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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Rzip on October 13, 2000, at 19:06:26
I think that I have a problem. I think I have split personalities or something. Does any one on the board have any experiences with it?
Rzip
Posted by Cass on October 13, 2000, at 19:33:47
In reply to Do I have a problem?, posted by Rzip on October 13, 2000, at 19:06:26
> I think that I have a problem. I think I have split personalities or something. Does any one on the board have any experiences with it?
>
> RzipCan you give some more detail? Like, do you black out and forget things you've done? Or do you just have distinct moods? Do you have different names for your personalities? I'm not a psychologist, but maybe we can help you more with more details. Also, were you a victim of childhood trauma or any other kind of trauma? Hope to hear more from you!
Cass
Posted by Rzip on October 13, 2000, at 20:39:06
In reply to Re: Do I have a problem?, posted by Cass on October 13, 2000, at 19:33:47
> I do have sort of fuzzy black-outs where I act a different way than I generally do. Like in general, people find me to be very pleasant to talk with and people usually like me a great deal at work (laboratory). The trouble is, I actually do not know what the trouble is. All I really know is that my p-doc tells me that I have a big problem. That I am spinning out of control again. But, p-doc (I hope that means therapist, I just notice people write p-doc a lot here) can not really help me because I can not admit that I have a problem to her. It is very confusing. Because when I am in this dark cloud, I am extremely happy. I have a lot of fantasied people in my head and I carry on conversations with them. And I am happy! But somehow I behave different at different times or something. I just really do not know. I just feel confident and well most of the time. But I am seeing a p-doc and she says I have a big problem that I am not admitting to. Deep down inside, I know that p-doc is right. But except for headaches, drosiness, and panic attacks, and illusions, and loss of concentration, I do not feel any other emotions. I do not feel sad, I do not feel worried. Nothing. It is like I am a biological robot without any feelings or emotions. My p-doc is much more worried about me than I am. But I see her start to withdraw and losing hope in me. That hurts a great deal. I really do not exactly know what is the matter with me. Other people are more pumped up about me than I am. I just do not know whether I have a problem or not. People in the therapeutic community are scaried and a little hestitant toward me. People in my lab and classes think I am just a very polite, docile, and a VERY private person. I obviously feel better living in the outside world where people like me rather than the therapeutic world where people tells me that I am bordering on being psychotic. But I do know that something is not right with me as compared to the general public. So, I do not really know what help to ask for. I am just shooting needles in a hay stack and hopefully, I will get some response. Everything is just very cloudy. I should really be concentrating on my schoolwork, but I feel distracted by my fantasy life. Unlike before, I am starting to get worried and annoyed with my fantasy people. Just any help, any sign of human response are welcome here.
Sincerely,
Rzip> I think that I have a problem. I think I have split personalities or something. Does any one on the board have any experiences with it?
> >
> > Rzip
>
> Can you give some more detail? Like, do you black out and forget things you've done? Or do you just have distinct moods? Do you have different names for your personalities? I'm not a psychologist, but maybe we can help you more with more details. Also, were you a victim of childhood trauma or any other kind of trauma? Hope to hear more from you!
> Cass
Posted by shar on October 13, 2000, at 22:07:27
In reply to Re: Do I have a problem?, posted by Rzip on October 13, 2000, at 20:39:06
Rzip--
I believe there are times when those around us can be better at noticing mood swings, or shifts in personality, or signs of depression, than we ourselves are.If you are hearing this from people who know you fairly well, and people you believe are acting from reality-based ideas, it wouldn't hurt to hear them out.
If you hear them out, you still have many options. If they can present their ideas and/or evidence and you don't feel you have to defend against it, but just listen, it might be very illuminating. It could be you would benefit from a different treatment approach for now, who knows?
Good luck, and keep posting!
Shar
Posted by Rzip on October 14, 2000, at 8:38:05
In reply to Re: Do I have a problem? » Rzip, posted by shar on October 13, 2000, at 22:07:27
> I think the main problem is that I am very, very lonely. I find the fantasy world in my head to be more stable, secure, and interesting than the real-life world around me. I really find the fantasy world to be more appealing than the real world. So, people who really "know me" which is just my therapist and couple of the people in her community are asking me to first of all:
1) Admit that I have a problem.
2) Make some real friends that will interact with me.The problem with the number 1 is that I do not feel that I have a problem. Except at times, when my fantasy world gets really stirred up, like after my sessions with the p-doc. It is only when someone from the outside stirs up my fantasy world that I get these illusions, headaches, fuzziness, and what not. Surprizingly, if no one "mess with my head", I feel in control and happy. The downside of living in this fantasy world is of course, I was doing really bad things to the people around me. I think my main problem is I just do not understand how to interact with people in a sincere and open way. I do not have any true friends. I am just so lost and it is all my fault. I have no idea how I got to be this way. The other thing is that I am in school and I used to be a very good student (straight A's) and people had such hope for me. Now, my parents are hesitant toward me and it hurts a great deal that that can not help me in any substantial way. Although we tried to work together but they just do not understand the extent of my "problem".
