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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tabitha on November 23, 2002, at 6:03:13
I was all prepared to spend the 4-day holiday alone. I thought I'd do a little healthy habits retreat, you know, eat right, exercise, and meditate every day. Then I got a last-minute invitation from a friend who's friend has a great house and is cooking a turkey feast. I can't decide which to do. My solitary day might end up being miserable and sluggish, or my social day might end up being draining and unsatisfying, plus it's almost an hour drive to their place.
The thing with me and socializing is I never know what kind of mood I'll be in. Sometimes I need to be alone, and sometimes I need to be around people, and it seems to have a schedule of its own that doesn't match the actual opportunities. So sometimes I think I'm in the mood to be around people so I go out and it flops, and sometimes I think I'm in the mood to be alone, but that flops.
I'm alone so much, and feel socially deprived so much, but then something like this comes up and I feel like it's threatening my solitude.
Other people don't seem to have this dilemma. I feel either lucky that I'm often happy with my own company, or freakish that I can't do simple socializing.
Posted by BeardedLady on November 23, 2002, at 7:07:47
In reply to Thanksgiving day dilemma, rambling, posted by Tabitha on November 23, 2002, at 6:03:13
I suppose it could be a dilemma for me, too, as I like lone time and dread having things on my calendar.
But holidays are different. I try to do the open house stuff, the intimate party gatherings. My friends and neighbors are so much fun and interesting that I don't feel like I have to be "on" because they'll be on for me. (Plus they're all about making you feel comfortable, whether it's alone by the fire or with twenty hugs.)
If I were you, I'd spend the time with friends and make yourself a post-Thanksgiving date for meditation. Your meditation offer is standing, but your friend's turkey is ready to be stuffed.
I hope you have a fun time whatever you decide.
beardy
Posted by Dr_Eamerz on November 23, 2002, at 10:35:24
In reply to Thanksgiving day dilemma, rambling, posted by Tabitha on November 23, 2002, at 6:03:13
Solitude ahhhh.
I have friend coming round tonight-I have to tell him that I won't be going his place for christmas...
I cannot plan things too Tabypants , since I stopped drinking I've never had a social urge.
But BEWARE solitude can be bad for the mind---I've realised that I'm talking to myself outside maybe if I had one of those fake mobile phones it would be acceptable.
I do miss my last flatmate though..so I ain't a complete avoidant.
Do what you feel comfortable with ...maybe your not with the kind of friends you want to be with..I know I'm not.
Posted by syringachalet on November 23, 2002, at 13:39:34
In reply to Thanksgiving day dilemma, rambling, posted by Tabitha on November 23, 2002, at 6:03:13
Tabitha, The holidays are really tough times for those of us who are just struggling to keep up with the worlds demands on the rest of the year.
I honestly have no real answer for you. Maybe you could go for the dinner and ask your friend that if you need some quiet time while youre at her house, that you could take a walk around the block. I have used this more than once in family settings when I wanted to be there for some of my family and didnt want confrontation from the rest. (I often used the excuse that I needed to walk off some of that wonderful meal before dessert...beats sitting and watching the football game with the crazy people yelling at the TV....)Having the rest of the weekend to take care of you might be enough to be a win-win for you and your friend.
I dont know if this will help... I just know what has worked for me...
Take care and Be well. syringachalet
Posted by ShelliR on November 23, 2002, at 15:13:05
In reply to Thanksgiving day dilemma, rambling, posted by Tabitha on November 23, 2002, at 6:03:13
> The thing with me and socializing is I never know what kind of mood I'll be in. Sometimes I need to be alone, and sometimes I need to be around people, and it seems to have a schedule of its own that doesn't match the actual opportunities. So sometimes I think I'm in the mood to be around people so I go out and it flops, and sometimes I think I'm in the mood to be alone, but that flops.
>
> I'm alone so much, and feel socially deprived so much, but then something like this comes up and I feel like it's threatening my solitude.
>
Hi Tabitha,
I really do understand what you're talking about. There is nothing more satisfying to me than "good" solitude; yet sometimes unpredictably, solitude can backfire into boredom, complete lethargy, or even worse, loneliness.That said, I'd probably opt for socializing. A hour's drive with wonderful music can also be uplifting. Sometimes, if I'm not quite sure about my RSVP, I'll ask if I can come for dessert, (making some excuse about having to stop in to visit another friend on the way.) Cutting the social time shorter takes a lot of pressure off, while still giving me a social connection that many times is a lot of fun.
