![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by coral on October 27, 2000, at 19:34:47
First, thanks to one and all. Allowing me to share in this community through this second depressive episode has been more comfort than I can express. The responses I've received, the soul-touching stories and experiences that you've shared, the clear compassion, knowledge, fierce courage, the wretched shared agonies, the lively debates and illumating discussions --- thanks to EVERYONE!!!!
Second, I BELIEVE I'm on the edge of the abyss, after climbing out the second time! YEAH!!! There's still smatters of mud clinging to me, I'm still battered and bruised, and tendrils of awfulness (like cobwebs) still clinging to me, but I believe I'm finally out of that damned abyss, and the beast has left, packed bag in hand. HOWEVER, if I'm wrong, I'm going to feel like a complete idiot and need help.
I'm at the point where I'm considering starting to reduce the meds to the point of elimination. Any suggestions?Thanks!!!
Posted by allisonm on October 27, 2000, at 20:05:46
In reply to Thanks help, please!, posted by coral on October 27, 2000, at 19:34:47
I'd wait till you're not battered and bruised anymore and the tendrils of awfulness have fallen away. I'd wait till you are extra-superduper-no doubt-sure that you're not on the edge or near. Why push it?
Take care.
Allison
Posted by Ted on October 27, 2000, at 20:11:46
In reply to Re: Thanks help, please! » coral, posted by allisonm on October 27, 2000, at 20:05:46
Hey Coral,
GOOD FOR YOU!! Nice, huh?
Like Allison said:
> I'd wait till you're not battered and bruised anymore and the tendrils of awfulness have fallen away.
> I'd wait till you are extra-superduper-no doubt-sure that you're not on the edge or near. Why push it?I would add:
THEN wait an additional 12-18 months.Keep the ol' chin up!
Ted
Posted by ksvt on October 27, 2000, at 22:31:49
In reply to Re: Thanks help, please!, posted by Ted on October 27, 2000, at 20:11:46
>Coral - I absolutely agree with allison and ted. It's pretty miserable to go off too soon and feel a sense of failure about being back where you started. The meds are a pain, but try not to think about getting off them as an immediate goal. Good luck ksvt
Hey Coral,
>
> GOOD FOR YOU!! Nice, huh?
>
> Like Allison said:
>
> > I'd wait till you're not battered and bruised anymore and the tendrils of awfulness have fallen away.
> > I'd wait till you are extra-superduper-no doubt-sure that you're not on the edge or near. Why push it?
>
> I would add:
> THEN wait an additional 12-18 months.
>
> Keep the ol' chin up!
>
> Ted
Posted by shar on October 27, 2000, at 23:49:30
In reply to Thanks help, please!, posted by coral on October 27, 2000, at 19:34:47
Coral,
First of all, if you are wrong, don't give it a second thought. Just post. Sometimes recovery isn't linear, occasionally a step back occurs. There's no shame in that, it just happens sometimes. Particulary when there are so many life events over which we have little or no control, and some of those can catch us off guard.Second, I personally would wait until I was squeaky clean, no mud/tendrils/cobwebs, no anything left--before I'd Slowly start reducing my dosage. I'd say when you can look back and not see the abyss at all. Over a period of weeks you can see how it is as you get back into the swing of things.
I know you are excited (and I am excited for you!) and you must be relieved, so a celebration sounds in order!
I hope you will continue to check in at least every few days and tell what's happening. (It will be a ray of hope for me that someone has come out the other side.)
Plus, I really have appreciated your posts, insights, support and caring.
Shar
> First, thanks to one and all. Allowing me to share in this community through this second depressive episode has been more comfort than I can express. The responses I've received, the soul-touching stories and experiences that you've shared, the clear compassion, knowledge, fierce courage, the wretched shared agonies, the lively debates and illumating discussions --- thanks to EVERYONE!!!!
> Second, I BELIEVE I'm on the edge of the abyss, after climbing out the second time! YEAH!!! There's still smatters of mud clinging to me, I'm still battered and bruised, and tendrils of awfulness (like cobwebs) still clinging to me, but I believe I'm finally out of that damned abyss, and the beast has left, packed bag in hand. HOWEVER, if I'm wrong, I'm going to feel like a complete idiot and need help.
> I'm at the point where I'm considering starting to reduce the meds to the point of elimination. Any suggestions?
>
> Thanks!!!
Posted by coral on October 28, 2000, at 5:36:53
In reply to Re: Thanks help, please! » coral, posted by shar on October 27, 2000, at 23:49:30
"I hope you will continue to check in at least every few days and tell what's happening. (It will be a ray of hope for me that someone has come out the other side.)
>
> Plus, I really have appreciated your posts, insights, support and caring."Oh, I'm not going anywhere!!!!! Thank you for your kind words. People have become dear to me and this board is invaluable. There's so much to learn.
During my first depressive episode, there was only my therapist (albeit a great one). That time, I felt as if I was the only one in the world who had experienced the black abyss. How great it's been for me this time to be able to reach out to others, find support, just "connect" by reading others' posts at 3:00am, or noon. I also realize how very very lucky I am in my particular battle with the beast. It's only visited twice (once for 4 years and this time, a couple of months) while others have valiantly fought for years.
There is so much I need to learn. If I can help others in any way, I'm honored.
