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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 39. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kara lynne on October 7, 2003, at 0:28:23
I keep writing posts and then deleting them. That little white box comes up that says, Are you sure you want to delete this? Well it's cool if you do... So I do.
I feel alienated. In all areas. If I dropped off the face of the earth I'm not sure it would affect anyone. Truly. Maybe for a minute my parents would flinch out of fabricated guilt. A couple of people would say, Oh, gee that's too bad. And that would be about it. Not that that's a good reason to fall off the face of the earth, but still it doesn't feel too good.
I watched Requiem for a Dream the other night on television--boy did that give me nightmares. If you've ever seen it, I've been feeling like Ellen Burstyn ever since then each time I go to take a pill. I feel like I'm going to end up like her at the end, getting ECT and drooling my way into a life of tortured semi-consciousness. If you haven't seen it, don't--unless you want to tread the waters of utter despair just for the fun of it. But the acting was stunning--I'll never understand how Ellen didn't get an Academy Award for that performance over Julia Robert's sort of fluffy Erin Brokavich.
I feel like the girl in school who has coodies. No one wants to sit next to her or they'll catch them. I don't FiTiNaNyWhErE, in any room, any club, any thread.
And yet I'm writing this post---why? To challenge myself?
So I can look tomorrow in fear that no one has responded and find sweet fallsfall's name underneath mine?
I ate Starburst candy for dinner.
I asked my doctor to refill my sleeping med. at my appt. today. He said, "I'll do better than that--I'll give you samples." Well I walked out the door and realized he'd given me samples for 6 days, instead of a prescription for 30. I love to feel like a drug seeking low life. It does wonders for my overall confidence.
Posted by Tabitha on October 7, 2003, at 1:02:32
In reply to Requiem For A Nightmare, posted by kara lynne on October 7, 2003, at 0:28:23
well what a coincidence. I've also been self-deleting posts, and wondering if I just disappeared, how much difference would it make. So I'm not the one to tell you how to cheer up right now. All I can say is you're not alone, even if it feels that way.
OK, here's the urge to self-delete. Must. Submit. Post.
Posted by lil' jimi on October 7, 2003, at 1:32:25
In reply to Re: Requiem For A Nightmare, posted by Tabitha on October 7, 2003, at 1:02:32
hi Kara Kara,
hi Tabi,> well what a coincidence. I've also been self-deleting posts, and wondering if I just disappeared, how much difference would it make. So I'm not the one to tell you how to cheer up right now. All I can say is you're not alone, even if it feels that way.
>
> OK, here's the urge to self-delete. Must. Submit. Post.... well, i have been missing you lately
... and i would miss both of you terribly if either of you were to fall of the earth !please don't, my cyber buds ...
take care!
~ jim
Posted by Tabitha on October 7, 2003, at 1:47:35
In reply to Re: Re: Requiem For A Nightmare, posted by lil' jimi on October 7, 2003, at 1:32:25
I won't fall off. you know, I didn't think I was fishing for anyone to say they'd miss me-- but it does feel good to hear. :)
Posted by Chicklet on October 7, 2003, at 2:15:40
In reply to Requiem For A Nightmare, posted by kara lynne on October 7, 2003, at 0:28:23
hey kids. i've been deleting posts too! And I don't usually bother with that. I've been a bit of a firecracker lately and am trying to monitor my 'first come first served' thoughts.
>>Well it's cool if you do... So I do.
Cuz you're cool of course.>> I feel alienated.
I feel this way too when I'm down. Every time I'm down. No matter what the circumstances. You haven't been doing so hot, huh, kid?>>would flinch out of fabricated guilt.
Sweet Pete, how can you people continue to be so damn funny when you don't feel well? i am amazed.>>Ellen Burstyn ever since then each time I go to take a pill.
Ellen's a superb actress. I don't know the movie. Is it like Rosemary's Baby or something? Amazing how we can be so affected by a movie or tv show, isn't it?
>>end up like her at the end, getting ECT and drooling my way into a life of tortured semi-consciousness.
