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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jay on July 2, 2004, at 19:33:11
OK...I am getting moving on with my life (touch wood) slwoly, but surely. It's summer...and I see pretty women outside in their sweet womanly shorts and tops. Now, I live with my folks, and a new neighbour has rented out the main floor of the house next to us. My Dad helps the landlord by keeping an eye on things. Anyhow...this new neighbour is a young 20 something gal. There are rowdy neigbours in the apartment above her, and my Dad and I told them to keep their butts in line. I am a 6 foot...200+ pound guy, and I could take these bozos out with the snap of a finger.
Anyhow..I haven't talked to the new gal neigbour yet. I heard her and seen her talk to my Dad though...and she is just so polite, quiet..seems very sweet. So, tonight, I am pulling out of the driveway and she is sitting on her porch. She gives me a big smile and wave, and as I roll down the window to talk to her, she starts playing with her hair. Now...I have read in many places...this is *possibly* a flirtation sign...but really, I am in reality, and just a major assumption.
One thing I would really love to do is become her friend, though, because I *really* need woman friends in my life. Even if no 'sparks' flew between us...it would be very nice to have a female friend who is so soft spoken, polite, etc.
So...comments please ladies. :-) (And hey...guys if you have anything you want to say..please do so!)
Peace and best,
Jay
Posted by deirdrehbrt on July 2, 2004, at 21:10:39
In reply to Ladies (and maybe guys)..I need your thoughts plz., posted by jay on July 2, 2004, at 19:33:11
Hi, Jay.
Sometimes playing with hair can mean she's playing with hair. On the other hand, a smile and a wave can mean that she thinks that she can trust you some.
I think that she has good vibes with you. I think that if you want a friend, you have to start with an acquaintance, and you are on your way there.
Friendship though, involves more than looks and familiar smiles; I think you know that. Now, you need to become better acquainted, and see if you really do have enough in common. It's hard to be close friends if you don't like rock, and that's what she is crazy over; If you're a Christian, and she's a Pagan, etc.
To really honor someone though, don't attempt to change who you are to become who you think she wants. That really hurts two people.
Having an acquaintance who respects you is much better than having someone not like you because you tried to hard.I'm not sure exactly how my brain's doing these days. I know the moods are better, and I hope the advice isn't completely out there.
Good luck, Jay. You sound like a heck of a guy. I'd probably smile and play with my hair if I saw you looking at me.
Dee.
Posted by fallsfall on July 3, 2004, at 8:28:26
In reply to Ladies (and maybe guys)..I need your thoughts plz., posted by jay on July 2, 2004, at 19:33:11
She sits on her porch. You are her neighbor. Sometime when she is sitting on her porch you could arrange to be doing something outside, or take a walk around the block. Just say hi. Talk about the weather or the fireworks or say something brilliant like "I guess we're neighbors".
There is something special about neighbors. They see you on good days and bad. It is harder to hide from your neighbors. Neighbors *CAN* end up being a constant in your life - perhaps you tell them a little bit each day so they do know what is current in your life. It can help to be careful of boundaries, though - just because you are home doesn't mean that you want to see her, just because you are mowing your grass doesn't mean you want to have a 1 hour conversation. Neighbors can be great when you need an extra pair of hands (moving the couch to a different room, jumpstarting your car). And you can usually borrow a cup of sugar or a couple of eggs...
There *can* be something to the "Boy next door"... Familiarity breeds comfort, comfort breeds openness, openness breeds understanding. Or, if you aren't very compatable, not.
In my mind, good neighbors are more important than hot dates. If there is meant to be passion, it will grow in time (after all, you *do* know where to find her). If you push for passion and it doesn't work, then you will lose having a good neighbor (and it can be uncomfortable to be living next to someone you don't want to see).
You have an opportunity here. Enjoy it.
Posted by jay on July 4, 2004, at 11:50:42
In reply to Re: Ladies (and maybe guys)..I need your thoughts plz., posted by deirdrehbrt on July 2, 2004, at 21:10:39
> Hi, Jay.
