![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 203 to 227 of 545. Go back in thread:
Posted by SandyWeb on April 21, 2004, at 0:05:06
In reply to Re: Sandy » jlynne, posted by SandyWeb on April 20, 2004, at 22:46:25
Well, that was odd.
The two cops showed up tonight.
I was in the bathroom, brushing my teeth, and I thought I heard someone rat-a-tat-tapping on my door.
And sure enough it was them.
Odd timing.
It was nice to see them again, but....I have to be careful what I say. I just don't want to go back to the hospital, you know?
And it all just takes time. Just give me the time, and I'll probably get through this by myself. Haven't I always? You can only rely upon yourself, right? No one else needs or deserves that added burden.
After 2am here. Nighty-night.
Sandy
Posted by jlynne on April 21, 2004, at 0:52:18
In reply to Re: Sandy » jlynne, posted by SandyWeb on April 20, 2004, at 22:46:25
Sandy, do you know how to get to Babble Open? If you do, watch for my post in the old thread - i will leave a notice when i go to Babble Open, if you want to chat there.
If you need directions, let me know.
It's really hard to use the message board for a chat session because we all seem to be on at different times.
(((HUGS)))) ((((soft strokes)))) ((((chat))))
...jlynne
Posted by jlynne on April 21, 2004, at 1:50:30
In reply to Re: Sandy, posted by SandyWeb on April 21, 2004, at 0:05:06
> Well, that was odd.
>
> The two cops showed up tonight.
> >
> And it all just takes time. Just give me the time, and I'll probably get through this by myself.Sandy, i sent that last post before i read this one. I am so glad to hear that these two new "friends" showed up for you:~) Remember, i told you to keep your eyes out for an angel?? Well, it looks like you got TWO of them, eh? You ARE going to make it, sweetie . . . and not alone, either. I have such a warm feeling, i know something GOOD is going to happen to you.
You will go up and down (probably a lot down before a lot up) but you will see that it comes and goes in waves, and you just have to ride the waves, for now. When you are down, it will feel like you have always been down, and when you are up you will wonder what the fuss was, and then the down will sneak up on you from behind - so just be aware of that, ok?
God bless you, Sandy. I think you are starting to come back. I am still here.
((((HUGS)))) ((((soft strokes)))) ((((Hope))))
...jlynne
Posted by lonelygirl on April 21, 2004, at 2:36:29
In reply to Wound Up Tonight (Trigger), posted by SandyWeb on April 20, 2004, at 20:23:41
Hey Sandy,
You should come chat in Babble Open some time. jlynne and I are in there almost every night (usually fairly late, since we are both in Pacific time zone), and trucker, mystic, Dinah, Anakin, fallsfall, DaisyM, karen_kay, EmmyS, gardenergirl, Mrs. C, Zena, kid47, deirdrehbrt, All Done, octopusprime, jane d, and probably others I am forgetting, chat there too (though some of them go by different screen names there). It's kind of hit-or-miss; I usually check a few times during the afternoon and evening, and a lot of the time nobody else is there. The best time is usually in the evening. I'd say most of the chat occurs between about 8 and midnight, eastern time (I don't know what time zone you're in). Sometimes, people will post here on social to say that they're in the chat room, or you can post to say you're there (you just have to wait a while for people to see your message and come in the room).
You have to join Babble Open in yahoo groups to get in the chat room (I believe you can get in without joining if you have yahoo messenger, but I don't know how to do that!). You can join by going to:
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/psycho-babble-open/
Once you join, when you go to that page (at the above link), you'll see links on the left-hand side that say Home, Messages, Chat, Files, Photos, Links... (etc.), and you just click on the "Chat" link to get to the chat room.
Oh, and just to give you a heads up, there are a lot of, well, technical difficulties with the chat room. It will disconnect you without warning sometimes (and sometimes you have to refresh the page to get back in), and it does it to other people too, so they might leave without warning and take a minute to get back. It can be kind of frustrating! Also, for some reason, it sometimes lists people in the chat room who aren't really there, so it will look like they're in the room, but they won't say anything.
Anyway, I hope you'll try out the chat room some time!
Posted by SandyWeb on April 21, 2004, at 7:27:51
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on April 21, 2004, at 1:50:30
Hi jlynne,
Jeepers, it seems that I just went to bed and then had to get back up again. I think I'm going to be dragging my bum today! Lol!
