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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Christina on October 14, 2000, at 20:40:25
Hi, I'm new to this board, and I'm looking for a few answers regarding my illness.
I've been suffering from clinical depression and borderline personality disorder for as long as I can remember, but I have only been diagnosed and under treatment for the past few years.
As a result, I always think that I am so different from others... like my life is out of control and I'm just a big loser.
Whereas most people I know have notable accomplishments, to me, I am a success if I can get out of bed in the morning. I try to keep my level of responsibility low so I don't continually fail... but I still have problems performing at work and in maintaining friendships.
My medication has stopped the suicidal thoughts and despondency of depression, but I still feel so mediocre.
And everything is a struggle.. even simple things like preparing a meal or finishing a project at work.
Does it ever get any better?
Posted by Rzip on October 14, 2000, at 21:36:43
In reply to What's a typical day like for you?, posted by Christina on October 14, 2000, at 20:40:25
>Christina,
I hear your pain. I am new to this board also. Looking through it the last couple of days, I have found a lot of hope and success stories in the postings. I think it might help to set one small goal per day and just focus on achieving that. That way, you will always be accomplishing something everyday. Perhaps, you can tell us what your small goal for tomorrow is and I try to hold you to it.
You know, I have always been able to help others better than I can help myself. Since I really can not figure out what the heck is the matter with me, I think I'll just focus on helping others on this board. Maybe I am feeling miserable simply because I am not able to help others like I used to do in primary school. I am in college right now. And I am really struggling. Not necessary with the schoolwork as much as with my mental stability. I feel I am in a different zone half the time. Anyway, just tell me what I can do for you within the boundaries of this board, and I do my best. If there is anyone I really need right now, it is some friends. I really feel this could be the place to build some helpful, supportive friendships.
Sincerely,
Rzip
> Hi, I'm new to this board, and I'm looking for a few answers regarding my illness.
> I've been suffering from clinical depression and borderline personality disorder for as long as I can remember, but I have only been diagnosed and under treatment for the past few years.
> As a result, I always think that I am so different from others... like my life is out of control and I'm just a big loser.
> Whereas most people I know have notable accomplishments, to me, I am a success if I can get out of bed in the morning. I try to keep my level of responsibility low so I don't continually fail... but I still have problems performing at work and in maintaining friendships.
> My medication has stopped the suicidal thoughts and despondency of depression, but I still feel so mediocre.
> And everything is a struggle.. even simple things like preparing a meal or finishing a project at work.
> Does it ever get any better?
Posted by Cindy W on October 14, 2000, at 22:53:17
In reply to What's a typical day like for you?, posted by Christina on October 14, 2000, at 20:40:25
>
> Hi, I'm new to this board, and I'm looking for a few answers regarding my illness.
> I've been suffering from clinical depression and borderline personality disorder for as long as I can remember, but I have only been diagnosed and under treatment for the past few years.
> As a result, I always think that I am so different from others... like my life is out of control and I'm just a big loser.
> Whereas most people I know have notable accomplishments, to me, I am a success if I can get out of bed in the morning. I try to keep my level of responsibility low so I don't continually fail... but I still have problems performing at work and in maintaining friendships.
> My medication has stopped the suicidal thoughts and despondency of depression, but I still feel so mediocre.
> And everything is a struggle.. even simple things like preparing a meal or finishing a project at work.
> Does it ever get any better?Christina, I've had lifelong depression and OCD but not borderline personality disorder. Every day is such a struggle that some days (like today) I accomplish NOTHING. I didn't get dressed until 2:30 in the afternoon (after sleeping in, reading comics, and eating candy and potato chips for breakfast and lunch). Didn't answer the phone or door, so I didn't have to deal with people. Didn't clean my pet cages or find the library book which is buried somewhere under a ton of clothes piled all over the living room. Was too tired even to heat a tv dinner and didn't take a bath before getting dressed (usually I skip bathing if I go nowhere on the weekend). I feel like Ray Milland in "The Lost Weekend" when I have days like that! If I don't do this vegetating regularly, I can hardly make it to work during the week, where most days I feel I do much less than I am capable of doing. So I can relate. At times, things are easier, and at times, they are harder. Over time, i think I'm getting a little more accomplished, but feel I'll never be anyone who does earthshaking things.-Cindy W
Posted by shar on October 15, 2000, at 1:50:56
In reply to Re: What's a typical day like for you? » Christina, posted by Cindy W on October 14, 2000, at 22:53:17
I believe we all have our gifts. Well, maybe not 100% of the population, like sociopaths or something. But, generally, I believe we do.
I heard someone on a radio show once say "Our blessings have our names on them." So, we don't have to worry whether we will find them or they us and I think it is the same with our personal gifts. If we allow them, they will come through. It may be a facility one has with animals, or being able to listen with the heart, or surviving...and being a role model to others. There are so many things (infinite numbers) that we may be gifted with. And they are probably mostly small but important, in other words don't make headlines but make life better.