You drool already...look at that keyboard!
I'm trying to make you laugh, KL...I hope I've goten at least a peep outta ya.
>>--unless you want to tread the waters of utter despair just for the fun of it.I'm torn...treading waters of utter dispair/using the rebounder for exercise...
hmm...>>I don't FiTiNaNyWhErE, in any room, any club, any thread.
>
Don't look now but I think you're fitting in to this thread!>> I ate Starburst candy for dinner.
God love ya. I actually had some Pop Tarts.
I'll see your Starburst with 3 Pop Tarts.>>I love to feel like a drug seeking low life.
I know whatcha mean. Ever had an "incident" at the pharmacy?? Oh that's just the best. Whisper this: "psst, karen...? did the estazolam not work? is that why your doctor prescribed temazapam? you know, they're both pretty heavy drugs. you shouldn't be taking them at once..."
Oh take a Prosom, Mr. CVS.
Missed ya, dear.
kar
Posted by galkeepinon on October 7, 2003, at 2:39:57
In reply to Requiem For A Nightmare, posted by kara lynne on October 7, 2003, at 0:28:23
I'm glad youu didn't 'delete' this post. You're getting a lot of good advice and feedback kara lynne. It helps that you get this stuff out of you.
I felt like you did just last week.
Somehow, somewhere, you've got to believe you are worthy, I'm working on it too.
kara lynne 'dropping off the face of the earth' may affect more people than you think. What about a local grocer who knows you? Your mailman/woman?A person who you have shared things with, hoping that person was concerned and wanted only the best for you? What about the people on this board who care? I'm sure you have made a positive difference in all these people's lives, and I'm sure many more. Mine included.
No fear hun, people did respond to your post:-)
Starbursts rock!!!! So maybe tonight cook salmon with those great fatty acids~good for the brain. I think you're entitled to Starbursts for dinner, why not?!
Call your doctor today and tell him the mistake he made and politely ask him to fix it.
Doctors who give samples are God-sends!
You are not a 'drug-seeking low life' kara lynne, it was your doctor's responsibility to give you enough sleeping medication, regardless that he gave you samples. Maybe you should have checked to see if he did give you enough, but you didn't and that's ok, this can be fixed. Try to learn from it, it may sound trite, but you'll remember next time to check to see that your doc took care of his responsibilities to you as his patient.
Everything happens for a reason....
try to believe that.
Just my 2 cents worth.
Hang in there...> I keep writing posts and then deleting them. That little white box comes up that says, Are you sure you want to delete this? Well it's cool if you do... So I do.
>
> I feel alienated. In all areas. If I dropped off the face of the earth I'm not sure it would affect anyone. Truly. Maybe for a minute my parents would flinch out of fabricated guilt. A couple of people would say, Oh, gee that's too bad. And that would be about it. Not that that's a good reason to fall off the face of the earth, but still it doesn't feel too good.
>
> I watched Requiem for a Dream the other night on television--boy did that give me nightmares. If you've ever seen it, I've been feeling like Ellen Burstyn ever since then each time I go to take a pill. I feel like I'm going to end up like her at the end, getting ECT and drooling my way into a life of tortured semi-consciousness. If you haven't seen it, don't--unless you want to tread the waters of utter despair just for the fun of it. But the acting was stunning--I'll never understand how Ellen didn't get an Academy Award for that performance over Julia Robert's sort of fluffy Erin Brokavich.
>
> I feel like the girl in school who has coodies. No one wants to sit next to her or they'll catch them. I don't FiTiNaNyWhErE, in any room, any club, any thread.
>
> And yet I'm writing this post---why? To challenge myself?
>
> So I can look tomorrow in fear that no one has responded and find sweet fallsfall's name underneath mine?
>
> I ate Starburst candy for dinner.
>
> I asked my doctor to refill my sleeping med. at my appt. today. He said, "I'll do better than that--I'll give you samples." Well I walked out the door and realized he'd given me samples for 6 days, instead of a prescription for 30. I love to feel like a drug seeking low life. It does wonders for my overall confidence.