Part of my eagerness to get off the meds, upon reflection, is to close the door on this episode, like getting fully awake after a bad dream. That zealousness could dump me back into the abyss!!! The advice to take it slow is so smart and I needed to hear that. Thank you. Probably, I'll need to hear that again and again! :)
"Ray of hope" . . . wow. Where ever I am re: the abyss, I will throw a rope to those behind me to help them climb, as I'm holding on to the rope someone else has thrown to me. Even if I'm at the very bottom, I will give and seek comfort with my compatriots there.
One risk I see for me and would like to know if others have the same experience, is the seductive siren song of the abyss. After yesterday's post, my husband brought up some financial (serious) concerns. I'm angry that he brought them up in the evening (what the hell am I supposed to do about them on a Friday evening at 9PM?) I realize he was expressing his concerns, and reducing his anxiety/stress which is a good thing. (Still ticked me off - selfish bitch that I am - but I kept the anger inside because he needed to share.)
But, as the evening progressed, I "heard" this soft, haunting invitation to burrow into the darkness --- why face the challenges of improving our financial stability when I could so, ever so easily, slide back down into that dark space, cloistered in the recesses of my own mind? Ahhh, the seduction of escape - but I also heard the keys jangling in the warden's hand and remember hearing that cell door clang shut - and the "safe" haven becomes a torture chamber.No, I still need help and a bunch of it. I do see the sunrises now, and feel incredible, soul-invigorating joy, and even being able to feel the anger last night is progress. The fact that the siren song was so lulling and alluring scared the hell out of me. So, your work with me isn't over. Thank you for being here.
Coral
Posted by Noa on October 28, 2000, at 12:35:14
In reply to Re: Thanks help, please! » coral, posted by shar on October 27, 2000, at 23:49:30
Coral, my advice is not to rush out of meds. If they are working, why change them? Use the improvement to build up things in your life that bolster you, and can bolster you should you have a low period ahead. And, I agree that recovery isn't linear. If you expect that and you have some dips, you are setting yourself up to feel really disappointed, and possbily self-blaming.
Enjoy the improvement, keep things stable.
Posted by coral on October 29, 2000, at 14:55:42
In reply to Re: Thanks help, please!, posted by Noa on October 28, 2000, at 12:35:14
Rats. Crabgrass. Crap. The beast apparently left a few items and returned. This weekend has been a complete wash, which REALLY ticks me off because I'd strung a couple of really good weeks together, including wed/thur (two 18 hour days of on-site intensive work with a client) and I felt great. Not only am I NOT considering reducing my meds, I upped the Zoloft today. Things I wanted to do this weekend, looked forward to doing, became demands from some evil overlord and I haven't done a damned thing. Even taking a bath required more energy that I possess. WARNING: I suspect this is going to be a lonnnnnnnng vent. The ONLY good thing I can say is that I am angry and feeling any emotion is better than the depression deadness. Referring to my previous post, I don't think I've fallen into the abyss, but I have a LOT more mud and junk clinging to me than I thought. I will not be licked by this son of a bitch. Nothing has the right to creep into my life and steal. I realize all the calm rational considerations that depression is a disorder, part of my brain, etc., but right now, I am in a war and it MAY be with myself. Damm it to hell. There are enough external problems without me sabotaging myself. I am so damned sick and tired of being sick and tired. I rarely feel anger, even when I'm not depressed (maybe that's part of the problem?), so I'm not all that used to feeling anger. So, after admitting I was feeling anger and dealing with the fear of feeling anger, I'm STILL angry. Who knows? Maybe my therapist would call this a break-through. I don't want to analyze it, think it away, be rational about it, or adult or mature about it. I'm ticked off. Shattering china sounds like a fun thing to do right now.
Posted by shar on October 29, 2000, at 22:35:01
In reply to Re: downdate, posted by coral on October 29, 2000, at 14:55:42
Rats and double rats.
My therapist thought it was a breakthrough when I started talking about homicide more than suicide.
Shar
> Rats. Crabgrass. Crap. The beast apparently left a few items and returned. This weekend has been a complete wash, which REALLY ticks me off because I'd strung a couple of really good weeks together, including wed/thur (two 18 hour days of on-site intensive work with a client) and I felt great. Not only am I NOT considering reducing my meds, I upped the Zoloft today. Things I wanted to do this weekend, looked forward to doing, became demands from some evil overlord and I haven't done a damned thing. Even taking a bath required more energy that I possess. WARNING: I suspect this is going to be a lonnnnnnnng vent. The ONLY good thing I can say is that I am angry and feeling any emotion is better than the depression deadness. Referring to my previous post, I don't think I've fallen into the abyss, but I have a LOT more mud and junk clinging to me than I thought. I will not be licked by this son of a bitch. Nothing has the right to creep into my life and steal. I realize all the calm rational considerations that depression is a disorder, part of my brain, etc., but right now, I am in a war and it MAY be with myself. Damm it to hell. There are enough external problems without me sabotaging myself. I am so damned sick and tired of being sick and tired. I rarely feel anger, even when I'm not depressed (maybe that's part of the problem?), so I'm not all that used to feeling anger. So, after admitting I was feeling anger and dealing with the fear of feeling anger, I'm STILL angry. Who knows? Maybe my therapist would call this a break-through. I don't want to analyze it, think it away, be rational about it, or adult or mature about it. I'm ticked off. Shattering china sounds like a fun thing to do right now.
Posted by noa on October 30, 2000, at 8:17:18
In reply to Re: downdate, posted by shar on October 29, 2000, at 22:35:01
Anger can be mobilizing.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.