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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Mandy on June 22, 2002, at 8:34:27
I have posted on the other boards, but briefly, I attempted suicide in May (the day after our 34th anniversary) by taking 5 different medications. I am a nurse so I think I knew what I was doing and I believe I wanted to die.
I am seeing psych twice a week and feeling somewhat more positive, but I cannot stop these thoughts that I do not want to be married anymore and my husband just makes me so angry. I must admit that he is a kind, gentle person who would do anything for me. So why don't I realize what a good situation I have??
For background, we moved to our current home 5 years ago (after leaving home of 20 years and my job of 18 years) for my husband's job and then he lost the job after 23 years with the company. He is working again but at less salary and I think I have a lot of pentup anger about the move and his losing his job. None of this is his fault but my anger makes me feel guilty and then I get depressed and isolate and then bad things happen.
I guess it also makes me mad that he is always so even tempered when I am so frequently anxious or depressed. I am not sure what I want or need but I am so afraid of becoming suicidal again and how do I get the love back for my husband who really is a sweet guy?
Posted by Phil on June 22, 2002, at 11:49:24
In reply to Why do I dislike my husband after 34 years?, posted by Mandy on June 22, 2002, at 8:34:27
Sorry you are going through so much, Mandy. I wish I could make a relationship last 34 minutes.
Just because he's a nice guy doesn't mean you should feel guilt for having the feelings you have. As a christian church counselor told me once, guilt is a wasted emotion and I agree 100%.
Did y'all agree to move for his job or did you maybe not want to? I'm sure you had second thoughts. Do you ever get in his face, so to speak or at least tell him that you're angry.
Have you seen a marriage counselor? Together?
I've always seen situations in my life as black or white or black and blacker as one therapist said. It's a stifling way to live, I never see the ,"Well, why not just take baby steps?"
I have no experience to work from but I would certainly get a divorce if I was unhappy to the point of suicide. If you and he can't work things out then maybe separate for a few months.
I'm sure you've thought of all of this before but the central question to ask yourself is,"What do I need to make me happy or to give me some serenity?" BIG emphasis on 'I'.
Wishing you the best,
Phil
Posted by Phil on June 22, 2002, at 12:37:51
In reply to Why do I dislike my husband after 34 years?, posted by Mandy on June 22, 2002, at 8:34:27
I'm curious, what was his reaction to the job loss?
Posted by Mandy on June 22, 2002, at 12:46:14
In reply to Re: Why do I dislike my husband after 34 years?, posted by Phil on June 22, 2002, at 12:37:51
Thanks for some insight. My husband NEVER reacts to anything. I know internally he must feel upset or sad but he outwardly just goes on about his usual routine. Even after I tried suicide and was on a ventilator for two days--when I woke up, it was as if I was there for my knee surgery.
I have always liked that about him because I am so emotional, but at this time in my life, I just keep feeling angry. Part of it is that he now has control of all my medications and I guess I am mad because I have lost so much control. But a question I have is--Was my suicidal attempt all an emotional reaction or could the chemistry in my brain be totally out of whack??
Posted by Phil on June 22, 2002, at 13:47:26
In reply to Re: Why do I dislike my husband after 34 years?, posted by Mandy on June 22, 2002, at 12:46:14
Probably brain chemistry is bringing all of it on.
I like steady-rollers but sometimes they need to show more emotion. It's not healthy to keep that inside..wonder how he does it?
Do you think he's depressed?
Posted by krazy kat on June 22, 2002, at 15:14:11
In reply to Re: Why do I dislike my husband after 34 years? » Mandy, posted by Phil on June 22, 2002, at 11:49:24
i have only read phil's first response so please keep that in mind.
I like his comments a great deat, except for:
"I have no experience to work from but I would certainly get a divorce if I was unhappy to the point of suicide. If you and he can't work things out then maybe separate for a few months."
It doesn't sound to me like the marriage is what is causing the suicidal tendencies. The move was a trigger for your depression, imho, and not letting out your anger is compounding it.
Please, please go to couples therapy and get eh book I recommended on the faith board, Mood Swings, the Christian Dr.'s approach to depression. I really think it will help.
It's your depression talking right now, not you, again imho.
- kk
Posted by Phil on June 22, 2002, at 18:46:51
In reply to phil's response - i agree except..., posted by krazy kat on June 22, 2002, at 15:14:11
"It doesn't sound to me like the marriage is what is causing the suicidal tendencies. The move was a trigger for your depression, imho, and not letting out your anger is compounding it"
By Jove you're onto something there, KK, looks like a bullseye.
Posted by krazy kat on June 23, 2002, at 21:33:23
In reply to I think you're right, KK. » krazy kat , posted by Phil on June 22, 2002, at 18:46:51
i respect your opinion. tell me quickly - i am playing hard to get on admin and will probably be blocked soon. :)
thanks, phil.