It was just so odd for those 2 cops to show up last night, basically only a few minutes after I sent that message to you. Talk about timing!!! But you know what? I wouldn't invite them in. I told them that the last time I did that, they ended up taking me away! Ha! So we talked at my door for about 45 minutes. I know, I'm such a rude hostess!!! Hee hee!
I'm not really sure why they showed up when they did. They are off for the next four days, and they said that they just wanted to check in with me to see how I was doing. But the timing was uncanny. Hey, maybe they really are my two angels. *wink* Too bad they're married angels, though. Ha!
The only bad thing about the visit is that they had phoned my sister prior to coming over. They wanted to know if she would be willing to look after the kids again IF they needed to take me to the hospital. What?? So I'm sure I'm going to begin getting countless emails and phone calls from her again. Ugh. I'm not ready to rebuild our relationship yet, and this little incident certainly doesn't help any. Oh well.....one day it will be a distant memory, and we can go back to being sisters again.
I think you're correct about the "up and down" thing. I do have a few minutes, from time to time, when there appears to be some hope. It's refreshing. There is definately more "down" than "up", BUT.....baby steps is all it takes, right? Don't act impulsively, don't listen to "plans" in my head, try to focus on ANYTHING positive rather than all the negatives. I don't need to have the answers yet.....just the right mind-set. Difficult. But I guess I'm doing it. The soul has such a will to survive, doesn't it?
Anyways, the two guys said that they'd be coming back to see me when they return to work. They work 4 on and then 4 off. I just hope they don't come at 1am again. And I'm nervous to say too much. One reason is that I don't want them to think that I should go back to the hospital, which they KNOW I don't want to do. And the second reason is that I don't want to involve them in my life too much. I've already told them certain things that allows them to see a little bit of who I am/what shaped me. But if something DOES happen with me, that can be rather distressing to them because they'll know me. I don't think that's fair of me to do. But one of the guys said that he wants me to be open with them.....it helps them to know me better and understand where I'm coming from. But I just think it's rather dangerous territory for them. I still don't know what will become of me, and I really don't want to cause any type of difficulties for these two wonderful men. "Distance" is probably best.
You know what? I think I'm going to try and read a book. Maybe my focus is a little better now.
Enjoy your day!
Sandy
Posted by SandyWeb on April 21, 2004, at 7:30:36
In reply to Re: Wound Up Tonight (Trigger) » SandyWeb, posted by lonelygirl on April 21, 2004, at 2:36:29
Hey there loneygirl,
Thanks for the invite. I'm not sure if I will go to the Open forum. I don't use Messenger because it makes me nervous to chat with people "real time". Everyone seems to know what to say, and I'm sitting there trying to figure out how to respond! Lol!
But it's a thought.
Thanks for thinking about me!!
Take care!
Sandy
Posted by SandyWeb on April 21, 2004, at 7:33:09
In reply to Re: Sandy, posted by SandyWeb on April 21, 2004, at 0:05:06
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters, compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Posted by SandyWeb on April 21, 2004, at 7:40:53
In reply to Re: » jlynne, posted by SandyWeb on April 21, 2004, at 7:27:51
I meant to add to my message, but the ole brain fogged out on me:
I had been thinking about "hurting myself" this week. I had been sinking rather low, and I didn't even have any feelings left.
That visit couldn't have come at a better time. I don't think they appreciate the significance of showing up when they did. They don't know.
Maybe someday, when this is all behind me, I'll let them in on it. It's funny how something so tiny as an unexpected visit (from people you like) can change your outlook upon the day.
Oh gosh, I hope I don't sink again. If only we could keep moving upwards, right? Ah well, I am prepared to feel suicidal again.....but I also know that if I just hold on and not act impulsively, I'll survive.
Had to surf when you've never had lessons!! LOL!!!
Take care!
Sandy
Posted by LynneDa on April 21, 2004, at 10:06:46
In reply to Re: » jlynne, posted by SandyWeb on April 21, 2004, at 7:27:51
Wow! You are sounding so much better! I haven't been posting much, but I still read. And your posts have put a smile on my face. Like Jlynne, I have a warm feeling where you are concerned.
You should be so proud of yourself for getting to where you are. I know what Jlynne means about the ups and downs (& the fears you have when you're up that you'll go down again!). You are so strong, you don't give yourself enough credit!!
Please don't be afraid of what you've confided in to your "angels". That is part of their job to assess whether it's risky for them to get involved and care for folks they've helped - it's one of the risks and probably one of the joys of their job. Don't deny them that joy :-)
I really admire your ability to force your mind to look at positive things. I know how hard that is to do . . . but it sounds like you're doing it more often now. You're steadying yourself and it shows how much depth and will you have. You may just be one little "speck" as you said, but each speck has its place and helps to make the world more interesting!!
