Posted by coral on October 28, 2000, at 5:36:53
In reply to Re: Thanks help, please! » coral, posted by shar on October 27, 2000, at 23:49:30
"I hope you will continue to check in at least every few days and tell what's happening. (It will be a ray of hope for me that someone has come out the other side.)
>
> Plus, I really have appreciated your posts, insights, support and caring."Oh, I'm not going anywhere!!!!! Thank you for your kind words. People have become dear to me and this board is invaluable. There's so much to learn.
During my first depressive episode, there was only my therapist (albeit a great one). That time, I felt as if I was the only one in the world who had experienced the black abyss. How great it's been for me this time to be able to reach out to others, find support, just "connect" by reading others' posts at 3:00am, or noon. I also realize how very very lucky I am in my particular battle with the beast. It's only visited twice (once for 4 years and this time, a couple of months) while others have valiantly fought for years.
There is so much I need to learn. If I can help others in any way, I'm honored.
Part of my eagerness to get off the meds, upon reflection, is to close the door on this episode, like getting fully awake after a bad dream. That zealousness could dump me back into the abyss!!! The advice to take it slow is so smart and I needed to hear that. Thank you. Probably, I'll need to hear that again and again! :)
"Ray of hope" . . . wow. Where ever I am re: the abyss, I will throw a rope to those behind me to help them climb, as I'm holding on to the rope someone else has thrown to me. Even if I'm at the very bottom, I will give and seek comfort with my compatriots there.
One risk I see for me and would like to know if others have the same experience, is the seductive siren song of the abyss. After yesterday's post, my husband brought up some financial (serious) concerns. I'm angry that he brought them up in the evening (what the hell am I supposed to do about them on a Friday evening at 9PM?) I realize he was expressing his concerns, and reducing his anxiety/stress which is a good thing. (Still ticked me off - selfish bitch that I am - but I kept the anger inside because he needed to share.)
But, as the evening progressed, I "heard" this soft, haunting invitation to burrow into the darkness --- why face the challenges of improving our financial stability when I could so, ever so easily, slide back down into that dark space, cloistered in the recesses of my own mind? Ahhh, the seduction of escape - but I also heard the keys jangling in the warden's hand and remember hearing that cell door clang shut - and the "safe" haven becomes a torture chamber.No, I still need help and a bunch of it. I do see the sunrises now, and feel incredible, soul-invigorating joy, and even being able to feel the anger last night is progress. The fact that the siren song was so lulling and alluring scared the hell out of me. So, your work with me isn't over. Thank you for being here.
Coral
poster:coral
thread:1730
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001011/msgs/1753.html