- kk
Posted by IsoM on June 23, 2002, at 21:44:25
In reply to do you really think so? » Phil, posted by krazy kat on June 23, 2002, at 21:33:23
Posted by krazy kat on June 24, 2002, at 9:20:49
In reply to KK, I think you're right too... (nm) » krazy kat , posted by IsoM on June 23, 2002, at 21:44:25
to being a psychologist. ;)
thanks, isom.
Posted by wendy b. on June 24, 2002, at 9:59:16
In reply to I think you're right, KK. » krazy kat , posted by Phil on June 22, 2002, at 18:46:51
> "It doesn't sound to me like the marriage is what is causing the suicidal tendencies. The move was a trigger for your depression, imho, and not letting out your anger is compounding it"
>
> By Jove you're onto something there, KK, looks like a bullseye.
KK, Phil and Mandy,Yes, I think it's true, the depression is talking. And moving Mandy to suicide, etc.
I think the husband's lack of "affect," is difficult, too. I see this in couples a lot (student of human nature, moi!) If one partner is not doing so well, or is in a crisis (Mandy being in the hospital), the other pulls back and becomes "stoic," probably from some unconscious fear that if they both fell apart, there would be nothing left of either of them, that everything would come crumbling down. But in fact, if he could have expressed some tiny emotion, like fear, or sadness (such as telling Mandy he was scared of losing her), it would have meant a lot to her, I'm sure.
I know couples counselors deal with this a lot. It might be helpful to them... Mandy, what do you think?
Wendy
Posted by IsoM on June 24, 2002, at 14:20:32
In reply to I'm on my way... » IsoM, posted by krazy kat on June 24, 2002, at 9:20:49
KK, I've seen a number of students at university taking courses in psychology that are so interested in the subject & want to be able to wade in & make a difference. But while they're good at the book-learning, they seem so clueless at really understanding human nature. Well meaning kids that have little experience or insight into what makes people tick. Some have lived sheltered lives, never seeing the diversity of human nature that's out there. They're not very observant, they can't read others (even a little), they can't seem to connect one experience with another & see a relationship between them, they think people in different parts of the world or different periods of time 'feel' differently than we do here, they have so many preconceived, stereotypical ideas it's scary the conclusions I've heard drawn by them as I've talked with them.
If someone like you who has insight becomes a psychologist, they're the ones who'll really make a difference. Good intentions aren't enough. It troubles me that I see a lack of empathy & understanding in many of these would-be psychologists. I hope they get enough practice & develop this insight before they start working with real people & real problems, especially those that don't fit the text-book cases they study about.
Posted by Mandy on June 24, 2002, at 15:08:34
In reply to On your way... » krazy kat , posted by IsoM on June 24, 2002, at 14:20:32
I believe that my feelings are because of depression or some demon in my brain and I am taking it out on my husband. So after reading these posts, I do feel better about why I have had these feelings towards him. But I still get these periods where I just do not want to live. I am trying to get into a intensive outpatient program. In the meantime, I am holding on by a thread
Posted by krazy kat on June 24, 2002, at 15:51:59
In reply to On your way... » krazy kat , posted by IsoM on June 24, 2002, at 14:20:32
what you do for my leetle southern ego. it's all-a-shining now.
this is an interesting observation and fits in well with mist's thread below. and my limited experience with psychologists certainly fits in with it.
i will say the two therapists i've seen (very, very briefly) seemed more humane, though not as book-smart. on their salaries, how could they afford to go to school?
and does it matter? i asked in my post below (just anyone in general) if we'll see psychologists go away, psychiatrists stay with an emphasis in neurology, and therapists stay and maybe expand because of their comparative affordability.
then brain surgery will be affected someday by all of this, eh? saw a special on a brain surgery for seizures in youg children. fascinating. hubby could not stomach it. :)
may i ask if you teach at a university? no need to answer.
and, just to confuse things further, my psychiatrist (first one i went to) is one of the kindest Dr.'s I've had.
- kk
Posted by krazy kat on June 24, 2002, at 15:55:24
In reply to I still feel suicidal, posted by Mandy on June 24, 2002, at 15:08:34
mandy:
good, good, good about the program. good luck, though i know that doesn't mean much right now.
in the meantime, take your meds. try to keep a regular schedule. and give yourself a lot of room.
do you need to go stay with a relative or friend for a little while? someone who can help control the meds, and who understands the situation?
i agree with wendy's comments, too. your husband could help by talking about it, so if you can, ask him to. let him break a little - tell him it would help you (if it would).
but also don't feel bad for needing help right now - that's been one of my biggest mistakes all along.
this is all jmho, of course.
take care.
- kk
Posted by IsoM on June 24, 2002, at 18:48:58
In reply to you're so sweet... » IsoM, posted by krazy kat on June 24, 2002, at 15:51:59
No, dear KK, I don't teach formally. But I teach any one anything I am really knowledgable, if they're interested. A diverse spectrum of subjects - but I won't pretend to know something unless I'm not sure of. When someone asks me further about what I've taught & I don't know enough about (& it's within my limited ability to understand more), I'll look up more & study up to try to give them an answer. It's fun for me & expands my knowledge & understanding, so I never mind doing it. If I can't or am to busy, I'm not afraid to suggest they find out themselves, or ask others more knowledgable.