Take care and know that I'm rooting for you to get through this period in your life!
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Posted by jlynne on April 21, 2004, at 11:50:08
In reply to Quote, posted by SandyWeb on April 21, 2004, at 7:33:09
> "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters, compared to what lies within us."
>
> Ralph Waldo Emerson
>I can't believe you put that quote here . . . it is MY FAVORITE of ALL TIMES!!! I have it on a plaque:~) Maybe we really ARE sisters??
You are sounding so positive today, Sandy. And you know, about letting the "angels" in on your life will probably help them to know where you're coming from so they will know you are going up and down, and if they see you down, they will know better that you will be back up again soon. Does that make sense??
I know you don't want to think about going down again, but remember what i said about it sneaking up on you . . . if you're expecting it, it won't knock you down as hard (you can just shake hands with it:~)
Hang onto those instructions for Babble Open, okay? In case some day you feel like "chatting". We would understand if you just wanted to "sit in", too. They are people who post here, so it's pretty friendly - not like regular chat rooms:~) And it's usually not very full. Your choice, tho; no pressure.
I'm late to work, love; gotta go! I hope you have a lovely day.
((((HUGS)))) ((((soft strokes)))) ((((angels))))...jlynne
Posted by lonelygirl on April 21, 2004, at 12:24:49
In reply to Re: » lonelygirl, posted by SandyWeb on April 21, 2004, at 7:30:36
I can understand how you feel that way... But that is a standing invitation, so in case you feel like stopping by some time, please do! Everyone's nice, and if they put up with me, they'll put up with anyone! I like chatting in real-time sometimes because you don't have to wait for people to answer like you do on the message board.
Anyway, hope you have a good day!
Posted by jlynne on April 21, 2004, at 21:57:53
In reply to Re: Quote » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on April 21, 2004, at 11:50:08
Hi, Sandy . . . hope you had a good day. I just got off work a little while ago - long day.
I have been thinking about you and your angels all day, and I have been smiling a lot:~) I am so glad you didn't "hurt yourself".
Looks like it's been pretty quiet on the board today; not many new posts. I think the yo yo sistas are "cycling" again:~) They better make sure they're not cycling when they go on Oprah (LOL). Glad I'm through with that part of my womanhood.
Sweet dreams, sweetie . . . rest well.
((((lullabies)))) ((((soft strokes)))) ((((angels))))
...jlynne
Posted by jlynne on April 21, 2004, at 22:15:14
In reply to Sandy, posted by jlynne on April 21, 2004, at 21:57:53
Posted by SandyWeb on April 22, 2004, at 9:12:08
In reply to Re: Sandy, posted by LynneDa on April 21, 2004, at 10:06:46
Hi girls,
I really enjoyed your messages! You make me smile! Thank you for making me feel so good.
I can not believe that I still feel fine! It's exciting to feel "high". Lol. I'm beginning to become terrified that this means I'm going to plummet soon (no, no, no).....but this feeling so far is GREAT. There's a certain amount of stability in my thinking process that I haven't felt for many a day! I almost feel normal! HA!!
I phoned the police and got a volunteer application mailed to me for Victim Services. I figured that I would have been poor for the next two years anyways, since I would have been finishing up my schooling and not working for money. So I might as well volunteer in an area that I enjoy.....and MAYBE after the two years, a door will open for some sort of employment. Who knows? But I certainly have a wide variety of life experiences that can be utilized within Victim Services. I'm just scared that a background check will show up my "emotional disturbance". DARN. Well, if I'm meant to volunteer there....then nothing can prevent that.
It's nice to start feeling a sense of myself again. And thank you for the warning that the "down" times will sneak up on me. I think I'm past the point of making plans and setting dates, but I'll need to be aware of acting impulsively when the bad thoughts come back, right? Gosh, maybe they WON'T come back. Maybe my coping skills have returned. Please, please, please. I don't want to go back to feeling the way I was before. And is it normal to feel so good so quickly?? I HOPE SO!!! *big smile*
Hey, I'm reading a book again. The brain isn't going "clickety-CLANK" anymore. Lol!!! It's nice to curl up with a story.
The sun has left us again and it's freezing around here. I'm going to grab a blanket and go back to my book.