I wish I can open up to someone that is equal to my age. Right now, I am pretty good friends with my boss/mentor at work. But he must be twice my age. Up until yesterday, I had been a very good buddy to him by listening and responding empathetically to his problems. He found me to be a extremely good listener, so he likes to talk to me. Stupid me thought that I must be connecting with people since I obviously have someone to talk to. But I recently found out that I am still internally missing that interpersonal connection. So yesterday when he drove me home, I made an effort to tell him my problems like I sleep for 16 hours straight (no interruptions at all) the previous night. People in the lab thought I was joking and asked me how I did it; did I take any drugs to knock myself out. I had to lie and said yes I did take some drugs. Actually, I think my depression and the lack of sleep the previous days induced me to sleep for such an extend amount of time. I also told him that I was depressed and lonely and that probably made me sleep for 16 hours. At first, he did not believe me, but I think after repeating it couple of time, he started to. I present myself in lab as a very stable, gentle, and someone with a great amount of potential. When honestly, I am on the verge on being bounced out of my University and my future. I just really live in two different worlds. I think the real me must lie somewhere in between. I would like to merge them together. But at the same time, I want to be able to focus on my studies here. And my sessions with my therapist is always very disrupting because she is the only one that I allow to touch that other side of me. The side who do bad things unintentionally to get attention and affection. I just want to feel safe, normal, and happy. Am I ever going to feel this way again? It just is a very desperate situation. In one world, I am in control and going about my school. In the other world, limits and regulations has to be set for me so I do not spin out of control and end up getting kicked out of school. It is just so utterly confusing to accept both worlds. How can I merge these two worlds without a great deal of disruption to me. How could I have gotten this way. I just want to be a normal average student. I used to want to be special and all that. But I think I have been hammered too many times that I am finally giving up some of my inner security in exchange for some normalcy.
If this makes any sense to anyone out there, please help.
Cordially,
RzipRzip--
> I believe there are times when those around us can be better at noticing mood swings, or shifts in personality, or signs of depression, than we ourselves are.
>
> If you are hearing this from people who know you fairly well, and people you believe are acting from reality-based ideas, it wouldn't hurt to hear them out.
>
> If you hear them out, you still have many options. If they can present their ideas and/or evidence and you don't feel you have to defend against it, but just listen, it might be very illuminating. It could be you would benefit from a different treatment approach for now, who knows?
>
> Good luck, and keep posting!
> Shar
Posted by coral on October 14, 2000, at 10:11:50
In reply to Re: Do I have a problem?, posted by Rzip on October 14, 2000, at 8:38:05
Has anyone mentioned the possibility of Borderline Personality Disorder to you? If you're interested, please check out: bpdcentral.com
Good luck
Coral
Posted by Rzip on October 14, 2000, at 11:48:27
In reply to Re: Do I have a problem?, posted by coral on October 14, 2000, at 10:11:50
> Thank you Coral for the information. The trouble with so many of the psych diagnosis is that whenever I read about one, I think it fits me and that must be my diagnosis. The truth is I do not think anyone knows what my diagnosis is. I am definitely borderline to something. But no one knows what exactly it is. Or they hesitate to say so because I am an outpatient and I am a student. Honestly, it would be both a blessing and terrifying to be diagnosed with something. I do not know what I am living in. I just do not know. I am at work right now, and people treat me as if I have a lot of potential and I am going to have a great future. But listening to my therapist it seem like I am going down a spiral again. Both messages are real because each side see a different aspect of me. I do want to sort of live a congruent life. I just want some sort of sanity so that I can devote my energy to my schoolwork again.
I very much appreciate all the assistance people on this board has been extending to me. I do feel the warmth and the geniuneness on this board and I hope to be able to fit in well.
I am kind of new to this kind of on-line therapy. So any advice as to how to act is deeply welcome.
Sincerely,
Rzip.Has anyone mentioned the possibility of Borderline Personality Disorder to you? If you're interested, please check out: bpdcentral.com
>
> Good luck
>
> Coral
Posted by Cass on October 14, 2000, at 16:05:42
In reply to Re: Do I have a problem? » coral, posted by Rzip on October 14, 2000, at 11:48:27
Hi Rzip,
Someone mentioned borderline personality disorder, but that dx applies to people who were severely traumatized by sexual, physical or emotional abuse as children. You seem to describe your parents as being pretty warm and supportive. Is that true?
Was there ever a time when you felt that you did connect with people?
When you refer to these awful things you to do people to get attention, what are they?
What are the things you are doing at the University that threaten your status there? I mean, are we just talking about passive-agressive behavior or are we talking about violence?
I do think you should listen to the people who tell you you have great potential and a great future. Even if you have a "problem," that doesn't mean you can't be successful. There is no use in being pessimistic.
Good wishes.