Posted by galkeepinon on October 7, 2003, at 2:42:15
In reply to Re: fear not » lil' jimi, posted by Tabitha on October 7, 2003, at 1:47:35
>>>>I won't fall off. you know, I didn't think I was fishing for anyone to say they'd miss me-- but it does feel good to hear. :)
Hear this, I would miss you!
Keep on keepinon I have faith in you.
Posted by kara lynne on October 7, 2003, at 3:20:25
In reply to Tabitha... » Tabitha, posted by galkeepinon on October 7, 2003, at 2:42:15
Well no fallsfall, but all of you here to warm my heart. And even if Tabby is missed more than I am, I can't get mad--she named the syndrome.
How to explain Requiem for a Dream--I think you just have to see it, if you're nowhere near a downslide. If you appreciate Ellen you should. But don't say I didn't give you a disclaimer.
I just watched Secretary with James Spader.
He should marry me.
Posted by Dinah on October 7, 2003, at 7:51:57
In reply to Requiem For A Nightmare, posted by kara lynne on October 7, 2003, at 0:28:23
I'll sit next to you, Kara Lynne.
And you've got me wanting to rent that movie, when I really really need to do my work instead. :)
Kara Lynne, instead of thinking your doctor was considering you drug seeking, perhaps he was worried about your safety. You sound pretty down to me. Of course, my pdoc always lets my prescriptions for Klonopin run out so that he can keep tabs on my refills. :) I choose to find it amusing rather than insulting.
Posted by Penny on October 7, 2003, at 7:58:55
In reply to Self Deleting Syndrome, posted by kara lynne on October 7, 2003, at 3:20:25
My doc's been worried about meds with me too - didn't want me to have too much Lamictal.
Then I went to get my Remeron refilled and they had made a mistake and all but accused me of ODing on my last refill! When I actually hadn't gotten it refilled at all.
About Ellen Burstyn: I love her work, but haven't seen this movie. But what's even better - when you love someone's work and then meet them in 'real life' and they're just the type of person you hoped they would be. She is. Very kind, down-to-earth. Amazing.
Glad you're posting.
P
Posted by fallsfall on October 7, 2003, at 9:53:15
In reply to Requiem For A Nightmare, posted by kara lynne on October 7, 2003, at 0:28:23
Sweet Kara,
Please don't fall off the face of the earth. I would miss you terribly.
See how many people care about you? Can they all be wrong? I don't think so.
I can't watch scary movies (not just blood and violence, but psychologically scary (I'm still terrified by the abuse in Sybille - and I think it's been 20 years since I've seen it). Maybe they need a new rating category - smiley faces?
Do ask your Dr. about the 6 pills. If that's really what he wants for you, you need to know that and talk to him about it. I'm guessing he made a mistake.
Please stay here. You really do fit in.
How am I supposed to respond right away when you post at 1AM my time? My bedtime is 11! My therapist would be quite annoyed if I set an alarm to check Babble boards at 3AM!
Glad to see you posting, Kara.
Posted by octopusprime on October 7, 2003, at 10:32:50
In reply to Re: Requiem For A Nightmare » kara lynne, posted by fallsfall on October 7, 2003, at 9:53:15
kara lynne
i too was considering posting to see how you were. and to whine about my own life as it was. interesting that we are all so afraid to reach out.
kara lynne, i've seen both requiem for a dream and secretary, no wonder you are feeling bad!
i cried, just bawled, for at least 1/2 an hour after watching requiem for a dream. had a total breakdown. for those of you that don't know, requiem is about people that have f*cked themselves up with substance abuse issues, and hollowed themselves out from the inside.
secretary is about a masochistic lawyer who does an s&m thing with his self-injuring secretary (fresh out of the mental hospital, no less)
i think we should be giving movie suggestions to sweet kara lynne, cause these movies just aren't going to help!
dear one, i think it's time to rent amélie or breakfast at tiffany's or LA story or something. i saw a really good film at the film festival called "the station agent" - it was about a dwarf that unintentionally found companionship when he moved into an old railway station by himself.
be strong.
octopusps - i broke down two weeks ago and called; the actual reason my ex left me was to return to his ex-wife. (the woman who controlled him, broke windows, would not allow him to keep food she didn't like in the house.) i'm baffled.