>
> Sometimes playing with hair can mean she's playing with hair. On the other hand, a smile and a wave can mean that she thinks that she can trust you some.
> I think that she has good vibes with you. I think that if you want a friend, you have to start with an acquaintance, and you are on your way there.
> Friendship though, involves more than looks and familiar smiles; I think you know that. Now, you need to become better acquainted, and see if you really do have enough in common. It's hard to be close friends if you don't like rock, and that's what she is crazy over; If you're a Christian, and she's a Pagan, etc.
> To really honor someone though, don't attempt to change who you are to become who you think she wants. That really hurts two people.
> Having an acquaintance who respects you is much better than having someone not like you because you tried to hard.
>
> I'm not sure exactly how my brain's doing these days. I know the moods are better, and I hope the advice isn't completely out there.
>
> Good luck, Jay. You sound like a heck of a guy. I'd probably smile and play with my hair if I saw you looking at me.
>
>
> Dee.Dee...thank you..indeed...as I have had a *really* bad weekend. (Medication probs and stuff...) I really appreciate and thank you for your last paragraph. (*blush*) I will just do as you say...and look to just being a 'friendly' neighbour, because I would also feel bad if I rushed into anything, and if she *was* interested, her not knowing about my mental health issues.
Thank you for your great advice...and vote of confidence. :-) It was really, really nice and sweet.
Best,
Jay
Posted by jay on July 4, 2004, at 12:03:26
In reply to Re: Ladies (and maybe guys)..I need your thoughts plz. » jay, posted by fallsfall on July 3, 2004, at 8:28:26
> She sits on her porch. You are her neighbor. Sometime when she is sitting on her porch you could arrange to be doing something outside, or take a walk around the block. Just say hi. Talk about the weather or the fireworks or say something brilliant like "I guess we're neighbors".
>
> There is something special about neighbors. They see you on good days and bad. It is harder to hide from your neighbors. Neighbors *CAN* end up being a constant in your life - perhaps you tell them a little bit each day so they do know what is current in your life. It can help to be careful of boundaries, though - just because you are home doesn't mean that you want to see her, just because you are mowing your grass doesn't mean you want to have a 1 hour conversation. Neighbors can be great when you need an extra pair of hands (moving the couch to a different room, jumpstarting your car). And you can usually borrow a cup of sugar or a couple of eggs...
>
> There *can* be something to the "Boy next door"... Familiarity breeds comfort, comfort breeds openness, openness breeds understanding. Or, if you aren't very compatable, not.
>
> In my mind, good neighbors are more important than hot dates. If there is meant to be passion, it will grow in time (after all, you *do* know where to find her). If you push for passion and it doesn't work, then you will lose having a good neighbor (and it can be uncomfortable to be living next to someone you don't want to see).
>
> You have an opportunity here. Enjoy it.Thank you Falls...this is super advice. I am far from rushing into *anything*, because I am still pretty fragile, and my mental health isn't still up too a better and consistent standard. I absolutely don't want to bring someone else into my mental health issues right now...as I don't think that would be fair. I honestly am not looking for passion...because with this illness not under control, it can be *very* dangerous.
A simple friendship would be nice, though, and as time goes on, we will see and that is what I may aim for. All of my past friends have abandoned me...and thus I have done so to them. I am still deeply wounded by a few who just quickly closed up shop and left town, and didn't say a single word to me. So...I've got issues...indeed!
I like your advise about time...and just letting the chips fall where they may. I now think that we often look at time and it's passing as being a bad thing...when in fact it is really a true healer, a good thing.
Thanks so much again...and peace and best to you...
Jay
Posted by Notaliseliz on July 4, 2004, at 15:45:36
In reply to Re: Ladies (and maybe guys)..I need your thoughts plz. » fallsfall, posted by jay on July 4, 2004, at 12:03:26
I think if you find someone interesting enough, who's interested in you..meaning ya'll have something to talk about--then you should be friends. Even when two people are in a romantic relationship, it has less chances of surviving if they're not friends.