It's funny you asked because I've been asked by others if I was a teacher of some sort. I was told I look 'teacherish' (whatever that means). I've also been told that I have a natural ability to explain things to others in an easy-to-understand manner with enthusiasm for my subject. Now if I could only parlay it into something that would be an income for me.
Posted by judy1 on June 24, 2002, at 20:21:21
In reply to I still feel suicidal, posted by Mandy on June 24, 2002, at 15:08:34
Until you are able to enter the out-patient program, why don't you ask your husband for some emotional support. When I survived a serious suicide attempt my husband withdrew emotionally, he told me (later) he was so afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, so afraid of losing me that he just froze. Many people lack the skills of supporting a suicidal person- particularly a survivor like yourself. Much of my anger towards my husband (I think this must be common) was projected anger from myself, I felt like a complete failure. Why don't you bring him with you to therapy, and I'm sure the therapist can suggest ways that he can help you and perhaps then your anger will lessen. Take care, judy
Posted by bookgurl99 on June 25, 2002, at 10:54:37
In reply to I still feel suicidal, posted by Mandy on June 24, 2002, at 15:08:34
Mandy
do you have any positive dreams about the future? is there any way you can write them down in concrete form? maybe make a drawing, so you can look at it when you feel that way and stay motivated to live?
I understand some of how you feel right now -- I've felt suicidal myself.
But you _can_ get through this. I suggest taking your husband with you to therapy -- he probably has questions for the therapist -- and working out some sort of solution. Maybe when you're more stable, you can move back home?
Good luck,
bookgurl99
Posted by Phil on June 25, 2002, at 12:40:17
In reply to I still feel suicidal, posted by Mandy on June 24, 2002, at 15:08:34
Can you see a therapist in the meantime. Before outpatient.
Mandy, find someone you can talk to and put all 's' thoughts out of your mind.
I know this is simplistic but when I get suicidal, I just repeat,"It's not an option."
I refuse to let my sick brain tell my well body that it's not worth it to live. It is worth it!
I just know that if I were to kill myself, I'd look down and see Publisher's Clearing House pulling up to my door. Sela Ward would see my picture on their ad, call the TV station and say she has to meet me.
I'd have a child looking for me that I never knew I had. I dream of that one. Then, the stupid contest that I forgot that I had entered would call with the news that they would be delivering my new Lamborgini(sp). The day after, the newspaper headlines scream, "Total Cure For All Mental Illnesses Found."
Ah, you get the picture.Hey, we're a tough bunch, we deal with our demons and go on. At least, I pray that there be no more suicides. Not you or me or anyone. I know it's idealistic. But as the beautiful John Lennon wrote, "You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one, I hope some day you'll join us, and the world will be as one."
Rambling at work. Hey, I can be goofy, but I care down to my bones about anyone suffering this disease. Wishing you a fine day.
Phil
Posted by Bookgurl99 on June 26, 2002, at 1:53:50
In reply to Re: Tie that thread in a knot!!!, posted by Phil on June 25, 2002, at 12:40:17
Phil, I love your post. I swear that your description of what would be sure to happen if you took the homemade route out is hilarious.
It will keep me thinking positively about my own low mood. :DElisa
Posted by Mandy on June 26, 2002, at 11:41:54
In reply to Re: Tie that thread in a knot!!!, posted by Phil on June 25, 2002, at 12:40:17
Thanks Phil---You have been incredibly supportive, and I think I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I realize now I do not hate my husband, but rather have a lot of hate of myself. But last two days, I have had more energy so I have done things to make me feel better--like cleaning my closet for the first time in over a year. Somehow getting rid of all that clutter helped to clear the cobwebs from my brain.
I know that seems very simple for someone who tried to kill herself, but maybe it does just get down to doing the simple things and enjoying them.
At least I am trying and I appreciate the support of everyone on this site. Thanks, Mandy
Posted by Phil on June 26, 2002, at 12:23:28
In reply to Re: Tie that thread in a knot!!!, posted by Mandy on June 26, 2002, at 11:41:54
I think it helps to keep our eye on the small picture in front of us. I cleaned my apt several weeks ago and was amazed how much those small things can help.
Happy your energy is better and everything works out. It always does no matter how bleak our mind tells us the situation is.
Maybe having the med control delegated can be offset by doing things you can control.Rambling at work
Phil
Posted by tabitha on June 27, 2002, at 1:56:18
In reply to Re: Tie that thread in a knot!!! » Phil, posted by Bookgurl99 on June 26, 2002, at 1:53:50
I second Bookgurl's opinion, that was hilarious.
I started a list in my journal called Reasons to Live (just in case I ever need a reminder). I think I'll paste Phil's post in there too.
This is the end of the thread.
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