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I hate my oldself and my former Doctors

Posted by wharfrat on November 12, 2002, at 12:24:29

I'm a 41 year old male who has needed to be on medication for years and I mean like 20 years. However, going to the Doc & telling them how I was feeling (Worring, anxious, irritable etc.) always came the same reply. "You need to relax and calm down, take it easy, don't worry so much" etc. etc. etc. Finally, 8 weeks ago, I went to a new Dr. (family physicians by the way). Told him my feelings, expecting to hear the same thing and he says "Your suffering from depression" put me on Lexapro (never been on an antidepressant)and I'm a changed man! I feel great.
The problem is, my boys (9 & 14)are still afraid of me. Not that I ever beat them or anything, but for so many years I was a miserable, irritable, mean guy and they just can't seem to see the new me. They're afraid to say anything to me thinking I might blow a fuse. My youngest boy thinks I'm being mean when I'm just kidding with him. I think they hate me. I'm feeling so good but feeling so bad about the way I was and the way my kids are obviously scarred by my past. I'm so pissed at the doctors who just brushed me off because my kids might not have ever had to known the "old" me. I can only hope and pray that they can forgive me for the way I was & realize that it is an illness that I'm going through. Can anyone relate?


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