthecs on July 9, 2004, at 9:52:37
They *never* take the bait, infuriating therapists they are!!! Or at least mine doesn't. He always wants me to take responsibility and nurture openness and working through conflict.
I must confess I've never made it that long though. I usually cave in less than five minutes and tell him exactly what's on my mind. Or I chat to fill the silence and call and leave an angry message on his machine later. I haven't done the latter lately. I usually hash it out with him and get it over with.
When's your next session?
Posted by karen_kay on July 9, 2004, at 12:46:24
In reply to Re: T vacation » underthecs, posted by Dinah on July 9, 2004, at 12:08:35
they don't take the bait! it's like the know, but won't say it. they want you to say it! mine was the exact same way. they just don't give in, and they wait for you to say it!
dinah, you're right as always. :)
Posted by daisym on July 9, 2004, at 14:06:59
In reply to Re: T vacation » underthecs, posted by Dinah on July 9, 2004, at 12:08:35
How about writing down what you are feeling, even if it is a post, to get it all out? Remember when you got vacation homework to write about what you did during the summer? Do that, a little each day, but include some of your feelings.
We've started the vacation discussion slowly (it doesn't happen for a month) but it is weird to say, "I'm a wreck without you" knowing that they need to take a break in order to continue to be able to help you. But it is very hard...
I told my therapist a long time ago that he would sometimes need to "take me" into a discussion I was avoiding. He's pretty good at it. Usually I know we are going in a direction but more and more I think, how did we end up here? He usually pushes with, "just say it".
How long is he gone? We'll keep checking on you. Hang in there!
Posted by fallsfall on July 9, 2004, at 18:49:34
In reply to T vacation, posted by underthecs on July 9, 2004, at 9:52:37
Of course we don't hate you!
I think that your reaction was pretty normal. If I recall, there was a section in "In Session" that talks about how patients are often angry when their therapists come back and refuse to talk. So don't feel like you are too weird.
What were you angry about? Were you angry that he left you? Were you angry that he didn't know that you wanted to talk about his vacation even though you said you didn't? Were you angry that he let you "waste" 2 hours of therapy time in silence (by the way, silence is not necessarily a waste of therapy time. Sometimes it *is* communication (of anger for instance). Sometimes it is space so that you can feel that it is safe to talk again. Sometimes it can be a comfortable way to just be *with* each other.)?
It is *SO* hard to say "Yes, I want to talk about this incredibly painful thing". But sometimes you need to say this. Sometimes I say "No, I don't want to talk about it, but we probably need to".
And it is so scary for me to be angry at my therapist. I tend not to get angry at most people (I do get angry at my daughter - lucky her!), so I think that I'm afraid of what it will do to the relationship and to me (I don't really worry about what my anger will do to *him* because I sort of expect that he will take care of himself).
Sort of a rambling answer to say that you sound pretty normal to me...
Posted by underthecs on July 12, 2004, at 13:37:08
In reply to Re: T vacation » underthecs, posted by fallsfall on July 9, 2004, at 18:49:34
thank you ALL who replied. sorry i throw that stuff out there and then disappear. i want to write more. and i will. just thank you for answering and for being there. y'all are all so wise.
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