(anyway, I'm a vegetarian, so dessert is the best part of the meal to me, anyway: that and the sweet potatoes!)
Shelli
Posted by BekkaH on November 24, 2002, at 16:54:04
In reply to Thanksgiving day dilemma, rambling, posted by Tabitha on November 23, 2002, at 6:03:13
Hi Tabitha,
Since you have the full four-day weekend, how about going to your friend's house for Thanksgiving, and then, regardless of how it goes, you will still have another three days to recuperate, spend time alone, etc.? If you had to be back at work or school on Friday, I'd suggest not going to your friend's house, but since you have three extra days, it might be nice for you. Also, if it turns out that you aren't having a good time, you don't have to stay too late, do you?
Bekka
Posted by Dinah on November 24, 2002, at 17:24:22
In reply to Thanksgiving day dilemma, rambling, posted by Tabitha on November 23, 2002, at 6:03:13
I'd have to throw my vote behind the majority here. You'll have other days to be reclusive (and believe me I understand the appeal of reclusive). Sometimes I find I have a better time than I expect when I force myself to go. And better yet, this is friend, not family, so your chance of enjoyment goes up.
That being said, I wish I could spend Thanksgiving quietly at home. :)
Posted by Ginjoint on November 24, 2002, at 17:58:14
In reply to Thanksgiving day dilemma, rambling, posted by Tabitha on November 23, 2002, at 6:03:13
> Other people don't seem to have this dilemma. I feel either lucky that I'm often happy with my own company, or freakish that I can't do simple socializing.
Believe me, bay-bee, I DO often have this dilemma. Know what I'm doing for Thanksgiving? Spending it with my mother's friend and her family. How pathetic is that? My mother won't even be there - she's travelling to see her brother's family, whom I can't stand anyway. But you know, when the invite for dinner came, I thought screw it, I know these people and they're really nice folks. (And great cooks). If I start feeling awkward I can always leave a little sooner. Plus, like you, I know I'll have the rest of the holiday to be alone - I plan on doing a little shopping, which will consist of cursing and bah-humbugging the people who insist on bringing trailer-wide twin strollers into itty-bitty boutique stores on the busiest shopping day of the year. Let the merriment begin!
Ginjoint
Posted by Tabitha on November 26, 2002, at 2:54:06
In reply to Re: Thanksgiving day dilemma, rambling » Tabitha, posted by Ginjoint on November 24, 2002, at 17:58:14
Thanks for all your replies.
I think I'm getting motivated to go out to the dinner. I'm even looking forward to it. I spent some time Sunday dragging myself thru my emotional associations with Thanksgiving, all the good and bad memories. Maybe that helped clear the way to another one. Now I'm feeling connected to the little kid who likes holidays (don't they all?)
Posted by jane d on November 26, 2002, at 10:45:53
In reply to Re: Thanksgiving day dilemma, rambling » Tabitha, posted by Ginjoint on November 24, 2002, at 17:58:14
> Believe me, bay-bee, I DO often have this dilemma. Know what I'm doing for Thanksgiving? Spending it with my mother's friend and her family. How pathetic is that? My mother won't even be there - she's travelling to see her brother's family, whom I can't stand anyway. But you know, when the invite for dinner came, I thought screw it, I know these people and they're really nice folks. (And great cooks). If I start feeling awkward I can always leave a little sooner. Plus, like you, I know I'll have the rest of the holiday to be alone ....
Ginjoint,
Some of the best Thanksgivings I've had have been at the homes of friends of friends or relatives who have invited me, seemingly as an afterthought, because they knew I'd be alone. The other guests they often invite are usually interesting and it's often more pleasant than many family gatherings. Maybe that's because only people who expect to have an enjoyable holiday are likely to invite other other people to share it with them. I hope your day is like that.Jane
Posted by Ginjoint on December 2, 2002, at 9:32:33
In reply to Re: Thanksgiving day dilemma, rambling » Ginjoint, posted by jane d on November 26, 2002, at 10:45:53
Oops...I screwed up the previous message. I meant to say thanks to you, and while my Thanksgiving was kinda dull, it was certainly manageable. The people I was with were very sweet and kind. :) Like you.
Ginjoint
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