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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by wharfrat on November 12, 2002, at 12:24:29
I'm a 41 year old male who has needed to be on medication for years and I mean like 20 years. However, going to the Doc & telling them how I was feeling (Worring, anxious, irritable etc.) always came the same reply. "You need to relax and calm down, take it easy, don't worry so much" etc. etc. etc. Finally, 8 weeks ago, I went to a new Dr. (family physicians by the way). Told him my feelings, expecting to hear the same thing and he says "Your suffering from depression" put me on Lexapro (never been on an antidepressant)and I'm a changed man! I feel great.
The problem is, my boys (9 & 14)are still afraid of me. Not that I ever beat them or anything, but for so many years I was a miserable, irritable, mean guy and they just can't seem to see the new me. They're afraid to say anything to me thinking I might blow a fuse. My youngest boy thinks I'm being mean when I'm just kidding with him. I think they hate me. I'm feeling so good but feeling so bad about the way I was and the way my kids are obviously scarred by my past. I'm so pissed at the doctors who just brushed me off because my kids might not have ever had to known the "old" me. I can only hope and pray that they can forgive me for the way I was & realize that it is an illness that I'm going through. Can anyone relate?
Posted by jyl on November 12, 2002, at 12:57:12
In reply to I hate my oldself and my former Doctors, posted by wharfrat on November 12, 2002, at 12:24:29
hi whar-
my father was the same way when i was a kid-
he still is the same way:(around my kids too...
i have to say i would forgive him if he would just stop!
but i would always hate him a little.
sorry if this does not help-
but i managed to marry the same man in husband.
jyl
Posted by Miller on November 12, 2002, at 13:22:30
In reply to Re: I hate my oldself and my former Doctors » wharfrat, posted by jyl on November 12, 2002, at 12:57:12
Hi there,
The good news is that kids can be amazingly forgiving. It may take them a while, but they will. The important issue, I think, is to remember they deserve the time to get to know the "new you".
Think of it this way: If you had a friend that you went out with every Thursday and he drank himself stupid every week, you would be used to his behaviour. If that same friend quit drinking, your Thursday nights would be totally different. It would take time to get to know your friend as a sober person.
Hang in there. It will get better for you. Don't lose hope. You have done the right thing.
-Miller
Posted by wharfrat on November 12, 2002, at 16:06:33
In reply to Re: I hate my oldself and my former Doctors, posted by Miller on November 12, 2002, at 13:22:30
> Hi there,
>
> The good news is that kids can be amazingly forgiving. It may take them a while, but they will. The important issue, I think, is to remember they deserve the time to get to know the "new you".
>
> Think of it this way: If you had a friend that you went out with every Thursday and he drank himself stupid every week, you would be used to his behaviour. If that same friend quit drinking, your Thursday nights would be totally different. It would take time to get to know your friend as a sober person.
>
> Hang in there. It will get better for you. Don't lose hope. You have done the right thing.
>
> -MillerMiller,
Thanks for the encouragement and the insightful example you used.
Regards,Wharf
Posted by wharfrat on November 12, 2002, at 16:32:06
In reply to Re: I hate my oldself and my former Doctors » wharfrat, posted by jyl on November 12, 2002, at 12:57:12
> hi whar-
> my father was the same way when i was a kid-
> he still is the same way:(around my kids too...
> i have to say i would forgive him if he would just stop!
> but i would always hate him a little.
> sorry if this does not help-
> but i managed to marry the same man in husband.
> jyl
Jyl,
Not very encouraging but thanks anyway. My Dad was like that when I was a kid too. I just figured I inherited his ornery Irish temperment, but actually I inherited his brain chemical imbalance. He got on Paxil a couple of years back and he's alot better (When he's taking the med like he should). Hopefully my kids will get to know the real me now. As far as your husband goes, maybe he should try Lexapro. After nearly 2 months on it, I'm as cool as a cucumber in situations that 3 months ago I would have had a high speed come apart.
Adios,
Wharf
>
Posted by jyl on November 12, 2002, at 17:28:34
In reply to Re: I hate my oldself and my former Doctors » jyl, posted by wharfrat on November 12, 2002, at 16:32:06
thanks for the advice war,
my husband wont accept the fact i am on meds.
he went on a bussiness trip anyway after i told him my doc wants me to commit myself to the hospital.he said do it when i get back-he even knew i was cutting again.
i am his dirty little secret-
sorry for venting
thanks for the reply
jyl
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on November 16, 2002, at 1:59:58
In reply to I hate my oldself and my former Doctors, posted by wharfrat on November 12, 2002, at 12:24:29
>I think they hate me. I'm feeling so good but feeling so bad about the way I was and the way my kids are obviously scarred by my past. Can anyone relate?
---------------That sounds exactly like my dad's story. He had pretty bad rage and panic disorder when my brothers and I were growing up. Would just suddenly freak out and lose control. I grew to try avoiding him at all costs. I'd say I feared him more than I hated him. When someone acts like that around you, you don't feel loved. By the time I left the house at 19, he was almost like a stranger to me. Several years later, he was finally put on several medications, which really changed him. It took quite a while to accept the idea, but I've gotten used to it. He apologized one night for all the abuse, which meant a lot. He's a pretty smart guy, and I could see that he'd really been suffering about it. We're still not chums, but I definately spend more time with him now, and I feel like we finally have a relationship of some kind, which will continue to grow. If he hadn't gone on meds and changed things, I'd probably never (or rarely) see him. But anyway, I think that sons/daughters always want to love their parents, and given even minor encouragement, they will.
Posted by oracle on November 18, 2002, at 12:21:33
In reply to I hate my oldself and my former Doctors, posted by wharfrat on November 12, 2002, at 12:24:29
You should communicate with your sons about what has changed. ie the meds and your depression.
Posted by bookgurl99 on November 20, 2002, at 2:02:21
In reply to I hate my oldself and my former Doctors, posted by wharfrat on November 12, 2002, at 12:24:29
#1. Forgive yourself.
It's not all your fault. While I hate to take all responsibility away from those of us with mental illnesses, remember that your illness caused a lot of your previous behavior. You probably actually used what self control you had to keep from seriously hurting somebody or yourself in all those years.#2 Grieve the past.
If you have to. It sounds like your sad about those wasted years. Unfortunately, you don't have control over that time period. Let if go and focus on what you can change, today.#3 Change for the better, for you and your family.
Now that you have some balance, you can do things for yourself -- maybe a better job, or just new habits -- that can help you to like and get to know your new self.Luckily, your kids can't leave. They have years with you. I had a parent who, due to a necessary medication, had enormous mood swings. I forgave her for some of the mean things she said when I was a kid, and to be honest, if she had stopped saying some of those cruel things by my adulthood, I would have almost forgotten it by now.
So, good luck. I'm glad you're doing so much better. Take that energy and run with it, okay?bookgurl99
Posted by wharfrat on November 20, 2002, at 9:16:37
In reply to Re: I hate my oldself and my former Doctors, posted by bookgurl99 on November 20, 2002, at 2:02:21
Thank you bookgurl for your advice. I believe you are very wise.
Wharf
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