Thanks for being here for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by SandyWeb on April 22, 2004, at 12:56:55
In reply to Jlynne and LynneDa, posted by SandyWeb on April 22, 2004, at 9:12:08
Well, that didn't last long.
Depressing news on the phone today.
Soul stabbing news in the mail today.
Cut up my arm just to see the blood.
I feel so defeated.
Well....I'm still here, though. Guess I'll stick around for tomorrow.
Ba humbug.
Sorry I didn't smile for long. Maybe it'll come back later.
Sandy
Posted by LynneDa on April 22, 2004, at 16:37:14
In reply to Re: Jlynne and LynneDa, posted by SandyWeb on April 22, 2004, at 12:56:55
Sandy - At least you know you CAN have moments and hours where you're feeling up. Every up time gives you some added strength & energy to get through the downs. And the downs probably won't last as long this time.
You should be really proud of yourself for getting this far. You will get your smile back, I am sure of it! I know you probably won't want to get too personal, but if there's anything we can help you sort through with your bad news, just holler! 2 or 3 heads are always better than one in dealing with issues :-).
Take care of yourself and the rest will follow. I'm sending you waves of peace and moments of clear-thinking!!!
{{{Sandy}}}}Your friend,
Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Well, that didn't last long.
>
> Depressing news on the phone today.
>
> Soul stabbing news in the mail today.
>
> Cut up my arm just to see the blood.
>
> I feel so defeated.
>
> Well....I'm still here, though. Guess I'll stick around for tomorrow.
>
> Ba humbug.
>
> Sorry I didn't smile for long. Maybe it'll come back later.
>
> Sandy
>
Posted by jlynne on April 22, 2004, at 20:42:43
In reply to Re: Jlynne and LynneDa, posted by SandyWeb on April 22, 2004, at 12:56:55
Sandy . . . remember the song that goes "Mama said there'd be days like this??" Yep, mama is right:(
I'm so sorry, sweetie. Please try to remember that it was good yesterday . . . and maybe again tomorrow, eh? You're just learning to surf, and no instructions, remember?? Just ride those waves out, darling; you'll rise back up again.
Thank you for sharing, Sandy.
((((HUGS)))) ((((soft strokes)))) ((((prayers))))
...jynne
Posted by SandyWeb on April 23, 2004, at 8:33:55
In reply to Re: Jlynne and LynneDa » SandyWeb, posted by LynneDa on April 22, 2004, at 16:37:14
Hi girls,
I feel like such a fool. Who'd a thunk that surfing would be so hard?? *smile*
I pulled out my SwissAir mementos today. I put my little "certificates" back up in their frames, brought out my ID badges again, looked through some paperwork. If nothing else, I helped in THAT situation, right? If nothing else, I was of some use to the people in the morgue.
One letter I was sent reads: "We are pleased as members of the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner to send you this commemorative pin honoring your work at the B Hanger mortuary where the human remains were examined, identified, and kept. Many will know from their personal experiences of the work that there was pride but often at a price. We all hope that this will be a keepsake and that as you remember the events, above all else you will be proud of your accomplishment. Thank you for helping us."
And now I get to be a bag-lady. And now I'm not worth diddly. And now I'm just exposed to the world as the fool I am. I guess I don't have much to offer anymore.
I'm sad.
Sandy
Posted by LynneDa on April 23, 2004, at 9:13:40
In reply to Re: Jlynne and LynneDa, posted by SandyWeb on April 23, 2004, at 8:33:55
Sandy -
We ALL stumble from time to time, and sometimes it takes a while to get back on track. (But I understand feeling like a fool - I've been there and still have feelings of foolishness when I allow myself to have certain expectations and it doesn't work out, stupid, stupid me I think to myself!)This part of your life is NOT the sum total of who you are!! The core of who you are has not changed. Look at what you did. Most people don't do anything like that in their whole lives!
Also, you got the application for the Victim Services volunteer position. I've always wanted to do something like that, but never even checked into it! At least you had the energy to take that first step.
Sandy, there are times in life when you give and times when you have to take. I'm sure you've deposited enough good that the universe can owe you a little if you have to just take for a bit :-). That was/is a really hard thing for me to embrace, as it probably is for most women who are caretakers by nature. You are human, sweetie! It's okay not to have much to offer right now - You're in a re-building stage.
And, you won't be a bag lady! I don't know your whole situation, but you have too much on the ball to end up like that. You have perseverance and strength and you had a day or so where you felt like your old self. You haven't lost her, she's still in there. Life is tough but I think you have proof that you are tougher :-)
Hang in there girlfriend!! Let me know if there's anything specific or concrete I can do for you, okay?