If you are wading through molasses to make it out of bed and get to work, you are definitely strong and persevering. Those are gifts. I think most of life is about perseverence, getting up one more time.
There are many people who are in your shoes, with different struggles perhaps. They may feel like failures as a parent, husband, wife, child, friend, whatever. Even with big external accomplishments.
I suppose my "standard" or what I try to live up to is to do the best I can, slog through the day, crawl home, whatever. If you are doing the best you can most of the time how can that not be success?
Shar
Posted by shar on October 15, 2000, at 11:29:39
In reply to Re: What's a typical day like for you?, posted by shar on October 15, 2000, at 1:50:56
Christina,
I was responding to your feeling mediocre, or like a loser. Not that we don't all (everyone, even most of the success stories you may look up to) feel that way at times.I wanted to say, if you can look at yourself in a friendly way, you will see how you are not a loser nor mediocre (or if you are mediocre, we all are). Welcome yourself as you are, recognize your positives no matter how small; they mean a lot. Give it a try, and I'll give it a try, too (because I feel double plus ungood about myself most of the time).
Shar
> I believe we all have our gifts. Well, maybe not 100% of the population, like sociopaths or something. But, generally, I believe we do.
>
> I heard someone on a radio show once say "Our blessings have our names on them." So, we don't have to worry whether we will find them or they us and I think it is the same with our personal gifts. If we allow them, they will come through. It may be a facility one has with animals, or being able to listen with the heart, or surviving...and being a role model to others. There are so many things (infinite numbers) that we may be gifted with. And they are probably mostly small but important, in other words don't make headlines but make life better.
>
> If you are wading through molasses to make it out of bed and get to work, you are definitely strong and persevering. Those are gifts. I think most of life is about perseverence, getting up one more time.
>
> There are many people who are in your shoes, with different struggles perhaps. They may feel like failures as a parent, husband, wife, child, friend, whatever. Even with big external accomplishments.
>
> I suppose my "standard" or what I try to live up to is to do the best I can, slog through the day, crawl home, whatever. If you are doing the best you can most of the time how can that not be success?
>
> Shar
Posted by noa on October 16, 2000, at 8:48:29
In reply to Re: What's a typical day like for you? » Christina, posted by Cindy W on October 14, 2000, at 22:53:17
sounds like some of my days, Cindy.
Posted by dove on October 16, 2000, at 11:04:42
In reply to Re: What's a typical day like for you? » Cindy W, posted by noa on October 16, 2000, at 8:48:29
One word: Empathy!
You have a very precious gift that may cause you pain and disappointment, but will prove invaluable throughout the path of life. Not many people can actually understand, much less feel the pain of depression in all its many forms.
A normal day is something so foreign to me that I'm actually trying to disassociate from the entire concept in order to halt the vicious cycle of failure and personal condemnation. Getting out of bed is a *huge* deal, and though there are platoons of people who successfully manage this everyday, there are also the legions who don't.
Try to focus on what these struggles are actually giving to you, the wisdom, the knowledge, the comprehension, the discernment, and the empathy. Consider it a learning experience that is helping you to discover and refine your special "sight" into the pathology of human physiology. Indeed, you may find yourself quite able to identify symptomatology and distress in others, and you will fully understand what they're going through. You will understand the difficulties in trying to explain your state of being to family members and friends.
You may have abnormal days but there is knowledge to be gained from this, and even now you're giving to this cyber-society, you're enabling others to think, reflect, and refine their feelings and perspectives in regard to becoming "normal" :-) Thank you!!!
dove
Posted by noa on October 16, 2000, at 17:45:37
In reply to Thoughts on typical...., posted by dove on October 16, 2000, at 11:04:42
As alway, Dove delivers with a beautiful gift of words. Thanks.
Posted by coral on October 18, 2000, at 15:46:20
In reply to Re: Thoughts on typical.... » dove, posted by noa on October 16, 2000, at 17:45:37
A typical day? Sunday was wonderful - and the last day in a string of good days. Monday started at 5am with terror and the cloak of depression draped me until it literally poofed at 7:30pm (No clue as to why it left so abruptly.) Tuesday was a good, productive and pleasant day. Today (Wednesday), I was haunted by by memories of a deceased brother (now dead 27 years), and spent the day racked with guilt and trembling. A typical day? Before this depressive episode, I could answer with consistency. Battling through this depressive episode, typical good is a goal.
Posted by dove on October 19, 2000, at 9:21:44
In reply to Re: Thoughts on typical.... » dove, posted by noa on October 16, 2000, at 17:45:37
> As alway, Dove delivers with a beautiful gift of words. Thanks.
Thank you Noa! I have been so busy that I haven't made it through even the top halves of Psycho-babble (meds) or Psycho-Social-babble. So I just wanted to let you know that I read your message and really appreciate the gracious words. Thank you!
dove
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