Posted by lil' jimi on October 7, 2003, at 11:09:33
In reply to Re: Requiem For A Dream, Secretary, posted by octopusprime on October 7, 2003, at 10:32:50
"Babe"
... "If I could make a day for you ...""Shrek"
... not _great_, but i love its message ..."Iron Giant"
"Lilo and Stitch"
... each of these movies are exquisitely done varitions on that perennial theme: "Alien(s) close encounter earthling kid(s)"MARS*: rated not-for-overly-mature audiences ... adults should get their (or the nearest) child's permission ... notes written in crayon accepted
( ... *My Arbitrary Rating System)
xxxx,
~ jim
Posted by kara lynne on October 7, 2003, at 12:59:28
In reply to Re: Requiem For A Nightmare » kara lynne, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2003, at 7:51:57
for sitting next to me!!
I am obsessing over the the doctor's intentions; I called the secretary (who can be a bear herself) and she said just to have the pharmacy call. But now I'm thinking he won't ok it, or he'll fill it for 6 more or something. I wish I would have caught it while I was there because he's next to impossible to talk to unless you're sitting right in front of him. I'd much rather he just said no and told me why. So now I'm playing these games--will he fill it if I wait a few days, a week...is there a magic behavior he's waiting for...?
Ah well. Thanks for your company.
Posted by kara lynne on October 7, 2003, at 13:15:00
In reply to Re: Requiem For A Dream, Secretary, posted by octopusprime on October 7, 2003, at 10:32:50
I was going to look for you too, octo.
I hesitated to write what Requiem was about because while I agree with what you wrote, I think it touches on deeper aspects of the human condition; the hollowing in that begets the hollowing out--as you so beautifully put it. It is brilliant, if horrific.
Ok Amelie it is. Oh, octopus. I'm so sorry you had to endure hearing that from your ex. It is baffling indeed. I hope you're not on your case because you called. How are you doing with it now?
Thanks for posting,
K.L.
Posted by kara lynne on October 7, 2003, at 13:18:21
In reply to Re: Requiem For A Nightmare » kara lynne, posted by fallsfall on October 7, 2003, at 9:53:15
My sweet fallsfall. Yes, you must set your alarm for 3am just to see if I've posted! ;)
I hope my doc made a mistake, but I'm beginning to doubt it. I'm on my way out right now to see some hypnotist try to convince my friend and I that we can become new people in only 3 sessions.
I'll let you know.
Posted by kara lynne on October 7, 2003, at 13:21:25
In reply to Re: Self Deleting Syndrome » kara lynne, posted by Penny on October 7, 2003, at 7:58:55
Hi Penny,
I'm glad to hear Ellen's nice. She seems like she would be. Like I said, I can't fathom why she wouldn't have won an academy award for that performance--except in one way it makes perfect sense: in this culture we can't look at anything that truthful, let alone applaud it.Thanks for posting.
Posted by HannahW on October 7, 2003, at 18:09:11
In reply to Requiem For A Nightmare, posted by kara lynne on October 7, 2003, at 0:28:23
Kara, when I read the boards, I've actually been envious of the relationships you've obviously established here. I wish that I felt as connected to everyone on this board the way that people seem to be connected to you. Don't feel unloved, because it's very clear that you're not.
Posted by kara lynne on October 7, 2003, at 19:36:36
In reply to Re: Requiem For A Nightmare, posted by HannahW on October 7, 2003, at 18:09:11
Dear Hannah,
I'm pretty sure I just force myself on people. Thank you for such a nice post--it is amazing what I can do to convince myself otherwise--truly.And now that you've reached out I hope we can connect too.