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Hi girls,
>
> I feel like such a fool. Who'd a thunk that surfing would be so hard?? *smile*
>
> I pulled out my SwissAir mementos today. I put my little "certificates" back up in their frames, brought out my ID badges again, looked through some paperwork. If nothing else, I helped in THAT situation, right? If nothing else, I was of some use to the people in the morgue.
>
> One letter I was sent reads: "We are pleased as members of the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner to send you this commemorative pin honoring your work at the B Hanger mortuary where the human remains were examined, identified, and kept. Many will know from their personal experiences of the work that there was pride but often at a price. We all hope that this will be a keepsake and that as you remember the events, above all else you will be proud of your accomplishment. Thank you for helping us."
>
> And now I get to be a bag-lady. And now I'm not worth diddly. And now I'm just exposed to the world as the fool I am. I guess I don't have much to offer anymore.
>
> I'm sad.
>
> Sandy
>
>
>
Posted by jlynne on April 24, 2004, at 0:12:07
In reply to Re: Jlynne and LynneDa » SandyWeb, posted by LynneDa on April 23, 2004, at 9:13:40
Hi, Sandy:~) I know it's hard, sweetheart, but I'm glad you are hanging on.
I don't know if you will understand this now, but maybe you will someday . . . and I would never in this world ever again want to go through what you are going through now. But having gone through it once, I have to say that there is something inside me now that wasn't there before, and it is something that I cherish . . . something almost sacred - an inner strength, and an unexplainable knowing . . . I feel blessed. If you search deep inside, even now when you are in the very middle of this terrible trial, you will find that there is a very small seed inside you that is sprouting and beginning to grow. You are experiencing a metamorphosis, Sandy, and one day you will be able to nurture that seed and help it to grow strong. God bless you and nourish you in your struggle.
((((strength)))) ((((peace)))) ((((hugs)))) ((((soft strokes))))
...jlynne
Posted by SandyWeb on April 24, 2004, at 17:05:11
In reply to Re: Jlynne and LynneDa » SandyWeb, posted by LynneDa on April 23, 2004, at 9:13:40
Hi again girls,
Gosh, I don't know how you manage to come up with the words that you do! You're both incredible. I'm so happy to "know" two such wonderful ladies! I could never believe that you both were suicidal before. I'm so proud of you for making it!! We need more people like you in this world....you just seem to know what to say! *smile*
I'm going to take a little trip this coming week. Just an overnight thing, really. I'm going to a hotel and just be ALONE for the day/night. I'm so happy to be doing it. I may even order room service! Ha!! I don't have the money for this, so I'm going to be using our bill money. I know, C-R-A-Z-Y!! Oh well, "crazy is as crazy does". Lol. I'm excited. I even have little butterflies in my tummy! How pathetic, huh? LOL!!
I hope I saw "the boys" before that day. They come back on duty tomorrow for the next 4 days. They said they were going to stop in to see me, but I don't know what day. I really hope it's before I leave. I think they're pretty cool guys, and I want them to know that! They really have gone out of their way for me, and I want them to know how much I appreciate their concern. And I want them to see that I'm okay.
I've been busy cleaning and washing around here today. Nervous energy, I guess. Ha!
Well, I've got some dishes to wash. Talk later!
Sandy
Posted by SandyWeb on April 24, 2004, at 17:13:54
In reply to Sandy, posted by jlynne on April 24, 2004, at 0:12:07
Dr. Bob,
All this chatting about the two cops that have been such a blessing to me.....I don't want you to think that I've forgotten about YOU!! Lol!!
I want to thank you for being such a busy-body!! Ha ha! It would have been a pretty poor birthday present to my kids if I had killed myself on that day. I wasn't thinking too clearly about it, and I appreciate that you took it upon yourself to think for me.
Thank you for getting involved. You're a good person! I wish you much happiness!!!!
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by jlynne on April 24, 2004, at 20:07:42
In reply to Re: Jlynne and LynneDa, posted by SandyWeb on April 24, 2004, at 17:05:11
> I'm going to take a little trip this coming week. Just an overnight thing, really. I'm going to a hotel and just be ALONE for the day/night. . . . I don't have the money for this, so I'm going to be using our bill money.
Sandy . . . are you planning something here?? You're making me nervous, sweetie.
You talked about "using the bill money" before when you were also talking about "hurting yourself". You kind of sound like maybe you are trying to say your "good-byes"??
