Posted by Cindy W on October 14, 2000, at 22:53:17
In reply to What's a typical day like for you?, posted by Christina on October 14, 2000, at 20:40:25
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> Hi, I'm new to this board, and I'm looking for a few answers regarding my illness.
> I've been suffering from clinical depression and borderline personality disorder for as long as I can remember, but I have only been diagnosed and under treatment for the past few years.
> As a result, I always think that I am so different from others... like my life is out of control and I'm just a big loser.
> Whereas most people I know have notable accomplishments, to me, I am a success if I can get out of bed in the morning. I try to keep my level of responsibility low so I don't continually fail... but I still have problems performing at work and in maintaining friendships.
> My medication has stopped the suicidal thoughts and despondency of depression, but I still feel so mediocre.
> And everything is a struggle.. even simple things like preparing a meal or finishing a project at work.
> Does it ever get any better?Christina, I've had lifelong depression and OCD but not borderline personality disorder. Every day is such a struggle that some days (like today) I accomplish NOTHING. I didn't get dressed until 2:30 in the afternoon (after sleeping in, reading comics, and eating candy and potato chips for breakfast and lunch). Didn't answer the phone or door, so I didn't have to deal with people. Didn't clean my pet cages or find the library book which is buried somewhere under a ton of clothes piled all over the living room. Was too tired even to heat a tv dinner and didn't take a bath before getting dressed (usually I skip bathing if I go nowhere on the weekend). I feel like Ray Milland in "The Lost Weekend" when I have days like that! If I don't do this vegetating regularly, I can hardly make it to work during the week, where most days I feel I do much less than I am capable of doing. So I can relate. At times, things are easier, and at times, they are harder. Over time, i think I'm getting a little more accomplished, but feel I'll never be anyone who does earthshaking things.-Cindy W
poster:Cindy W
thread:1067
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001011/msgs/1073.html