So friendship should always be the goal.
Posted by sexylexy on July 5, 2004, at 16:17:41
In reply to Re: Ladies (and maybe guys)..I need your thoughts plz. » jay, posted by fallsfall on July 3, 2004, at 8:28:26
Hey There!
Well, I am from the deep south where we over do kindless but, this is what I would do. I would buy her some tulips...they are a very friendly flower not all romantic very respectful. I would bring them over and say, I know you just moved in and I am sure you are stressed so I wanted to bring you something to brighten your day. Then ask her if she needs any help unpacking ect...this gives you perfect time to get to know her, without acting like you are trying to make the moves on her. Take it slow and have a great time, she sounds like she might be sweet!
Good Luck,
Lexy
Posted by jay on July 5, 2004, at 22:07:58
In reply to Re: Ladies (and maybe guys)..I need your thoughts plz., posted by Notaliseliz on July 4, 2004, at 15:45:36
> I think if you find someone interesting enough, who's interested in you..meaning ya'll have something to talk about--then you should be friends. Even when two people are in a romantic relationship, it has less chances of surviving if they're not friends.
> So friendship should always be the goal.I agree...*completely*. I've always wondered, though, if my mental health still isn't in the best of shape, if it is irresponsible(sp?) to really pursue this, even just on a friendship basis.
*Sigh*...so many questions...but thanks for the great advice!
Peace,
Jay
Posted by jay on July 5, 2004, at 22:11:22
In reply to Re: Ladies (and maybe guys)..I need your thoughts plz., posted by sexylexy on July 5, 2004, at 16:17:41
> Hey There!
> Well, I am from the deep south where we over do kindless but, this is what I would do. I would buy her some tulips...they are a very friendly flower not all romantic very respectful. I would bring them over and say, I know you just moved in and I am sure you are stressed so I wanted to bring you something to brighten your day. Then ask her if she needs any help unpacking ect...this gives you perfect time to get to know her, without acting like you are trying to make the moves on her. Take it slow and have a great time, she sounds like she might be sweet!
> Good Luck,
> Lexy
Well Hello...and thanks for the kind advice! I am in a bit of a bind for the next few days...waiting to hear if I got a job I applied to, or not. Stress, the *heat* of it all, is overflowing, so I may be best to put your suggestions on hold for atleast a week...but I truly consider them. :-)Thanks so much again...best and peace,
Jay
Posted by karen_kay on July 7, 2004, at 11:56:04
In reply to Ladies (and maybe guys)..I need your thoughts plz., posted by jay on July 2, 2004, at 19:33:11
i somehow missed this :(
how great a seemingly polite, young lady moved in next door!!!! (personally, if i roll my hair between my fingers, i'm flirting, BUTTTTTTT!!!!!! that's just me..... and i'm not a polite young lady either. it could also be taken as shyness too)
if you want to become friends with her, an easy way to do so would be to notice when she's sitting on her porch (probably later in the evening when it's cooler outside) and ask if you can join her. ask her questions that you'd like to know about her... like her name, if she's from the area, things about her... ask about her, as you are interested in knowing about her, right? you can also incorporate things about yourself into the conversation as well, and i'm sure she'll ask about you too. just be sure there's a good mix of conversation between you and her. if she's new to the area, talk about fun things to do in the area, like parks, live music (try to stay clear of bars unless she mentions them first, as it may appear you are trying to pick her up), coffee houses, things like that. if she's from the area, then talk about people you know (chances are you may have one in common), places you frequent (or used to if you don't anymore), your music and interests.
jay, you're such a sweet guy. i'd die for the chance to live next door to you. i'd sit on my porch day and night, flipping my hair back and forth, just waiting for you to come and talk to me. now, go talk to this sweet girl. do her a favor please. (and then report back here so i can be extremely jealous :(
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