Posted by kara lynne on October 7, 2003, at 0:28:23
I keep writing posts and then deleting them. That little white box comes up that says, Are you sure you want to delete this? Well it's cool if you do... So I do.
I feel alienated. In all areas. If I dropped off the face of the earth I'm not sure it would affect anyone. Truly. Maybe for a minute my parents would flinch out of fabricated guilt. A couple of people would say, Oh, gee that's too bad. And that would be about it. Not that that's a good reason to fall off the face of the earth, but still it doesn't feel too good.
I watched Requiem for a Dream the other night on television--boy did that give me nightmares. If you've ever seen it, I've been feeling like Ellen Burstyn ever since then each time I go to take a pill. I feel like I'm going to end up like her at the end, getting ECT and drooling my way into a life of tortured semi-consciousness. If you haven't seen it, don't--unless you want to tread the waters of utter despair just for the fun of it. But the acting was stunning--I'll never understand how Ellen didn't get an Academy Award for that performance over Julia Robert's sort of fluffy Erin Brokavich.
I feel like the girl in school who has coodies. No one wants to sit next to her or they'll catch them. I don't FiTiNaNyWhErE, in any room, any club, any thread.
And yet I'm writing this post---why? To challenge myself?
So I can look tomorrow in fear that no one has responded and find sweet fallsfall's name underneath mine?
I ate Starburst candy for dinner.
I asked my doctor to refill my sleeping med. at my appt. today. He said, "I'll do better than that--I'll give you samples." Well I walked out the door and realized he'd given me samples for 6 days, instead of a prescription for 30. I love to feel like a drug seeking low life. It does wonders for my overall confidence.
poster:kara lynne
thread:266180
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031002/msgs/266180.html