Please, forgive me if I have misunderstood, and I know I am reading between the lines, but you are very important to me, and I am concerned. Talk to me, darling . . .
((((HUGS)))) ((((friends)))) ((((hope))))
...jlynne
Posted by Simus on April 25, 2004, at 1:53:41
In reply to Re: Jlynne and LynneDa, posted by SandyWeb on April 24, 2004, at 17:05:11
Sandy,
You haven't mentioned your children in quite a while. How are they doing? Is your daughter still having trouble sleeping? Is she still on meds?
Posted by SandyWeb on April 25, 2004, at 8:19:24
In reply to Sandy - trigger » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on April 24, 2004, at 20:07:42
Good morning Jlynne,
You're silly. *big hug* Of course I'm not planning something. I just need some time alone. Maybe get drunk, maybe order room service, maybe just sit by a window way up high and look out at the city all day. Just some "alone time", that's all. Besides, there aren't any special "dates" left for April. Lol. Can't do it without a special date! Ha!
As for the bill money....well, it's the only money that I have. And I still haven't appealed Welfare's decision to cut me off, so it may be the last money I'll be seeing for awhile. It just takes too much energy to fill out the paperwork, and THEN I'd still have to meet with my worker to sign the forms. Ugh. It just requires too much of a clear head right now, and I can't do it. Guess we'll be out on the street soon. Ha! But as for the bill money....don't concern yourself with that, hun. I don't have any other funds to play with....there's nothing more to it than that.
As for "hurting myself"....well, that hasn't really stopped yet. I still cut my arm, although the last time was Tuesday, I think. And it's nothing serious.....no stitches or butterflies required. Lol. They are not suicide attempts, either. Believe me, I know where the arteries are....I would know where to cut. This is just something I seem to be doing recently when I feel overwhelmed.....better than killing myself, right? It's really no big deal, so again....don't be concerned about it. It looks worse in writing than on flesh. Lol.
I am fine. I feel like I have "Yo Yo" written across my forehead because of all the ups and downs that I'm experiencing, and I really don't know what to make of that. I just get a taste of stability, and then I go bouncing on down again. Argh! If I were bipolar, I'd say that I was rapid cycling. It's really, really messing with me. I mean, how much of this can a person tolerate in one day?? When you mentioned that I'd have "ups" and "downs", I thought you meant that I'd have days/weeks of feeling either up or down....and then it might slowly change over to the opposite. But did you mean switching back and forth each day??? It's enough to make a person run away from themselves! Lol!
Anyways, my two "angels" are back on duty today. They work the day shift for the next two days, and then they work the night shift for the following two days. If they're not swamped, I'm hoping they'll stop by again like they mentioned. I really want them to walk away with a positive impression of me. All they have seen is "Psycho-Sandra"....and I want them to see me in a stable frame. I want them to understand that what they know of me is really only a recent manifestation.....I wasn't like this for most of my life! Lol. They think I'm a fighter....I want them to feel confident and relieved when they see the spark of fight in me. I don't want them to continue to feel concern for me. I want them to go back to their lives and forget about babysitting me.....that they will be happy that I'm doing better.
Does that make sense? And the same goes for you and LynneDa and Dr. Bob. I've been coming across with this disgusting "victim mentality" that makes my stomache turn. I don't want people's concern. I've relied upon myself for most of my life, and it's rather unbalancing to have people wanting to help me. Why? I'll get there on my own. I always have.
I hope I get to see Andrew and Rob before I go to the hotel. Otherwise, they might go off in their own direction because I've already sent them an email stating that I was doing much better. If we don't connect up this week, I might not see them around again. They've got a job to do, you know? They can't keep taking time out to visit with Psycho-Sandra. That would get pretty boring very quickly. I want them to like me....not to regret their involvement with me. I want them to be happy that they made a difference in my life.
Gosh, I can ramble a lot. *smile* Anyways, don't worry Jlynne. No special dates this month. And I certainly wouldn't want to spend a "special date" in the hospital! Lol! They'd never let me out this time. I'd have to devise a "prison break" with my two angels!! LOL!!!
You're a special person, Jlynne. You had the energy to stick with me this past month or so. I would have thrown up my arms in resignation a long time ago if I had been in your place. You have a tremendous amount of patience and acceptance. As I said before, your clients are blessed to have you on their side. I am sure they are quite aware of that, because how can a heart as large as yours be hidden? Thanks for looking out for me!
Hugs,
Sandy
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