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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by coral on October 14, 2000, at 16:36:41
I'm on the healing side of my second depressive episode and find that as I feel better, I experience a ratcheting fear - almost as if it's a punishment or a price to pay for feeling better. This didn't happen the first episode, I think, because it was so extreme and I got better in tiny steps. This time, because I knew what to do, I really leapt back to a non-depressive state. It's like I have this Charles Dickens' stern school marm with a hickory stick who whips me when I've felt good. The fear breeds renewed anxiety. What are others' experiences with this? Any help?
Posted by dj on October 14, 2000, at 20:35:31
In reply to Fear - help, please, posted by coral on October 14, 2000, at 16:36:41
> I'm on the healing side of my second depressive episode and find that as I feel better, I experience a ratcheting fear - almost as if it's a punishment or a price to pay for feeling >better.
Anxiety/fear/depression are all part of a continuum in my experience with one stacked on top of another...and each feeding the other if allowed to go unchecked - however I've yet to find a way to successfully break the chain for sufficient sustained periods... When I think things are on track, wham... I get slammed by the combo, it seems at times...hopefully you will do better...>This didn't happen the first episode, I think, because it was so extreme and I got better in tiny steps. This time, because I knew what to do, I really leapt back to a non-depressive >state.
So what did you do to rebalance so quickly this time?
Sante!
dj
Posted by Rzip on October 14, 2000, at 22:04:21
In reply to Fear - help, please, posted by coral on October 14, 2000, at 16:36:41
> You know I think you are right about dreading the worst. It seems to me that you have been through so much pain and distress as a result of your 1st depressive episode that your mind is programmed for the ominous side. Perhaps, if you try to rationalize it out, you will realize that this 2nd episode is systematically different from the 1st.
Be optimistic and good health,
RzipI'm on the healing side of my second depressive episode and find that as I feel better, I experience a ratcheting fear - almost as if it's a punishment or a price to pay for feeling better. This didn't happen the first episode, I think, because it was so extreme and I got better in tiny steps. This time, because I knew what to do, I really leapt back to a non-depressive state. It's like I have this Charles Dickens' stern school marm with a hickory stick who whips me when I've felt good. The fear breeds renewed anxiety. What are others' experiences with this? Any help?
Posted by coral on October 15, 2000, at 6:29:39
In reply to Re: A Head full of dread..., posted by dj on October 14, 2000, at 20:35:31
> So what did you do to rebalance so quickly this time?
Six years ago, the depression ended. My first depressive episode was 3 1/2 years long before I got med. help that was ANY good. 11 docs in all - at least I knew what didn't work. LOL The combo that worked for me was Zoloft (at max dosage), ambien and librium. Also, I did have a great therapist. Getting well was a lonnnnng climb.This time, I'd resumed therapy because of some self-sabotaging behaviors I'd noted so the psychological therapy was already in place. There was some family chaos/stress and I missed the warning signs of depression in me until I woke up one morning in September and KNEW depression/anxiety/panic had its nasty claw at my throat. I immediately went on the meds, knew how to adjust them (front-loading) and within three weeks, I was healing. This residual whipsaw of paying a price for feeling really good scared me, because I thought I might be bi-polar. However, the negative times are lessening as the great times are increasing. The direct correlation between feeling great/feeling bad is a new phenomena for me, and I'm seeking others' experiences to help me understand.
Posted by noa on October 16, 2000, at 8:45:43
In reply to Fear - help, please, posted by coral on October 14, 2000, at 16:36:41
As I have come to recognize the recurrent nature of my depression, I have developed intense fear of it returning again.
Since this is your second recovery, perhaps a similar phenomenon is occuring for you.
The thoughts that I have are: Can I TRUST this recovery? What happens if I let my guard down and start feeling "normal" again, will I be ambushed by another horrible depressive episode?
Posted by coral on October 16, 2000, at 16:30:31
In reply to Re: Fear - help, please » coral, posted by noa on October 16, 2000, at 8:45:43
Dear Noa,
Thank you. Your response resonated deeply within my heart. When I conquered the first depressive episode, I thought it was dead! Silly me. Would you be willing to discuss your experiences with me? I feel like such a neophyte and that my problems are so small when I read the posts of people who have battled depression for decades, even lifetimes. My e-mail address is: coralcarson@excite.com
Again, thank you for sharing with me.
Coral
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