Cass
Posted by Rzip on October 14, 2000, at 21:55:22
In reply to Re: Do I have a problem?, posted by Cass on October 14, 2000, at 16:05:42
>Hi everyone,
You know I have given a lot of thought to myself these last couple of days. There is really no fundamental excuses for the way I act. I think I am just extremely lonely and therefore desperately want affectionate attention. So, like I told Christina, I am going to try a different tactic and see if it works for me. As the motto on the PB says, "It's good to give as well as to receive". I have been receiving a lot of good "strong" advices these last couple of days. Now, it is time to give. I am not very experienced in the matter of interrelationships and psychiatry matters. However, I have considerable experience in connect with people in a civilized, formal manner (picked up from years of manipulating people). I just really want to do some good here. I feel protected here. I think it is time to stop acting so selfish and put my knowledge and mind to some good usage.
Cordially,
RzipHi Rzip,
> Someone mentioned borderline personality disorder, but that dx applies to people who were severely traumatized by sexual, physical or emotional abuse as children. You seem to describe your parents as being pretty warm and supportive. Is that true?
> Was there ever a time when you felt that you did connect with people?
> When you refer to these awful things you to do people to get attention, what are they?
> What are the things you are doing at the University that threaten your status there? I mean, are we just talking about passive-agressive behavior or are we talking about violence?
> I do think you should listen to the people who tell you you have great potential and a great future. Even if you have a "problem," that doesn't mean you can't be successful. There is no use in being pessimistic.
> Good wishes.
> Cass
Posted by noa on October 16, 2000, at 8:43:31
In reply to Re: Do I have a problem?, posted by Rzip on October 14, 2000, at 21:55:22
Some thoughts:
First, what got you into therapy in the first place? You say you feel you have no problem, but something made you want therapy. Can you identify what your goal was?
Second, this fuzzy state of mind and retreating to your internal world probably serves a needed purpose, and if you feel that therapy threatens it, I could see how you might not really want to engage in therapy too much. Perhaps you can talk to your therapist about how to work together in a way that you don't have to be afraid that she is going to take this coping strategy away from you.
Third, if you are sleeping 16 hours a day, perhaps you are depressed.
Fourth, the hypersomnia and difficulty with your studies could also be indicative of hypothyroid. Have you had a good endocrinology evaluation?
Five, if you are, indeed, "manipulative", there might be a reason you have felt the need to be, and again, like the other symptoms, it would probably help to feel like this isn't going to be taken away from you if it is explored. Also, can it be explored in a way that isn't judgmental?
Six, the fact that you are trying to figure this out is good.
Posted by coral on October 16, 2000, at 19:36:14
In reply to Re: Do I have a problem?, posted by Cass on October 14, 2000, at 16:05:42
Dear Cass,
I have two close relatives who are diagnosed as BPD and neither underwent trauma or abuse as children. I know that's considered a common catalyst for BPD, but it's not a definitive element of the diagnosis. Unfortunately, I know a lot more about BPD than I ever wanted to, and there's a very strong possibility that my dysfunction, depression, is a result of the caustic, abusive treatment I received by a BPD relative.
Posted by laural on October 19, 2000, at 8:12:18
In reply to Re: Do I have a problem? re: BPD, posted by coral on October 16, 2000, at 19:36:14
hi--
i have recently read my aunts journals at the permission of my cousin after my aunts death and know with almost certainty that she had a dissociatve personality disorder. she also describes her inner "family" as the only thing she needs and relies on, she has names for the different aspects of herself and they are for the most part almost robotic one-dimensional roles that play out different emotions and ages of herself including hostile personalities that believe whatever trauma happened was deserved. you may not have any idea of trauma, it might be kept from you by another personality for protection The fact that you're world is shaken by visits to therapy supports the idea of personalities in conflict. I would advise to perhaps start keeping a journal, perhaps you can meet youre fantasy friends through writing. there are a lot of steps in becoming well from dissociation, but the first is to find out whethor or not you are in fact and then to try to make them all cooperate--good luck, i really mean it laural
Posted by noa on October 19, 2000, at 15:41:00
In reply to Re: Do I have a problem?, posted by laural on October 19, 2000, at 8:12:18
Laural, After reading your later post, and coming back to this one, I wonder---aside from the effects of trauma in your life and possibly, your aunts, is it also possible that there is an inherited disorder, along the lines of schizo-affective symptoms, affecting both you and your aunt?
Posted by laural on October 19, 2000, at 16:40:42
In reply to Re: Do I have a problem?, posted by noa on October 19, 2000, at 15:41:00
> Laural, After reading your later post, and coming back to this one, I wonder---aside from the effects of trauma in your life and possibly, your aunts, is it also possible that there is an inherited disorder, along the lines of schizo-affective symptoms, affecting both you and your aunt?
yeah, i'm diagnosed schizo-affective bipolar, although i've often wondered if i also had borderline personality disorder from my trauma. i can't say about my aunt, she recently died of ovarian cancer and our family is very secretive-i heard rumers that she was bipolar also, and that her mother (my dad's mother) was schizophrenic although not diagnosed. she was however very bizzarre and cruel, mistreated by her own uncle. our family is a walking legacy of pain. . . : ) laural
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