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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 2 of 2. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bookgurl99 on November 19, 2002, at 23:01:10
My partner has been dealing with sexual abuse issues for a few months. This started around the same time we moved in together. I'm not sure if it's as a result of working on the abuse issue, but she is becoming increasingly depressed (to the point of making suicide threats), angry at me at illogical times (interprets what I say negatively), and - of course - never wants to have sex.
So far, she refuses to acknowledge or seek medical help for her enormous and growing depression. This week she has even talked about quitting her personal therapist.
Here I care about this beautiful woman, and I am watching her self-destruct. I guess there's a few issues:
1. She refuses to get help for the depression, which negatively impacts everything in her life including our relationship. Is there any way I can convince her to get medical help?
and
2. Not having sex is driving me up a wall. She gets to have sex whenever she wants to, but here I'm a lesbian and I should have been a nun after all.
Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? In other words, has anyone who is the partner of a sexual abuse survivor come to the point where they could have a normal relationship, sexual and otherwise?
Part of me wants to do an ultimatum, like "get on an SSRI or I'm moving out," but I don't feel good about that. How do you deal with this?
thanks for any support/words of advice/experiences,
bookgurl99,
a "healthy-red blooded, all-american eccentric intellectual lesbian"
Posted by Ginjoint on November 21, 2002, at 18:07:20
In reply to more ?'s for partners of sexual abuse survivors, posted by bookgurl99 on November 19, 2002, at 23:01:10
Bookgurl, I'm sad to say that I have no words of advice for you, because I've never been in your situation. But I hated to see your questions go ignored. Have you asked these questions of your therapist? Any hope of help from that department?
I'm a little confused about why your girlfriend is seeing a personal therapist if she's not willing to work on either her depression or her relationship with you. Is there another issue at stake?
Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to force someone to help themselves. It sounds like your girlfriend needs time to realize the effects of the sexual abuse, both on herself and with her relationships with you and others. It's up to you as to whether you can wait this process out; as much as you care for this woman, you also need to think of yourself too. I know that sounds hideously selfish, but it ain't, really....as long as she's not willing to get help. I would just hate to see you end up trying to be her therapist. That's too much of a load to bear.
I hope this post hasn't come across as unempathetic. I've enjoyed your posts and personality in the past, and I care about what happens in this very difficult situation for you.
Ginjoint
This is the end of the thread.
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