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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JohnDoenut on March 13, 2002, at 11:33:48
Ugh. I cant talk to anyone else about this. I had gone through a period of productivity recently but then I felt like taking a break but now I cant get unstuck from the break. I know there is stuff I have to do but I just feel paralyzed like I cant do anything. There is stuff I do though like I cranked up loud music and worked out and off the stresses but I still want to escape. I think about where I could go or who I could visit but it doesnt seem enough. I feel like I want to escape myself. Pot doesnt seem to do anymore as it makes me more nuts. I do it once in a great while for the mental vacation. Im taking some other stuff to pump me up but sometimes it just doesnt make a difference. I dont know if im bent on fucking up my life or waiting for fate to run its course and get me a job or dump me on the street. I got married and Im responsbile for her now and I dont want to screw up her life. At this point she is the only reality to me. My anchor. Without her I would be unstuck in time and space. Like I was before her.
JohnD
Posted by LiLi80 on March 13, 2002, at 23:00:30
In reply to Ugh, posted by JohnDoenut on March 13, 2002, at 11:33:48
As a woman I am deeply offended by the comment saying that you are now responsible for your wife now. I don't think she thinks of your marriage like that, then again I could be wrong. Anyway, I am in the same rut. I have so much hw to do to graduate in a month that I probably wont graduate. I cant seem to get motivated to do it, I cant concentrate, and although I am taking a new AD that makes me maniac I just feel twice as anxious now too so i cant sit still. I took time to get healthy and that time taken has screwed me over. But i am not worried anymore. I dont particularly care if I get a degree or not, at this point. I am at a point in my life where i feel if i am not happy doing the crap any faster isnt gonna make that happen. I might as well as have my own pace and feel relaxed and lazy because my mind and my body is telling me that i have too. As for the comment about your wife, maybe you should let her take some of slack for awhile, tell her that you need her to responsible for things while you are trying to get better. the best advice I ever got about being depressed was be selfish and let people around you spoil you. you need that right now.
ttyl
lili
Posted by Krazy Kat on March 14, 2002, at 9:23:50
In reply to Ugh, posted by JohnDoenut on March 13, 2002, at 11:33:48
John:
I'm not offended by your comment at all. I think it's sweet. You are responsible for each other now in many ways. But then, even though I'm 31, I am quite old-fashioned re: roles in relationships. I have found that even with gay friends, one person is more of a homemaker, one more of a bread-winner. It balances things out.
Have you talked to your new wife about this? Does she understand the pitfalls of depression?
My advice, being someone who goes through something very similar all the time (I'm Bipolar, so it's up, get lots accomplished, then down, get Nothing done), is to find one thing you enjoy and work towards it. If you really enjoy working out, maybe you should consider working at a gym.
I have had to learn to give up a lot of my intial presumptions about being "successful" because of this illness. The reward isn't how much money you make, it's in accomplishing something fulfilling on a regular basis. Those w/o depression don't understand how difficult that can be.
Also, perhaps you need an overhaul in meds. You shouldn't have to fight this hard for energy.
Good luck and let us know how you are. Nice to hear from you again.
- KK
Posted by Ritch on March 14, 2002, at 23:09:49
In reply to Ugh, posted by JohnDoenut on March 13, 2002, at 11:33:48
> Ugh. I cant talk to anyone else about this. I had gone through a period of productivity recently but then I felt like taking a break but now I cant get unstuck from the break. I know there is stuff I have to do but I just feel paralyzed like I cant do anything. There is stuff I do though like I cranked up loud music and worked out and off the stresses but I still want to escape. I think about where I could go or who I could visit but it doesnt seem enough. I feel like I want to escape myself. Pot doesnt seem to do anymore as it makes me more nuts. I do it once in a great while for the mental vacation. Im taking some other stuff to pump me up but sometimes it just doesnt make a difference. I dont know if im bent on fucking up my life or waiting for fate to run its course and get me a job or dump me on the street. I got married and Im responsbile for her now and I dont want to screw up her life. At this point she is the only reality to me. My anchor. Without her I would be unstuck in time and space. Like I was before her.
>
> JohnD
JohnD,Sounds like you are feeling like a "copper-top". I feel at times like an empty brain plugged into the economy that just chugs away and uses up what I can crank out and then will just cast me away when I start to fail. I had a dream a couple of weeks ago that was very metaphorical with today's economy. My workgroup was given firearms that had a time-delay reaction (to avoid impulsive *emotional* irrational results). We were told to eliminate those among us that were unproductive, and then after we did so the group could split up the money that was saved amongst ourselves. It reached a point where you stopped shooting people and everybody was waving guns at each other trying to make up their mind whether you were going to be worth being shot or not. If you made a mistake and *didn't* shoot somebody you would lose money. If you made a mistake and *did* shoot somebody that was too productive the remaining people (including yourself) would be stuck with too much work. Sort of a perverse "Survivor" episode?? I think it is just capitalism in a nutshell. You are lucky to be "grounded" by such an achor.
Mitch
Posted by JohnDoenut on March 17, 2002, at 23:34:34
In reply to Re: Ugh » JohnDoenut, posted by LiLi80 on March ave1C 2002, at 23:00:30
Hi Lili80. Thanks for replying! Im going to comment...
> As a woman I am deeply offended by the comment saying that you are now responsible for your wife now. I don't think she thinks of your marriage like that, then again I could be wrong.
>As a *person* I am deeply offended (ok, not really but just for arguments sake. . . :) that you would judge not only me but my wife based on so little information or facts of our situation or how we live our lives and would make a judgement about that like this. People come here to vent and to just talk to other people without worrying about being judged unfairly.
The fact is if one person makes the money then they are responsible for paying for living expenses and food etc. If the other person doesnt work or make enough money to hardly pay for any of that then thats just how things are. You are in school now but once you are out of school you'll understand this. There's nothing really to be offended about except by one's own prejudices and preconceptions. I suggest when you have a reaction like this that you examine what's inside not out. :) Im not being angry with you or anything, just telling you how I see and feel about this.
> I took time to get healthy and that time taken has screwed me over.
I think it was time well spent. You can graduate later.
Anyway whatever I cant get too personal about my situation. Who knows who's reading this stuff anyway. . . :)
JohnD
Posted by JohnDoenut on March 17, 2002, at 23:41:52
In reply to Re: Ugh » JohnDoenut, posted by Krazy Kat on March 14, 2002, at 9:23:50
> I'm not offended by your comment at all. I think it's sweet. You are responsible for each other now in many ways.
>Thanks thats a nice way of looking at it and I agree with you.
>It balances things out.
It certainly does!
> Have you talked to your new wife about this? Does she understand the pitfalls of depression?
>Sure we talk and she understands. She has issues of her own to deal with too.
> My advice, being someone who goes through something very similar all the time (I'm Bipolar, so it's up, get lots accomplished, then down, get Nothing done),
>Interesting. Ill have to talk to my pdoc about this. . . :)
> I have had to learn to give up a lot of my intial presumptions about being "successful" because of this illness. The reward isn't how much money you make, it's in accomplishing something fulfilling on a regular basis. Those w/o depression don't understand how difficult that can be.
>Absolutely!!!
So anyway after I wrote that and later as the endorphins kicked in I began to feel better. :) The next day I got some bad news which in a way lit a fire under my ass to start working on some other options and things. So I pulled out of it. For now. I also started taking Wellbutrin again which I had stopped for awhile and I was fine but now I need the extra energy it gives me.
Thanks and ttyl!
JohnD
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