Posted by Sabina on October 7, 2003, at 21:22:03
In reply to Hannah, posted by kara lynne on October 7, 2003, at 19:36:36
> I'm pretty sure I just force myself on people.
And I thought that it was just me who felt that way here! ;)
Posted by kara lynne on October 8, 2003, at 0:52:24
In reply to Re: hmmm..... » kara lynne, posted by Sabina on October 7, 2003, at 21:22:03
There is so much angst. So much tension. Everywhere I went today, every interaction. I will only say it once, but I do believe it's more intense with the full moon.
Well that's how it is over on my side of the moon, anyway.
Anyone know any good prayers?
Posted by octopusprime on October 8, 2003, at 1:22:03
In reply to Re: Requiem For A Dream, Secretary(octo), posted by kara lynne on October 7, 2003, at 13:15:00
kara lynne,
you're right, requiem was a great movie. however i will never watch it again. it disturbed me too greatly. it's the mark of a good movie that can make emotion run so deep, but that's not a place i want to visit.
i'm ok with the whole thing with my ex now. like a prisoner i got one phone call. and the information he told me about getting back with his ex wife is what i needed to know. he's probably still hung up on the emotional drama of the whole thing. i don't do drama any more.
i drum instead. today i was playing with sticks on the stick drum, instead of on the hand drum. i tried to learn how to ting-ting-ting-ting with one hand and boom-wait-boom-wait with the other hand. it's not working. i can ting, or i can boom, but i can't ting and boom at the same time. and then all the other drums!
so i don't know any good prayers for you on the full moon tonight kara lynne, but i will try to play some good soul music for you. maybe the drums will chase the bad spirits away.
here's the hand drum part to the ting-boom song (this one i can do!)
boom- -thunk-thunk- -meep-
boom- -thunk-thunk- -meep-
boom- -thunk-thunk- -meep-
boom- -thunk-thunk- -meep-is it working yet? are the bad spirits leaving? heehee i have to get to bed. night!
Posted by lil' jimi on October 8, 2003, at 1:32:20
In reply to Could it be the moon?, posted by kara lynne on October 8, 2003, at 0:52:24
yes
and yes
om ah ra pa cha na dhi ...
so we go to my wife's mom's family reunion in dallas friday and santiago and sylvia stay home monday with me ... i don't check my e-mail till this (it _was_ tuesday) morning ... ... it took me like 3 hours of hunting around to find all of the ends of the threads of this new (to me) drama ... ...
my stomach hasn't been well since the lights came on ... i'm much better now ... but it felt like i was Hit by the moon there for a while ... when we got home tonight from santiago's swim class and he'd gone to sleep, i was in pretty bad shape ... ... then i got the massage from fallsfall ...
... she's magic for me ... ... i love her ...
... thanks to your temple's High Priestess, i'm going to make it ...it could be the moon ... ... now can we get it off my back?
... ... ... HA!
~jim
Posted by kara lynne on October 8, 2003, at 12:27:48
In reply to Re: Requiem For A Dream, Secretary(octo) » kara lynne, posted by octopusprime on October 8, 2003, at 1:22:03
-i will never watch it again. it disturbed me too greatly-
ditto.
and a ting boom to you too. What a perfect way to drive those spirits out. I'm off for the day, but just wanted to say hello, and it's good to hear from you.
Posted by kara lynne on October 8, 2003, at 12:36:26
In reply to re: Could it be the moon?, posted by lil' jimi on October 8, 2003, at 1:32:20
((((jimi))))
oh, jimi. I'm sorry the moon has been traveling on your back. I foresee it changing course in 0.5 seconds and being replaced by endless amounts of love.Unfortunately (fortunately?) I don't know the details of the drama. I'm not sure I need to know, but something upset you terribly and for that I am truly sorry. I know it takes a lot to ruffle my jimi feathers.
-om ah ra pa cha na dhi ..-
Thank you for thatfallsfall is giving massage messages? Hmm, I'll have to look into that.
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